Strategies For Addressing Inappropriate Behavior

Your experience isn’t the truth. That’s the hardest—and most important—thing to remember when giving critical feedback. If you lead with judgmental language, the person on the receiving end is more likely to tune out than take it in. Telling someone that their behavior was: → Unprofessional → Inappropriate → Irresponsible → Disrespectful → Dismissive → Abrasive Or any other language that conflates judgment with facts… Is sure to shut the other person down, make them defensive, or put them in a shameful state instead of a learning one. So, how do you give feedback in a way that people can actually hear? It comes down to a simple three-part framework called SBI: 1️⃣ Situation Name the time and place. For example: “Yesterday in our team meeting.” This gives context without interpretation. 2️⃣ Behavior Describe the behavior factually, as it happened. Say: “When you raised your hand and said the quarterly goals are unachievable.” Not: “When you interrupted me to inappropriately call out the goals.” Stick to what can be reported. 3️⃣ Impact Share your experience or concern without layering judgment. For example: “I’m concerned that reaction could cost you credibility with the team.” Or, “I found myself frustrated that you chose that moment to make that remark.” These statements can’t be argued. They’re your perspective. The key? Avoid turning your experience into “truth.” Name the behavior. Describe the impact. Then open the door for a conversation. That’s how feedback becomes something people can actually use.

Most workplace "harassment" complaints I investigate involve Carol feeling excluded from lunch or Mark's jokes landing like lead balloons. After over 20+ years as an employment lawyer, I’ve realized one crucial insight: calling someone "harassing," "biased," or "inappropriate" almost always makes things worse. As soon as labels appear, conversations stop. People get defensive, dig in their heels, and nothing gets resolved. That’s exactly why we developed the Workplace Color Spectrum—a simple, effective method for talking about difficult workplace behaviors without turning disagreements into accusations. Here's how it works:  • 𝗚𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 → Intentional, respectful actions  • 𝗬𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 → Reactive and thoughtless actions  • 𝗢𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 → Reference a protected characteristic and cross the line  • 𝗥𝗲𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 → Reference a protected characteristic and create a toxic work environment The key insight is that you're color-coding the behavior, not the person. Instead of: "You're being inappropriate," say, "That comment felt orange." This removes personal defensiveness, keeping the focus clearly on behaviors, not on attacking individuals. We've seen impressive results: CEOs referencing it in company meetings, HR teams including it in onboarding, and teams resolving friction early before it escalates into formal complaints. Any of us can have "green" moments; any of us can slip into "orange." We're all just human. Think back to your last uncomfortable workplace interaction. Would calling it an "orange" moment have helped? How do you think your team would respond if you started talking about orange moments instead of personal attacks?