Empathy in Professional Settings

A Reality Check I Wish I Didn’t Have to Share - For Awareness and Accountability Recently, I was called for a job interview in Dubai. Like any professional, I prepared thoroughly and was genuinely excited about the opportunity. The interview was confirmed, scheduled, and I was ready. Then, just before the meeting, the hiring manager suddenly canceled - citing "urgent meetings." But the real reason soon became clear. I had refused his inappropriate request to meet outside a professional setting. His intentions were unprofessional, manipulative, and downright disrespectful. When I declined, not only did he cancel the interview, but he also retaliated with personal, judgmental remarks - comments no one should ever have to hear. He even referenced another woman in a degrading manner to make his point. It was offensive. Shocking. And absolutely unacceptable. I'm sharing this because, unfortunately, this isn't the first time I've encountered behavior like this and I know I'm not alone. Too many stay silent out of fear, discomfort, or pressure to "stay professional." To companies and hiring managers: This is not okay. Professionalism isn't optional. Accountability matters. No role is worth compromising dignity or self-respect. To job seekers, especially in the UAE: While most professionals are genuine, there are still some who misuse their power. - Trust your instincts - Set boundaries firmly - Walk away from red flags - your worth isn't negotiable If you've faced something similar, know this: You're not alone. Speaking up doesn't make you "difficult" - it makes you courageous. I’ve also attached a screenshot of the WhatsApp conversation with the manager for your reference. Let's build a culture where professionalism, respect and ethics aren't just expectations - they're non-negotiable. Sharing the details to help others avoid such traps in the name of hiring: Quantum Shield, AB Center Al Barsha, Dubai | Waqas Mansoor. #WorkplaceEthics #SpeakUp #JobSearch #UAE #Dubai #ProfessionalIntegrity #RespectAtWork

Have you ever started a job where everyone seemed to genuinely like you at first? Then, suddenly, things shift? Let me tell you about the Pet to Threat Phenomena. Initially, they valued your expertise, sought your input in meetings, and entrusted you with opportunities that supported your growth. Then, you begin to feel overlooked and disliked, and your trust diminishes. This is known as the "Pet to Threat" phenomenon. This can look like:  - Being excluded from important meetings or decisions - Having your ideas or contributions dismissed or ignored - Experiencing a sudden increase in scrutiny or criticism - Feeling isolated from your colleagues - Not receiving credit for your work or ideas - Facing resistance or hostility when you try to assert your expertise Dr. Kecia M. Thomas and a team of insightful experts helped identify this phenomenon, demonstrating how, as we gain skills and confidence, our managers, colleagues, or mentors may become indifferent. This is an experience that can impact the trajectory of your career or stifle your confidence, especially for Black women, who typically have fewer allies in the workplace. When I speak with women who experience this, their first thought is often that they could've prevented it, or they struggle to recognize it at all. Remember, your talent and skills got you to this point, and any room you enter is better because you’re there.

The weight of existing as a Black woman in professional spaces is an experience that needs no explanation to those who live it. But for those who don't - let me break it down. When you're Black, educated, female and in a position of power, the toxicity of misogynoir shows up in ways that drain your soul: • The constant questioning of your qualifications (despite having more letters after your name than some have in theirs) • The exhaustion of being both hyper-visible yet somehow invisible • The mental labour of documenting every interaction because you know you'll need receipts • The burden of being "the only one" while carrying the weight of every Black woman who'll come after you As a mental health social worker and psychotherapist pursuing my doctorate, I see firsthand how these experiences create a unique kind of psychological injury - one where Black women are expected to heal from trauma while still living through it. What workplace cultures don't understand is: → Your microaggressions are macroaggressions to our mental health → Your "feedback" about our tone is institutional gaslighting  → Your "high standards" are often moving goalposts that don't apply to others But here's what I know for certain: Our presence is resistance. Our excellence is not an accident. Our voices, though they try to silence them, carry the wisdom of generations. To my Black sisters navigating these spaces: Your mental health matters. Your boundaries are valid. Your experience is real. You are not alone. To organisations claiming to value diversity: Anti-racism work without addressing misogynoir is just performance. We don't need more seats at broken tables. We need structural change. The time for "listening and learning" is over. The time for systemic transformation is now. #Misogynoir #BlackWomenInLeadership #MentalHealth #WorkplaceCulture #ProfessionalDevelopment #DEI #AntiRacism #BlackWomenInTherapy

