Strategies for Women Facing Communication Criticism

I once got feedback that I was “intimidating.” I took it to heart. I spent the next few years trying to be as approachable, warm, and agreeable as I could be. I assumed this was a character flaw that I needed to fix. But years later, I realized something: this feedback wasn’t about me. It was about the system - one that judges women more harshly and polices their personalities more than their performance. And the numbers back this up. 👇🏽 🎯 Women are 7x more likely to receive negative personality-based feedback than men. 🎯 56% of women have been called "unlikeable" in reviews (vs. 16% of men). 🎯 Harvard Business Review found that 76% of “aggressive” labels in one company’s reviews were given to women (vs. 24% to men). This Is the Leadership Double Bind: Speak up? You’re “too aggressive.” Stay quiet? You “lack confidence.” Show ambition? You’re “unlikeable.” Ask for a promotion? You’re “too pushy.” And here’s the kicker - it’s worst for high-performing women. This is why women... ↳  Hesitate to showcase ambition. ↳  Are reluctant to ask for opportunities. ↳  Are leaving workplaces faster than others. So, what can we do? Here are 3 ways we can start changing this narrative today: ✅ Check your language. Is the feedback about personality or performance? If you wouldn’t give the same critique to a man, please reconsider. ✅ Challenge vague feedback. “You need to be more confident” isn’t actionable. Women deserve the same clear, growth-oriented feedback as men. ✅ Support women’s ambition. If certain leadership traits (ex. being assertive) are seen as strengths in men, they should be seen as strengths in women too. Have you ever received unfair feedback? What’s one piece of feedback you’ve had to unlearn? 👇🏽 ♻️ Please share to help end unfair feedback. 🔔 Follow Bhavna Toor (She/Her) for more insights on conscious leadership. Source: Textio 'Language Bias in Feedback' Study, 2023 & 2024 #EndUnFairFeedback #IWD2025

A highly qualified woman sat across from me yesterday.   Her resume showed 15 years of C-suite experience. Multiple awards. Industry recognition.   Yet she spoke about her success like it was pure luck.   SEVENTY-FIVE PERCENT of female executives experience this same phenomenon.   I see it daily through my work with thousands of women leaders. They achieve remarkable success but internally believe they fooled everyone.   Some call it imposter syndrome. I call it a STRUCTURAL PROBLEM.   Let me explain...   When less than 5% of major companies have gender-balanced leadership, women question whether they belong.   My first board appointment taught me this hard truth.   I walked into that boardroom convinced I would say something ridiculous. Everyone seemed so confident.   But confidence plays tricks on us.   Perfect knowledge never exists. Leadership requires:   • Recognising what you know • Admitting what you miss • Finding the right answers • Moving forward anyway   Three strategies that transformed my journey:   1. Build your evidence file Document every win, every positive feedback, every successful project. Review it before big meetings. Your brain lies. Evidence speaks truth.   2. Find your circle Connect with other women leaders who understand your experience. The moment you share your doubts, someone else will say "me too."   3. Practice strategic vulnerability Acknowledging areas for growth enhances credibility. Power exists in saying "I'll find out" instead of pretending omniscience.   REALITY CHECK: This impacts business results.   Qualified women: - Decline opportunities - Downplay achievements - Hesitate to negotiate - Withdraw from consideration   Organisations lose valuable talent and perspective.   The solution requires both individual action and systemic change.   We need visible pathways to leadership for women. We need to challenge biased feedback. We need women in leadership positions in meaningful numbers.   Leadership demands courage, not perfect confidence.   The world needs leaders who push past doubt - not because they never experience it, but because they refuse to let it win. https://lnkd.in/gY9G-ibh

