Why Women Struggle to Name Their Needs

Stop guessing. Start asking. So many women—especially those raised in traditional families—struggle to ask for what they need in a relationship. Instead, they secretly expect their partners to magically know. They say things like: 💬 “He should know me by now.” 💬 “If he really loved me, he’d just do it.” But your partner isn’t a mind reader. And let’s be honest—sometimes we don’t even know what we need ourselves until we slow down and reflect. So here’s a relationship reframe: ✅ First, get clear on what you want for yourself. ✅ Then, practice asking for it kindly and directly. ❌ Not through blame. ❌ Not through passive-aggression. ❌ Not through silence that builds into resentment. Clarity is one of the most loving forms of communication. You’re not demanding. You’re inviting connection. Try saying something like: 🗣 “I know you’ve been working really hard for our family. What I really need is 20 minutes a day just to hold hands and talk through the day. Can we do that?” That’s a kind, clear ask. And in my experience as a Couples Therapist, it’s often very well received. Because most partners want to love you well. They just need your help knowing how. ❓What’s one clear ask you’ve been holding back from making? 👩🏻 I’m Qi—a Couples Therapist & Relationship Coach helping people strengthen their emotional intelligence and connection, in life and at work 🔔 Follow me Qi Zhai-McCartney for more insights #EmotionalIntelligence #LeadershipDevelopment #CommunicationSkills #SelfAwareness #CouplesTherapy

One major reason why women struggle with work-life balance is this ↓ Hint: It's not about time management. Most women are told to focus on: → Saying "no" more often → Multitasking efficiently → Better scheduling But the core issue runs deeper than that. Women are conditioned to put themselves last. Seeing self-care as selfish rather than essential. From childhood, girls are taught that caregiving comes first. Others' needs before our own. This invisible burden follows us into adulthood, creating: → Constant guilt when prioritizing personal needs → Internalized belief that rest equals laziness → Mental load that never shuts off What if the solution isn't another productivity system, but permission to value yourself equally? The most revolutionary act for a woman isn’t optimizing her calendar. It’s believing she deserves space in it. Women who thrive don’t just manage time better. They’ve rewired their thinking about worthiness. What's one way you’re prioritizing yourself this week?

Perhaps we have long ago decided not to take the risk in extending ourselves. We may have come to the belief that our needs cannot be met. There are certainly those who remind us again and again that we cannot be vulnerable in their presence. Yet many of us continue to sit in Chinese restaurants trying to order lasagna. Our task is not to close the doors of our heart with the myth that we cannot be fed. We need only cultivate our discernment about where we are safe. Many of us rely on the "crystal ball" method in which we expect that those around us should know what we want or need. The disheartenment of our spirit is found in these moments of repeatedly setting ourselves up for disappointment. The freedom in going out to eat is that we are able to tell the waiter what we want and get it. Rumi reminds us that we need to position ourselves to be available for love. I would suggest that then we communicate what matters most. It doesn't mean that we will automatically get it but we won't be left wishing that we do. If you want to be heard deeply, let others know that you don't need to be fixed. When you are grieving, alert those nearby that you are not afraid of your tears and that they don't need to be either. When I meet with couples, it is powerful to hear one of them say, "I just want to be held and don't want to have sex". It is empowering for us to name our boundaries and ask others to honor them. All of these suggestions necessitate emboldening our voice. That will require the belief that we deserve to be loved. If you want to be seen, allow your heart to be transparent. There will naturally be those with dust in their eyes. However, in the moments we speak our truth we are giving ourselves the opportunity to be known. When we allow fear to inhibit asking for anything we want, we are left hungry. Find those with whom you can sit with love at the table of life. It is here that we will feed one another. At times without having to ask. #selfcare #needs #courage #empowerment #selflove #mattering

✨No is a complete sentence.✨ 🤔 So why does it feel so hard to say? For many Women of Color, setting boundaries at work and with family often feels like walking a tightrope. Between cultural expectations, the pressure to overperform, and the emotional labor of supporting others, it’s easy to put your needs last. But here’s the truth: boundaries are an act of self-preservation—and they’re non-negotiable. As we roll into the season of holidays and "Let's finish out Q4 strong!" here are a few tips that I hope support your boundaries and honor your needs too. 1. 𝗖𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗴𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗰𝗲𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 Your value is not derived from how productive you are or what you do for others. 2. 𝗥𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗴𝗻𝗶𝘇𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝗻 In some cultures, boundaries are viewed as confrontational or selfish. Reframe them for yourself and others as acts of love and sustainability. 3. 𝗣𝗿𝗶𝗼𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗶𝘇𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗴𝘂𝗶𝗹𝘁. Rest and joy are acts of resistance in a world that often expects you to overwork. 4. 𝗖𝗼𝗺𝗺𝘂𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗲𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗵𝘆 & 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗴𝘁𝗵 Speak assertively but with warmth to navigate cultural or workplace dynamics that may resist boundary-setting. 5. 𝗚𝗲𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗮𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗳𝗼𝗿𝘁 Setting boundaries may disappoint or surprise others, especially if they’re used to you being the go-to person. That's OK—your needs are just as important as theirs. 6. 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝘀𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗹 Start with smaller steps to ease your transition into setting boundaries and protecting your energy. 7. 𝗕𝘂𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗮 𝘀𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁 𝗻𝗲𝘁𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸 Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries. 8. 𝗦𝗮𝘆 𝗻𝗼 (𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗴𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆) “No” doesn’t have to mean a hard stop. Offer alternatives when possible to remain aligned with your values. What other tips would you add? Share them in the comments. 🧡 ♻️ Repost to share with others. _______________________________________________________________ Struggling with boundaries in work and life? I can help. Setup time to chat here: https://lnkd.in/gPGdqta6