Would you believe me if I told you that around half of the women in your team are reluctant to raise problems, concerned that this will impact their leader's perception of them? Our Three Barriers research found that women are very cautious about raising issues, negativity or even raising concerns due to the belief that this can cause repercussions for their career progression. In my line of work and research, I am very aware of the gendered expectations and behaviours that women will adopt within a workplace and how there is a narrow acceptable operating range of behaviours available to women. Too assertive and you're aggressive. Too warm and you're not decisive enough. Too confident and you're arrogant. But nearly half of women actually withholding issues in their role due to these fears, that's startling. What can organisations do? 🔶 You can create a a culture of psychological safety to enable employees to speak up. Leaders role modelling vulnerability themselves, and responding positively when others display vulnerability, helps to show that it is safe. 🔶 You can encourage allyship so that issues raised are supported by others. Equip employees at all levels to demonstrate allyship. 🔶 You can counteract gender biases by changing processes and systems. Audit your talent procesess, frameworks and cycles for biases and stereotypes and counteract them. This will also helo to nudge behavioural change at scale. #EDI #GenderEquity #ThreeBarriers

A concept that came up in coaching yesterday was the double-bind. I've spoken previously about the glass cliff, the glass ceiling, and similar terms that are helpful in giving language to inequities faced by women & women of colour in the workplace. As someone who has been labelled as 'combative' by a previous manager, it's exhausting & frustrating AF trying to navigate layers of unspoken expectations and biases while striving to remain true to oneself and succeed professionally. The double bind for women of colour is where they encounter conflicting demands or expectations that place them in a no-win situation. Here are some ways this shows up - 🎤 Assertiveness vs. Likability: there is a risk of being perceived as aggressive or abrasive. This can sometimes lead to unfair backlash that other colleagues may not face. On the other hand, if one chooses to be more reserved to avoid negative perceptions, they may seem to struggle showcasing their leadership qualities. 🎤 Professionalism vs. Authenticity: Bringing your 'whole selves' to work and highlighting cultural identities is encouraged, but this can sometimes result in facing microaggressions, tokenism or feeling like one doesn't quite fit in with the company's culture. On the flip side, downplaying cultural identity to fit in may leave them feeling disconnected and inauthentic, impacting their job satisfaction and performance. 🎤 Competence vs. Approachability: In a predominantly white or male-dominated work environment, the pressure to prove competence while also being approachable can be overwhelming. While showcasing high competence is essential, it can inadvertently intimidate colleagues (aka tall poppy syndrome) and lead to social isolation. On the other hand, focusing on being approachable and accommodating may undervalue their competence, causing them to miss out on career opportunities. 🎤 Diversity Advocate vs. Professional Identity: women of color are often expected to take on this role (often unpaid) in the workplace. This can sometimes overshadow their professional skills and career aspirations. Striking a balance between advocating for diversity and focusing on their career path can be a difficult task, as they may face criticism for not fully embracing the role. 🎤 Visibility vs. Scrutiny: The yardstick is not the same for women in leadership! While being visible is important for serving as role models, it can also subject them to higher levels of scrutiny and criticism compared to their peers. This increased scrutiny may lead them to avoid visibility, resulting in missed opportunities for career advancement. Have you faced similar experiences? How did you navigate the same? #GenderEquality #Inclusion #genderEquity #InclusionAtWork #InclusiveWorkplaces #DoubleBind #WomenOfColour

