How public discourse affects marginalized women

I’ve talked about Angel Reese before (comment “Reese” if you’d like the link to that blog post), but today I want to go deeper, because the latest round of ridicule she’s receiving after a hard foul from Caitlin Clark is revealing more than just sports drama. After Clark committed a flagrant foul, much of the public conversation pivoted—not to her behavior but Reese’s reaction. I’ve seen people from all racial backgrounds accuse Reese of flopping, being overly dramatic, or somehow provoking the situation, even though she was the one fouled. This is a pattern we know all too well. It reminds me of what happens in our workplaces, classrooms, and communities: when white women weaponize the assumption of innocence. At the same time, Black women are hyper-scrutinized and often cast as the aggressor, even when they’re responding to harm. Yesterday, I shared a story about questioning why an end-of-year party was scheduled at a plantation. When I raised the concern, the organizer didn’t apologize or reflect; instead, she cried. Suddenly, I wasn’t addressing harm; I was causing discomfort. That shift, where the issue becomes the reaction to racism, not the racism itself, is deeply familiar. Here are two more examples I’ve witnessed: - A Black woman VP was called “intimidating” for offering direct feedback in a meeting. Her white male peer, who regularly raised his voice and interrupted colleagues, was praised for “passion and leadership.” - A Black educator was disciplined for “not being a team player” after advocating for a student’s needs. The white colleague who dismissed the student’s IEP accommodations? Received no consequences. Let me be clear: none of this is new. But we can’t keep excusing it. If organizations want to truly support Black women, here’s where to start: 1️⃣ Address racialized gender bias in performance reviews and feedback cycles. Create safeguards to prevent “tone,” “fit,” and “likability” from being weaponized against Black women. 2️⃣ Train leaders to manage conflict without defaulting to white fragility. Leaders must learn how to sit with discomfort, own impact, and not center their emotional safety over someone else’s lived reality. 3️⃣ Actively name and disrupt the patterns. That includes setting consequences when white women weaponize tears or when anyone enforces professionalism standards that disproportionately punish Black women’s authenticity. Angel Reese deserves more. Black women in your organization do too. What would it look like to move beyond performative allyship and actually build practices of protection? Let’s talk. I help teams do this work with clarity, courage, and care. [Link to schedule in comments]

Recently, I responded kindly to a post that lacked nuance in discussing autism as a superpower. As an autistic Black person, I shared my perspective and expertise thoughtfully. 100’s, mostly white individuals, also engaged with the post, offering critiques. Despite being one of many who provided feedback, my response was hyper-focused on by a white woman who found my tone unacceptable. She chose to criticize me while overlooking others’ comments and the fact that the poster had accepted feedback—simply because I wasn’t “soft enough” in her eyes. She claimed her dyslexia and work with marginalized groups justified her critique of my tone. Here’s the thing: I’ve written a book on white feminism and the tactics used to undermine and silence Black women. I’ve survived these in corporate environments and seen their minions at work, so I’m the least likely candidate to fall for these devices. This is tone policing—where the focus shifts from what is said to how it’s said, especially from a marginalized voice. Despite offering a respectful critique, my tone became the issue. Why? Because when a Black woman speaks up, her words are often seen as confrontational, even when delivered with care. We know autism often makes me more literal in communication, but how does that intersect with my Blackness and womanhood? How are YOU perceiving me—and is that perception YOUR responsibility or mine? What followed is a dynamic I’ve seen countless times: others—Asian woman, white woman, white man, and even a Black man—rushed to defend her. They framed her as a victim, even though my response was calm and thoughtful. This reflects a power structure seen in workplaces—Black women are expected to be soft, while others are protected when they react emotionally or defensively. 🫠Neurodivergence and Bias: The woman critiquing me has dyslexia, and while neurodivergence deserves understanding, it doesn’t exempt anyone from biases. It’s important to recognize when more time might be needed to process someone’s words. As someone with dyscalculia, I understand processing differences. But it was clear she hadn’t fully absorbed my argument, likely due to the intersection of her dyslexia and unconscious bias. Instead of reflecting on my words, she reacted emotionally, focusing on how she felt rather than the substance of my critique. 🤝🏾Lessons: 1. Who We Support: Are we defending those in privileged positions at the expense of marginalized voices? 2. Bias in Engagement: Why are certain voices (like Black women’s) scrutinized for tone, while others aren’t? 3. Neurodivergence and Privilege: Neurodivergence doesn’t shield us from bias. We must reflect on how it intersects with privilege in our engagements. 🌍Conclusion: Tone policing and centering privilege over marginalized voices isn’t just an online issue—it happens in workplaces too. We need to stop focusing on tone & start listening to the substance if we are serious about creating inclusive spaces. #neurodivergence

How do you command attention in spaces that try to erase you? How do you speak up even if the world doesn't want to hear what you have to say? At the recent Venice Film Festival, Ayo Edebiri found herself in a situation that speaks volumes about how Black women are too often overlooked or excluded even in spaces where their voices are actually the most relevant. During a press panel for her new film, a journalist posed a question about the future of the #MeToo and Black Lives Matter movements. The question was directed to Julia Roberts and Andrew Garfield, but not to Edebiri, despite her being the only Black woman on the panel and someone who is directly connected to BOTH of the issues being discussed. What happened next is a lesson in confidently commanding attention and a masterclass in media training. Ayo spoke up, noting that she knew the question was not meant for her but adding firmly that she did not believe the work of those movements was finished. She reminded the audience that while hashtags and headlines may fade, activists and communities continue to push for change every day. She had clear message points and maintained her composure throughout (which is important to note because of the social context in which she exists) Her response highlights a few important truths: Black women are frequently side-lined in public conversations even when their insight is essential, I've seen this in my own experience and with peers across multiple sectors. It is a shame that the burden often falls on Black women to point out exclusion and to correct it in real time. Obviously she didn't have to speak up but using her voice and presence in the way that she did had a powerful impact. It's important that people remember that genuine inclusion is not just about who is in the room but whose perspectives are actively invited and respected and it was good that she had advocates and genuine allies who gave her space and didn't try to talk over her in that moment. Being visible requires courage and I think that Ayo personified courage in that moment, although I wonder if courage is even the right word here...perhaps just pure confidence in one's own presence. Edebiri’s composure turned what could have been a moment of awkward silence into an opportunity for reflection. It is a reminder, particularly to those in positions of influence and power, to be intentional about who we centre in conversations about equity and justice and to those who are still uncertain about speaking up when faced with situations like this to stand firm and speak up even if their voices shake. A media training masterclass but also a lesson in owning one's own power. #mediatraining #personalbranding #visibility