De-escalating Situations With Challenging Clients

Have you ever been caught in a customer service situation where you didn't have all the answers? It's a common challenge that can quickly escalate if not handled properly. But what if I told you there's a simple method that can help you navigate these tricky waters with confidence? Enter the 3W method. It's a powerful framework I've developed to help customer service professionals communicate effectively when they're facing uncertain situations. Here's how it works: What we know: Share the facts you have at hand. What we've done: Explain the actions taken so far. What's next: Outline the upcoming steps. This method isn't just theory - I've seen it in action, and it's impressive. Let me share a personal story that perfectly illustrates its effectiveness. My family and I were in Austin, Texas, when we discovered our rental car had been damaged while parked with valet. Tensions were high, and my husband was understandably upset. But the young valet who handled the situation used the 3W method flawlessly, even if he wasn't aware of it. He calmly explained what they knew about the incident, what actions they had already taken, and what steps we needed to take next. The result? A potentially explosive situation was defused, and we had a clear path forward. The beauty of the 3W method is its simplicity and versatility. Whether you're dealing with a damaged car or a delayed shipment, this framework helps you: -Provide clarity in uncertain situations -Show customers you're taking their concerns seriously -Guide the conversation towards productive next steps By using this method, you're not just solving problems - you're building trust and demonstrating professionalism, even when you don't have all the answers. Remember, de-escalation isn't about making an angry customer happy instantly. It's about lowering the temperature, regaining control of the conversation, and moving towards a resolution. The 3W method is your secret weapon for achieving this. Would you be interested in more de-escalation tactics for customer service?

Years ago, a former colleague of mine was drafting an email to a difficult client. As a joke, he addressed it, "To the Constant Pain in My Ass" … then accidentally hit send. After waiting for a reply that understandably never came, someone had to call the client and address it directly. And guess who that someone was? 🙋🏻 Since I was in leadership, I was responsible for the mistake. Surprisingly, it wasn’t too bad. I introduced myself, acknowledged what had happened, and said plainly: "There's no justification for this. It was unprofessional, and I take full responsibility. All I can do is apologize, guarantee it won’t happen again, and let you know this is already being addressed internally." Our client was calm, maybe even a little in shock. But by handling it head on - without deflecting, downplaying, or making excuses - I was able to smooth things over and keep the relationship intact. Conflict happens. Clients get frustrated. People make mistakes (though I can’t speak highly enough of proofreading! 😒). How you own a challenging moment often determines whether you recover or burn the bridge. 1. Acknowledge it fast - don’t let it fester. 2. Take full responsibility - no excuses. 3. Apologize and, to the extent possible, overcorrect. And just to reiterate, acknowledge it. We could have hoped that email went unread, to spam, etc. We could have waited to see if our client brought it up, and crossed our fingers that he didn’t. But usually, problems just don’t go away - you have to get ahead of them. Even if it’s awkward. If we didn't lose this client, suffice it to say, people are willing to forgive a lot. They just won't forgive lack of ownership and accountability.

One minute, I was working. The next, my manager was yelling at me in front of the entire team. I had two choices: 1️⃣ Fire back. Defend myself. Make things worse. 2️⃣ De-escalate and work on a solution. Here’s the four-part approach that turned an explosive moment into a productive conversation: STEP 1 - Move the conversation Instead of reacting, I said: 💬 "Sounds like we need to talk. Can we do it in private?" We stepped into an empty room — away from the crowd and emotions. STEP 2 - Set a boundary I looked him in the eye and said: 💬 "I’m happy to talk about any concerns. But please don’t yell — it makes it hard for me to listen and respond." He took a deep breath. “That’s fair." STEP 3 - Find the real issue At first, he was fixated on a small mistake. But I had a feeling there was more. So I asked: 💬 “Is this really about the X?" He hesitated, then said: “Honestly, it’s not. I just need more from the team right now.” STEP 4 - Prevent it from happening again Before we ended, I said: 💬“Next time, can we talk about concerns in private first?” He agreed. And he never yelled at me again. The Lesson? 🚫 Don’t fight emotion with emotion. 🚫 Don’t assume the first issue is the real issue. ✅ Control what you can: your response, your boundaries, and how you navigate conflict. P.S. That same manager gave me a glowing recommendation for my next promotion.

Yesterday I was on a call and a dispute over a SOC 2 audit finding got borderline unprofessional. The crux of the issue wasn't the audit finding itself (both parties actually agreed with the basic facts), but rather how the conversation went down. And after 2000+ engagements here are a few tools to handle conflicts like these. 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗖𝗢𝗡𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡 Consultant: Explains audit finding. Client: I agree, but it is so low risk we should just call it an opportunity for improvement (OFI) and not include it in the formal report. Consultant: I agree it's low risk, but it is an exception from the control, so I have to include it in the report. Client: Further defends why it's low risk. Consultant: Goes on to explain 5 ways client could have avoided the issue. Client (Voice Raised): Are you willing to fight me on this? Consultant (Intensity matched): Yes. 𝗛𝗢𝗪 𝗜𝗧 𝗪𝗘𝗡𝗧 𝗕𝗔𝗗 1. Because a challenge was issued (and accepted) it didn't leave either party much room to save face. That never turns out well. 2. In fairness to the auditor, this was a pretty cut and dry finding. In fairness to the client, it was not socialized in advance and caught a lot of people off guard. 3. This was a routine meeting for the auditor, but the client felt like it was career ending. 𝗖𝗢𝗔𝗖𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗚 It is worth saying that this conversation was between two decent and competent people who would otherwise get along great. Yet, this is a situation that happens all the time with security, audit, and GRC pros. There's just a lot of conflict to navigate in this career and we have to learn to do it. So, here are a few tools I've seen work to find resolution and avoid escalating: 𝟭. 𝗔𝘀𝗸 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻'𝘀 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 - Do both parties agree on the facts? - Do both parties understand the options (eg. Change control language, add a management response)? - Are there hidden factors (eg someone's job or reputation on the line)? Seek first to understand. Always. 𝟮. 𝗚𝗲𝘁 𝗮 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗿𝗱 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝗻𝘃𝗼𝗹𝘃𝗲𝗱 Sometimes a trusted third party will see things more clearly, or at least have a voice both parties respect. Try saying something like: "I can see this is important to both of us, let's pull in Christian and see if he can add some perspective that helps. Is that ok with you?" 𝟯. 𝗦𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝘁 Create some space to cool off. Try saying: "This is too important for me to answer on the fly. I really need some time to think on this one. Would it be okay if I sleep on it and give you a detailed response tomorrow?" 𝟰. 𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝗶𝘁 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 If someone starts to get emotional or lobs a verbal punch your way - just remind yourself there's probably something going on in their life you don't see. A bad day. A personal issue. Who knows. I often use that as a mental trick to summon a little more patience. --- Good luck out there!