Understanding the Emotional Side of Client Challenges

I froze when my first catastrophic injury client broke down crying in my office. Today, 20 years later, I know exactly what to do. Here's what changed - and why most young lawyers get this wrong: When I started practicing law, I was terrified of these moments. A client sharing their pain. Their fear. Their uncertainty. I'd try to quickly change the subject. Pull out documents. Talk about "next steps." Anything to avoid the raw emotion in front of me. But I was making a crucial mistake. I thought my job was to be the "tough lawyer." To stay clinical. To keep emotions out of it. I was wrong. What I've learned from thousands of cases: • People don't need a robot in a suit • They need someone who understands their pain • They need to know you truly care about their story The turning point came when I realized: Being uncomfortable with clients' emotions wasn't professional. It was fear. So I started leaning in. • Sitting in silence when needed • Letting them express their pain • Being human first, lawyer second The result? Better outcomes for clients. Deeper trust. More meaningful work. Because here's what they don't teach in law school: Your ability to connect with clients matters more than your knowledge of case law. To every young lawyer out there: Don't hide from the hard moments. Lean into them. That's where the real work happens. Follow for more insights from 20 years of personal injury law.

They say divorce is the second most traumatic life experience, right after losing a child. For 10 years, I guided clients through this emotional battlefield while learning a crucial lesson: To be their rock, I couldn't absorb their pain. At 55, I made an unusual career pivot. After three decades of insurance defense work, I switched to family law because I wanted to make a meaningful difference in people's lives. What I didn't fully appreciate was the emotional intensity. My clients arrived: • Overwhelmed with fear and uncertainty • Filled with anger and resentment • Unable to see past their current pain • Desperate for someone to help them find clarity Unlike my previous cases where I couldn't change the accident that had already happened, in family law I could actually help shape a better future. But I quickly noticed something about lawyers in this field: About 20% seemed to feed off the conflict—fighting about everything, making unreasonable demands, turning pain into billable hours. The other 80% genuinely wanted to help people rebuild their lives. I knew which group I wanted to be in. The challenge? Finding the balance between empathy and boundaries. Too much emotional distance, and clients feel unheard. Too much absorption of their pain, and you can't be the steady hand they need. The solution wasn't complicated, but it wasn't easy either: I learned to truly listen without making their pain my own. I could acknowledge their suffering without drowning in it. I could validate their feelings without losing my perspective. I could be their advocate without becoming emotionally entangled. This wasn't detachment—it was purposeful presence. By maintaining this balance, I could help them see beyond their current crisis to envision a stable future on the other side. The reward? Those thank-you notes I mentioned. In 30 years of insurance defense, I rarely received them. In family law, they became common. Because when you help someone through one of life's darkest moments with both compassion and clarity, you've given them something invaluable. What emotional boundaries have you had to establish in your professional life? #LegalWellness #EmotionalIntelligence #ProfessionalBoundaries

Most marketers approach empathy like a checkbox exercise: “𝗜𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗳𝘆 𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗽𝗼𝗶𝗻𝘁𝘀. 𝗔𝗴𝗶𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺. 𝗦𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗼𝗹𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻.” Sounds strategic, doesn’t it? But here’s the hard truth: People can tell when your “empathy” is a strategy. Imagine this: A struggling business owner reads your ad about their challenges. The words are clever, the message on point, but something feels... off. Why? Because your concern doesn’t feel genuine; it feels rehearsed. Here’s what most miss: Your audience isn’t looking for clever. They’re craving connection. 𝗔𝘀𝗸 𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳: 🧠 Are you really listening, or just waiting for your turn to sell? 🧠 Can you genuinely empathize without turning their pain into a “selling hook”? 🧠 When was the last time you spoke to a customer, not to pitch, but to understand? What I Do Differently: 💡 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗦𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲: Instead of jumping to conclusions, I ask open-ended questions and then truly listen. 💡 𝗪𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆, 𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝗠𝗶𝗻𝗲: When I craft marketing messages, I strip out all mentions of “solutions” first. I focus solely on mirroring their struggles. 💡 𝗟𝗲𝗮𝗱 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗩𝗮𝗹𝘂𝗲: Before selling, I offer insights that can help right now. No strings attached. No lead magnet download. Just actionable value. 𝗖𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗽𝗼𝗶𝗻𝘁: One of our clients in the coaching space was struggling to engage their audience. Instead of rebranding their offer, we rewrote their messaging around stories from real clients. The result? Their engagement tripled and trust soared. What Happens When You Truly Empathize? People feel seen. They start to trust you. And trust? That’s when they invite you into their journey. Because here’s the kicker: Your best sales tool isn’t your solution. It’s the trust you build before you even mention it. Ready to Build That Trust? Here’s a challenge: Write down your audience’s biggest struggles. Now, remove all mention of solutions or your business. Just focus on their experience. Feel stuck? Share your results below; I’ll help you refine it. Remember: Authentic empathy isn’t a tactic. It’s the foundation of everything. Let’s create trust that actually transforms. 👇

On #WorkingWithClients | I employ something called a 3 to 1 ratio when working with clients. When a client asks me a question, I have to ask three clarifying questions before I give one response. This does three things: 1.) It slows my processor down. My initial inclination is to solve the client's problem. And boy, does my mind race with all types of plausible solutions. Utilizing the 3 to 1 method helps me self-regulate my excited emotional state while not triggering that of the clients. 2.) Over the years, I've learned that hearing the client and listening to the client are separate activities. When I hear my clients, my biases and interpretations of what they say usually get in the way of my judgment. When I listen to the client, I navigate an empathetic process to deliver a compassionate solution. 3.) Lastly, compassion can only happen when I genuinely understand and feel the spirit of my client's needs. I can only do this effectively by asking follow-up questions that allow us to get closer to the truth about my client's situation. Remember, story truth and factual truth can be the same to the client because they are speaking to the emotion of their experience. I aim to work from story truth to factual truth and back to story truth again. Where does this come from? When I worked at LaGrange College (circa 2008/2009), our college President, Dan McAlexander, gave a presentation on engaging dissonance. He used the metaphor of peeling the onion to identify friction points in the workplace—we could only understand and solve a problem by understanding it two to three levels beneath the surface. Given my role working with families and students, it made sense to treat them in the same manner. I haven't looked back since and have encouraged thousands of young financial professionals to do the same. Cheers! Dr. Thomas