Methods for Discussing Personal Feedback with Team Members

I have a passionate hate for the word “but.” It slips into our conversations with the best intentions and ruins them. Especially when we’re trying to give feedback. I hear it constantly when I coach my Stanford University Graduate School of Business students through role plays of tough conversations: “You’re a valuable member of our team, but...” “You did a great job on that presentation, but…” The second that word enters the conversation, the first half of the sentence vanishes. It’s no longer praise—it’s a prelude to disappointment. And it’s hard to believe that it was true in the first place. The same goes for our personal moments. “I love you, but you need to empty the dishwasher.” Ok, do you really love me? Or is your love conditional on clean dishes? We think “but” softens the blow when something difficult needs to be said. It doesn’t. Instead of sparing someone’s feelings, it confuses the message and muddies our intent. That’s why I tried an exercise for the first time this year with my students—BUT BUSTERS. Here’s how it works: Roleplay a tough feedback conversation. Try to do it without saying the word “but.” Tally the number of times you still say it. The direction is to say what you mean. Then stop. Use a period or use “and” if the ideas truly connect. For example: ✅ “You are an incredibly valuable member of our team..” ✅ “Lately you haven’t been meeting your deadlines. I’d like to understand if there are any obstacles you’re facing to getting work done on time.” I ask my students to track how it feels to not say “but.” Is it hard to stop yourself? Does your demeanor feel different when you don’t use it? They say it changes everything about their conversations. They feel more clear, respectful, and effective. It helps them start from a place of belief in what’s possible. All of that impact from the removal of one simple word. We don’t need to bury constructive feedback inside compliments, and we don’t need to cushion clarity with contradiction. It takes practice, and I still work at it, too. Try it for a day or two, and let me know how it feels. — Like this post? Follow me for more insights on leadership, team building, and the future of work. Subscribe to my LinkedIn newsletter Leadership is Everywhere: https://lnkd.in/g_VETsRY

Want to stop triggering defensive reactions in critical conversations? Brain science reveals a simple technique that's transforming how top companies communicate: As an executive coach, this is the first thing I teach founders who are struggling with critical relationships. Why? Because it's consistently the most powerful tool for transforming toxic communication into productive dialogue. When you're fighting with your co-founder, your brain's threat response system activates. This shuts down the exact parts of your brain needed for effective communication. But there's a way to keep those neural pathways open. It's called speaking inarguably - using only facts that can't be disputed. Instead of "You don't care about this company" (judgment) Say "When you missed our last three meetings, I felt worried about our partnership" (fact) The first triggers defense mechanisms. The second creates psychological safety. There are two types of inarguable statements: • External facts: Observable behaviors, metrics, documented events • Internal facts: Your sensations, emotions, thoughts ("I feel frustrated") I've seen this technique help to transform toxic co-founder relationships into thriving partnerships more times than I can count. Here's how to start: 1. Pause before responding to emotionally charged situations 2. Strip away interpretations, focus only on observable facts ("You arrived 15 minutes late" vs "You're disrespectful") 3. Own your internal experience ("I felt anxious when that happened" vs "You're stressing everyone out") 4. Practice radical honesty about your feelings (This builds trust faster than pretending to be perfect) The hardest part? Letting go of being right. Your interpretations might feel true, but they're just stories you're telling yourself. This is where inner work meets leadership. When you master this, difficult conversations become growth opportunities. Your leadership emerges naturally from who you are, not who you think you should be.

Most leaders avoid feedback conversations because they fear what might break. But what if the real risk is what you'll never build? According to Gallup, 80% of employees who receive meaningful feedback on a weekly basis are fully engaged (2019). Yet 37% of leaders admit they're uncomfortable giving feedback to their teams. That silence isn't kindness. It's career sabotage. I discovered this while coaching a brilliant VP who avoided giving feedback for 6 months. His reasoning? "I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings." Meanwhile, his team was stuck in a loop of repeated mistakes, missed growth, and mounting frustration. The quiet cost of silence was crushing their potential. The truth? Feedback delayed is development denied. Here's the T.R.U.S.T.™ Feedback Framework I teach my executive clients: 1/ Time it right → 60% of employees want feedback weekly → But 39% wait over three months to hear anything → Create a rhythm, not just reactions to problems 2/ Real, not rehearsed → "In yesterday's client call, I noticed..." → Specific moments create specific growth → Vague praise and vague criticism both waste time 3/ Understand the person → Different team members need different approaches → Some need direct words, others need gentle questions → Personalize delivery, not just content 4/ Safe to receive → Ask "What support do you need with this?" → Make feedback a conversation, not a verdict → This transforms defensiveness into development 5/ Two-way street → End with "What feedback do you have for me?" → Your willingness to receive transforms your right to give → This builds feedback culture, not just compliance The most powerful leaders build teams where truth flows freely in all directions. Because when feedback feels like genuine care, not criticism, performance soars. What feedback conversation have you been avoiding that could unlock someone's potential? 📌 Save this framework for your next growth conversation ➕ Follow Loren Rosario - Maldonado, PCC for human leadership

