Nonverbal Communication Skills

7 years ago, I hosted a TED Talk that got 5.8M views. Funnily enough, 5 years prior, we analyzed 1,000+ hours of them trying to answer 1 question: Why do some TED Talks go viral, while others don't? 1 thing CLEARLY stood out: Hand gestures. I'm not kidding. When we compared the most viewed TED Talks to the least viewed ones, the top performers used almost TWICE as many hand gestures (465 vs 272 in an 18-minute talk). Why? Because it's evolutionary. When cavemen encountered strangers, the first place they looked was the hands - friend or foe? Our brains are still wired this way. When we can't see someone's hands, our brain gets uncomfortable because we can't see intention. This is just one of the many ways that the best TEDTalkers stood out. And one of the many ways that humans are contagious. We're constantly sending and receiving signals: • Nonverbally: Our facial expressions trigger the same emotions in others (try making a genuine smile right now - feel better?). • Verbally: Asking "working on anything exciting?" instead of "been busy lately?" triggers dopamine in the brain, making you more memorable. • Emotionally: Saying "I'm excited" instead of "I'm nervous" before a task improved performance by 27% in research studies. The most viewed TED speakers are masters at infecting their audience with confidence through their nonverbal, verbal, and emotional signals. Next time you give a presentation or even have a coffee chat, think about how you're "infecting" others. • Are you smiling authentically?  • Are your hands visible and expressive?  • Are your questions triggering excitement?  • Are you reframing nervousness as excitement? Small shifts can completely change how people respond to you. The most powerful thing I've learned in 15+ years of human behavior research: Confidence isn't just something you feel - it's something you can intentionally spread. BTW I DID make sure to use over 400 hand gestures in my TEDx London Talk 🖐️ PS: Check out the link to my talk in the comments section.

Most of what you need to know about communicating with a team, you can learn from a movie. When you want to start a big initiative, begin by talking to people one-on-one. You need to understand who will be an innovator with you, and who can help you spread the idea to the rest of the team. Reading body language is crucial — every time you speak, you'll get nonverbal feedback that tells you how the message is landing. Now, about that movie. I took part in an intensive with INSEAD and Entrepreneurs' Organization, and as part of one of the weeks on the Singapore campus, we watched the movie 12 Angry Men. It's an older film that breaks down how 12 jurors come to an agreement on a murder trial. The whole process relies on reading body language and understanding the social constructs in the room. It took them five hours to reach a consensus, and the entire time, each person’s body language told a very clear story for how they felt and what they thought – if you knew how to see it. Which, of course, is key information when you need to get everyone on the same side. Every day, there are moments at work that require the team to be on the same page. To do that, it’s crucial to pay attention to the nonverbal cues around us. In leadership, it's not just about what you say but how you interpret the reactions of those around you. This understanding helps in guiding initiatives and ensuring the team is aligned and ready to move forward together.

Show me a salesperson with Nunchi, and I’ll show you a high performer. Nunchi, sometimes noonchi (눈치), is a traditional Korean concept that describes the art of understanding what people are thinking and feeling – a quality held by those sensitive to the dynamics within a given group. It first appears in the 17th century meaning "eye force/power". In action, nunchi involves noticing who, in any given context, is speaking, who is listening, who interrupts, who apologizes, and who is rolling their eyes. From there, one can make potentially useful assessments about the nature of relationships and hierarchies within a group, the overall mood, and how to behave accordingly. An example of nunchi: You are going on a trip to visit your friend and meet their new friends. After a long train ride, you carry the large bag that you packed to meet them. Once you greet your friend one of their friends, whom you have never met, grabs your heavy bag from you and starts to carry it for you. This is done without saying “I can hold your bag for you” or “Let me get that for you”.  You did not have to say anything as this person was able to recognize that you have been on a long journey, are probably tired, and have been holding a heavy bag the whole way. Grabbing your bag for you is moreover a kind, welcoming gesture since you have not met any of your friend’s friends yet. These are the skills of reading nonverbal cues, like military-grade emotional intelligence (in Chris Voss's words) A salesperson with nunchi will not just sell a product with obvious values but help the buyer identify the challenge he/she did not even realize and map the solution against it. Surprise and delight! PS. If anyone knows the Chinese version of nunchi, please let me know. It’s a behavior also trained early on in Mandarin-speaking countries. #sales #skills #leadership #emotionalintelligence