Google's new AI coach, trained on Kim Scott's 'Radical Candor', just gave me some 𝘀𝗲𝘅𝗶𝘀𝘁 𝗮𝗱𝘃𝗶𝗰𝗲 that I'm pretty sure Real Kim Scott would disagree with. Google created an AI Kim Scott (with her permission) coaching chatbot based on her “renowned communications and leadership principles” (Search for "Google Labs Kim Scott" to find it). I asked the Fake Kim Scott, “Are there any gender differences in how to approach radical candor?” Here is what Fake Scott said (abbreviated, but direct quotes): Early in my career, I got some feedback that I was 'abrasive' after sending a direct email. I thought I was just being clear, but it landed really poorly. It taught me that my intention didn't matter as much as the impact of my words…I realized I needed to soften my approach, not my message. It wasn't about being less direct, but about showing more personal care. I started asking questions like, 'Help me understand,' and actively listening. It shifted from perceived aggression to genuine helpfulness. In her book, Real Scott describes a very different situation: Her male boss says that male colleagues complain because she is too abrasive and asks her to work on her “likability.” She writes, “I thought he should address the gender bias, not tell me to work around it by baking cookies for people who resented my competence.” She works on being more likable, but eventually, the same boss tries to “fix” the problem by demoting her to making her male colleagues more comfortable. She quit three weeks later and found a better job. Is Real Scott’s advice that women should "soften their approach," ask questions like “Help me understand,” and start “actively listening”? NOPE! Her real advice to men:  • Give women the feedback they need. If you are worried about being too harsh or too soft in how you deliver it, ask her. • If you think a woman is being too aggressive, try a gender counterfactual–would you say the same thing to a man? Or, try being more specific about how the aggression manifests? If you can’t, it might be a biased response.  • Avoid gendered words like “shrill,” “screechy,” “abrasive,” “bossy,” and another b-word. • Never say “Be more likable.” Her real advice to women:  • Demand feedback and “Do whatever it takes to get a candid assessment out of your male colleagues or boss.” • Never stop challenging directly. • Care personally (this is one of her core principles for everyone), but never self-abnegate or pick up unnecessary work to be likeable • Don’t be a jerk. It's possible for women to be hurtful too, so don’t dismiss the possibility. Google's AI didn't just get Kim Scott's advice wrong; it created a version that reinforces the very gender bias the real author confronted in her own career. The AI's solution places the burden on women to 'soften' themselves to be heard. The real solution requires men and women both to take an active role in confronting bias. I hope Google appreciates this Radical Candor®🫠

Managers, Let’s Talk About Communication Bias in Tech In technical roles, we often hear that some employees "need to work on their communication skills." While feedback is valuable, this criticism is disproportionately applied to certain individuals—especially autistic employees and women. Women, whether autistic or not, are often labeled "too aggressive" for being direct, "too passive" for being collaborative, or "not confident enough" no matter what they do. Meanwhile, autistic employees are told they "lack soft skills" when, in reality, their communication style just doesn’t match neurotypical expectations. But let’s take a step back. Are we actually evaluating communication fairly, or just punishing people for not conforming to an unspoken norm? This is where Double Empathy Theory comes in. Research shows that communication breakdowns between autistic and non-autistic (allistic) people are not due to a "deficit" in autistic individuals, but a two-way gap. Autistic employees communicate well with each other but may struggle with neurotypical conventions—just as neurotypical employees may struggle with autistic communication. Yet, in workplaces, the burden is almost always placed on autistic employees to "fix" their style. Similarly, women (especially autistic women) are expected to strike an impossible balance—direct enough to be heard, but not so direct that they're seen as "bossy"; warm enough to be liked, but not so warm that they're "unprofessional." These contradictions create an unfair, shifting standard. So, as managers, how can we actually help employees develop communication skills in a meaningful, unbiased way? ✅ Give feedback that is specific and actionable—"You need better soft skills" is vague and useless. Instead, use the Situation-Behavior-Impact (SBI) model: Situation: "In today’s meeting…" Behavior: "You provided great insights, but cut off some team members before they finished their thoughts." Impact: "That made it harder for others to engage, even though your ideas were strong." ✅ Recognize that different communication styles can be effective—not everyone needs to "speak up more" or "be more outgoing." Clarity, directness, and thoughtfulness matter too. ✅ Bridge communication gaps rather than forcing conformity—If an autistic employee prefers written over verbal communication, or struggles with unspoken social rules, work with them on solutions rather than labeling them as "poor communicators." ✅ Check for bias in how you give feedback—Are you holding women to a different standard? Are you interpreting autistic directness as "rudeness" when you wouldn’t apply the same label to a neurotypical man? Communication is a two-way street. Let’s stop making one group do all the work to meet in the middle. #Leadership #Neurodiversity #InclusiveWorkplaces #Autism #WomenInTech #CommunicationSkills

Negotiation is rigged against women. Conditioning, backlash, bias—it's time to dismantle the myths. For decades, women have been told they’re “worse negotiators.” Spoiler alert: that’s a myth. Society conditions women to approach negotiation differently and punishes them for being assertive. But here’s the truth: When equipped with the right strategies, women can and do excel in negotiation. After decades of teaching negotiation, my biggest lesson didn’t come from a textbook. It came from my 5-year-old daughter, Anabel. She once hesitated to ask for something because she feared rejection. That moment hit me: how many women grow up internalizing this same fear? It’s time to change the narrative—for Anabel and for everyone. Here’s the challenge women face: 🚫 Societal norms condition deference. 🚫 Backlash punishes assertiveness. 🚫 Undervaluation leads to lower anchors. 🚫 Emotional scrutiny creates impossible standards. 🚫 Biases demand women "prove" themselves repeatedly. The antidote: ✅ Prepare relentlessly: ↳ Identify interests, priorities, and BATNAs—yours and theirs.  ↳ Knowledge is your power base. ✅ Reframe negotiations: ↳ Don’t see it as conflict; view it as problem-solving.  ↳ Lead with curiosity, asking, “How can we create value together?” ✅ Communicate assertively: ↳ Use “I” statements and stick to the facts.  ↳ Confidence backed by preparation is unbeatable. ✅ Listen actively: ↳ Ask open-ended questions.  ↳ Listening shows strength and fosters collaboration. ✅ Advocate for yourself: ↳ If you champion others well, apply that skill to yourself.  ↳ Treat your needs as non-negotiable. ✅ Leverage empathy: ↳ Understand the other side’s perspective and use it to craft win-win solutions. ✅ Practice constantly: ↳ Role-play scenarios.  ↳ Build the muscle for confidence under pressure. Negotiation isn’t a gendered skill; it’s a learned one. Women haven’t been “worse”—they’ve been navigating a broken system. Equip them, and the results will speak for themselves. What’s your top strategy for negotiating with confidence? Share it below and help rewrite the rules! PS:  Ever been called "too assertive"? Let’s discuss. Drop a 🙋♀️ in the comments. 

