Ways to Approach Difficult Topics in Performance Meetings

One of the toughest tests of your leadership isn't how you handle success. It's how you navigate disagreement. I noticed this in the SEAL Teams and in my work with executives: Those who master difficult conversations outperform their peers not just in team satisfaction, but in decision quality and innovation. The problem? Most of us enter difficult conversations with our nervous system already in a threat state. Our brain literally can't access its best thinking when flooded with stress hormones. Through years of working with high-performing teams, I've developed what I call The Mindful Disagreement Framework. Here's how it works: 1. Pause Before Engaging (10 seconds) When triggered by disagreement, take a deliberate breath. This small reset activates your prefrontal cortex instead of your reactive limbic system. Your brain physically needs this transition to think clearly. 2. Set Psychological Safety (30 seconds) Start with: "I appreciate your perspective and want to understand it better. I also have some different thoughts to share." This simple opener signals respect while creating space for different viewpoints. 3. Lead with Curiosity, Not Certainty (2 minutes) Ask at least three questions before stating your position. This practice significantly increases the quality of solutions because it broadens your understanding before narrowing toward decisions. 4. Name the Shared Purpose (1 minute) "We both want [shared goal]. We're just seeing different paths to get there." This reminds everyone you're on the same team, even with different perspectives. 5. Separate Impact from Intent (30 seconds) "When X happened, I felt Y, because Z. I know that wasn't your intention." This formula transforms accusations into observations. Last month, I used this exact framework in a disagreement. The conversation that could have damaged our relationship instead strengthened it. Not because we ended up agreeing, but because we disagreed respectfully. (It may or may not have been with my kid!) The most valuable disagreements often feel uncomfortable. The goal isn't comfort. It's growth. What difficult conversation are you avoiding right now? Try this framework tomorrow and watch what happens to your leadership influence. ___ Follow me, Jon Macaskill for more leadership focused content. And feel free to repost if someone in your life needs to hear this. 📩 Subscribe to my newsletter here → https://lnkd.in/g9ZFxDJG You'll get FREE access to my 21-Day Mindfulness & Meditation Course packed with real, actionable strategies to lead with clarity, resilience, and purpose.

🔥 How to Handle a Difficult Conversation as a Leader 🔥 Difficult conversations are one of the toughest parts of leadership but also one of the most important. The key isn’t just delivering bad news and walking away, but staying engaged, even when it’s uncomfortable. I recently wrote about this in my Harvard Business Review article, “How to Talk to an Employee Who Isn’t Meeting Expectations,” where I shared strategies to turn these moments into opportunities for growth. As an executive coach and advisor, I work with leaders navigating these conversations every day. Here are four things to keep in mind to make the discussion more productive: 👉 Set the stage for collaboration Approach it as a partnership. Start with alignment: “My goal is to provide clear feedback and ensure we are collectively working toward your development.” 👉 Encourage self-reflection Invite them to assess their own performance. “Looking back, what’s working well? What would you improve?” This helps shift the mindset from blame to growth. 👉 Deliver feedback with clarity Be specific and avoid ambiguity. Focus on observed behaviors, not assumptions. Instead of “You’re not engaged,” say: “I’ve noticed you’re quieter in meetings, and team members think you are disconnected.” 👉 Reset expectations and look ahead Frame the conversation around the future. Instead of focusing on what went wrong, ask: “How would you handle this situation differently next time?” Difficult conversations don’t have to feel like confrontations. When approached with preparation, empathy, and a focus on growth, they can be transformative strengthening both performance and trust. Please share in the comments, what strategies have helped you navigate tough conversations? ⬇️ 📖 Read my full HBR article here: https://lnkd.in/eMuV9eWp #Leadership #Coaching #Feedback #FutureOfWork #GrowthMindset #Careers #Thinkers50 #Coach #Professor #Advisor #MG100 #BestAdvice #JennyFernandez

Stop fearing difficult conversations. Master them them with these 21 phrases: I used to run from conflict. Even with the best intentions, I’d freeze, shut down, or over-explain. Avoidance? It cost me trust. Clarity. Connection. I eventually learned: Silence doesn’t protect relationships — presence does. If you want to lead with heart, you have to show up— especially when it’s uncomfortable. 221 ways Emotionally Intelligent leaders handle tough conversations with grace: 1) Ground Yourself ↳ "Let me take a breath before we dive in" ↳ Regulating yourself regulates the room 2) Speak from the 'I' ↳ "I feel..." not "You always..." ↳ Language shapes energy 3) Ask, Don’t Assume ↳ "What’s most important to you here?" ↳ Curiosity over judgment 4) Honor the Human ↳ "I care about you—this matters" ↳ Connection before correction 5) Stay With Discomfort ↳ "This feels hard—and that’s okay" ↳ Growth often feels messy 6) Reflect Instead of React ↳ "Can I take a moment before I respond?" ↳ Response > Reaction 7) Use Silence Strategically ↳ Pause. Let things land. ↳ Space invites truth 8) Call Out Courage ↳ "Thanks for being honest with me" ↳ Vulnerability deserves recognition 9) Keep the Bigger Picture in View ↳ "Let’s remember why we’re here" ↳ Shared purpose realigns 10) Zoom In ↳ "What exactly are we solving?" ↳ Specifics defuse drama 11) Offer Reassurance ↳ "We’ll figure this out together" ↳ Confidence is contagious 12) De-escalate with Empathy ↳ "That makes sense—you’re not alone" ↳ Validation cools the fire 13) Ask for Feedback ↳ "How could I have handled this better?" ↳ Openness invites openness 14) Check for Emotion ↳ "How are you feeling right now?" ↳ Feelings often speak louder than facts 15) Break it Into Steps ↳ "Let’s take this one piece at a time" ↳ Simplicity calms chaos 16) Share What You’re Learning ↳ "This is teaching me a lot" ↳ Humility connects 17) Own the Outcome ↳ "Here’s what I commit to doing" ↳ Integrity builds trust 18) Repeat What Matters ↳ "Just to be clear, you’re saying…" ↳ Listening is leadership 19) Choose the Right Time ↳ "Is now a good time for this talk?" ↳ Timing shapes tone 20) Close With Care ↳ "I appreciate you talking this through" ↳ Endings leave lasting impressions 21) Keep the Door Open ↳ "Let’s keep this dialogue going" ↳ Safety means being available Hard conversations aren’t supposed to be easy. They’re designed to transform us. Approach them with presence (not force). ♻️ Please repost to promote presence over avoidance. 🙂 Follow Marco Franzoni for more.

