How to Overcome Conversation Avoidance

Your brain is wired to avoid conflict at all costs. Avoiding hard conversations doesn’t eliminate problems-it multiplies them. I’ve worked with countless first-time managers, VPs, and even senior executives who freeze when it’s time to: - Give tough feedback - Address poor performance - Set firm boundaries - Have that uncomfortable talk with an underperforming team member Why does this happen? Because biologically, your brain still thinks conflict = danger.  When faced with confrontation, your amygdala (the fear center of your brain) hijacks your response system. - Heart rate spikes. - Hands get clammy. - Your brain perceives the conversation as a threat, triggering fight, flight, or freeze.  This is why so many leaders either: - Overreact (aggressive, defensive, emotional outbursts) - Shut down (avoid the issue, sugarcoat, delay tough calls) The result? - Performance issues linger. - Low accountability erodes culture. - Leaders lose credibility. The best organizations-the ones that scale, retain top talent, and build elite teams-don’t just train leaders on strategy. They train them on emotional regulation and communication.  How Elite Leaders Stay Calm & In Control During Tough Talks  1. Hack Your Nervous System with Tactical Breathing Your breath controls your physiology. Try box breathing (4-4-4-4): Inhale 4 sec → Hold 4 sec → Exhale 4 sec → Hold 4 sec. Navy SEALs use this under combat stress—it works in boardrooms too.  2. Reframe the Conversation in Your Mind Instead of “This is going to be a brutal conversation,” say “This is an opportunity to align expectations and help someone grow.” Shift from confrontation → collaboration.  3. Use Nonverbal Cues to De-Escalate Lower your tone. Slow down your speech. Maintain open body language. People mirror your energy—if you stay calm, they will too.  4. Replace “Softening” Phrases with Direct, Clear Statements - “I feel like maybe there’s a small issue with your performance…” ✅ “Here’s what I’ve observed, and here’s what needs to change.” Clarity is kindness. Sugarcoating only confuses people.  Why This Matters for Companies Investing in Leadership Training - 85% of employees say poor leadership communication causes workplace stress. (Forbes) - 69% of managers say they’re uncomfortable communicating with employees. (HBR) - Companies with emotionally intelligent leadership see 34% higher retention rates. (Case Study Group at Cornell) If your company isn’t training leaders on handling tough conversations, you’re losing talent, productivity, and trust. Want to build a leadership culture where tough conversations drive growth instead of fear? Let’s talk. #LeadershipTraining #ExecutiveCoaching #CommunicationSkills #LeadershipDevelopment #CultureOfAccountability #EmotionalIntelligence #HighPerformanceTeams

One of the toughest tests of your leadership isn't how you handle success. It's how you navigate disagreement. I noticed this in the SEAL Teams and in my work with executives: Those who master difficult conversations outperform their peers not just in team satisfaction, but in decision quality and innovation. The problem? Most of us enter difficult conversations with our nervous system already in a threat state. Our brain literally can't access its best thinking when flooded with stress hormones. Through years of working with high-performing teams, I've developed what I call The Mindful Disagreement Framework. Here's how it works: 1. Pause Before Engaging (10 seconds) When triggered by disagreement, take a deliberate breath. This small reset activates your prefrontal cortex instead of your reactive limbic system. Your brain physically needs this transition to think clearly. 2. Set Psychological Safety (30 seconds) Start with: "I appreciate your perspective and want to understand it better. I also have some different thoughts to share." This simple opener signals respect while creating space for different viewpoints. 3. Lead with Curiosity, Not Certainty (2 minutes) Ask at least three questions before stating your position. This practice significantly increases the quality of solutions because it broadens your understanding before narrowing toward decisions. 4. Name the Shared Purpose (1 minute) "We both want [shared goal]. We're just seeing different paths to get there." This reminds everyone you're on the same team, even with different perspectives. 5. Separate Impact from Intent (30 seconds) "When X happened, I felt Y, because Z. I know that wasn't your intention." This formula transforms accusations into observations. Last month, I used this exact framework in a disagreement. The conversation that could have damaged our relationship instead strengthened it. Not because we ended up agreeing, but because we disagreed respectfully. (It may or may not have been with my kid!) The most valuable disagreements often feel uncomfortable. The goal isn't comfort. It's growth. What difficult conversation are you avoiding right now? Try this framework tomorrow and watch what happens to your leadership influence. ___ Follow me, Jon Macaskill for more leadership focused content. And feel free to repost if someone in your life needs to hear this. 📩 Subscribe to my newsletter here → https://lnkd.in/g9ZFxDJG You'll get FREE access to my 21-Day Mindfulness & Meditation Course packed with real, actionable strategies to lead with clarity, resilience, and purpose.

