Tips for Managing Difficult Coworkers

We all know this feeling: “A hard conversation is coming” As leaders, we need to EMBRACE this. But how? This is why I created the 5 Step Accountability Dial™, take a look: #1 - "The Mention." This is all about gently pointing out an issue without making a fuss, like tapping someone on the shoulder. It’s about making a verbal observation. Consider a colleague, Alex, who's consistently late for meetings. Rather than confronting him, you can say, "Hey Alex, I've noticed you've been coming in late for meetings. Everything okay?" It's a polite way to raise awareness. Moving on to #2 - "The Invitation." After mentioning the issue, extend an open hand for a structured dialogue. It's about fostering collaboration and understanding. So, after mentioning Alex's tardiness and giving him time, you might say, "Alex, let's sit down and discuss this further. How does your schedule look this week?" This sets the stage for a more in-depth conversation. #3 - "The Conversation" is where you get to the heart of the matter. It's about clarity and exploring reasons and solutions. During the conversation with Alex, you could say, "I've noticed you're consistently late for our meetings. Can we understand if there's an underlying reason causing this?" Keep the dialogue open and solution-focused. #4 - "The Boundary"   If changes haven't occurred, set clear guidelines and expectations. Make it clear that further missteps have consequences. If Alex's punctuality hasn't improved, you might say, "We need to work on a plan to improve your punctuality. Can we specify a date for this progress?" Setting boundaries reinforces expectations. Finally, #5 "The Limit" This is when previous steps haven't led to change. It's about implementing consequences and safeguarding team interests. In Alex's case, it could be, "Despite previous discussions, I haven't seen significant progress. The responsibility to improve lies with you now. Please understand the seriousness of this issue." Maintain professionalism while upholding standards (here’s where directness is critical). It’s all about clear communication, empathy, standards, and effective leadership (most things are!). What the authenticity dial allows is a clear path for leaders to engage with their team in a structured, effective manner.

What to do when your team is making a stupid decision. This thought, by itself, is a signal for you to slow down and seek better understanding. Thinking that people around you are stupid is a terrible way to enter into a discussion. First, you need to pause your own reaction. Ask open questions, restate what you hear, and test the assumptions beneath the current plan. This approach shows respect for other's thinking, surfaces gaps that might not be obvious, and softens any perception that you are challenging for the sake of challenging. As you listen, collect the facts, metrics, or customer feedback that best illustrate why a change might help everyone reach the shared goal faster. Once you have a clear grasp of both sides, turn your insight into a concise proposal that shows you have understood the situation fully. Anchor your message to outcomes the team already values (time to market, quality, customer delight, cost). Use evidence, small experiments, or quick prototypes to show how the alternative path removes risk or adds benefit. Invite teammates to create the solution so that the "new idea" is a collective win rather than a personal mission. Keep your tone calm and collaborative throughout the process. Choose settings that encourage thoughtful dialogue, such as one‑on‑one conversations or a short working session with the most relevant partners. Use “I” statements to own your personal perspective, and ask for reactions to keep the discussion balanced. If emotion rises, pause, summarize common ground, and suggest a brief break before returning to decisions. Finally, watch your own stress signals. Use preparation, breathing, or a short walk to stay steady. Remind yourself that disagreement is normal in creative work and that long‑term relationships matter more than winning a single debate. When the team adopts an improved approach, share credit freely; if they decide to stay on the original path, document your input, express confidence in the group, and stay engaged. Your composure and constructive focus will strengthen trust and increase the chances that your next suggestion lands even more smoothly.

