Effective Communication Techniques for Empathy in Service

On #WorkingWithClients | I employ something called a 3 to 1 ratio when working with clients. When a client asks me a question, I have to ask three clarifying questions before I give one response. This does three things: 1.) It slows my processor down. My initial inclination is to solve the client's problem. And boy, does my mind race with all types of plausible solutions. Utilizing the 3 to 1 method helps me self-regulate my excited emotional state while not triggering that of the clients. 2.) Over the years, I've learned that hearing the client and listening to the client are separate activities. When I hear my clients, my biases and interpretations of what they say usually get in the way of my judgment. When I listen to the client, I navigate an empathetic process to deliver a compassionate solution. 3.) Lastly, compassion can only happen when I genuinely understand and feel the spirit of my client's needs. I can only do this effectively by asking follow-up questions that allow us to get closer to the truth about my client's situation. Remember, story truth and factual truth can be the same to the client because they are speaking to the emotion of their experience. I aim to work from story truth to factual truth and back to story truth again. Where does this come from? When I worked at LaGrange College (circa 2008/2009), our college President, Dan McAlexander, gave a presentation on engaging dissonance. He used the metaphor of peeling the onion to identify friction points in the workplace—we could only understand and solve a problem by understanding it two to three levels beneath the surface. Given my role working with families and students, it made sense to treat them in the same manner. I haven't looked back since and have encouraged thousands of young financial professionals to do the same. Cheers! Dr. Thomas

I saw a masterclass in empathy. A customer at Raw Juice in Boca Raton hands Alexa, the manager, a coupon. The problem? The coupon is from another Raw Juice. And since each store is independently operated, the coupon isn't valid. Here’s how Alexa responded: “Thank you for coming back. I know this isn’t something you want to hear. Since each Raw Juice is independently owned, coupons aren’t transferable. You couldn’t have known that, I will apply the discount anyway.” Customer: “Wow! Thank you!” Alexa: “My pleasure. Our app applies discounts automatically without you having to lug coupons around. If you’d like, I can show you how it works.” Customer: “That would be great.” Brilliant. Here’s why: (Appreciation) “Thank you for coming back.” (Neutralize negative emotions by labeling them. Chris Voss calls this an accusations audit.) “I know this isn’t something you want to hear.” (Clarity) “Since each Raw Juice is independently owned, coupons aren’t transferable.” (Validate) “There’s no way you could have known that, so that I will apply the discount anyway.” (Illuminating a benefit while letting the customer decide) “Our app applies discounts automatically without you having to lug coupons around. If you’d like, I can show you how it works.” Knowing how to deliver “bad news” in a way that lowers resistance is a good skill to master.

Have you ever felt like you're caught in a customer's whirlwind of frustration, unsure of how to guide the conversation toward a solution? I can relate, as I've faced similar challenges in trying to regain control without coming across as dismissive. To address this, I've developed a technique I call "snatch and flip." It's a straightforward yet effective way to acknowledge your customer's concerns while seamlessly transitioning into problem-solving mode. Here's how it works: Listen attentively to grasp the core issue. Identify the most pressing concern (usually what they mention repeatedly). "Snatch" that topic and "flip" it into a solution-focused discussion. For example, imagine a customer ranting about a rental car breakdown on the way to a family funeral. They keep mentioning their children's discomfort. Instead of getting lost in the details, you could say: "I'm sorry you're having such a frustrating experience. I don't want your kids and you to be stranded a moment longer. Let's get you back on the road..." This approach shows you've genuinely heard their concerns while swiftly moving toward resolution. Remember, the key is to acknowledge emotions before problem-solving. Skip this step, and you risk the customer continuing to vent. Imagine confidently handling even the most difficult calls, knowing you have a proven technique to guide the conversation. It's not about shutting customers down but channeling their frustration into productive dialogue. Would you be interested in my LinkedIn Learning Call Control Course?

I bet most of you haven't heard of this… What? “𝘓𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴.” I've been an executive coach and a marriage counselor for over 30 years. I've engaged with thousands of leaders and couples. And if I have to pinpoint one thing that most of them fail at, it'll be, 𝘓𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴. Not just hearing.  Not just listening. It doesn't matter how often your employees give you their feedback or how frequently your partner may say something. They can talk all they want, but if you fail to listen and comprehend—nothing is ever going to change. In fact, things will just go downhill. 𝘚𝘰 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘥𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘵𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴? Well, it requires intentionality, patience, an open mind, and a desire to truly understand. Here’s the roadmap laid out for you: 𝐆𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐅𝐮𝐥𝐥 𝐀𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧. 📌Focus completely on the speaker. Put away distractions like phones or other devices. 📌Maintain eye contact to show you're engaged and attentive. 📌Show genuine non-verbal cues like nodding or using facial expressions to indicate your interest. 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐲 𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐋𝐞𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐚𝐤. 📌Avoid interrupting or finishing the speaker's sentences. Let them express themselves fully. 📌Be patient, especially if the speaker is hesitant or takes time to articulate their thoughts. 📌Do not be thinking about your response, but remain in the moment. 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐄𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬. 📌Pay attention to the speaker's tone of voice, pitch, volume, and body language. Emotions often manifest in these aspects. 📌Look for signs of frustration, excitement, sadness, or other emotional cues. 𝐀𝐬𝐤 𝐎𝐩𝐞𝐧-𝐄𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐐𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬. 📌Encourage the speaker to share more by asking questions that can't be answered with a simple "yes" or "no." 📌Examples include "𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭?" or "𝘊𝘢𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘭 𝘮𝘦 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵?" 𝐄𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐑𝐞𝐟𝐥𝐞𝐜𝐭. 📌Show empathy by acknowledging the speaker's feelings and experiences. You can say, "𝘐 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘶𝘭𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶." or “𝘐 𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘶𝘱 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦.” 📌Reflect back on what you've heard to confirm your understanding. For example, "𝘚𝘰, 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨..." 𝐑𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫: Listen to understand–not just reply. #leadershipcoach #executivecoach #leadershipdevelopment

The mom needed jeans for her 13-year-old son. She was nervous and worried about getting it wrong. I was a 16-year-old retail associate, about to get my first lesson in customer empathy. Empathy comes from a shared or relatable experience. It helps us better understand our customer's needs so we can provide a better experience. Clearly, I didn't SHARE my customer's experience. I didn't know how it felt to be a mom trying to buy clothes for a teenage boy. But I could RELATE to the mom for two reasons. First, I had recently been someone's 13-year-old son. Second, I knew how it felt to be overwhelmed when you went shopping for a gift. I reassured the mom, asked her some questions about her son, and helped her buy the perfect pair of jeans. The mom returned with her son a week later to buy more. She was beaming with pride and confidence since the first pair was a huge hit. She was my first repeat customer. Empathy for the win. It took me awhile to break down the technique I had used to empathize with my customer in that moment. Here's the process: 1. Identify the emotion I could tell the mom was feeling nervous. 2. Ask yourself, "Why is this customer feeling this way?" The mom told me directly. She wanted to make sure she bought the right jeans for her son and worried about getting it wrong. 3. Think about a time when you had a similar feeling.  I instantly thought about times when I was nervous about buying something for someone else. 4. Try to demonstrate that you know how they feel. Relating to the mom helped me understand she was looking for assurance. I knew a lot about both our products and the jean preferences of teenage boys, so it was easy for me to make suggestions. 💡Try this technique: practice empathizing with customers you serve today. You might be amazed at how it can improve the experience!