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝘂𝗿𝗽𝗿𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗥𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝗩𝗶𝗿𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹 𝗠𝗲𝗲𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 Thank you to everyone who participated in my recent poll: Which aspect of executive presence has the greatest impact on virtual meetings? Here’s how the results broke down: 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 – 44% 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗦𝗸𝗶𝗹𝗹𝘀 – 22% 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗳𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗔𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 – 11% 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗟𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 – 22% These results got me thinking about what makes executive presence unique in virtual settings. Unlike in-person meetings, virtual calls limit our physical presence to head-and-shoulders. We lose the nuances of full-body language, making some aspects of presence more visible than others. Here’s how I see each quality playing out in this context: 🔹 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 is key, but it’s more than having confidence; it’s about projecting it through the screen. In a virtual setting, confidence can feel like operating from a deficit. You almost have to work harder to exude it. This means maintaining eye contact (with the camera!), a steady posture, and even managing micro-expressions. 🔹 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗹𝗹𝘀 are essential in virtual meetings. Most cameras capture only our faces, which serve as the body’s “communication center.” Good communication on camera means using eye contact, facial expressions, and clear articulation. Non-verbal cues like nodding, smiling, or even using intentional pauses give extra weight to our words. 🔹 𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗳𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 still matters even as only a part of us shows up on screen. And yet, I notice that some people position the camera to obscure too much of themselves. This can seem unnatural. For instance, I know women who worry about appearing too busty on camera. So they frame their cameras to focus on their faces. But in person, we don’t view only someone’s head and neck. To look natural, your setup should reflect how people see you in real life. 🔹 𝗔𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 is essential in virtual meetings because focus is even harder to maintain when remote. In a virtual setting, active listening means you’re present and undistracted. This helps avoid the “checked-out” look that comes from multitasking. It also ties into communication skills, as attentive listening informs how we respond. Each element plays a unique role. But when it comes to virtual meetings, 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗹𝗹𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻. When the face is what is most visible, expressions, eye contact, and responsiveness speak volumes—even more than words alone. 𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗱𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗮 𝘃𝗶𝗿𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹 𝘀𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴? 𝗗𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲, 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲, 𝗼𝗿 𝗹𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗰𝘁? 𝗦𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗼𝘄! #ExecutivePresence #VirtualMeetings #CommunicationSkills

🌍 Mastering Nonverbal Cues in Global Workplaces 🤝 Ever felt like a conversation should be going well, but something just feels… off? 🤔 Imagine leading a global team meeting. One employee stays silent, while another nods frequently—but later, you find out the silent employee felt dismissed, and the nodding one actually disagreed with your proposal. 😬 The truth is that nonverbal communication varies across cultures, and when misunderstood, it can lead to confusion and a breakdown in trust and collaboration. 💡 Now, imagine a workplace where everyone feels seen, heard, and respected—where silence, gestures, and eye contact are understood as cultural nuances rather than miscommunications. This is achievable when you make nonverbal awareness part of your cultural competence development strategy. Here’s a quick guide to navigating nonverbal cues in global workplaces: 1️⃣ Recognize That Silence Speaks Volumes In some cultures, silence signals respect and thoughtfulness, while in others, it may indicate discomfort or disengagement. Instead of assuming, create space for follow-up by saying, “I’d love to hear your thoughts when you’re ready.” 2️⃣ Decode Eye Contact Expectations While steady eye contact may signal confidence in Western workplaces, it can be perceived as challenging or disrespectful in some Asian or Middle Eastern cultures. Encourage flexibility and awareness, ensuring employees feel respected regardless of their cultural background. 3️⃣ Adapt Your Gestures Wisely A simple thumbs-up 👍 may mean “great job” in the U.S., but in parts of the Middle East, it’s offensive. Instead of relying on gestures, clarify meaning through words and be mindful of cultural differences. When in doubt, observe before assuming. 4️⃣ Pay Attention to Personal Space Some cultures prefer close proximity during conversations, while others value more space. Be adaptable in meetings and interactions—when in doubt, mirror the other person’s comfort level to foster positive engagement. 5️⃣ Lead with Curiosity, Not Assumptions Encourage an open dialogue about cultural differences in your team. A simple question like, “How do people in your culture typically show agreement or disagreement?” can create a culture of learning and respect rather than confusion or frustration. 🚀 Let’s Build a More Inclusive Workplace Nonverbal awareness isn’t just a soft skill—it’s a powerful strategy that fosters engagement, belonging, and trust. If you’re ready to take the next step, let’s talk! #InclusiveLeadership #GlobalWorkplace #CulturalCompetence #NonverbalCommunication

LISTENING, Part 2: Nonverbal cues. GearHaul Founder Kenny Finley added a great comment to my post yesterday about the importance of listening to buyers (see the full post at the link in the comments), and I wanted to share a part of it with you, because I think it's a crucial part of engaging buyers and I didn't touch on it in my post. When you are meeting face-to-face with a buyer, a crucial component of listening is non-verbal. Indeed, it's said that 80 percent of communication is nonverbal, and when you are having a discussion with a buyer, you want to pay attention to things like: - Eye contact and view (especially when they are viewing your products) - Intonation (what is driving excitement and energy into their voice) - Body positioning (are they leaning in "on the edge of their seat" when you bring up certain topics? Maybe they glance gravitates to one of your products in particular.) - Gestures - Nodding or shaking their heads - Smiles (what during the conversation brings a smile to their face?) All of these things can clue you into their level of interest about certain aspects of your conversation and can be a subtle guide as to which direction you'd like to steer the conversation. For example - when I moderate an ECRM roundtable at one of our Sessions, when someone is speaking, I pay close attention to the reactions of everyone else at the table. If I see someone smiling or shaking their head, I'll call on them to share what drove that reaction. So, in your meetings with buyers, don't just listen with your ears. Listen with your eyes, as well! Thanks for the input, Kenny! #sales #meetngs #cpg #retail #communication #ecrmrangeme

Master workplace conflicts with body language. According to recent research: • 93% of workplace conflicts stem from misread body language, • Leaders who read non-verbal cues solve conflicts three times better. Watch for these revealing signals: • Crossed arms, leaning back: Someone's not buying it, • Matching postures: Connection is happening, • Feet pointing to the door: They're mentally checked out, • Real smiles (eyes crinkle): True agreement, • Quick blinking: Something's making them uncomfortable. Smart leaders don't just notice these signs - they adjust their approach. See resistance? Take a breath. Make space for questions. Show you're listening through your own open posture. Master these signals, transform your leadership impact.

