Tips for Open-Mindedness in Team Conflicts

Conflict gets a bad rap in the workplace. Early in my career, I believed conflict had no place in a healthy workplace. As I progressed, I realized that it was quite the contrary. The lack of conflict isn't a sign of a healthy work culture, rather it is an indication that important debates, discussions and differing viewpoints are being disregarded or suppressed. This insight revealed another key aspect: high-performing teams do not shy away from conflict. They embrace it, leveraging diverse opinions to drive optimal outcomes for customers. What sets these teams apart is their ability to handle conflict constructively. So how can this be achieved? I reached out to my friend Andrea Stone, Leadership Coach and Founder of Stone Leadership, for some tips on effectively managing conflict in the workplace. Here's the valuable guidance she provided: 1. Pause: Take a moment to assess your feelings in the heat of the moment. Be curious about your emotions, resist immediate reactions, and take the time to understand the why behind your feelings. 2. Seek the Other Perspective: Engage genuinely, listen intently, show real interest, and ask pertinent questions. Remember to leave your preconceived judgments at the door. 3. Acknowledge Their Perspective: Express your understanding of their viewpoint. If their arguments have altered your perspective, don't hesitate to share this with them. 4. Express Your Viewpoint: If your opinion remains unswayed, seek permission to explain your perspective and experiences. Remember to speak from your viewpoint using "I" statements. 5. Discuss the Bigger Objective: Identify common grounds and goals. Understand that each person might have a different, bigger picture in mind. This process can be taxing, so prepare beforehand. In prolonged conflict situations, don't hesitate to suggest breaks to refresh and refuel mentally, physically, and emotionally. 6. Know Your Limits: If the issue is of significant importance to you, be aware of your boundaries. For those familiar with negotiation tactics, know your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement). 7. Finalize Agreements: Once an agreement has been reached, continue the engagement to agree on responsibilities and timeframes. This ensures clarity on the outcome and commitments made. PS: Approach such situations with curiosity and assume others are trying to do the right thing. 🔁 Useful? I would appreciate a repost. Image Credit: Hari Haralambiev ----- Follow me, tap the (🔔) Omar Halabieh for daily Leadership and Career posts.

You do it. I’ve done it.  We need to stop. Last year, I was doing some self-reflection. I wanted to improve my conversations. The answer came, "Stop being defensive." Wait, what? I did not feel like I was? I looked a bit closer and started to see opportunity to change and get better. You’ve seen the sign but ignore it. Warning: “Do Not Escalate” Why do your conversations sometimes go sidewise? Let's talk about the art of staying grounded. Why does the choice not to be defensive matter? I’m not talking about the stomp-your-foot talk or the angry and strong response talk. → I’m talking about the subtle defensiveness we all do.  It can often start with an innocent response. You share an idea, a thought, a help, and it lands wrong.  → We want to straighten it out.  → Correct them, if you will.  Watch out for that. Maybe, don’t do that.  Here's what you don't need: 1. Communication that unnecessarily escalates conflicts. 2. A mindset that blocks understanding and empathy. 3. An attitude that damages relationships over time. Three Stop Signs You Should Heed: 1. Stop defending every stance you hold.  2. Stop letting defensiveness hinder your communication.  3. Stop allowing defensiveness to strain your relationships.  Choosing not to defend every stance will transform conflicts into conversations. → It's about picking your battles wisely. Want to let go of being defensive? Here's what you do need: 1. Openness to listen without immediate judgment. 2. Patience to let the moment pass and respond when the time is right. 3. Courage to address misunderstandings with clarity, perhaps later. Embrace the Power of Pause: → Give space for dialogue to flourish. → Allow empathy to bridge gaps. Benefits Await: → Discover a new level of dialogue that fosters understanding. → Build stronger, more resilient personal and professional bonds. → Encourage an environment where growth and learning are nurtured. Three Action Steps to Non-Defensive Communication: Practice active listening. → Hear the message, not just the words. 2. Reflect before you react. → Is this a moment for silence or speech? 3. Choose clarity over confrontation. → Seek to understand, then to be understood. How do you keep yourself from being defensive? Like this content? Ring the 🔔 to Follow ♻️ Repost to share

