Roots of guilt in women at work

“Mom, why do you have to work? Other Moms don't.” That 1 question hit me like a gut punch. I had built a thriving career. But in that moment, I felt I was failing where it mattered most. That sinking, guilt-ridden feeling? There’s a name for it: MOM GUILT. You worked so hard to earn that leadership role. You fought for credibility, respect & that next promotion. But at home? You’re juggling schedules, homework, endless To Do lists. You’re exhausted & you wonder: Am I doing enough? A client put it perfectly: “I'm a VP at work. But at home, I’m the lowest level employee: the Manager of Everything.” For some, there’s a partner who shares the load equally. (I’ve been lucky to have one.) For others, that’s not the case. That’s when conflict, resentment & guilt creep in. I know that feeling too well. While leading executive roles at Procter & Gamble, I raised 2 kids across 5 countries, with my husband, while we both worked full time. Even with a supportive partner, I still felt the weight of that juggle. If you’ve ever felt this tension, here’s what helped me: 1. BE RUTHLESS ON PRIORITIES Know your values. Own them unapologetically. I chose family first, even if it meant a slower climb. I still got to where I wanted to be, without sacrificing my role as a wife & mother. Set boundaries: → No emails on weekends → No work after certain hours → No unnecessary evening socials Communicate your values to your bosses & stick to them. 2.  ALIGN ON HOUSEHOLD ROLES Clearly split responsibilities with your partner. Who’s in charge of bills? School pick-ups? Dinner? This prevents 1 person from feeling overburdened. If you haven’t had this conversation yet, have it now. (Better yet, before marriage.) 3. EMBRACE FLEXIBLE LEADERSHIP Many companies offer flexibility. Advocate for what you need. Adjust your schedule to maximize efficiency while honoring family commitments. 4. DELEGATE AT WORK & HOME Hire strong people. Trust & empower them. At home, outsource what you can: groceries, cleaning, meal prep. Spend your precious time on what ONLY YOU can do. 5. CREATE TRANSITION RITUALS Shifting from executive to Mom Mode can be tricky. Find rituals that shift gears & help you be present at home: a walk, exercise, putting away your phone away. 6. PRACTICE SELF-COMPASSION The pressure to “do it all” is a lie. Some days, you’ll win. Others, you won’t. Give yourself grace. === My kids are now thriving adults & incredibly close to me. One of them once said: “Mom, I wouldn’t have it any other way. You showed me how to succeed at work & be a loving parent at the same time.” So if you’re juggling work & motherhood, know this: You’re not failing. You’re doing your best. And you’re showing your kids what’s possible too. 03/16/25 === Are you a senior leader who wants to feel fulfilled at work while balancing your other roles in life? I'm Rocky Esguerra, Executive Coach. Book a Free Discovery Call with me to explore how we can work together.

I'll never forget when a top performer on the team, let's call her Sara, came to my desk almost a year ago. She had a warm glow about her, and I could tell before she even said a word the exciting news she was going to share. With a beaming yet nervous smile, she told me she was pregnant with their first child. In that moment when Sara shared the news, I could see a whirlwind of emotions across her face. The pure joy, and also the nervousness and the guilt she was feeling. Her mind was racing with doubts of whether she will be "mommy-tracked" - Will she be able to continue on her current highly demanding project? - Will she stop being considered for promotion in the upcoming cycle? - Will she have access to new opportunities? - Will she be perceived as not being ambitious? In other words, will she become a "liability" on the company's balance sheet? I'll admit, even the most well-meaning leaders can slip into this unproductive mindset and wrestle with whether she'll still be as "committed" and "dedicated" once Baby arrives. The scene is all too familiar of a hiring or promotion panels where the questions get discussed about the woman's ability, willingness and utility in the "current state". Pregnant women and new mothers are 50% more likely to get passed over for promotions. Studies indicate 43% of highly qualified women with children leave careers or off-ramp for a period of time. This is a brain-drain we cannot afford! How can leaders change that negative narrative and proactively prioritize supporting new and expecting mothers? First, neutralize any guilt. Make it clear, from the outset, that her pregnancy & motherhood is something positive to be celebrated, not a hurdle or inconvenience. Assure her that this an exciting milestone, not a roadblock to her aspirations. Secondly, expect that she is committed through her pregnancy and will return to work. Create a plan and a structure for the leave and ramp up into the role upon returning to work. Finally, and most importantly, take a long term view of the person. Remember this - well supported mothers are driven, resilient, and loyal employees who outperform their peers on several metrics important to companies. The company's success depends on creating high performing engaged team - don't lose sight of that. This approach enabled Sara, and countless other women in my experience, to return energized with renewed purpose and advocacy other working parents. The corporate world is long overdue for an attitude shift around this topic. With open minds, flexibility and ardent cheerleading, we can build vibrant workforces that retain and celebrate parents. Because trying to sideline half the workforce is just bad business! #LeadWithLove Shreya, Sattwika, Shwet, Neelima, Svetlana, Anuja, Elakshi, Rohini, Mrunali, Dipita, Nalina, Anjali, Neeti, Jui, Akanksha, Francesca, Priya