Want to stop triggering defensive reactions in critical conversations? Brain science reveals a simple technique that's transforming how top companies communicate: As an executive coach, this is the first thing I teach founders who are struggling with critical relationships. Why? Because it's consistently the most powerful tool for transforming toxic communication into productive dialogue. When you're fighting with your co-founder, your brain's threat response system activates. This shuts down the exact parts of your brain needed for effective communication. But there's a way to keep those neural pathways open. It's called speaking inarguably - using only facts that can't be disputed. Instead of "You don't care about this company" (judgment) Say "When you missed our last three meetings, I felt worried about our partnership" (fact) The first triggers defense mechanisms. The second creates psychological safety. There are two types of inarguable statements: • External facts: Observable behaviors, metrics, documented events • Internal facts: Your sensations, emotions, thoughts ("I feel frustrated") I've seen this technique help to transform toxic co-founder relationships into thriving partnerships more times than I can count. Here's how to start: 1. Pause before responding to emotionally charged situations 2. Strip away interpretations, focus only on observable facts ("You arrived 15 minutes late" vs "You're disrespectful") 3. Own your internal experience ("I felt anxious when that happened" vs "You're stressing everyone out") 4. Practice radical honesty about your feelings (This builds trust faster than pretending to be perfect) The hardest part? Letting go of being right. Your interpretations might feel true, but they're just stories you're telling yourself. This is where inner work meets leadership. When you master this, difficult conversations become growth opportunities. Your leadership emerges naturally from who you are, not who you think you should be.

My trick for successfully managing a difficult conversation? A conversation map. This is a skill that Guillaume Wiatr taught me more than a decade ago. I've probably butchered his initial training on it but it's a skill that I continue to revisit and refine for myself. Every time I need to address something important with a team member or client, I open a google doc and map out a few key points: 1. What is my goal for this conversation? This is important: Do I want to learn something? Do I need to communicate boundaries? Are there next steps that need to be addressed? I write it down. 2. Then I map out my opening statement and try to keep it to 3ish sentences. This practice helps me avoid small talk at the beginning of the conversation, which can sometimes derail me. It also forces me to find the clearest and briefest way to get to the point. 3. I identify 2-3 questions I have for the other person. I find that difficult conversations often require us to step back from our assumptions/view and to learn something. So, I balance my opening statement against a few questions that seek feedback and understanding. This step can help me adjust my strategy half way through a difficult conversation and is usually THE piece that allows us both to leave the conversation, feeling good about it. 4. I consider their pushback/questions and how I might respond. 5. If possible, I share it with someone else to see if I'm being clear, fair, and productive with my map. 6. "Bonus" points: If the difficult conversation needs to be documented, you've already got your paper trail. Often times, my map won't take more than 1/2 a page. But even something this small can offer a lot of value. And, in case you're wondering...no....I don't usually deploy the oreo cookie approach. Similar to my comments on small talk, I think the compliment sandwich muddies the waters and offers the potential for sidelining the true purpose. I believe it's better to simply approach difficult conversations with empathy, clarity and openness.

Confronting an underperforming employee is never easy. Here’s my guide to make sure it doesn’t go off the rails. Schedule a one-on-one meeting with the employee. Send the invite at least one day in advance via email, using a generic title like “Discussion”. Write detailed notes on what you plan to cover in the meeting. Meeting tone: Once the meeting starts, avoid small talk and get down to the matter at hand immediately. Maintain a positive and constructive attitude.  Focus on the facts, the impact, and the solutions. Do not focus on the personalities, the emotions, or point fingers. The beats of the meeting: Open by stating that this is going to be a difficult conversation about their performance issues. Make it clear that the goal of this meeting is to find a way for them to improve. This sets the tone. Next, describe the circumstances that have made this discussion necessary. Be specific about actions, dates and times, and tell them what the impact of their underperformance has been on the business and other co-workers. If applicable, tell them exactly where they’ve violated your policies. Get the employee’s perspective: Do they feel they have the necessary time, support, and resources to perform their job? Has anything changed in the business that has an impact on the employee’s performance? Has anything changed outside of the business, like a personal issue or health problem? Be clear about your expectations: Be specific, e.g. “Your job starts at 8 a.m. from Monday through Friday. You should be at your desk and available to answer client calls by that time every business day.” Together with the employee, make a detailed action plan you both understand and agree on. Set specific steps, deadlines, and targets. Include what you will do to support them. You should both sign and date the document. Schedule several followup meetings to check in on their progress. Once you’re done, update your meeting notes to include everything you discussed. Follow up: Send a recap of the meeting and your agreed upon action plan to the employee immediately after the meeting. If you have any to-do items on your side, get through them ASAP. You want them feeling the urgency of the situation. From there, things will go in one of two directions: Hopefully, the situation will improve. If it does, give that employee recognition. Refer specifically to what they’ve accomplished. Sometimes, things don’t get better. At that point, it’s time to move towards parting ways. — I hope this helps. Thoughts on this process? Comment below!