After receiving 10,538 pieces of publicly available, real-time feedback in my decade at Bridgewater, I learned a lot of hard lessons about personal development. Avoiding this one mistake when giving feedback tops my list: Assuming you know Why... - You can't read minds - You put them on defense - You often favor your biases Instead, try this: When you ___. -> This is what the camera saw. Only facts. I experienced ___. -> This is where your POV comes in. Which resulted in ___. -> Tie this to team outcomes. 💡Here's an example: When you...reviewed the proposal with the client I experienced...you dismissing their concerns Which resulted in...us losing the deal. ✅ Why this works: - It leaves open the possibility you were wrong - It doesn't propose any motive - It is clear and focused ❌ How you can mess it up: - Surround it with fake compliments and caveats - Offer more feedback before resolving - Add "Because you___" to the end We're doing a free 30-minute lesson to help managers confidently navigate 3 critical conversations: - Your team is underperforming - Your boss is unengaged - Your peer is unhelpful Sign up here: https://lnkd.in/eyNv239g And if you found this post insightful: - Please follow me 🔔 for more Dave Kline - And share ♻️ with your community by reposting

Stop dreading tough talks. Master them with these 21 phrases instead: I once snapped when a colleague questioned my timeline. My defensive reaction created a week of tension. That day I realized emotional responses solve nothing. They only create new problems. We've all been there: Feeling defensive Reacting without thinking Watching a simple disagreement turn into a lasting conflict But I've learned the shift from reactive to constructive changes everything ✨ 21 ways smart people handle difficult conversations: 1) Lead with Curiosity ↳ "Tell me more about your perspective on this" ↳ Questions defuse tension faster than statements 2) Name the Energy ↳ "I notice there's tension here, let's address it" ↳ Acknowledgment creates safety 3) Find Common Ground ↳ "We both want what's best for the project" ↳ Alignment before action 4) Set Clear Expectations ↳ "Here's what I need, what do you need?" ↳ Clarity prevents future conflict 5) Pause the Escalation ↳ "Let's take a step back and break this down" ↳ Breathing room creates solutions 6) Mirror Their Language ↳ Use their exact key words when responding ↳ Matching builds instant connection 7) Acknowledge Impact ↳ "I see how this affects your priorities" ↳ Understanding beats defense 8) Own Your Part ↳ "Here's where I could have done better" ↳ Accountability creates trust 9) Focus Forward ↳ "How can we prevent this next time?" ↳ Solutions beat blame 10) Check Understanding ↳ "Here's what I'm hearing - am I getting it right?" ↳ Clarity prevents escalation 11) Create Space ↳ "Let's revisit this when we're both fresh" ↳ Time transforms tension 12) Stay on Topic ↳ "Let's focus on solving this specific issue" ↳ Boundaries keep talks productive 13) Express Confidence ↳ "I know we can figure this out together" ↳ Belief shifts energy 14) Share Context ↳ "Here's what led to my decision" ↳ Understanding reduces resistance 15) Invite Solutions ↳ "What ideas do you have for this?" ↳ Collaboration beats control 16) Set Timelines ↳ "When should we check in on this?" ↳ Structure creates safety 17) Validate Concerns ↳ "That's a legitimate worry - let's address it" ↳ Recognition reduces defense 18) Stay Factual ↳ "Here's what the data shows us" ↳ Evidence beats emotion 19) Close with Action ↳ "Let's clarify next steps together" ↳ Progress prevents repeat issues 20) Follow Through ↳ "As we discussed, here's what I've done" ↳ Action builds credibility 21) Document Growth ↳ "Here's how we'll work differently now" ↳ Learning beats repeating Difficult conversations aren't obstacles to success. They're the moments where true connection happens ✨ Which strategy will you try in your next challenging conversation? -- ♻️ Repost to help your network transform difficult conversations into opportunities 🔔 Follow Dr. Carolyn Frost for more practical tools to succeed with confidence