When our twins were little, we instituted a strict "no eye rolling" policy. We had zero tolerance for it. And I'm happy to say that they're now 24 years old and they've never rolled their eyes to our faces. (Behind our backs? I'm sure there was plenty. But I'd rather not know.) Why were we so insistent about this? Because eye rolling isn’t just a gesture. It's a message. It says, “You’re ridiculous,” “I don’t respect you,” or “What you’re saying doesn’t matter.” It’s dismissive, disrespectful, and damaging. And while it might be common for kids to do to their parents, I’ve seen it in boardrooms, Zoom meetings, and leadership teams, where it does far more harm. How you say something (tone, body language, facial expression) often has more impact than what you say. You could be delivering a valid piece of feedback or a thoughtful suggestion, but if it comes with a sigh, an eye roll, or a sarcastic tone, trust takes a hit. It's more than just eye-rolling. Constant phone checking or glancing at your watch says “This conversation isn’t worth my full attention.” Avoiding eye contact can signal discomfort, lack of confidence, or dishonesty, especially in tough conversations. And heavy sighing or dramatic exhaling communicates exasperation or impatience, making people feel like a burden. People don’t just remember your message. They remember how you made them feel while delivering it. If you’re trying to lead with integrity, influence, and inclusivity, your words need to align with your non-verbals. Otherwise, you’re likely eroding the very trust you're trying to build. #influence #inclusion #communicationskills

🎯 Why Your Virtual Team Might Be Failing—And How One 3-Minute Video Can Fix It Ever led a virtual team where things look good on paper—but something just feels… off? I’ve been there. I was managing a cross-functional virtual team spread across time zones. We had top talent, clear goals, the latest tools—but something was missing. Engagement was low. Collaboration felt clunky. Results slowed. 💡 Then it hit me: We weren’t seeing each other anymore. Yes, we had Zoom. Yes, we had email. But we had stopped doing the one thing that builds trust faster than anything else in remote leadership: 📹 Face-to-face video communication—even if it’s virtual. ⸻ ✅ Here’s one thing you can start doing that will change everything: I began having weekly video meetings and sending 3-minute video check-ins. No agenda. Just eye contact, body language, and real talk. The result? • 36% increase in project velocity in just 30 days • Team engagement scores jumped 22% • Even our quietest team member started contributing ideas during meetings Why? Because seeing people changes everything. You can’t read warmth in a Slack thread. You can’t show empathy in a bullet point. But you can feel connection through a face, a tone, a gesture. ⸻ 📊 Here’s the Science Behind It: Harvard research shows that non-verbal communication makes up over 90% of how we understand one another. Yet most virtual teams rely solely on text and task boards. That’s a disconnect. If you’re a team leader, remote manager, or project lead, you must go beyond just “managing tasks”—you have to influence with presence. ⸻ 🧠 Practical Application You Can Start Today: 1. Send a 3-minute video check-in every Monday—no script needed. 2. Use video for feedback instead of email. It builds rapport. 3. Hold at least one “cameras-on” meeting a week. Make it about connection, not just work. It’s not about being polished. It’s about being present. ⸻ 💬 Who this is for: If you’re a: • Virtual team leader • Remote project manager • Distributed team coach or agile lead • Startup founder managing remote talent …then this applies directly to your day-to-day. ⸻ 🛠️ Tools I Recommend: • Loom (for async videos) • Zoom (for live connections) • Slack clips (for lightweight updates) #VirtualLeadership #RemoteTeamManagement #AsynchronousCommunication

If you work in a global organization, be aware that body language meanings often differ across cultures. For example: • A firm handshake may signify confidence in one culture but come across as overly aggressive in another. • Eye contact, valued in some cultures as a sign of openness and candor, might be seen as rude or intrusive elsewhere. • An enthusiastic presentation in one culture can be viewed as overly aggressive in another. • Most emblematic gestures have cultural variances. For example, what we in the U.S. think of as a positive gesture -- the “OK” sign with thumb and forefinger together creating a circle -- has very different meanings in other countries. In France it means “worthless” or “zero.” In Japan, it stands for money. And in other parts of the world it represents a lewd or obscene comment. While acknowledging these (and other) cultural differences, also be aware that most people will have a negative reaction to your excessive fidgeting (like constantly shifting weight from side to side), aggressive gestures (like finger pointing), and harsh vocal tones. #bodylanguageforleaders #nonverbalcommunication #crossculturalbodylanguage