As a Scrum Master, one valuable lesson I've learned is the power of our language in shaping team dynamics. I avoid saying things like "You are wrong" or "that's wrong." Saying someone is wrong can create a defensive stance and hinder open communication. Instead, I go for phrases like: "Let's explore this together." "I appreciate your input; let's examine the impact together." "I see it from a different perspective; can we discuss it?" "What led you to that conclusion? Let's talk through it." Why is this important? As a team and as individuals, we're all on a journey of continuous improvement, and embracing diverse perspectives is at its core. It is a team sport! Embracing different viewpoints fosters collaboration, leading to innovative solutions. Agile thrives on learning and adapting...so any constructive dialogue will promote a learning environment; which ultimately helps teams evolve and grow. Positive communication builds trust and strengthens team dynamics. Dear Scrum Master, always choose words that uplift; you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. #AgileMindset #Collaboration #ContinuousImprovement #ScrumMasters

I worked with a team that called on me to help a group of senior executives who were challenged when it came to ownership – but their leader insisted there was no issue with trust. As I debriefed these executives to learn what could be done differently to empower them, I heard from them that they were concerned about putting themselves out there to take action, ask for help, or admit mistakes. They also felt like they couldn’t have healthy conflict in meetings. All of this was rooted in one thing: TRUST. While many managers say they want to have open and trusting relationships with their team, leaders’ behaviors and actions can sometimes contradict this. For example, when a team member during our workshop found the courage to speak up about a conflict – right after I said we need to be comfortable having tough conversations – the leader became very upset and said, “Why couldn’t they say that to me one on one?” The leader’s reaction contradicted the lesson I had just shared: creating a safe space for sharing in a group setting can prevent conflict. The true measure of a person’s beliefs are what they do, not what they say. This team needed to define what trust means to them, and identify why they didn’t feel comfortable sharing mistakes and concerns. When choosing the right approach for dealing with conflict, consider these questions: > How much do I value this relationship or issue? > What are the consequences if I do nothing? > Do I have the time and energy to contribute? To create ownership, your team must feel safe to make mistakes, ask questions, share concerns, or push back. I recently used a strategy with the senior leadership team that experienced conflict in its ranks. I had my client create a code word that when one person says it, the other has to say the truth about how they feel and what’s on their mind. That team came up with the word “pizza.” Whenever someone says “pizza,” everyone in the meeting is called on to share their true thoughts about the topic at hand, without judgment or fear. Can you imagine the impact this could have on your team? PS. What would YOUR code word be?? - #lisarigoli #elementofchange #conflictresolution #psychologicalsafety #leadershipcoach

Just because I don’t agree with someone doesn’t mean I don’t want to foster a good relationship with them. But when differences of opinion are strong, when it’s hard to discuss a topic without stirring up friction, or when the topic is one that’s highly charged with emotion, how do we engage in authentic discussion without being sucked into a damaging disagreement?    As my good friend and colleague Dave Berke says, I try to “engage without engaging” by asking, “Tell me more about how you came to that view.”   This simple comment shows respect and shows that I’m listening. It builds the relationship by moving the conversation forward with an earnest interest in learning about the other person while at the same time shifting the focus off the point of the conversation that may just create conflict.   Rather than ending up in an argument, keep an open mind and focus on maintaining the relationship.   #conflictmanagement #leadershipmindset

Leadjitsu leaders don't wing it. Respect is not something you can touch, yet when it is missing, it reverberates through the team. In my years of leadership, I've seen countless examples of a lack of respect for others. I'll share some examples tomorrow. For now, I want to share a Story From the Leadjitsu Dojo. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲 Once upon a time, in a bustling corporate office, there was a team led by Sarah, known for her sharp skills but not for her people management. The team was diverse and talented but increasingly disengaged. The root cause? A lack of respect and feeling undervalued. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐠𝐞 Mike, a creative designer, felt his ideas were constantly overlooked. Anita, a diligent coder, felt undervalued. The team meetings were a monologue of Sarah’s ideas, with little room for others to contribute. They'd just stopped sharing altogether. The atmosphere was tense, and productivity was plummeting. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐏𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭 Sarah knew things were not going well, but she couldn't quite pinpoint the problem. When she asked, the team just said things were fine. One day, Sarah attended a seminar on 'Dojo Respect' – a concept from the Leadjitsu Leader's Code, emphasizing the importance of respect in leadership, akin to the reverence shown in a martial arts dojo. Intrigued, Sarah decided to implement this in her team. It wasn't easy. It required Sarah to change her approach and it was not the least bit comfortable. Here are a few steps Sarah took in 𝐈𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐃𝐨𝐣𝐨 𝐑𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭 1. Increased Active Listening: Sarah started by actively listening to her team members. In the next meeting, she encouraged everyone to share their ideas. Mike’s innovative design approach was acknowledged and implemented, boosting his confidence. She reminded herself to talk less and listen more. 2. Acknowledged Contributions: Anita’s coding skills were recognized in a genuine and heartfelt team email, highlighting how her work streamlined a major project. This public acknowledgment was unexpected and welcome. Anita felt proud and valued. 3. Encouraged Open Communication: Sarah established a 'no interruption' rule in meetings, ensuring everyone’s voice was heard. If Sarah started to interrupt, she stopped and apologized. She thanked the team when they finished. This open communication led to more collaborative and creative solutions. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐎𝐮𝐭𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐞 The transformation was remarkable. The team that once felt unheard and undervalued now thrived in an environment of mutual respect and collaboration. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐨𝐧 'Respect' isn't just a word; it's the foundation of effective leadership. 'Dojo Respect' isn't just a concept; it's a solution to one of the most common workplace challenges. When leaders like Sarah embrace it, they don't just change the dynamics of their team; they unlock its full potential. Share your examples of Dojo Respect.. or lack of it! #executivesandmanagement #leadershipdevelopment