🔥 How to Handle a Difficult Conversation as a Leader 🔥 Difficult conversations are one of the toughest parts of leadership but also one of the most important. The key isn’t just delivering bad news and walking away, but staying engaged, even when it’s uncomfortable. I recently wrote about this in my Harvard Business Review article, “How to Talk to an Employee Who Isn’t Meeting Expectations,” where I shared strategies to turn these moments into opportunities for growth. As an executive coach and advisor, I work with leaders navigating these conversations every day. Here are four things to keep in mind to make the discussion more productive: 👉 Set the stage for collaboration Approach it as a partnership. Start with alignment: “My goal is to provide clear feedback and ensure we are collectively working toward your development.” 👉 Encourage self-reflection Invite them to assess their own performance. “Looking back, what’s working well? What would you improve?” This helps shift the mindset from blame to growth. 👉 Deliver feedback with clarity Be specific and avoid ambiguity. Focus on observed behaviors, not assumptions. Instead of “You’re not engaged,” say: “I’ve noticed you’re quieter in meetings, and team members think you are disconnected.” 👉 Reset expectations and look ahead Frame the conversation around the future. Instead of focusing on what went wrong, ask: “How would you handle this situation differently next time?” Difficult conversations don’t have to feel like confrontations. When approached with preparation, empathy, and a focus on growth, they can be transformative strengthening both performance and trust. Please share in the comments, what strategies have helped you navigate tough conversations? ⬇️ 📖 Read my full HBR article here: https://lnkd.in/eMuV9eWp #Leadership #Coaching #Feedback #FutureOfWork #GrowthMindset #Careers #Thinkers50 #Coach #Professor #Advisor #MG100 #BestAdvice #JennyFernandez

One of the toughest tests of your leadership isn't how you handle success. It's how you navigate disagreement. I noticed this in the SEAL Teams and in my work with executives: Those who master difficult conversations outperform their peers not just in team satisfaction, but in decision quality and innovation. The problem? Most of us enter difficult conversations with our nervous system already in a threat state. Our brain literally can't access its best thinking when flooded with stress hormones. Through years of working with high-performing teams, I've developed what I call The Mindful Disagreement Framework. Here's how it works: 1. Pause Before Engaging (10 seconds) When triggered by disagreement, take a deliberate breath. This small reset activates your prefrontal cortex instead of your reactive limbic system. Your brain physically needs this transition to think clearly. 2. Set Psychological Safety (30 seconds) Start with: "I appreciate your perspective and want to understand it better. I also have some different thoughts to share." This simple opener signals respect while creating space for different viewpoints. 3. Lead with Curiosity, Not Certainty (2 minutes) Ask at least three questions before stating your position. This practice significantly increases the quality of solutions because it broadens your understanding before narrowing toward decisions. 4. Name the Shared Purpose (1 minute) "We both want [shared goal]. We're just seeing different paths to get there." This reminds everyone you're on the same team, even with different perspectives. 5. Separate Impact from Intent (30 seconds) "When X happened, I felt Y, because Z. I know that wasn't your intention." This formula transforms accusations into observations. Last month, I used this exact framework in a disagreement. The conversation that could have damaged our relationship instead strengthened it. Not because we ended up agreeing, but because we disagreed respectfully. (It may or may not have been with my kid!) The most valuable disagreements often feel uncomfortable. The goal isn't comfort. It's growth. What difficult conversation are you avoiding right now? Try this framework tomorrow and watch what happens to your leadership influence. ___ Follow me, Jon Macaskill for more leadership focused content. And feel free to repost if someone in your life needs to hear this. 📩 Subscribe to my newsletter here → https://lnkd.in/g9ZFxDJG You'll get FREE access to my 21-Day Mindfulness & Meditation Course packed with real, actionable strategies to lead with clarity, resilience, and purpose.

Here’s a simple tool that’s changed my life and the lives of many of my clients: It’s called Non Violent Communication (NVC) NVC is a way of resolving conflict with mutually satisfying solutions. It’s great for business leaders since hard conversations are par for the course. But it’s also great for personal relationships as well. Here’s the simple 3-step strategy to NVC: 1 - The Fact Begin with an indisputable observation. For example: “When you said you didn’t want to go on a trip with me…” You want to describe the situation in a purely objective way that no one can argue with. 2 - Your Feelings Next, share how you felt. “When ___ happened, I felt ___.” This invites your conversation partner into a dialogue about how the situation impacted you. It demonstrates that you’re opening up, being vulnerable, and not arguing for the sake of ‘winning’. 3 - The Request: Conclude with a request that would resolve your unmet need. “My request is that you are on time for our meetings going forward.” Framing this as a request and not a demand makes the conversation a cooperative one. That’s it! It’s an incredibly simple foundation that takes a lot of time and effort to master, especially in the heat of an argument. Give it a shot — practice makes perfect.