Managing Difficult Conversations Original Content Creator: Harry Karydes (Give him a follow) --------------- Do you find yourself avoiding confrontation at all costs? Here's a better way: 🟢 Step 1: Setting the Stage ↳ Prepare Mindfully: Prioritize introspection to align your intentions and desired outcomes for the conversation. ↳ Cultivate Empathy: Step into the shoes of the other party to grasp their perspective and foster genuine understanding. 🟢 Step 2: Navigate Emotions ↳ Maintain Composure: Stay poised and composed, refraining from impulsive reactions triggered by emotions. ↳ Validate Feelings: Acknowledge and validate the emotions expressed by both people, creating an atmosphere conducive to constructive dialogue. 🟢 Step 3: Active Listening ↳ Listen Intently: Devote your full attention to comprehending the speaker's message without interruptions or distractions. ↳ Seek Clarification: Pose clarifying questions to ensure mutual understanding and prevent misunderstandings. 🟢 Step 4: Choose Your Words Wisely ↳ Use "I" Statements: Express your thoughts and feelings using first-person language to avoid accusatory tones. ↳ Present Solutions Positively: Frame suggestions in a constructive manner, fostering collaboration and mutual respect. 🟢 Step 5: Finding Common Ground ↳ Identify Shared Goals: Explore common objectives or values to establish a foundation for agreement. ↳ Highlight Mutual Benefits: Emphasize the advantages of resolving the issue for both parties involved. 🟢 Step 6: Manage Expectations ↳ Be Realistic: Set attainable expectations for the conversation's outcomes, considering all perspectives. ↳ Clarify Responsibilities: Clearly outline the next steps and responsibilities to uphold accountability and progress. 🟢 Step 7: Focus on Solutions ↳ Adopt a Problem-Solving Mindset: Shift the conversation's focus from assigning blame to identifying actionable solutions. ↳ Foster Collaborative Brainstorming: Encourage input from all parties to cultivate innovative approaches to problem-solving. 🟢 Step 8: Follow Up ↳ Reflect and Improve: Evaluate the conversation's effectiveness, identifying areas for refinement and growth. ↳ Schedule Follow-Up: Plan subsequent discussions to monitor progress, address any remaining issues, and ensure the implementation of agreed-upon solutions. 📌 PS...Remember, the ability to navigate difficult conversations is a skill that grows with practice and patience. ________________ Original Content Creator: Harry Karydes (Give him a follow)

Have a direct report that you just can’t figure out or seem to please? In my coaching practice, I have interviewed hundreds of co-workers, supervisors, and direct reports to gather 360 degree feedback. Before I start the interviews, I ask my coaching client how they imagine people will answer my questions. I ask specifically how their direct reports will describe them as a manager. Almost everyone says that team members will describe them as supportive, inclusive, and focused on their success – a manager who really cares. Then they invariably say, “except for [FILL IN NAME]” – a name I’ve heard during sessions. The person isn’t a performance problem, per se. Just … you know … so difficult. I press on. “How would those individuals describe you?” This person does not see my coaching client as the supportive, caring manager they are. They have problems with a lack of clarity or think goals are unreasonable or always seem to be focused on something the supervisor considers unimportant or they could perform better than they are – always pushing back. What I have learned is that “except for [FILL IN NAME]” is the ultimate invitation to grow as a manager. That which annoys us is often pointing to a tension to lean into, not away from. Let’s face it.  It’s easier to manage people who work the way you work, approve of your management style, and roll with the punches. The tools you use are already the right ones for them. Rather than make yourself feel a little better by deciding it’s really about this “difficult” person and their issues (the easiest and least helpful approach), think about the following: ➡ Before you assume your direct report is wrong, assume they are right. Assume you need new tools to build this working relationship into a productive one for both of you. ➡ Ask yourself if you avoid giving this person important feedback because you know it will be a difficult conversation. Most situations will require a little bit of change from both of you.  That happens through clear, direct, and kind feedback. Remember that you will never truly know what it’s like to report to you. Your good intentions do not translate the same for every person. The best managers adapt their style to make their direct report a success.  #management #feedback #coaching

