How to Pause Before Difficult Conversations

EMOTIONAL IQ > This week before you respond to an email, phone call, or not so pleasant situation, be careful on being so reactionary. When you receive an unpleasant email, it’s always a good practice when you write an email response, to NOT hit send. Come back to it. You will often read the email and say to yourself, what was I thinking responding like this. You can then send a much calmer and more appropriate response later. Or when you receive an unpleasant voicemail, do not respond with a phone call right away. Give yourself time to collect your thoughts and then respond later when you can have a much calmer and intelligent conversation. We need to be giving greater emphasis to the importance of how we respond to the emotion’s communication can trigger. A step back can be one of the most helpful decisions you can make. It is always good to hit pause since it helps you compose your thoughts and brings you into the present moment. For interactions with people, just hold off and listen. There’s no rule that you have to say anything immediately. Notice the thoughts that go through your mind and simply observe them without attachment. Where possible don’t feel you need to respond immediately as it can be very important to give yourself time. In other words, WAIT before responding to work out what needs to be considered most in making important decisions. This does not show weakness but can be an important opportunity for working out what needs to be given priority in decision-making which is not always what our emotions can trigger in us. Embrace a 10 second rule. Whenever the temperature in a conversation starts to go up, pause for 10 seconds before you respond. That's it--just stop and wait. In almost every situation where a conversation is getting out of hand, the 10-second rule can help diffuse your emotions and refocus on the people and your purpose. You'll be surprised how much time 10 seconds really is in terms of giving you a chance to collect your emotions and your thoughts. You might be even more surprised to discover how effective it is at getting a conversation back on track. The ability to not react when provoked is a superpower. It saves energy, lives, and preserves relationships. Afterall, showing your emotions in an email or during a conversation is like bleeding in front of a shark. It’s not going to turn out well for you. Your ability to communicate effectively is your most critical skill. More so as a manager or leader…your ability to produce results as a leader is constrained directly by your ability to communicate with your team, peers, and superiors. You cannot see your reflection in boiling water. Similarly, you cannot see the truth in a state of anger. When the waters calm, clarity comes. Cheers! JR

In a recent exchange with an SVP of Finance at a Fortune 500 company, we delved into the art of communication, particularly the power of silence and pausing. Despite her extensive knowledge and the respect she commands, underscored by her leadership in a monumental $1 billion+ acquisition, there's a noticeable tendency to over communicate during meetings. This isn't uncommon among high achievers; her intellect races, compelling her speech to follow suit, often leading to repetition and verbosity. This not only risks underestimating the audience's understanding but also reveals an underlying discomfort with silence. However, embracing silence can be transformative. We explored the deliberate practice of pausing before speaking or presenting an idea. This brief interlude allows for thoughts to be organized coherently, ensuring the communication is concise and impactful. Initially, the silence may feel unsettling, but it fosters a more thoughtful exchange, bolstering the speaker's confidence while granting the listener a moment to fully engage with the message being delivered. The lesson here is profound: Don't fear silence. In the realm of effective communication, it's a powerful tool. It affords us the opportunity to refine our thoughts, to present them with clarity and precision. For those of us accustomed to filling every moment with words, learning to pause can feel counterintuitive. Yet, it is in these moments of quiet reflection that our true communicative prowess can shine, leading to more meaningful and impactful interactions. So, the next time you find yourself meandering in conversation or over elaborating a point, remember the strength found in pause. Silence, far from being a communication gap, is a bridge to greater understanding and connection. #EffectiveCommunication #LeadershipInsights #LeadershipDevelopment

Let’s be real. Not every conversation you have will be smooth sailing. You’ve probably been there—someone catches you completely off guard with a comment that feels like a subtle dig… or maybe not so subtle. It might come across as sarcastic or even insulting. Your first instinct might be to get defensive or shut down. But if you want to maintain your front-row presence, here’s your power move: Pause. Breathe. Ask a Question. When you feel that sting of a potentially insulting comment, here’s what I want you to do: Don’t react — respond instead, after taking a pause Take a deep breath — literally. This will instantly calm your nervous system.  Ask a clarifying question.  One of these works beautifully:  “That sounded like a dig—was that your intent?”  “That came across as sarcastic—was that what you meant?”  “That sounded like an insult, was that your intent?” Don’t ask all three. Pick one. And ask it calmly, curiously, and without sarcasm of your own. This simple, assertive question flips the energy. It puts the ball in their court. Now, they’re the one who has to explain, clarify, or walk it back. Why This Works:  You’re divesting emotionally from the interaction. Instead of taking it personally, you’re gathering information.   You’re showing up as a confident, credible communicator, not someone who gets rattled.   You’re giving yourself time to process, reflect, and respond instead of reacting.  Bonus Tip: Ask Them to Repeat It (The Right Way) Sometimes a comment hits you so hard or fast that you’re just… stunned. You have no words. That’s okay. You can always say: “I didn’t quite catch that—can you say it again?” Say it from a place of genuine inquiry, not aggression. There’s a big difference between calmly saying, “Can you repeat that?” and flaring up with “Oh really? Say that again.” Front-Row Takeaway: Difficult conversations will happen. But you can choose to meet them with calm composure.  Keep your front-row seat by:  Taking a breath  Asking for clarity  Staying curious, not combative Because in the end, your confidence, your composure, and your credibility are always within your control. Here’s to holding your power, one breath at a time. See you in the front-row.

