How to Handle Negative Feedback as a Consultant

Have you ever felt that immediate internal bristle when someone gives you #feedback? That visceral "but, but, but..." response that bubbles up before you've even fully processed what they've said? I had one of those moments just last week. A client mentioned that my explanation of a leadership framework "went a bit into the weeds". My first thought? "But I was just being thorough!" (Complete with an internal eye roll that would make any teenager proud.) #Defensiveness is such a natural human response. Our brains are literally wired to protect our self-image — it's not a character flaw, it's neurobiology! (Thanks, brain.) But here's what I've learned from years of both giving and receiving difficult feedback: how we handle those defensive moments often determines whether we grow from feedback or just barely survive it. Here's my toolkit for when those defensive walls go up (and they will): 1. Notice the feeling without jumping to action. When your chest tightens or your thoughts race toward justification, just label it: "This is defensiveness showing up." That tiny pause creates space between feeling and reacting. 2. Remember that impact beats intent every time. My intentions for that workshop were excellent (thoroughness!), but if the impact was confusion, that's what matters. My good intentions don't erase someone else's experience. 3. Reframe feedback as a catalyst for improvement and growth. The people who tell us uncomfortable truths are offering us something valuable. Sometimes the feedback that stings most contains the exact insight we need. (I have found that the truer the feedback is, the more it hurts.) 4. Focus on specific behaviors rather than your identity. There's a world of difference between "that explanation was confusing" and "you're a confusing person." Separate the action from your sense of self. 5. Give yourself permission to be imperfect. You're allowed to be a work in progress. (I know that I sure am.) Developing this #mindset transforms defensiveness from a threat to your worth into a normal part of your growth journey. What are your go-to strategies when defensiveness strikes? I'd love to hear what works for you. And yes, I'll shorten my explanation for the next time. Sometimes, the feedback that makes us squirm today often becomes the #wisdom we're grateful for tomorrow. #Professionaldevelopment #leadership #emotionalIntelligence #Feedbackculture

I do a lot of coaching and conflict management, and often work with people who feel they've been misjudged or treated unfairly due to perceptions of their work or the mismanagement of a situation. When someone has a perception of you, there is a good chance it is formed because some expectations are not being met. A breakdown in communication or a lack of understanding of the tasks at hand often causes such perceptions to form. You have a couple of options when someone has a perception of you that you feel may be unfair or untrue. You can choose to be bitter and decide not to do anything about it. But if you have saved some room for a little humble pie, there are a few things you can do to turn this around. First, address the feedback head-on. Seek to understand where the perception is coming from. Get clear on where you may be falling short, and take the time to clear up any misconceptions. If there is truth to the feedback, own it. Have regular touch points and make sure you are asking for feedback. You cannot fix something if you are not aware of it. Next, come to an agreement on expectations. Contract for what needs to be accomplished as well as how you can be a better partner. Ask great questions and get clarity on what you will deliver and be intentional about what you need from the other person. Too many times, we agree to things we know we cannot deliver. Do not set yourself up for failure or over-commit to something you know you will under-deliver. Finally, drop the ego. It does not matter if you have been doing your job for 2 years or 20. There is always room for improvement and learning. There are different viewpoints and new ways of doing things. We have blind spots and lack awareness, and getting feedback is the best way to overcome them. Perception is someone else's reality. You need to decide about how you want to address those perceptions. Use feedback as a time for reflection, a chance to improve, and a chance to learn. #HR #Feedback #Coaching

Early in my career I used to resist feedback and get defensive, and combative, actually. I would say “I am open to feedback” Then shut down. I know why. I grew up where you only received negative feedback,  never positive & it felt like I only ever made mistakes. I hated it. As a professional, I prided myself on working really hard and minimizing mistakes. In part to avoid negative feedback. Over time, ↳ I learned how to be more objective, ↳ process the information, ↳ process my emotions, ↳ and how to listen, without reacting I have seen many people do this many times. From New employees to Corporate Vice Presidents. We think we are ready, until someone says, “i have feedback for you” ... Here’s how to receive feedback without shutting down (Even when it stings): ✅ Expect it, don’t fear it → Ask: “What’s one thing I could have done better?” → Invite feedback before it’s given to you → It won’t feel like a surprise or attack ✅ Pause, don’t pounce → Don’t explain or argue in the moment → Just write it down and listen → That pause helps you stay present ✅ Get curious, not cornered → Ask: “Can you share a recent example?” → Don’t defend. Ask questions. → Find one point you can agree with ✅ Focus on the what, not the who → Say: “This is about the work, not me” → Focus on the behavior being named → Growth starts with that small shift ✅ Look for patterns, not perfection → One comment = input. Multiple = insight → Fix trends, not one-off opinions → Keep what’s useful. Let go of the rest. You don’t have to agree with feedback to learn from it. Resistance is optional. Growth isn’t. What’s helped you handle tough feedback better? ♻️ Repost to support your team’s growth. 🔔 Follow Justin Hills for practical leadership insights.