How to Handle Negative Feedback During Performance Reviews

Your response to feedback reveals more about your leadership potential than your actual performance. After coaching hundreds of executives through difficult feedback conversations, I've learned that how you receive feedback determines how much you'll receive in the future. The feedback death spiral looks like this: 1) Someone gives you honest input 2) You get defensive or make excuses 3) They decide you're not coachable 4) They stop investing in your development 5) You stop growing What high-potential leaders do differently when receiving feedback: ✅ Stay Curious, Not Defensive Replace: "That's not what I meant" With: "Help me understand what you observed" ✅ Ask Clarifying Questions "Can you give me a specific example?" "What would you recommend I do differently?" "How did that impact you/the team?" ✅ Summarize and Confirm "What I'm hearing is..." "Let me make sure I understand..." "The key takeaway for me is..." ✅ Express Genuine Gratitude • Thank them for their courage to speak up • Even if the delivery wasn't perfect • Even if you disagree with the content Treat feedback like market research about your leadership brand. The person giving it is your customer, telling you about their experience with your "product." You don't have to agree with all feedback, but you should always understand it. The best leaders I coach actively seek feedback because they know their careers depend on what they can't see about themselves. Coaching can help; let's chat. | Follow Joshua Miller #executivecoaching #feedback #leadership #careeradvice #business

Have you ever felt that immediate internal bristle when someone gives you #feedback? That visceral "but, but, but..." response that bubbles up before you've even fully processed what they've said? I had one of those moments just last week. A client mentioned that my explanation of a leadership framework "went a bit into the weeds". My first thought? "But I was just being thorough!" (Complete with an internal eye roll that would make any teenager proud.) #Defensiveness is such a natural human response. Our brains are literally wired to protect our self-image — it's not a character flaw, it's neurobiology! (Thanks, brain.) But here's what I've learned from years of both giving and receiving difficult feedback: how we handle those defensive moments often determines whether we grow from feedback or just barely survive it. Here's my toolkit for when those defensive walls go up (and they will): 1. Notice the feeling without jumping to action. When your chest tightens or your thoughts race toward justification, just label it: "This is defensiveness showing up." That tiny pause creates space between feeling and reacting. 2. Remember that impact beats intent every time. My intentions for that workshop were excellent (thoroughness!), but if the impact was confusion, that's what matters. My good intentions don't erase someone else's experience. 3. Reframe feedback as a catalyst for improvement and growth. The people who tell us uncomfortable truths are offering us something valuable. Sometimes the feedback that stings most contains the exact insight we need. (I have found that the truer the feedback is, the more it hurts.) 4. Focus on specific behaviors rather than your identity. There's a world of difference between "that explanation was confusing" and "you're a confusing person." Separate the action from your sense of self. 5. Give yourself permission to be imperfect. You're allowed to be a work in progress. (I know that I sure am.) Developing this #mindset transforms defensiveness from a threat to your worth into a normal part of your growth journey. What are your go-to strategies when defensiveness strikes? I'd love to hear what works for you. And yes, I'll shorten my explanation for the next time. Sometimes, the feedback that makes us squirm today often becomes the #wisdom we're grateful for tomorrow. #Professionaldevelopment #leadership #emotionalIntelligence #Feedbackculture

Vague feedback can quietly derail your growth. You walk into your review confident. You leave with “work on your communication” or “be more strategic.” No examples. No path forward. Just confusion and overthinking. Here’s how I coach my clients to handle it: 1. Ask for clarification. “Can you share a recent example so I can understand what that looked like in action?” Don’t guess, get context. 2. Translate the vague into specific. Instead of “be more strategic,” ask yourself: Do I need to frame tradeoffs better? Do I need to tie my work to business goals? Where’s the gap in how I’m showing up? 3. Track your work and your impact. Keep a simple doc of outcomes, decisions, and influence. If visibility is a gap, start creating your own receipts. 4. Read the room. Sometimes feedback is vague because the person isn’t sure how to give it. Try: “Would it help if I shared how I approached this project?” 5. Don’t internalize everything. Some feedback is useful. Some is bias. Some is noise. Take what helps. Let the rest go. The engineers who grow fast aren’t the ones who get perfect feedback. They’re the ones who know how to make sense of it and move forward anyway.

You’ve Got Feedback—Now What? Feedback can be challenging, especially in a season where performance reviews can feel like a weapon. However, it doesn’t have to be this way. With the right approach, you can harness feedback as a powerful tool to elevate your leadership skills. Here’s a framework I recommend: 1. Pause and Reflect: Resist the urge to react immediately. Feedback often triggers emotional responses—good or bad. Taking a moment to step back ensures your reaction is measured and thoughtful. 2. Dissect the Message: What is the core of the feedback? Does it highlight a skill gap, a misstep, or a blind spot? Sometimes, it’s more about perception than performance— although both matter. 3. Seek Clarification: Not all feedback is crystal clear. Ask questions to understand the perspective behind it. This shows you value the input and are committed to improvement. 4. Strategize for Growth: Once you’ve digested the feedback, the question becomes, "What’s next?" Create an actionable plan. Whether it’s adjusting your approach, or doubling down on your strengths, the goal is progress. 5. Close the Loop: Circle back to the person who provided the feedback. Share what you’ve taken away and how you plan to act on it. This fosters trust and encourages open communication. Great leaders aren’t just great at giving feedback— they excel at receiving it well and transforming it into fuel for personal and professional growth. ******* Hi, I'm Love! I help leaders and organisations create impactful, resilient teams through: ➡️ Leadership training tailored for onsite, hybrid and remote teams ➡️ Strategic consultancy to bridge gaps in management and staff relations ➡️ Courses that empower leaders to adapt, engage, and thrive To explore how to take your leadership and team to the next level, use the link in my featured section to schedule a call. #LeadWithLOVE #Unsiloed #Leadership #Feedback #GrowthMindset #Unsiloed