How to Develop Empathetic Communication Techniques

Picture this: Your seven-year-old nephew is selling raffle tickets door to door. On Monday, he knocked on 10 doors and sold 5 tickets. But on Tuesday, he knocked on 10 doors, and only one person answered. That person flat out rejected him. The following day, he tells you he’s upset and doesn’t want to knock on any more doors. What words of wisdom would you give him? That’s the scenario Jules Steindler 🥳 asked several months ago in her post. Sales pros in the comments responded by saying things like this: “The law of averages is on your side. For every bad day, you’ll get another good one.” “Never give up! Keep hustling!” “Today is already old news. Tomorrow holds so much potential.” Although these statements sound good in theory, they don’t make the other person feel heard. Instead, they minimize the hurt the other person is going through. Advice like this ignores how the other person is feeling. I don’t believe people do this intentionally. Statements like these are a reflex response intended to make the other person feel better. Perhaps someone said these things to you. The way out? Let go of the idea that it’s your job to have all the answers. Shift from being an expert to listening. Acknowledge how the other person is feeling without trying to solve anything. Here are some examples of what reflective listening sounds like: “Only one person answered? Wow, that really sucks.” “It’s frustrating to get rejected.” “I can see how upset you are.” “Seems like you’re disappointed.” “You were hoping more people would answer.” “I’m proud of you. It takes a lot of courage to knock on doors.” “What good might come out of trying again tomorrow?” There is no script for empathy. It’s less about what you say and more about listening without solving. But I hope this example helps you find ways to be more empathetic with people in your personal and business life.

I’ve been nursing a sore back for the last couple of weeks. I’m feeling better every day, but it has made me think about empathy. A friend of mine has been suffering with a bad back for years. I thought I was empathetic to his situation before, but now I really understand the pain that he’s been going through. It strikes me that there are leadership applications. One of the cornerstone responsibilities of leadership is the obligation to have difficult (potentially painful) conversations. While others might see a looming tough conversation and run in the other direction, a leader has to be willing to walk into conflict without flinching. I’ve been in more than my share of these challenging conversations and I’ve observed just about every kind of result. Some have gone wrong, degenerating into angry words (and sometimes angry actions), and some have gone so smoothly that two people on opposing sides left the difficult conversation closer than they were at the start. In my experience, empathy is key to making difficult conversations work. When we feel like someone understands us, we are much more open to their point of view. Empathy builds bridges, a lack of it builds walls. But what, exactly, is empathy? I’ve been reading How to Know a Person by David Brooks, and I like the way he thinks about it. The first stage of empathy is mirroring. This involves closely observing the other person’s physical cues. Are they speaking rapidly or slowly? Are they looking at you or averting their eyes? Are they sitting up straight or slumping? These behaviors are all outward manifestations of a person’s current emotional state, so observing them gives us clues as to what they are feeling. The second part of mirroring is reflecting these behaviors, which silently sends the message that we understand what they’re feeling. The second stage is mentalizing. Mentalizing is the part of empathy where we put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. Now that we have a good feeling for the other person’s emotional state, we can start to think of times we felt the same way. If the other person is demonstrating signs of anxiety, how would we like to be dealt with when we’re feeling anxious? If they are frustrated, what calms us down when we’re frustrated? We start to understand the other person when we think about times we felt the same way that they do. The third stage is caring. It’s one thing to understand what someone’s going through, but it’s another to turn that understanding into comfort. Caring is about getting out of our own perspective and thinking about how the other person would like to be treated. Understanding someone else is nice, but treating them the way they would like to be treated is kind. Some leaders mistakenly think that empathy means never having tough conversations. But, you’ll note that the actions above are not about avoiding difficult conversations—they are steps that help make those conversations successful.

Have you ever wondered why some leaders excel in building strong relationships while others struggle? Dale Carnegie's timeless wisdom, 'Success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person's viewpoint,' holds the key. In my journey with Dale Carnegie Training, I've seen firsthand how empathy transforms leadership. Here are three ways to harness this power: Active Listening: Truly understanding others starts with listening, not just hearing. It's about engaging with their concerns and aspirations, creating a foundation for trust and mutual respect. Emotional Intelligence: Leaders who are in tune with their own emotions can better navigate the feelings of others. This awareness is crucial in managing team dynamics and fostering a positive work environment. Adaptable Communication: Tailoring your communication style to meet others where they are can bridge gaps and build stronger connections. It's not about changing your message but about delivering it in a way that resonates. Empathy in leadership isn't just a soft skill; it's a strategic tool that drives collaboration, innovation, and loyalty. That's why I'm excited to share Take Command, a new resource that can help you develop a more empathetic and effective approach to dealing with people. Think of a time when empathy made a difference in your professional interactions. How did understanding another's viewpoint change the outcome? Share your experiences below!

A personal share... My mother had Covid in 2020, and since that time, has been experiencing cognitive decline, along with a host of other medical, financial and wellness challenges. The past 3 and half weeks have been incredibly stressful, with many tears. And, I am an only child. What it reminds me of, and what I want to share, is the importance of empathy, both in personal and professional settings. Navigating these complexities has reinforced my belief in the power of creating space for understanding, listening, and offering support in all aspects of life. A special thank you to the heroes and sheroes in my life over the last few weeks that have truly lifted me... In the spirit of this, I want to share three tips to help foster empathy in the workplace, even during remote calls: 🙊 𝐀𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: Take the time to truly listen to your colleagues, not just to their words - to the 𝘦𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘶𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦𝘴 behind them. On remote calls, this means being present, minimizing distractions, and practicing empathy through attentive listening. 👀 𝐀𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞 𝐔𝐧𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐂𝐮𝐞𝐬: Pay attention to non-verbal cues such as tone of voice, body language, and facial expressions. These subtle signals can often reveal 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯'𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘦. Being attuned to these cues demonstrates empathy and allows for a deeper understanding of your colleagues' experiences. ✅ 𝐑𝐞𝐠𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐫 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤-𝐈𝐧𝐬: Make a conscious effort to check in with each other on a regular basis, even 𝘪𝘧 𝘪𝘵'𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘢 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘧 𝘮𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺'𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨. In a remote work environment, it's easy for individuals to feel isolated or disconnected. By reaching out proactively, you show that you care about their well-being and create opportunities for open communication. By incorporating these practices into our daily interactions, we can create a workplace culture that values empathy, understanding, and support for the diverse experiences of our colleagues. Remember, behind every screen and every meeting agenda, there are people with their own stories and struggles. My ask today? Let's make space for empathy in all that we do. I am sharing in the comments my favorite video describing the difference between sympathy and empathy - it's perfect. Brené Brown #empathy #culture #remotework #connection 🤝 Bruce Montgomery Anca Castillo Cary Lopez, PhD

The #1 communication skill isn’t talking. It’s empathic listening. Don’t just listen to understand. Listen until the other person feels understood. Early in my time at Microsoft, I was lucky enough to attend a session with Stephen Covey. His presence was unforgettable. But one idea changed everything for me: “Empathic listening is not listening until 𝘺𝘰𝘶 understand. It’s listening until the 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘴 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘰𝘰𝘥.” That one sentence rewired how I lead, coach, and connect. It’s not about proving you “got it.” It’s about making sure 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 feel heard. Such a simple shift.  Yet a total game changer: 1. It builds trust. 2. It transforms tension into connection. 3. It’s a leadership superpower. Try this today: When someone speaks, don’t jump to respond. Reflect back what they feel and say. Let them know you’re 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮. That’s when the real conversation begins.