After my post yesterday about the importance of assessing team dynamics, I had someone reach out and ask me what to do if, as a team member, you are having team dynamic issues with someone you have to work closely with. I am someone who LOVES harmony with the folks I work with. I actually crave it. However, I am also not afraid of conflict, as long as it is healthy. I think teams that operate in pure harmony are, at times, avoiding the difficult stuff. So my advice to folks who are experiencing team dynamic issues is: 1. Determine if the issues are a result of healthy friction or if there's something more underlying. 2. If it is between you and one person, rip off that band-aid and have that uncomfortable conversation. It can go something like this: "I've noticed during this conversation, it felt like there may be friction between you and me (give specific example). Our relationship is very important to me, so I was wondering if there's something I can do differently in my communication approach." Or something like that.... but whatever you do, don't avoid having the conversation. 3. If you do not feel comfortable having that conversation, consider speaking with your manager or a trusted partner to get advice on how to approach it. It is essential to remember that there are always two perspectives to consider: yours and the other person's (and likely more if these dynamics are playing out publicly). Years ago, I was given this phrase by my executive coach: "approach conflict with curiosity". If you enter a conversation thinking you're right, you'll likely end that conversation still divided and possibly with more conflict than you started with. Our reminder for today: approach conflict with curiosity...and don't let team dynamic issues linger. The quicker you tackle them, the stronger you'll be for it.  What else would you add? 

Hard conversations don’t have to be quite so hard if you understand how to approach them — and what to say. Preparation is important. Before the #conversation, give thought to what you want for the relationship. I once had a boss I didn’t fancy all the much (haven’t we all!) When I stopped to consider what I wanted for the relationship, I realized we didn’t have to like each other—but it was important that we respect each other. With that in mind, I started the conversation with a statement of mutual respect and a curious mindset. If you are approaching someone about a behavior, you’d like them to stop, this wording might be helpful: “(Name) I really appreciate X about you. There is one thing I’m curious about though. I’ve noticed you often do Y. Help me understand how Y helps you do Z.” A statement like this mitigates defensiveness and gives insight into why the other person does what they do. You can then share how the behavior impacts you and move to brainstorming a solution. My boss and I never warmed up to each other. But I did get her to stop looking at her watch & rolling her eyes when I arrived at the office at 9:30 am each day implying I was late and lazy. She had never before realized that when she left the office at 3:00 pm, I was still there. And would be until 7:00 pm. Preparation = managing nerves = mutual respect = an easier ‘hard’ conversation. #toughconversations #crucialconversations #courageousconversations

Three hacks I recommend to my executive coaching clients before they go into a challenging conversation: 1️⃣ Ground in your values before you go into the conversation. Write down three words to answer this question: "How do I want to be perceived by the person I'm talking with today?" This is a fast way to check that your planned behavior aligns with your values. 2️⃣ Get curious. Google the "Ted Lasso get curious scene" if you need inspiration. Many times, conflict happens because two people simply aren't seeing each other. They get so stuck in their own perspective, fears, and hurt that they aren't able to see the other person's viewpoint. Go into the conversation with the intention of asking questions to better understand the person across from you. 3️⃣ Reflect the other person's perspective. Even if you disagree with someone, you can always make them feel heard. You can listen to them and "reflect" back what you hear them saying. Say: "Here's what I hear you saying. {Summarize in your own words.} Am I getting that right?" Reflecting allows us to help another person feel heard, and then you can present your own alternative opinion on the topic. We're always going to bump with other people inside our work lives and personal lives. We're all different humans with different perspectives, values, ideas, motivations, fears, joys, and needs. When we're different, we will naturally bump into others. Our goal isn't to prevent friction. Our goal is to make friction a useful tool for productive conversation. As long as we can see each other, we can move forward together. We can turn conflict into a trust-breaker into a trust-maker. I want to know from you, LinkedIn friends: How do you prepare for a challenging conversation with someone?