Conflict gets a bad rap in the workplace. Early in my career, I believed conflict had no place in a healthy workplace. As I progressed, I realized that it was quite the contrary. The lack of conflict isn't a sign of a healthy work culture, rather it is an indication that important debates, discussions and differing viewpoints are being disregarded or suppressed. This insight revealed another key aspect: high-performing teams do not shy away from conflict. They embrace it, leveraging diverse opinions to drive optimal outcomes for customers. What sets these teams apart is their ability to handle conflict constructively. So how can this be achieved? I reached out to my friend Andrea Stone, Leadership Coach and Founder of Stone Leadership, for some tips on effectively managing conflict in the workplace. Here's the valuable guidance she provided: 1. Pause: Take a moment to assess your feelings in the heat of the moment. Be curious about your emotions, resist immediate reactions, and take the time to understand the why behind your feelings. 2. Seek the Other Perspective: Engage genuinely, listen intently, show real interest, and ask pertinent questions. Remember to leave your preconceived judgments at the door. 3. Acknowledge Their Perspective: Express your understanding of their viewpoint. If their arguments have altered your perspective, don't hesitate to share this with them. 4. Express Your Viewpoint: If your opinion remains unswayed, seek permission to explain your perspective and experiences. Remember to speak from your viewpoint using "I" statements. 5. Discuss the Bigger Objective: Identify common grounds and goals. Understand that each person might have a different, bigger picture in mind. This process can be taxing, so prepare beforehand. In prolonged conflict situations, don't hesitate to suggest breaks to refresh and refuel mentally, physically, and emotionally. 6. Know Your Limits: If the issue is of significant importance to you, be aware of your boundaries. For those familiar with negotiation tactics, know your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement). 7. Finalize Agreements: Once an agreement has been reached, continue the engagement to agree on responsibilities and timeframes. This ensures clarity on the outcome and commitments made. PS: Approach such situations with curiosity and assume others are trying to do the right thing. 🔁 Useful? I would appreciate a repost. Image Credit: Hari Haralambiev ----- Follow me, tap the (🔔) Omar Halabieh for daily Leadership and Career posts.

The Ignored Soft Skill That Can Destroy Your Life & Career as a Leader. In my entrepreneurial and professional journey, I have the privilege to lead and serve in different leadership capacities. I have learned a thing or two from my practical experience. In leadership, especially entrepreneurial leadership, patience is not just a virtue; it is a strategic advantage. Oftentimes, in entrepreneurship, speed is an advantage however, hasty decisions often miss crucial details, while measured responses benefit from deeper insight. Here is my belief, leaders who pause before responding demonstrate control not only over their decisions but also over their emotions. This restraint can be transformative, both personally and professionally. Imagine you're confronted with a tough decision or a critical comment. The instinct might be to react immediately, but there's immense power in pausing. It tells your team or clients that you value thoughtful decisions over quick fixes. This practice of pausing allows you to gather more information, consult more broadly, and consider the implications of your actions more fully. It’s about crafting responses that are not only correct but also considerate and constructive. I always say, "There is nothing wrong telling someone to give you time to think about something." Personally as a Kingdom person, I believe and rely strongly on the leadership of the Holy Spirit in decision making. My team will always often hear me say, "Give me time to pray about it." You see, pausing to think, meditate or pray provides a moment of reflection that is essential in today’s fast-paced world. It allows leaders like us to align their actions with their values and the larger goals of their organization. It shows that they are not swayed by the heat of the moment but guided by a consistent ethical compass. This does more than improve decision-making; it enhances your relationships. How does this enhance relationships? You may be asking. You see, when people see a leader who reflects before reacting, they see someone who respects and considers the perspectives of others. This builds trust and respect, foundational elements of successful teams. Embracing a slower response time might seem counterintuitive in a world that values speed. However, for those in leadership, it is a clear path to more thoughtful, ethical, and effective leadership. It is a simple strategy with profound impacts on your leadership journey and beyond. Do you agree with me? Blessings! Dr. Joybert Javnyuy #Leadership #Entrepreneurship #career  #20daylinkedinchallengewithhaoma #linkedinacceleratorwithlynn