Techniques for Resolving Conflicts Among Students

Handling conflict as a leader isn't always easy, but it is necessary to address immediately. The stakes are often high, and emotions can run even higher. Here are some mistakes I've seen made in conflict mediation, and trust me, I’ve had to learn some of these lessons the hard way. Firstly, taking sides is a big mistake. It may be natural to sympathize with one party, especially if they're more articulate or if their story hits first. But appearing biased can torpedo the mediation process. It's crucial to maintain neutrality, or you risk losing the trust of one or both parties. I've seen it happen, and it's not pretty. The key is to be empathetic but impartial. Listen carefully to both sides and withhold judgment. Secondly, not listening to understand but to respond. It’s easy to want to jump in with a solution when you hear the first piece of a problem. But doing so can rob the parties involved of the chance to fully express themselves. If people don't feel heard, they're less likely to participate constructively. You have to let everyone get their entire perspective out on the table. Often, I ask probing questions to make sure I'm not missing any underlying issues. The goal is to make everyone feel heard and understood. Another mistake is rushing towards a solution. It might be tempting to quickly put an end to the conflict and move on, but this usually means imposing your solution. The best resolutions are those that the conflicting parties arrive at themselves, which takes time. I encourage open dialogue and guide the conversation towards mutual agreement, instead of imposing my idea of what’s right. This means asking open-ended questions and facilitating, rather than dictating, the discussion. Failure to set ground rules is another setback. At the start, I always lay down some basics. No interrupting, no name-calling and so on. Everyone needs to know the boundaries and expectations to keep things respectful and productive. Lastly, forgetting to follow up is a big mistake. After you've reached a resolution, it’s important to check back in with both parties after a certain period. This shows you're committed to a long-term solution, not just putting out fires. Also, keep in mind that sometimes people just need to vent... before going into full blown problem-solving mode. When I get conflict mediation right, it’s incredibly rewarding. Teams come out stronger, individuals feel heard, and as a leader, I’ve helped foster a more positive work environment. It’s not just about solving a problem... it's about setting a standard for how conflicts should be resolved moving forward. I hope everyone has a Safe, Positive and Productive Day!

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐟𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐨𝐥𝐮𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐈 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐨𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤 - 𝐢𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐫𝐨𝐦 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐨𝐦. As leaders, we sit in the splash zone of personality, philosophy, & workflow clashes. Each conflict is nuanced with no singular way to resolve. ‘What would Mom do?’ flashes through my head in work & life when conflict arises because over time, I realized I’d subconsciously absorbed a playbook from my mom that has served me well. Let me tell you a story to introduce it in a practical sense: As one of the few Indian kids in my California school, I was ridiculed for my ‘smelly’ lunches. To avoid this conflict, I’d dump my lunch in the trash every day. Hunger was seemingly better than ridicule. Well, a mother’s intuition is powerful. My mom noticed my lower energy & daily empty lunch box with no leftovers. She quietly came to school, observed me from a distance, and saw me trash my lunch before sitting with classmates. The teachers hadn’t noticed this behavior, & no one gave her any specific insight. That evening, she casually asked what could improve in my lunches, eventually drawing out that the ‘smell’ bothered everyone around me. She never once let on what she had observed or put me on the defensive. Within a week, her next move changed the conversation about ‘smelly’ Indian food in my school. With support from the teachers, & with consent of parents, she prepared a family style lunch for the class. She chose to be inclusive, give every kid the choice to try it for themselves, and explained each dish with a fun name and some stories. That smelly lunch was a hit! From that day on, the lunch hate stopped; classmates desired to share my lunch, & Mom got calls from parents asking for recipes. She knew this situation was resolved. Love you Mom! This simple story highlights a playbook I drew from watching her manage conflict over the years: 𝐍𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐜𝐞 𝐄𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐲. Develop & maintain high EQ to realize something is wrong even when signals are weak, before conflict snowballs into something major. 𝐃𝐢𝐚𝐠𝐧𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐲. Ask questions, listen actively, & seek information that helps to diagnose root causes without assigning blame or shame. 𝐔𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬. Train your mind to be open when evaluating differing opinions, incentives, & viewpoints even if they don’t align with your own. 𝐁𝐞 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞. Create inclusive dialogue & experiences that offer people involved in the conflict a chance to see an alternative viewpoint. 𝐀𝐜𝐭 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐀𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐲. Move fast, involve stakeholders, & get help in resolving conflict where required. Follow-up, learn, and adjust. Of course, safety & power dynamics matter, and sometimes you don’t have a choice but to escalate a conflict for tougher and faster resolution outcomes. What’s your go-to ‘mom move’ in tough moments? #ConflictResolution #Leadership #Management

Here’s a simple tool that’s changed my life and the lives of many of my clients: It’s called Non Violent Communication (NVC) NVC is a way of resolving conflict with mutually satisfying solutions. It’s great for business leaders since hard conversations are par for the course. But it’s also great for personal relationships as well. Here’s the simple 3-step strategy to NVC: 1 - The Fact Begin with an indisputable observation. For example: “When you said you didn’t want to go on a trip with me…” You want to describe the situation in a purely objective way that no one can argue with. 2 - Your Feelings Next, share how you felt. “When ___ happened, I felt ___.” This invites your conversation partner into a dialogue about how the situation impacted you. It demonstrates that you’re opening up, being vulnerable, and not arguing for the sake of ‘winning’. 3 - The Request: Conclude with a request that would resolve your unmet need. “My request is that you are on time for our meetings going forward.” Framing this as a request and not a demand makes the conversation a cooperative one. That’s it! It’s an incredibly simple foundation that takes a lot of time and effort to master, especially in the heat of an argument. Give it a shot — practice makes perfect.