Impact of Backchannel Conversations on Trust

Why leaders must find the courage to have difficult conversations. Too many leaders avoid confrontation. But silence protects the wrong people. I recently had a team dynamic that spiraled into dysfunction. A small group on my team became known as the “mean girls.” They mastered the art of manipulation by using subtle digs, whispered judgments, and back-channel narratives designed to make people feel excluded. In performance reviews and coaching conversations, they rarely took ownership of their role. Instead, they pointed fingers, deflected blame, and dragged others down to elevate themselves. Their behavior wasn’t just toxic. It was costly. 💥 Productivity dropped across the team. 💥 Trust turned into mistrust. 💥 Conflict resolution and damage control took priority over coaching and performance management. A clear choice had to be made: either continue chasing our tails by tolerating the behavior or confront it head-on. I chose to have difficult conversations. One individual took the feedback to heart. She did the work. She apologized, rebuilt relationships, and emerged as someone her team could trust. The other two resisted change and are no longer with the company. Here’s the truth: ➡️ Conflict avoidance is a leadership failure. ➡️ Drama grows when accountability is absent. ➡️ The conversations leaders are most afraid to have shape the culture. If you lead people, remember: it’s not your job to keep everyone comfortable. It’s your job to create clarity, uphold standards, and build teams rooted in trust, not toxicity. That conversation you’re avoiding? That’s the one that changes everything.

Leadership Lessons 2024 Series - Gossip: The Silent Killer of Organizational Culture #TodaywithAday I've got gossip on my mind... Gossip is like a slow leak in a tire—you don’t notice it at first, but eventually, you’re stuck on the side of the road wondering what the heck went wrong. 😔 Here’s the truth: when gossip seeps into an organization, it doesn’t just erode trust; it poisons collaboration, stifles innovation, and chips away at morale. 🙁 👎 Trust disappears because backchannels replace honest conversations. 👎 Productivity suffers when people spend energy on whispers instead of work. 👎 Culture crumbles as negativity spreads like wildfire, creating cliques instead of communities. The result? A distracted, divided team that no longer feels safe to share ideas, take risks, or bring their full selves to work. 😟 So, what can we do as leaders? ✅️ Model transparency. Be clear, honest, and open—leave no room for assumptions. ✅️ Set expectations. Make it clear that gossip has no place in your culture. ✅️ Encourage direct feedback. Help your team have the right conversations with the right people. Healthy organizations thrive on trust, not tea. Conversations should build, not break. 💥 We must always remember that strong culture doesn’t just happen; it’s intentionally built through accountability and mutual respect. The truth is, a team that talks to each other instead of about each other is unstoppable. 💡 How does your team keep the lines of communication healthy? Drop a comment below - sharing is caring. 🌟 Let's lead! 💥 #leadership #purpose #rolemodeling #orgculture #eq

In a world where interactions define our relationships, the importance of authenticity cannot be overstated. We've all encountered colleagues who charm us in person but engage in backtalk behind closed doors. Authentic communication is the linchpin of healthy relationships, both personally and professionally. Leading by example, embracing vulnerability, and being mindful of our words can foster a culture where consistency and trust flourish. Encouraging diverse voices further enriches our collective experience, creating spaces where people can thrive, collaborate, and grow. However, the negative impact of encountering colleagues who speak differently behind closed doors is profound, particularly for those on the receiving end. Such behavior erodes trust, creating an atmosphere of uncertainty and discomfort. When individuals witness a discrepancy between what is said to their face and what is discussed in private, it fractures the foundation of trust they may have built with those colleagues. Broken trust can lead to a range of consequences, undermining psychological safety, hindering collaboration, and stifling creativity. Employees may become hesitant to share ideas or concerns, fearing that their words might be used against them. This, in turn, hampers overall productivity and team effectiveness. Moreover, the emotional toll on the individual experiencing this breach of trust can be significant. It can lead to feelings of betrayal, self-doubt, and increased stress. The workplace should ideally be a space where individuals feel supported and valued, and when trust is shattered, it jeopardizes the well-being of the affected individuals and the overall team dynamics. Addressing these issues promptly and promoting a culture of openness and authenticity is crucial for repairing trust and creating a healthier work environment.