Starting a difficult conversation at work can feel really intimidating and overwhelming. You know it’s necessary, but where do you even begin without causing more issues? 🤔 Thing is, having these conversations is crucial for a healthy workplace. As much as you may want to avoid them, we need them. The good news is, there are ways we can navigate these conversations in a healthy and productive way. So, here are tips to initiate challenging convos: 🎯 Prepare yourself. Before diving in, take some deep breaths to calm your nervous system and a moment to reflect on your goals for the conversation. What is your intention and the ideal outcome? What other ways could this turn out? How can you cope with an outcome that is different from your vision? Going in with a level of clarity in your own mind can lead to a more focused and effective discussion. 🕒 Choose the right time and place. Timing is everything. Find a private, neutral setting where both parties feel comfortable and are less likely to be interrupted. 🗣️ Be clear and direct. Clearly and calmly state the issue but do so with respect and understanding. This can help lower guards and reduce misunderstandings. 🤝 Focus on solutions. Approach the conversation with a solution-oriented mindset instead of just showing up with more problems to call out. I always like to have some ideas of my own and make sure I open the door to hear theirs as well. When you can listen actively to their side, rather than pointing fingers, it encourages a more productive and less defensive dialogue. 🌱 Follow up. After the conversation, check in with the other person. This can help show you’re committed to ongoing support and resolving the issue together. Difficult conversations are part of growth personally and professionally and help us to create a psychologically safe workplace. By approaching them thoughtfully, we can turn challenges into opportunities for understanding and collaboration. 👇 Have you had to start a tough conversation at work? How did you approach it? Share your experiences and tips! Creating norms around difficult conversations tends to come up in our Psychological Safety training programs. DM me to learn more! 🖤 Create a great day! #MakoMindfulness #MindfulnessTraining #StressManagement #PsychologicalSafety #TrainingAndDevelopment #StaffDevelopment

🔥 Radical leaders don't avoid difficult conversations. They transform them. The most courageous act in leadership? Not the big presentation. Not the tough budget call. Not the strategic pivot. It's sitting across from someone and speaking truth with kindness when every instinct tells you to run. I've coached C-suite leaders who'd rather resign than have a five-minute conversation about performance. I've lived this personally. The conversations I feared most became the moments that defined my leadership. Truth: Psychological safety isn't built on avoiding hard truths. It is built on how we deliver them. 3 principles that transform difficult conversations: 1️⃣ Lead with curiosity, not conclusion. "I noticed X and I'm curious about what's happening" opens doors that "You did X wrong" slams shut. This works across differences. When we're curious, we create belonging. 2️⃣ Honor the whole human. Before addressing what someone did, acknowledge who they are. The most inclusive teams remember: Performance is just one dimension of a multidimensional human. 3️⃣ Make it safe to be uncomfortable. The best leaders don't minimize tension. They normalize it. "This conversation might feel uncomfortable, and that's okay. We'll navigate it together." Your team isn't waiting for a perfect leader. They're waiting for a real one. 👇 What difficult conversation are you avoiding right now? What might be possible if you transformed it instead? In Community and Conversation, 🧡 Jim P.S. My August calendar for "Courageous Conversations" has three spots remaining for leaders ready to build truly inclusive teams. Message me for details. Book an introductory meeting at the link in my Bio.