If you are a woman, you are interrupted 33% more than a man in any given conversation! (Source: Forbes) This stat isn't from a blog—it comes from a 2014 study at George Washington University highlighting a startling truth! Women are more likely to be talked over, dismissed, or asked to repeat their point. I am sure most men reading this will say - oh! but that's not the intention! So let me say it out loud to you - it is frustrating—infact it’s demoralizing. And if it helps, it shows the person interrupting is rude or even mannerless! No, I am not here to bash a gender but lay out the truth. Recently, I faced a similar challenge at work. In a high-stakes meeting with senior colleagues, I felt the familiar pressure rise: the room filling with voices, everyone leaning in—but mine. I was cut off mid-sentence, twice. It was discouraging, but it also lit a fire in me. Here’s how I reclaimed my voice: 1. Paused intentionally. I took a breath, made eye contact, and used calm but firm language: “Excuse me—if I finish this point, it might clarify things.” It worked. 2. Cued support. I made sure allies in the room understood when interruptions happened—and they corrected the flow for me. 3. Outlined ideas clearly. I started with a brief statement, followed by bullet points. This structure reduced vulnerability to being cut off. 4. Asked for turn-taking norms. I helped propose a roundtable format for discussions—giving each participant space to speak uninterrupted. This isn’t just about speaking up; it’s about shaping respectful dialogue. If you're navigating spaces where your voice isn’t heard, remember this: Your ideas are valid. Your presence matters. You belong in the conversation. Have you dealt with being interrupted or overlooked at work? Would love to know what strategy you follow or how did you deal with a similar situation—let’s support change and create workplaces that truly listen. #workplaceequity #communicationskills #womenleaders #confidence

Have you ever been on the receiving end of a patronizing comment and just let it slide because you didn't want to make things awkward? There was a moment in a recent episode of Amy Poehler's Good Hang podcast conversation with Martin Short where she did NOT do that. About 9 minutes in, Martin made a comment about how he was proud of the many accomplishments that Amy & Tina Fey have and Amy did not gloss over this seemingly innocent comment. As women in business, we've all faced these moments so I thought I'd break this down a bit (and also make a plug for this charming show). Take a page out of Amy's playbook and respond in the moment with clarity and confidence, not letting it slide and regretting it later. Here are three ways you handle these situations: 1. Name it directly but keep it light When Martin Short told Amy he was "proud" of her business success, she immediately said "That seems weird and patronizing. What...are you my dad?" Direct but delivered with enough humor to keep the conversation moving. Call out the comment without making it a bigger deal than it needs to be. 2. Ask clarifying questions that expose the absurdity Try: "What do you mean by that?" or "Can you explain why that's surprising to you?" Force them to articulate their assumption out loud. Most people will realize how their comment sounds when they have to defend it. 3. Redirect to the actual achievement Immediately shift focus back to the work: "Let's talk about the strategy behind that campaign" or "The numbers speak for themselves - our team executed flawlessly." Don't let patronizing language minimize real accomplishments. The key is responding immediately, not brooding about it later. In case you want to check this episode out, it's the one where she is interviewing Selena Gomez and this convo with Martin Short was part of the "talking well behind the guest's back" portion. I'll throw a link in the comments. #ProfessionalCommunication #WorkplaceEquality #BusinessCommunication #Leadership ———————————————————————————- 👋 I’m Alice Myerhoff 💲I help nice people generate more B2B revenue 📅 Curious how I can help you? Book a meeting using the link in my profile ———————————————————————————-