What does it mean to coach from the margins? To hold space for others while navigating systems that were never designed with you in mind. To guide leaders toward self-awareness while quietly absorbing moments of deep discomfort. To encourage reflection in others, while often shielding your own. As an executive coach with an intersectional lens, this work carries weight. I remember a group session where a CEO shared a story about attending a basketball game in the US.  It was the first time he had been in an environment where he was a racial minority in a large crowd. He looked across the room and said, “Not to worry, we were safe. There weren't any riots or trouble. We were safe” The room shifted. Laughter was unsure. I remember thinking how easily humour can carry harm when no one questions it. In another session, a senior leader looked me straight in the eye and said “I don't see colour.” I remember sitting with that. Wondering what it means to be unseen in a role where visibility is essential. What’s most disappointing about this is that these aren’t rare moments. They happen often and quietly but the impact is significant and these moments end up shaping how we show up, how much we give, how much we hold back. Coaching people of colour brings a different kind of challenge, the topic of my reflective assignment when I completed my coaching qualification at Henley Business School. Sometimes the topics we explore are not just professional but deeply personal. Imposter syndrome, the pressure to always seem capable, the narrative that Black women should feel grateful just to be included. I think of Nadiya Hussain, the brilliant Bake Off star, who recently spoke out about the backlash she received when sharing the difficulties she experienced as a Muslim Woman in the industry. The response she received was not empathy. It was criticism. She was told to be thankful. She was told she should smile and carry on. That message is far too familiar. Even moments of vulnerability can feel charged. Rachel Reeves cried at work, and received an outpouring of solidarity. I have cried too, but in silence. Not because I wanted to be invisible, but because I’ve often felt I had to be unshakeable. And still, I coach. I hold space. And that’s because I believe in the work. Because there is power in it. As much as there have been difficulties, there have also been successes. Those moments when something shifts in the room. When someone takes a moment to pause, listen deeply to what they are saying, and reflect. That is what coaching can do, and it is powerful. It does not erase the margins; rather, it asks us to lead from them without losing ourselves. That’s why I keep doing what I do. I might be coaching from the margins, but I’m constantly looking out to the horizon. 

It felt hard to "celebrate" #InternationalWomenDay #IWD on Saturday given the findings of Full Colour's new report which shows that career women of colour regularly experience microaggressions, overt aggression, double standards and blocks to progress. The report called "Through the looking glass" was published on Saturday 8 March 2025, International Women’s Day. "Through the looking glass" is based on a series of informal conversations I hosted either side of Christmas. Most women were in middle management or senior positions and worked in banking, consultancy, non-profits, public and private sectors. Other common experiences of career women of colour include: ·      Having continually to prove themselves when others’ contributions are taken on trust ·      Feeling isolated when they are the only woman of colour at leadership level ·      Being expected to lead on equity, diversity and inclusion in addition to their main roles because they are women of colour ·      Self-doubt compounded by how others treat them "Through the looking glass" includes practical recommendations leaders can implement to address these issues and the others captured in the report. Link to the report in comments. I'd love your thoughts and for you to share this post to amplify the voices of those women who so generously shared their experiences. Thank you.

"The Only" Being "the only" in a room is exhausting, especially when it happens for years. As I shared in my conversation on the Finding Fertile Ground podcast, this is a common experience for Black, Latina, and Indigenous women in STEM. You're the only one. The only Black woman. The only Latina engineer on your team, group, department, or even the entire company. For years in construction, I was the only Black woman engineer. I was the only Black woman, period. It's isolating. It’s frustrating. And it’s one of the many reasons why so many talented women leave. Leaders need to do better. Leaders need to build environments where women of color not only survive but thrive. It's time to break the cycle of being "the only." Listen to my full episode here: https://lnkd.in/g-X4Mqp8 #WomenInSTEM #DiversityInTech #BreakTheBias #Leadership #InclusionMatters

I used to feel a wave of anxiety every time a client emailed late at night, expecting a quick response. I also used to have a boss that would do the same, expecting me to be at his beck-and-call always, as he put it "your role is to make me look good" #toxic But then I realised—it wasn’t their emails that were the problem. It was my lack of boundaries. I was the one allowing it to happen. Now, I set clear boundaries with my team and clients (and I don't have a boss anymore 🎉 ). I work flexibly, and my email signature makes it clear: no one should feel pressured to respond outside of working hours. What’s surprised me most? Setting these boundaries didn’t just empower me and provide clarity for my working relationships —it’s inspired others to do the same. I’m curious—do you find it challenging to set boundaries at work? How do you communicate them without feeling guilty? #Pallas #Leadership #WorkLifeBalance