I struggled with difficult conversations. Oftentimes, outright avoiding them. It's not something that I was taught or modeled growing up. So it's been a journey. With intentional work and a desire to learn, I have gotten better. In fact, I am much better. These are some of the hallmarks that help me navigate difficult conversations. While things do not always go as planned, I view these principles as flotation devices that I use when I'm in rough waters. In this carousel, I share 7 tips, highlighting what to avoid and what to keep in mind. 1. Prepare with purpose & empathy 2. Start off with psychological safety 3. Share observable & specific behaviors 4. Name the impact & emotions 5. Invite their perspective 6. Co-create next steps 7. Reaffirm the relationship Even for people comfortable with difficult conversations, it does not mean they are skilled. Hopefully, this resource helps you along your journey. What's one hallmark you rely on when navigating difficult conversations? Share it below! *** ♻️ Re-post or share so others can lead more effectively 🔔 Turn on notifications for daily posts 🤓 Follow me at Scott J. Allen, Ph.D. for daily content on leadership 📌 Design by Bela Jevtovic

Early in my career, I needed to tell a senior executive that his behavior was harming morale. I 𝐀𝐆𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐙𝐄𝐃 over how to have this tough talk without endangering my job. There was no easy way around it. This was going to be 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐃. Ultimately, we sat down together in a neutral setting. I focused on my desire to see the team thrive. The executive, while surprised, appreciated my honesty. We had an open dialogue, and things improved. It was a growth moment for both of us. 𝐒𝐔𝐂𝐂𝐄𝐒𝐒! 𝘏𝘖𝘞'𝘋 𝘐 𝘋𝘖 𝘐𝘛? Here are three things that have always worked best for me: 1. 𝐁𝐞 𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐜𝐮𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐞, not the person. Make it about solving problems, not attacking character. 2. Listen first, then speak. 𝐒𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 before asking to be understood. 3. 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐨𝐧 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝. Align on shared goals and good intentions to prevent discord. Courageous conversations require emotional intelligence, empathy, and care. With the right mindset and approach, you can express yourself effectively while minimizing defensiveness in others. 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒅𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒆𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒔𝒖𝒄𝒄𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒇𝒖𝒍? Share one tip below for constructively having necessary but tough talks. I look forward to learning from your experiences!

This week I met Joseph Grenny, co-author of "Crucial Conversations", and it reminded me of a lesson most managers forget. 🎯 We don’t talk about hard things enough. We pass it off as too "small" to address: ↳ That nice teammate who keeps missing deadlines ↳ That person in a meeting who constantly interrupts you ↳ The tension with your boss you can’t quite place Meanwhile these small moments kill motivation, morale, and performance. The first step to fixing a slugging team isn’t always "work harder". It’s having the damn conversation so you can create a shared path forward. If you haven't read this incredible book (link below) here are the basics: ⭐️ Crucial conversations are where leadership is tested––the stakes are high, opinions differ, and emotions run hot. 1️⃣ WORK ON YOURSELF ↳ Get unstuck: Check in, what do you need to have this conversation? ↳ Start with Heart: Clarify what you want and don't want from the talk. ↳ Master my stories: Check the stories you’re telling yourself 2️⃣ STATE YOUR PATH ↳ Share facts ↳ Tell your story ↳ Ask for others’ paths ↳ Talk tentatively ↳ Encourage testing 3️⃣ CREATE SHARED MEANING ↳ Learn to look: Watch for signs of silence or aggression. ↳ Make it safe: Pause the convo and rebuild trust as needed. ↳ Explore others’ paths: Listen deeply to their viewpoint. 4️⃣ MOVE TO ACTION Only when you've created shared meaning, can you: ↳ Decide who does what and by when ↳ Follow up and ensure accountability It sounds simple, but crucial conversations is the hardest skill to learn. It's also probably one of the most important factors for team success. A huge thank you to Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler for writing one of the best books in leadership development. --- Have you ever avoided or addressed a conversation? What did you experience? What conversations are your managers avoiding? Let me know in the comments, and let’s talk about it! Did this resonate? Share it with your LinkedIn audience! We're always looking to spread great knowledge and information. ♻️ And follow me (Yen Tan) for more manager dev and L&D shenanigans.