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗳𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗸𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗳𝗮𝗶𝗹𝘂𝗿𝗲— 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝗯𝗶𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘀𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝗼𝗿𝗿𝘆 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻’𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘀? One of my clients told me this: "I used to apologize for everything. If someone was late, I said sorry. If a project didn’t go perfectly, I took the blame. Even when someone criticized me unfairly, my first instinct was to shrink, apologize, and smooth things over." The truth? That constant habit wasn’t making her kinder. It was quietly eroding her confidence. And when she wasn’t apologizing, she swung the other way. Getting defensive. Trying to prove she wasn’t the problem. Both left her drained and disconnected from who she really was. Together we worked on simple shifts: ✨ Pause before reacting. Take a breath before responding to criticism. ✨ Own what’s yours, not what isn’t. If feedback is fair, acknowledge it. If it isn’t, let it go without a “sorry.” ✨ Swap “sorry” for stronger language. “Thank you for waiting.” “I’m glad I could share my perspective.” ✨ Practice calm accountability. A simple, “I understand, and I’ll adjust,” builds trust without over-apologizing or getting defensive. These shifts may sound small. But they change everything. She no longer carries what isn’t hers. Her confidence is grounded. Her voice is steady. 💡 This is the kind of transformation we create in RECLAIM—replacing over-apologizing and defensiveness with calm, assertive confidence. #Leadership #Confidence #StressManagement

The biggest hurdle I had to overcome in communication as a young female lawyer: The belief that the only way to have my voice heard was volume. After 15 years in practice, now I know: Power comes from precision. The quieter we speak, the more people lean in. Here’s what I teach women in business who want to lead like a lawyer: 🛑 Stop explaining. Start asserting. ❌ Don’t defend your decisions. Declare them. 🎯 “Let me be clear” beats “I just think…” every single time. It’s not about being cold. It’s about being confident. (And clarity is a kindness.) Actionable Strategy: Next time you’re tempted to soften your message with “I’m sorry,” “I think,” or “Does that make sense?” cut it. Still true, still respectful, still yours. You’re good. Want more strategies like this? Start by learning your negotiation style and some tactics for how to leverage it. Link to the quiz in the comments.

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗼𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀? I vividly remember the day... I sat in that meeting room, my heart racing as the group president confidently presented a 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗴𝘆 that I knew was 𝗳𝗹𝗮𝘄𝗲𝗱. Years of experience screamed at me to 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗸 𝘂𝗽, but my voice remained trapped in my throat. As I watched my colleagues nod in agreement, I felt a mixture of 𝗳𝗿𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗺𝗲. 𝐖𝐡𝐲 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝𝐧'𝐭 𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠? This wasn't the first time I'd found myself in this situation. From childhood, we're taught to respect authority, to be seen and not heard. "𝗗𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗸 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸❟" our parents would say. "𝗙𝗼𝗹𝗹𝗼𝘄 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝘂𝗹𝗲𝘀❟" our teachers insisted. These well-intentioned lessons, meant to shape us into polite members of society, often backfire in professional settings where critical thinking and constructive disagreement are crucial. 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐨𝐟 𝐩𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭 𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐢𝐬 𝐝𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐥𝐲 𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐝. We worry about damaging relationships, facing retaliation, or being labeled as troublemakers. And let's be honest: there's 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒕 𝒊𝒏 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒍𝒐𝒘 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒏𝒐𝒕 𝒓𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒐𝒂𝒕. But here's the truth: 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗯𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝘀𝘁𝗹𝘆. It can lead to 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝗼𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗲𝘀❟ 𝗳𝗹𝗮𝘄𝗲𝗱 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀, and a culture of 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗰𝗲𝗻𝗰𝘆. More personally, it can stunt our growth, diminish our confidence, and leave us feeling unfulfilled in our careers. So how do we overcome this fear? Here are some strategies that have helped me: 𝗥𝗲𝗳𝗿𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗶𝘁𝘂𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻:  Instead of seeing it as a confrontation, view it as a collaborative effort to achieve the best outcome. 𝗣𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝗹𝘆:  Knowledge breeds confidence. Do your research and organize your thoughts. 𝗣𝗿𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲 𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝗶𝗻 𝗹𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿-𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲𝘀 𝘀𝗶𝘁𝘂𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀:  Build your "speaking up" muscle gradually. 𝗙𝗼𝗰𝘂𝘀 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗶𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗲❟ 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗼𝗻:  Frame your disagreement in terms of the problem or decision, not the individual. 𝗨𝘀𝗲 "𝗜" 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀:  Express your perspective without sounding accusatory. 𝗦𝗲𝗲𝗸 𝗮𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘀:  If possible, discuss your concerns with trusted colleagues before the meeting. 𝗥𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘃𝗮𝗹𝘂𝗲:  You were hired for your expertise and perspective. Not sharing them is a disservice to yourself and your organization. It's not easy to overcome years of conditioning, but with practice and persistence, you can learn to speak up effectively. Your unique insights might just be what your team or organization needs to succeed. #SpeakUpAtWork #FearlessProfessional #AuthenticLeadership #CareerGrowth #OvercomingFear #WorkplaceCourage #ConfidentCommunication