Communicating Constructive Criticism Effectively

Want to stop triggering defensive reactions in critical conversations? Brain science reveals a simple technique that's transforming how top companies communicate: As an executive coach, this is the first thing I teach founders who are struggling with critical relationships. Why? Because it's consistently the most powerful tool for transforming toxic communication into productive dialogue. When you're fighting with your co-founder, your brain's threat response system activates. This shuts down the exact parts of your brain needed for effective communication. But there's a way to keep those neural pathways open. It's called speaking inarguably - using only facts that can't be disputed. Instead of "You don't care about this company" (judgment) Say "When you missed our last three meetings, I felt worried about our partnership" (fact) The first triggers defense mechanisms. The second creates psychological safety. There are two types of inarguable statements: • External facts: Observable behaviors, metrics, documented events • Internal facts: Your sensations, emotions, thoughts ("I feel frustrated") I've seen this technique help to transform toxic co-founder relationships into thriving partnerships more times than I can count. Here's how to start: 1. Pause before responding to emotionally charged situations 2. Strip away interpretations, focus only on observable facts ("You arrived 15 minutes late" vs "You're disrespectful") 3. Own your internal experience ("I felt anxious when that happened" vs "You're stressing everyone out") 4. Practice radical honesty about your feelings (This builds trust faster than pretending to be perfect) The hardest part? Letting go of being right. Your interpretations might feel true, but they're just stories you're telling yourself. This is where inner work meets leadership. When you master this, difficult conversations become growth opportunities. Your leadership emerges naturally from who you are, not who you think you should be.

WHEN TEMPERS FLARE, YOU'RE LOCKED IN A STALEMATE, OR A MULTI MILLION DOLLAR DEAL IS ON THE LINE, EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION IS THE KEY TO TURNING IT AROUND. The right communication framework fosters understanding, strengthens relationships, and drives powerful results within your team. Both personally and professionally, effective communication is key to successful teamwork, conflict resolution, and collaboration. From construction to finance, from fashion to family offices, my high performance clients master the skills to navigate the toughest conversations and transform them into their biggest breakthroughs. And here’s how you can do it too: 1. FRAME THE POSITIVE INTENTION: Start with shared goals. Establish a shared purpose to align your conversation positively and maintain the focus on optimal outcomes. ➡️”We both want [a positive, uplifting relationship].” “This is about us being [happier, more productive].” A positive start encourages cooperation and a safe space for communication. 2. DESCRIBE THE OBSERVABLE: Present facts without emotional interpretation. Focus on specific events or behaviors rather than feelings. ➡️ “When [specific event] happened, I saw [specific observation].” Stick to observable facts and avoid personal interpretations to keep the conversation neutral. 3. SHARE THE FEELING: Express your emotions without blame. Own your feelings without blaming others, and invite the other person to share theirs. ➡️“We both feel [emotion].” “I feel [emotion] about [situation].” Take ownership of your feelings. Express them without pointing fingers and encourage others to do the same. 4. REQUEST THEIR PERSPECTIVE: Invite input and collaboration. Ask for the other person’s perspective to gain insight into their viewpoint. ➡️“How did you see that?” “What did you observe?” Listen actively and be open to hearing the other person’s thoughts, fostering mutual understanding. 5. MAKE THE ASK WITH BENEFIT EXTENSIONS Propose mutually beneficial solutions: Offer choices that meet both parties' needs. ➡️ “If [action] occurs, we would feel [emotion] and [emotion].” “Here are two options that work for me…” Present two acceptable options to empower the other person to contribute to the solution. 6. WORK TOGETHER TO BUILD A CONSENSUS Collaborate on finding the best solution: Work together to determine the best course of action and express appreciation when a decision is made. ➡️ “I appreciate the thought you’ve put into this. I’m glad we agreed on [decision].” By applying my effective communication framework, you foster open, respectful communication that builds trust, enhances collaboration, and contributes to team success. And the great news is that you can use this both personally and professionally! I’m curious… ~When was a time that you needed this framework in your life? #future #communication #success

These 4 words can make anyone anxious: "We need to talk." The problem isn't having hard conversations: It's how most people approach them. I used to wing these conversations and wonder why they went sideways. Then I studied how the top 1% of leaders handle conflict. The difference? They have a system. Most leaders wing difficult conversations and create more problems. Smart leaders use proven frameworks that build trust while addressing issues. Here's the approach that transformed my leadership: ✅ Phase 1 - Foundation Setting: "Thanks for your patience. I've thought things through so we can have a productive conversation." This immediately signals you're not reactive: You are thoughtful and solution-focused. ✅ Phase 2 - Trust Building: "I trust you and that's why I'm being straight with you." You lead with respect, making it clear this isn't about their worth as a person. ✅ Phase 3 - Context Setting: "I want to be transparent. This impacts our success." Connect the conversation to shared goals, not personal frustrations. ✅ Phase 4 - Reality Acknowledgment: "This might be hard, but I want us to work through it together." You acknowledge difficulty while committing to partnership. ✅ Phase 5 - Problem Focus: "Something's affecting your results. Let's handle it together." Action-oriented language that invites collaboration. ✅ Phase 6 - Preparation Time: "Let's meet tomorrow to review data. Bring your take." Respectful timing that allows for thoughtful responses. ✅ Phase 7 - Solution Mode: "We've been falling behind. How can we fix this together?" Partnership language focused on forward movement. The result? Conversations that could have ended relationships actually strengthened them. Hard conversations need not take a negative turn. They are investments in better outcomes. What conversation framework will you try first? ♻️ Repost this to help leaders navigate difficult conversations strategically. 🔔 Follow Dr. Oliver Degnan for more strategies on Burnout, Productivity and Leadership.

