Effective Communication for Referral Requests

28% of my 7-8 figure clients say this is the best referral-getting strategy.   In 2020 I ran a referral program for 89 advisors at Britain’s largest wealth management firm. After 6 months there was: *An 80% increase in asks *Over 1100 new clients *Over $140m in new assets. When we surveyed the group afterwards, 25 of the 89 said that the most helpful referral habit from the program was using a prompt on meeting agendas. We all need a reliable reminder to ask. This made it easy to remember and commit to. My client John told me: “What’s helped me get more introductions is using an agenda.   It gives me more permission to ask, and it helps me do it more consistently.” It also gives you psychological air to ask. No one feels blindsided. There are three options for what to write on your agenda: 1. “Feedback” - Ask for open-ended feedback:  “I'm curious: what have you found most helpful about the work that we've done so far?” If you hear good things, you have a green light to ask for what you want. When you ask is up to you - the timing has to feel authentic. “Thanks for that feedback. You know I was thinking. Earlier on you mentioned (specific name). I love helping companies like that. Who’s your best contact there that you would you be most comfortable introducing me to?” 2. “Others I can help?” Or: “Best way I can potentially help others?” (Avoid the word referrals or introductions – you risk coming across as salesy.) Asking about other people your client cares about is going to resonate with them infinitely more than saying: “I grow my business by referrals. Who can introduce me to?” Note: “Others I can help?” is not specific enough of an ask but: a)        It gets the referral conversation started b)       It gives people advance notice that you want to talk about referrals Then you steer the conversation to… 3.  Specific names   - Of people, companies, opportunities etc Ideally, write down a SPECIFIC name and put this on your agenda. e.g., you might word it: “Would you be comfortable introducing me to your business partners Katy and Salik?” What matters is: Who does this person know and like who: a) Sounds like a good prospect? b) Can open a door to a big opportunity? How can you reference this appropriately in your agenda – from a helping perspective? It’s okay to literally think out loud on paper about an ask you would like to make. It doesn't have to be succinct and polished, e.g., “Curious whether you think I could potentially be helpful to your best clients?” or “Would love your thoughts on the best ways I could help other founders in your mastermind?” Apply those examples to any small group of people: Board members, EO members, or teammates. Tip! Email your agenda 2-5 days in advance. About 20% of the time that other person will bring up your ask before you do. Want the best actionable referral strategies?? Subscribe to Fearless Referrals Insider in the Featured Section of my bio.

Here's how to land a referral (without being a weirdo) 👇 Most people don't know how to approach asking for a referral. They reach out and ask for a favor making the whole thing feel transactional. That’s why they get ignored. If you want someone to refer you, focus on building a real connection first. Here’s how: Step 1: Give First (And Make It About Them) → People are happy to help when they feel valued—not used. → Instead of immediately asking for something, start by showing real interest in their journey. You could say something like: “Hey [Name], this might be a bit random, but I saw you work at [Company] and I’m exploring roles there! I figured you’d have better insights than Google. Would love to connect!" ✔ Recognizes their experience without being over the top ✔ Frames them as a trusted source of insight Step 2: Follow Up When Connected. Ask Something Meaningful (That’s Easy to Answer) → Instead of jumping into “Can I get a referral?” start with something genuine and thoughtful. → Make it a question that’s easy for them to respond to. Example Follow-Up: “Appreciate the connect! Quick question—what’s something about working at [Company] that most people don’t realize until they’re inside? Figured you’d have a great take.” ✔ Shows curiosity and respect for their experience ✔ Gives them a chance to share something valuable ✔ Builds rapport without asking for anything This step alone sets you apart. Most people only reach out when they need something—you’re creating an actual conversation. Step 3: Ask For a Call and Let the Referral Happen Naturally "If you have a few minutes to chat, I’d love to buy you a virtual coffee. No pressure—would love to learn from your experience!" → People refer others when they feel connected—not when they’re pressured. → Toward the end, steer the conversation naturally: “This has been so helpful! I’ve been exploring [specific role]—based on what you’ve seen, does my background make sense for it?” ✔ Not a favor—just an opinion ✔ Helps them visualize how you fit into the company If they say YES, follow up with: “That makes a ton of sense. If you were me, how would you get on [Company]’s radar for this role?” ✔ Now they’re thinking about how to get you noticed ✔ This often leads them to mention a hiring manager, referral process, or even offer to refer you If they don’t mention a referral, then you can finally ask in a low-pressure way: “This conversation has been amazing—would you feel comfortable referring me to anyone at the company who may be able to connect me to the hiring manager?" Step 4: Keep the Relationship Alive → Even if they don’t refer you now, they might later. ✔ Send a quick thank you for their time ✔ If another opportunity pops up, it’s easy to reconnect Remember, people refer those they respect and want to support—or simply someone who makes them look good to the hiring manager! The key is to build real relationships and give first.

I booked 75 first meetings over three months last summer when I launched Inspirewell. 99% through outbound. My totally repeatable trick? Ask for a referral on Every. Single. Call. Prospect calls. Customer calls. Partner calls. Build the habit to not leave any commercial calls without asking for someone else to speak with. Here is a simple 4 step framework I follow: Toward the end of the call, ask for permission to ask one more question. “Hey, before we jump, okay if I ask one last thing?” Describe several characteristics about what kind of a referral you are looking for, e.g. company size, company sector, position, personality traits, etc. The idea is to help narrow their field of vision a bit and make the task seem more approachable. Use an open-ended question. Not “Do you know anyone?” but rather “Who do you know?” Make it a low-friction ask. Not “That would want to partner with us?” but rather “That may benefit from a quick call with us?” All summarized the ask may look like this: “Really great chatting with you today. Before we jump, would it be okay if I ask one more quick question?” “Thanks. Generally the right person for us to speak with is someone that is only 1-3 years into managing sales people. Who do you know in your network, maybe someone that you used to work with, that may benefit from a quick call with us?” And shut up. You won’t hit every time. But you’ll certainly get a lot more contacts than by not asking. Happy Selling. What other referral strategies work for you? P.S. - I keep this sticky note on my computer to always remind myself of this practice. Even after years of practicing this, I still find myself wanting to chicken-out sometimes!