4 A’s For Managing Other’s Defensive Reaction An essential skill for career success is learning how to engage others in the harder conversations. These are the important and complex conversations that require strong relationships for success. Examples include: • Giving constructive feedback • Repairing a bad relationship with a client, colleague, or boss • Getting alignment with stakeholders who have differing opinions • Resolving a recurring issue with another team or individual 1) Address Your Negative Emotions Most people go into their harder conversations with the best of intentions and, many times, have rehearsed what and how they plan to convey their message. Then it begins and it seems like whatever you are saying is being perceived negatively, and the other person starts responding defensively. The ability to pause and regain focus enables you to choose your best actions versus reacting out of fear, anger, loss of control, or frustration. 2) Acknowledge Other’s Negative Emotions Research shows that the quickest way to diffuse and diminish emotional intensity is to let the other person express those feelings. When you create a safe space for others to express negative emotions, you set the stage for the possibility of moving forward in a meaningful conversation. Below are some statements that invite others to share their feelings.  • It sounds like you’re feeling (frustrated, upset, etc.). Is that correct? • Tell me if I’ve got this straight. You feel ________ because… • I didn’t fully understand how you were feeling about _____ until now, and I’m grateful that you’ve shared this with me. 3) Ask Follow-Up Questions Asking follow-up questions allows people to feel respected and heard. Below are some examples of basic “tell me more” questions. • Tell me more… • What else are you thinking? • How does that impact you? • Can you give me an example? 4) Agree On How To Move Forward Once you feel that the other person has been heard and they are feeling ready to move forward, it is time to find common ground for continuing the conversation. Finding common ground and making agreements is a great first step to regaining trust and momentum. • What do you need to move forward with this conversation? • Can we find a compromise here by ___________? • I agree with part of what you are saying, and_______________. • I think there may be some common ground between us in this aspect. Developing capacity to effectively respond to defensive reactions during the harder conversations is essential for your career and personal success. To learn more about this post read my LinkedIn newsletter article, How To Manage Other’s Defensive Reactions During Difficult Conversations: https://lnkd.in/eMVaSy4S What other practices help you address others' negative emotions? Share your COMMENTS below. ⤵️ #leadership #careers #humanresources #management

Dealing with toxic coworkers isn’t in your job description. All of us have had a bad coworker at some point. Here's how to stop them from turning a great job into a terrible experience: 1. Set boundaries → Let the person know their actions are bothering you. (Kindly) They may be unaware of their behavior. 2. Document everything → Write down times they made you or a coworker feel uncomfortable. HR is there for a reason, get them involved. 3. Remain professional → Getting angry only hurts you. Maintain a professional attitude when dealing with them. 4. Speak to your manager → Managers drive change. Seek one out if you’re uncomfortable addressing your coworker’s behavior alone. 5. Focus on yourself → Changing someone’s behavior isn’t always possible. Learn to focus on what you can control. We all deserve to feel safe and supported in our career. Don’t let one bad egg ruin the bunch. - - - - - Thanks for reading and happy Tuesday everyone! Want more content like this? 📌 Follow me (Sam Sheridan) for daily career advice you can actually use.

How do you handle difficult conversations at work? Handling difficult conversations at work can be challenging, but following these steps can help you navigate them successfully: #1- Prepare beforehand: Think about what you want to say and the purpose of the conversation. Consider your goals, facts, and any evidence or examples to support your points. #2- Choose the right time and place: Find a suitable time and private space to have the conversation. Ensure you won't be interrupted or overheard. #3- Stay calm and composed: Keep your emotions in check and remain professional throughout the conversation. It's essential to approach it with a level head. #4- Active listening: Give the other person a chance to express their thoughts and feelings without interruption. Demonstrate that you genuinely value their input and perspective by actively listening. #5- Empathy and understanding: Show empathy by acknowledging the other person's feelings and concerns. Be understanding, and validate their experience without dismissing or minimizing their emotions. #6- Be clear and concise: Present your thoughts and concerns in a clear and concise manner. Use "I" statements to express how you feel rather than placing blame on the other person. Focus on specific behaviors or situations rather than making generalizations. #7-Seek solutions collaboratively: Instead of focusing on blame or winning the argument, aim to find mutually beneficial solutions. Discuss and explore different options together, keeping the conversation focused on reaching a positive outcome. #8- Maintain professionalism: Even if the conversation becomes heated or emotional, remember to stay professional and respectful. Avoid personal attacks or derogatory language. #9- Follow up: Once the conversation is over, summarize the discussed points and any agreed-upon actions in an email or written note. This ensures that both parties are clear about what was discussed and any next steps. #10- Learn from the experience: Take time to reflect on the conversation, identifying what worked well and what could be improved. Learning from the experience will help you handle future difficult conversations more effectively. Remember, difficult conversations are an opportunity for growth and improvement. To learn more about how to handle difficult conversations or to schedule time to talk with Dr. Linda about training for your leaders or your teams, click the link: https://lnkd.in/gyD5HmZt