"Unhealthy vs. healthy conflict" Life is a tapestry with diverse perspectives, and disagreements are threads that naturally run through it. While conflict might seem like a tear in the fabric, it doesn't have to be destructive. Let's explore the two faces of conflict – one divisive and draining, the other collaborative and growth-promoting. Clashing Perspectives: The "Us vs. Them" Trap This adversarial approach pits sides against each other, fostering blame and a win-at-all-costs mentality. Imagine two hikers arguing over the map, unable to appreciate the landscape together. Here's what defines this unhealthy mode: - Fortress Mentality: Each party shields themselves with justifications, deaf to the other's viewpoints. - Personal Attacks: The focus shifts from the issue to character flaws, leaving emotional wounds. - Toxic Emotions: Anger, frustration, and resentment simmer, poisoning the atmosphere. - Stalemate and Stagnation: The conflict remains unresolved, leaving lingering tension and wasted energy. Building Bridges: The "Us Together vs. the Issue" Journey Now, picture the same hikers working as a team to find the path, valuing each other's navigation skills. This collaborative approach fosters respect and creates fertile ground for solutions. Here's what makes this healthy conflict tick: - United Front: The focus is on solving the issue, not defeating an opponent. - Active Listening: Ears are open and hearts receptive, seeking to understand, not just be heard. - Constructive Feedback: The spotlight shines on the issue, not personalities, paving the way for improvement. - Respectful Dialogue: Even amidst disagreement, a foundation of trust and appreciation fosters open communication. - Growth and Understanding: The conflict leads to solutions, compromises, and shared learning. Shifting Gears: Cultivating a Culture of Healthy Conflict Whether navigating family dynamics or workplace disagreements, here are tools to equip you for collaborative conflict: - Ground Rules of Respect: Set clear expectations for respectful communication, establishing a framework for productive discussions. - Become a Listening Master: Truly focus on understanding the other's perspective before formulating your response. - Speak Your Truth: Use "I" statements to share your feelings and observations, minimizing defensiveness and fostering dialogue. - Seek Shared Ground: Find common ground and use it as a bridge to build solutions. - Compromise is Key: Be willing to bend and acknowledge when others do the same. By embracing the power of healthy conflict, we turn disagreements into stepping stones for growth, strengthening relationships and enriching our lives. Illustration credit: Liz Fosslien #productivity #motivation #growth #learning

My Georgetown teacher Rae Ringel once commented, "The definition of resentment is me holding a grudge against you for an unfulfilled need which I have never communicated." How many times have you experienced this in life? I've thought about this a good deal and recommend the following: 1. Be clear and specific with others about what you need in your relationships. Uncertainty is a massive amygdala (fight or flight (FoF)) trigger, so the more clear you can be with others, the kinder you are. 2. Begin with "I feel" instead of "you" statements - which are always 100% true. Your feelings are your own and are valid. "You" statements often give accusatory vibes which set off the FoF reaction in others. 3. Choose the right time to engage. Look for private settings and lower-stress/lower-tempo opportunities. This will increase your probability of success. 4. If you get stressed out by the thought of confrontation, reframe it mentally. You're actually opening communication. What positives can result? 5. Manage your vibes. Human brains have mirror neurons. We largely reflect the energy of others. If you project irritation, you'll most likely receive the same. Do some deep breathing before. Center and calm yourself. 6. Listen actively to the other person's response. 7. Be prepared for a no. Whenever we make a request, it's always a choice for the other person whether they will accept or not. #CommunicationSkills #Needs #Requests