I remember a time in my career sitting around a dinner table, exhausted at a week long meeting in Vegas. I felt deep guilt for leaving my 4 month old and 3 year old at home with my husband. Shame because I cared about my career, and judgement because I wasn’t at home caring for my children. A woman torn in two. At this table, I felt I couldn’t share any of this. I couldn’t really be my authentic self. A mom at work. I suffered in silence. I won awards, I socialized and I was hurting. The thoughts that plagued my desire to speak out were.. What if it makes me look weak? What if I am passed up for a promotion? What if it sounds like I’m complaining? Imagine…if we UNMASKED moms at work. Just for a moment, consider the benefits your organization would have if it built true community to support mothers navigating their journey at work and at home. Do you have working moms community groups? A place mothers can be authentically heard and supported? Do you offer roadmaps for return to work after maternity leave? Are your leaders trained to support these women? Do you offer 1:1 coaching support for working moms like you do for executive leaders? Just imagine for a moment what this world would look like! If your organization would like to discuss a better future for working moms, if you’d like to expand your DEI to include working moms let’s chat! If you’re a mom who is feeling this and needs a safe place to be heard and supported I’m here. I’ve been there and you’re not alone. 7 years later I still navigate these feelings but I have the tools and understanding that this journey is matrescence. It’s normal, and with education we can be a more compassionate society. Link in bio to read more.

Mum guilt is a feature, not a bug. 😵 You want to be at the school holiday event, but you have to miss it. You feel guilty. You’re the last person at daycare pickup. Again. You feel guilty. Your parents remind you that they never put *you* in daycare. You feel even guiltier. You might think the guilt is a feature of motherhood. Pushing you to do better for your family. But does it actually make you do better? 💥 Or does it just make you feel shittier about your choices? Slowly eroding your self-confidence. No, the mum guilt is really a feature…of the patriarchy. 💣 A patriarchal society WANTS mums to feel crappy. It wants you to think you must choose between being a great mum OR a great leader. That having both titles is impossible. But here's what Offloaders know: mum guilt does NOT have to be the price of working motherhood. When you shine a light on mum guilt, it usually comes from one of 3 things: 1️⃣ CONFUSION over priorities. When the school holiday spectacle is at the same time as a big presentation, who gets to claim your time? If you’re not clear -> guilt. 2️⃣ UNCERTAINTY over harmful effects. Is that time in daycare going to hurt your child? Make them love you less? If you’re not sure  guilt. 3️⃣ PATRIARCHAL ASSUMPTIONS on rules and roles. The “friend” who states “I could never let someone else raise my kids” and leaves you spinning for weeks? When you’re not sure you’re measuring up to the “rules” -> guilt. But when you know the cause, then the solution is straightforward. On this week's episode of The Mental Offload Podcast, I give strategies for each of these 3 causes of mum guilt. 💥 So you can make mum guilt optional. 💥 ------- Hi, 👋 I’m Shawna, the founder of The Mental Offload. It's a boutique leadership coaching practice for working mums who want to win at work AND life. If you’re feeling overstretched, overlooked, and over it, I can help. DM me the word OFFLOAD and I’ll send you some resources to help you get started.

Ever feel like you’re constantly choosing between work and personal commitments—and no matter what you choose, guilt follows? We hear so much about achieving “work-life balance,” but the reality isn’t that simple. Deadlines, last-minute changes, or a growing to-do list can quickly derail even the best-laid plans. You tell yourself you’ll make it to that dinner or event, but when the time comes, work wins again. Or you do make it, but you’re constantly thinking about the work you “should” be doing. It’s frustrating. You want to show up for the people and moments that matter, but you’re also juggling real responsibilities. And somehow, guilt sneaks in no matter which side you pick. So we are left chasing mythical “work-life balance.” I hate this phrase. I think it is problematic generally, but especially when applied to women and people socialized as women because it often reinforces stereotypes, creates unrealistic expectations, and oversimplifies complex realities. The phrase is often targeted at women because society traditionally views them as the primary caretakers of home and family. It reinforces the idea that women must shoulder the dual burden of excelling professionally while also managing most of the domestic and emotional labor—a standard not equally applied to men. And "balance" suggests that work and life can be perfectly aligned, which pretty much NEVER happens. And so for women who may face unique career barriers (e.g., the gender pay gap, lack of workplace flexibility, or limited access to leadership roles—issues that are far more pronounced for women with additional marginalized identities like women of color or women with disabilities or queer individuals), the pressure to "balance" can feel like an unattainable ideal that sets them up for guilt or self-criticism when they fall short. To me, it isn’t about finding the right balance. Whatever that means. It isn’t about managing your time perfectly to never disappoint anyone. (Impossible.) It’s about ditching both of those ideas and then working on defining your values for your life and making decisions based on those values. 💡 TELL ME: Do you know what your values are? If you look at how you spend your time, does it align with those values? If you haven’t ever done any values work, try this exercise: Go to https://lnkd.in/eCWKsAuW. Narrow this list down to three values. YES, YOU ONLY GET THREE. Define what each of those three values means to you. (This is important. Joy to you may mean something very different than it does to me. You need to know why you value the thing so it can aid in your decisionmaking.) Then, check in with yourself once a week to ask yourself three questions. First, what worked? Where did I show up aligned with these values? Second, what didn’t? Where did I not embody these? Third, what is one thing I want to do differently next week? 

𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗦𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗽𝗶𝘁 𝗪𝗶𝘁𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗠𝘆 𝗚𝘂𝗶𝗹𝘁… There was a time when I spent hours sitting in front of this sandpit. My son would play, and I would watch him—sometimes joining in, sometimes chatting with other mothers. But deep down, one question always troubled me: "𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘢𝘮 𝘐 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘴?" I loved caring for my family, creating a warm home, and being there for my child. But I wasn’t at peace with staying at home. I struggled with an urge to return to work. And with that came guilt. I later learned that I wasn’t alone, other mothers also were feeling the same way. According to a study by Bright Horizons, 57% of working mothers feel guilty about not spending enough time with their children, while 75% of stay-at-home mothers feel guilty for not contributing financially. No matter the choice, guilt seems to follow. For years, I thought this was a battle unique to my generation. But then, I heard Alia Bhatt’s recent interview, where she said: "𝘐 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘨𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘵𝘺 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘮𝘺 𝘥𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘨𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬." This made me realize—mother’s guilt is not just a generational thing. Even today, in a time when women are more empowered than ever, the conflict between work and motherhood remains. It took me a long time to understand there was nothing wrong with how I felt. Wanting to work didn’t make me less of a mother, just as choosing to stay at home doesn’t make anyone less ambitious. What truly matters is embracing who you are and what you want to do. Another research from Harvard Business School found that daughters of working mothers are more likely to have successful careers, while sons of working mothers grow up to be more involved fathers. That insight gave me peace—I wasn’t just chasing my dreams, I was setting an example. To every woman who has ever questioned herself—your choices are valid. Your dreams are valid. And most importantly, you are enough. 💬 Have you ever felt this way? #Motherhood #CareerChoices #MothersGuilt #WomenAtWork #EmbracingYourself

Mom guilt is real. But it’s not personal—it’s systemic. 👩🏾🍼 We’ve been told to parent like we don’t work and work like we don’t parent. And when we can’t meet that impossible standard, we blame ourselves. But here’s the truth: mom guilt is maintained by work systems that don’t want women, especially mothers, to thrive in the workplace. ✨ I just got back from a week on the road, speaking with leaders across the country. The first thing I did when I got home? Reconnect with my kid. That meant an orthodontist appointment, a day of play, and plenty of cuddles. Not because we need every second together, but because presence matters more than perfection. 💡 That’s not guilt—it’s rhythm. Leading with clarity at work and with love at home. If companies want to build workplaces where women thrive, they need to stop fueling guilt and start supporting rhythm. Because success only matters if the people we love can feel it too. #Leadership #WorkingMoms #WorkplaceCulture #ChaosWhisperer #WorkLifeRhythm

One major reason why women struggle with work-life balance is this ↓ Hint: It's not about time management. Most women are told to focus on: → Saying "no" more often → Multitasking efficiently → Better scheduling But the core issue runs deeper than that. Women are conditioned to put themselves last. Seeing self-care as selfish rather than essential. From childhood, girls are taught that caregiving comes first. Others' needs before our own. This invisible burden follows us into adulthood, creating: → Constant guilt when prioritizing personal needs → Internalized belief that rest equals laziness → Mental load that never shuts off What if the solution isn't another productivity system, but permission to value yourself equally? The most revolutionary act for a woman isn’t optimizing her calendar. It’s believing she deserves space in it. Women who thrive don’t just manage time better. They’ve rewired their thinking about worthiness. What's one way you’re prioritizing yourself this week?

We expect women to work like they don't have children, and raise children as if they didn't work. This powerful quote by Eve Rodsky resonates with the persistent challenge women face - juggling careers and shouldering the majority of unpaid domestic work and childcare. It is true that gender equality has advanced greatly in the recent years. It is true that little by little women are ascending to top management positions. It is true that men are taking a more active role in household chores and parenting. Why, then, do I feel guilty every time I can't pick my kids at preschool due to an important meeting clash, and equally guilty when I have to skip or reschedule a call to attend a Christmas play or a medical appointment? Why do countless women still grapple with guilt when professional commitments clash with parenting duties? I once heard Barbara Martin Coppola say that she is ruthless about her boundaries; for instance, her after-work hours are reserved for her family, and she would not prioritise work in that timeframe. I also got an important life advice from Carmen San Emeterio about the quality of time you spent with your children, and not the quantity; that definitely helped me with that "mom guilt". What I am trying to say is that there are solutions. It's time to debunk the myth of the superwoman who does it all without breaking a sweat. For working moms battling guilt and not doing/being enough, we should work towards a more supportive environment, by providing more visibility into our 9-5s and also our 5-9s, normalising the need to prioritise, and generally fostering kindness and empathy within our professional circles. Let's normalise and celebrate the beauty in the divergence of women's journeys. ⭐️ (image source: unknown)