"Of the 10 behaviours and cultural issues that leaders identified as barriers to courage, there was one issue that leaders ranked as the greatest concern: Avoiding tough conversations, including giving honest, productive feedback. Some leaders attributed this to a lack of courage, others to a lack of skills, and, shockingly, more than half talked about a cultural norm of “nice and polite” that’s leveraged as an excuse to avoid tough conversations" (Brown) Whatever the reason, there was saturation across the data that the consequences of avoiding tough conversations or tapping out of a difficult rumble as soon as it gets uncomfortable include: Diminishing trust and engagement; Increases in problematic behaviour, including passive-aggressive behaviour, talking behind people’s backs, pervasive backchannel communication (or “the meeting after the meeting”), gossip, and the “dirty yes” (when I say yes to your face and then go behind your back); and...decreasing performance due to a lack of clarity and shared purpose. Brown suggest having the hard conversations are vital. She has a simple, but powerful view. It’s simple but transformative: Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind. She suggests feeding people half-truths or bullshit to make them feel better (which is almost always about making ourselves feel more comfortable) is unkind. Not getting clear with a colleague about your expectations because it feels too hard, yet holding them accountable or blaming them for not delivering is unkind. Talking about people rather than to them is unkind. Being clear is not only helpful, it's actually being kind. Being unclear about expectations, fuzzy on what you really need, or dancing around the elephants, is actually unkind — it sets people up to fail, and creates problems in the future. This approach takes courage. If we take the opportunity to have clear conversations, coming from a position of compassion, transparency and curiosity, we start to create a feedback culture - a culture where difficult conversations are had at all levels, where negative gossip and politics are reduced, where anxiety is reduced and the right conversations are had, at the right time and the right way. There are many great feedback models out there that can help you have these conversations, AID (although I would add ‘intent’ to this, so check your intent, declare & assume good intent) being one easy tool to use. Having the ‘conversations’ in some organisations is a risky business and sends fear down the spines of many people. And if the prevailing culture is one of fear and low psychologically safety, you can’t just expect people to start “speaking up” because we “tell” them to. You have to build a climate where people feel safe to share and have the conversations that are needed. One where there are no repercussions for bringing your thoughts (skilfully & respectfully) to the table is welcomed and celebrated. You must do the work on creating psychological safety!

In my career, I've dealt with many complicated issues of workplace gossip, which have had far-reaching implications on team dynamics, individual well-being, and overall organizational health. I've observed that those who engage in gossip often do so to divert attention from their own insecurities, gaining a distorted sense of satisfaction from discussing others' weaknesses or secrets. What's particularly alarming is how easily people who aren't initially involved in gossip can become entangled in its web, either knowingly or unknowingly. This expansion of the gossip network amplifies its damaging effects, eroding trust and breaking down team cohesion. Beyond individual distress, which in extreme cases leads to serious mental health crises, gossip has been a significant factor in workplace discord, high turnover rates, and even legal complications for the company. To address these issues, my interventions have included one-on-one talks with the employees involved, during which the ethical and professional consequences of their conduct were discussed. Additionally, group sessions have been conducted to address and resolve conflicts that have arisen from gossip-related incidents.  Promoting transparent communication channels within the organization helps to minimize the occurrence and impact of such disruptive conversations. One of the most effective strategies is encouraging employees to ask, "Why are you telling me this?" when confronted with gossip. This simple question forces the gossiper to pause and think about their intentions, often defusing the situation right there. By understanding the psychology and motivations behind gossip, and by taking targeted actions, I've seen improvements in team dynamics and overall workplace wellness. #HRInsights #WorkplaceWellness #TeamDynamics #ConflictResolution #EmotionalIntelligence #TrustInWorkplace #HRInsights #WorkplaceWellness #TeamDynamics #ConflictResolution #EmotionalIntelligence #TrustInWorkplace #ManagerialChallenges 

BCC in Emails: A Shortcut That Can Break Trust One of the smallest tools in email is BCC , which can have the biggest impact on trust. In the early days of your career, you’ll notice how much corporate life runs on emails. Not just what’s written, but who’s marked and who’s silently watching. Let’s talk about BCC. It’s called Blind Carbon Copy and that “blind” part says it all. When someone BCCs another person in an email, that recipient is invisible to others. It’s like having someone listen in on a conversation without telling you. Now think about this: You get a mail pointing out a delay or a mistake. You read it, reflect on it, maybe even feel bad. Then, later you learn that a senior was quietly looped in. That’s when it doesn’t just feel like feedback. It feels like betrayal. So, when is BCC right? Yes, it has its place while sending mass mails, protecting email IDs, or internal updates when needed. But when it comes to people, feedback, or learning moments—transparency beats stealth. Here’s the advice: As a future professional or leader, don’t let BCC do the talking for you. If someone needs feedback, talk to them. If a senior needs to know, be upfront. If you want to build a team, let your words echo with honesty, not hidden copies. Because in corporate life, it’s not the mistakes that break people, it’s the silence and the shadows around them..