I’m a huge fan of “radical candor,” but it has been abused to just “swoop and poop” with one-way feedback that makes people feel like crap. I can genuinely say this model for constructive feedback was life-changing. The person providing the feedback is asked to listen and engage with curiosity, not just share “constructive criticism”. It’s called SHARED. Rebecca Zucker introduced it to everyone Costanoa Ventures at one of our CEO Summits. This is how I describe it: 1️⃣ Lead with your intent. “I’m sharing this feedback because I believe in your potential as a leader, and I want to help you work on what might be in the way.” 2️⃣ Share what you observed. Include context. “In last week’s meeting, you said there was an issue getting the presentation done on time for sales. But you didn’t say the timeframe in which they should now expect it. I could sense the sales teams’ frustration, and it didn’t make clear you were doing all you could to get things back on track.” 3️⃣ Ask for their experience of the situation. This is the important part. Engage with curiosity and listen to what’s said and also what it infers. It's how to build shared understanding and points to where assumptions are getting in the way. “I assumed by my saying things had slipped that people would know I was doing all I could to get things back on track. It’s hard to hear that I don’t have enough credibility in the organization that people wouldn’t just assume I was doing everything I could. I work really hard for the team”  4️⃣ Close with a coaching conversation. You now have each sides’ perspective so you know what needs to be coached. In this particular situation, you can coach what proactive management of a situation looks like to most as well as address something that was presumed but not said that clearly hurt someone’s feelings. This person is equating hard work with getting the job done. And is making the feedback about their effort overall and not the situation at hand. These are important things to address during the coaching part of the feedback. People aren’t left wondering what is thought of them and you can coach on what the actual situation at hand is. I give more examples and the details of the SHARED model in the article. This feedback framework helped me give more constructive feedback and make feedback I'm getting feel more constructive. Save the world from swoop and poop moments and please share! #leadership #management #productmanagement #marketing #marketingstrategy #startups #prodmgmt #talent #careers #CEO

The 2-second tweak to 𝗳𝗶𝘅 𝘁𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 (from “why” to “how”) Great leaders ask great questions. But even the best intentions can backfire when a simple “why” question triggers defensiveness instead of solutions. Chris Voss, the former FBI hostage negotiator, teaches us a powerful truth: “𝗵𝗼𝘄” 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝘂𝗻𝗹𝗼𝗰𝗸 𝗰𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗮𝗯𝗼𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘄𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗲 “𝘄𝗵𝘆” 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗮𝗰𝗸. Asking “why” may sound innocent, but it often puts people on the defensive —especially in tough conversations. By flipping your “why” into a “how,” you create room for trust, problem-solving, and shared ownership. Here are 10 common “why” questions leaders should 𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗿𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗼 “𝗵𝗼𝘄” 𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀: ----- Instead of: “Why isn’t this project done yet?” Ask: “How can we clear obstacles to move this project forward?” This shifts the focus from blame to solutions. ----- Instead of: “Why aren’t you motivated?” Ask: “How can I help you feel more engaged in your work?” Builds empathy and trust. ----- Instead of: “Why do you think this isn’t working?” Ask: “How can we adapt this approach to make it more effective?” Inspires creative thinking and collaboration. ----- Instead of: “Why did you choose that approach?” Ask: “How did you decide on this approach, and what are the key factors driving it?” This encourages explanation without putting the other person on the defensive. ----- Instead of: “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” Ask: “How can we improve communication moving forward?” This opens the door for constructive feedback instead of defensiveness. ----- Instead of: “Why are team members disengaged?” Ask: “How can we create an environment where the team feels more connected and engaged?” This shifts the conversation to actionable steps rather than just diagnosing problems. ----- Instead of: “Why aren’t you hitting your targets?” Ask: “How can we work together to get you closer to your targets?” This communicates support and shared accountability. ----- Instead of: “Why is this taking so long?” Ask: “How can we work together to get this back on track?” “How” conveys partnership and reduces the pressure of feeling judged. ----- Instead of: “Why do we always run into this issue?” Ask: “How can we address the root cause of this problem?” Shifts from frustration to actionable problem-solving. ----- Instead of: “Why didn’t this go as planned?” Ask: “How can we adjust our process to prevent this in the future?” Encourages learning and improvement over assigning blame. ----- The key takeaway: Leadership conversations should empower, not interrogate. Reframing “why” as “how” changes the tone from critical to constructive, fostering trust and solutions. ---- 𝗤𝘂𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: Which reframing resonates with you most? Share your thoughts below ⤵ ---- ♻️ Repost and share these leadership tips ➕ Follow me, Ashley V., for more 📲 Book an anonymous coaching session

The conversation framework that transformed our client relationships: (Even when delivering difficult news) Difficult conversations, delivered skillfully, build more trust than years of smooth sailing. The key is having a system. My three-part framework that transforms challenging conversations... 1. Preparation creates confidence Never enter difficult conversations blind. Gather complete information beyond the bad news. Include context, alternatives, and solutions. Build explanation frameworks before you need them. When clients ask hard questions, have real answers ready. 2. Structure enhances clarity How you deliver matters as much as what you deliver. Start with context and purpose - why this conversation matters now. Present information directly. No corporate speak, no hedging. Acknowledge the impact and emotions involved. Then pivot to next steps and support. Clarity beats comfort every time. 3. Follow-through builds trust Document outcomes immediately. Deliver on every commitment made during the conversation. Check in regularly... they'll tell you if it's too much. Provide ongoing support without being asked. The conversation isn't over when the call ends. Clients don't remember the easy conversations. They remember how you handled the hard ones. - Want boardroom intelligence with zero noise? Every week we share curated insights that cut through the chaos and help you make the best policy decisions: Join here: https://lnkd.in/garzxSxG LION Specialty. The Leader in Institutional Insurance. 🦁