"Five Dysfunctions of a Team" model is one of the most widely read and respected frameworks for understanding and improving team performance, and his work has been used by organizations around the world to create high-functioning teams. Five Dysfunctions of a Team At the heart are five dysfunctions that can prevent teams from achieving their full potential: Absence of Trust: Team members are afraid to be vulnerable and open with each other, and they hold back their true thoughts and feelings. How to address this dysfunction: * Build trust by encouraging open communication, sharing personal stories, and giving and receiving feedback. Fear of Conflict: Team members avoid addressing problems directly and settle for superficial harmony. How to address this dysfunction: Encourage conflict by establishing norms for disagreement, listening to each other without interruption, and focusing on the issue at hand rather than attacking each other personally. Lack of Commitment: Team members are not fully invested in the team's goals and are unwilling to take ownership of their responsibilities. How to address this dysfunction: * Create a shared vision for the future, set clear goals, and hold regular check-ins to track progress. Avoidance of Accountability: Team members avoid holding each other accountable for their actions, and they allow poor performance to go unaddressed. How to address this dysfunction: * Provide regular feedback, set clear consequences for poor performance, and reward team members for their contributions. Inattention to Results: Team members focus on their own individual goals, rather than the team's overall success. How to address this dysfunction: * Set team-based goals, celebrate team successes, and reward team members for achieving those goals. Conflict Resolution Approach Address the first dysfunction, absence of trust, is the key to overcoming the other four. When team members feel comfortable being vulnerable and open with each other, they are more likely to engage in healthy conflict, commit to shared goals, hold each other accountable, and focus on results. Create a safe space for conflict: Team members need to feel comfortable expressing their opinions and disagreements without fear of judgment or retaliation. Focus on the issue, not the person: When addressing conflict, it is important to focus on the problem at hand, rather than attacking individuals. Listen actively and empathetically: The goal of conflict resolution is to find a solution that is in the best interests of the team, not to prove that one person is right and the other is wrong. Be willing to compromise: Conflict is often about finding a middle ground that meets the needs of all parties involved. Follow through on commitments: Once a solution has been reached, it is important to follow through on commitments and hold each other accountable. #ConflictResolution #TeamLeadership #FiveDysfunctionsOfATeam #OrganizationalHealth #HighPerformanceTeams

Conflict is required for truly creative solutions. Constructive conflict, when managed effectively, can lead to breakthrough ideas and innovative marketing strategies, highlighting your approach to facilitating productive discussions. Following are the key steps needed to leverage constructive conflict to create breakthrough ideas and innovative marketing strategies: First, and most importantly, create an environment of “vulnerability-based trust.” If cannot figure out how to create this, STOP! Ask for help. Second, define “Conflict.” Remind the team, “The purpose of conflict is to achieve the best possible outcome for the team and the project at hand.” In this case, generating the most creative and innovative solutions. The objective is to challenge the problem, not the person. Hear me when I say, “This is not a personal attack.” We need to listen actively and respect differing opinions. Third, is where coaching and facilitation come in 1) Guide the conversation so it stays constructive. 2) Ensure all voices are heard (Design Thinking is a great tool here don't you think Hannah Berson?). 3) Redirect the conversation if it veers off course. Encourage team members to build on ideas using techniques such as, “I like what you said with xyz AND I would like to add abc.” Once upon a time, Daniela Gonzalez, Mitch Bennett, Mary Winslow, and I decided to create a radio station ("Radio Recliner"). Instead of “you’re crazy, this will never work. The music rights alone!” It’s “I like what you said about creating a radio station with the residents as DJ’s, it’ll really keep them engaged and not so alone. AND, perhaps there is a platform available that has the rights to the music, so we can focus on creating great content.” Remember, conflict is not consensus: create a list of agreements and disagreements. From this list create agreed-upon, actionable, next steps forward. Conflict is only useful if there is a clear commitment by the team after the discussion is done. Let me know in the comments if you have ever tried some of these or if you plan on implementing them as part of your leadership strategy... Also, what books have helped you with Vulnerability-Based Trust and Constructive Conflict?