How to Navigate Individual Level Conflict

Conflict gets a bad rap in the workplace. Early in my career, I believed conflict had no place in a healthy workplace. As I progressed, I realized that it was quite the contrary. The lack of conflict isn't a sign of a healthy work culture, rather it is an indication that important debates, discussions and differing viewpoints are being disregarded or suppressed. This insight revealed another key aspect: high-performing teams do not shy away from conflict. They embrace it, leveraging diverse opinions to drive optimal outcomes for customers. What sets these teams apart is their ability to handle conflict constructively. So how can this be achieved? I reached out to my friend Andrea Stone, Leadership Coach and Founder of Stone Leadership, for some tips on effectively managing conflict in the workplace. Here's the valuable guidance she provided: 1. Pause: Take a moment to assess your feelings in the heat of the moment. Be curious about your emotions, resist immediate reactions, and take the time to understand the why behind your feelings. 2. Seek the Other Perspective: Engage genuinely, listen intently, show real interest, and ask pertinent questions. Remember to leave your preconceived judgments at the door. 3. Acknowledge Their Perspective: Express your understanding of their viewpoint. If their arguments have altered your perspective, don't hesitate to share this with them. 4. Express Your Viewpoint: If your opinion remains unswayed, seek permission to explain your perspective and experiences. Remember to speak from your viewpoint using "I" statements. 5. Discuss the Bigger Objective: Identify common grounds and goals. Understand that each person might have a different, bigger picture in mind. This process can be taxing, so prepare beforehand. In prolonged conflict situations, don't hesitate to suggest breaks to refresh and refuel mentally, physically, and emotionally. 6. Know Your Limits: If the issue is of significant importance to you, be aware of your boundaries. For those familiar with negotiation tactics, know your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement). 7. Finalize Agreements: Once an agreement has been reached, continue the engagement to agree on responsibilities and timeframes. This ensures clarity on the outcome and commitments made. PS: Approach such situations with curiosity and assume others are trying to do the right thing. 🔁 Useful? I would appreciate a repost. Image Credit: Hari Haralambiev ----- Follow me, tap the (🔔) Omar Halabieh for daily Leadership and Career posts.

From a former Google Director on difficult conversations, negotiation, coaching and transparency. "Regarding hard conversations, I have one trick which I use over and over again. It's transparency and bringing people around to the same side of the table. For example, in the past, when I needed to have conversations with staff who were performing very poorly, I'd say: "So and so, it's not working out. We had this goal for you. You haven't hit the goal, and we've come to the end of the road." It's a terrible conversation. It's awful. But I got used to it. However, what I discovered is much more effective is to flip the conversation to something like the following: "Here's the problem that we're trying to solve as a group, and you know this. This is what the result has been. We're not getting there. What is your analysis of what's going on?" Usually, they start seeing things from your POV and the results are better in every respect, from the discomfort of the conversation to the results. Often employee will reflect on the issue and almost fire themselves. Or, if they shouldn't be fired, you may come out from the conversation like, "Huh, this person's actually really thoughtful. Had a great idea. We set this up poorly." "I think the same kind of approach works with so many things, i.e., just letting somebody else in on what you're grappling with. Then amazingly, there's limited conflict and they help solve your problem." "In each of these situations - conflict, management, hard lessons, leadership presence - they're all basically different UIs on top of the same underlying stack. That stack is built out of bringing the people into your planning and thinking process as transparently as possible."

Hard conversations don’t have to be quite so hard if you understand how to approach them — and what to say. Preparation is important. Before the #conversation, give thought to what you want for the relationship. I once had a boss I didn’t fancy all the much (haven’t we all!) When I stopped to consider what I wanted for the relationship, I realized we didn’t have to like each other—but it was important that we respect each other. With that in mind, I started the conversation with a statement of mutual respect and a curious mindset. If you are approaching someone about a behavior, you’d like them to stop, this wording might be helpful: “(Name) I really appreciate X about you. There is one thing I’m curious about though. I’ve noticed you often do Y. Help me understand how Y helps you do Z.” A statement like this mitigates defensiveness and gives insight into why the other person does what they do. You can then share how the behavior impacts you and move to brainstorming a solution. My boss and I never warmed up to each other. But I did get her to stop looking at her watch & rolling her eyes when I arrived at the office at 9:30 am each day implying I was late and lazy. She had never before realized that when she left the office at 3:00 pm, I was still there. And would be until 7:00 pm. Preparation = managing nerves = mutual respect = an easier ‘hard’ conversation. #toughconversations #crucialconversations #courageousconversations

Managing conflict in my team is never easy but it's part of the job. Handling conflict within my team is a task that comes with its set of challenges, but it's essential for keeping the team functional and happy. Here's how I typically go about running a team meeting to address conflict: 1. Recognizing the Source: First, I identify what's causing the conflict. Before we even sit down for a meeting, I pinpoint what's causing the issue by talking to everyone involved. This usually involves speaking privately with the team members involved to understand their viewpoints. 2. Establish Objectives: Before calling the meeting, I define what we aim to achieve. Is it conflict resolution, finding a middle ground, or simply airing out grievances? Knowing the objective helps structure the conversation. 3. Set Guidelines: I establish ground rules for the meeting to ensure a safe space. This includes allowing everyone to speak without interruption and keeping the conversation respectful and on-point. 4. Facilitate Dialogue: During the meeting, I act as a facilitator rather than a dictator. I guide the conversation, ensure everyone has a say, and keep the discussion focused on the issue, not personal attacks. 5. Reach an Agreement: Once everyone has had their say, we work towards a solution. This is usually a compromise that may not satisfy everyone entirely but serves the greater good of the team. 6. Action Plan: We end the meeting by laying out an action plan, defining who will do what, by when, to resolve the issue. 7. Follow-Up: A few days to a week after the meeting, I follow up with the individuals involved and the team as a whole to ensure that the action items are being implemented and to see if the conflict has been resolved or reduced. By approaching conflict with a structured, open dialogue, and a focus on resolution, I find we can often turn what could be a divisive issue into an opportunity for team growth. "The best way to resolve conflicts is facing them, not avoiding them." Have a Positive, Productive and Safe Day! #TeamConflict #ConflictResolution #Leadership #TeamGrowth #EffectiveCommunication

Just because I don’t agree with someone doesn’t mean I don’t want to foster a good relationship with them. But when differences of opinion are strong, when it’s hard to discuss a topic without stirring up friction, or when the topic is one that’s highly charged with emotion, how do we engage in authentic discussion without being sucked into a damaging disagreement?    As my good friend and colleague Dave Berke says, I try to “engage without engaging” by asking, “Tell me more about how you came to that view.”   This simple comment shows respect and shows that I’m listening. It builds the relationship by moving the conversation forward with an earnest interest in learning about the other person while at the same time shifting the focus off the point of the conversation that may just create conflict.   Rather than ending up in an argument, keep an open mind and focus on maintaining the relationship.   #conflictmanagement #leadershipmindset

📣 If you’re a startup founder, you can’t afford not to know how to have crucial conversations. This can make or break your entrepreneurial journey. While I certainly have plenty of room to improve, the book “Crucial Conversations” changed how I think about hard conversations where relationships are built and important decisions made. Here are 4 great takeaways: 1️⃣ Focus on the Problem and the Goals of the conversation: The goal of a conversation is rarely to win an argument, but often hard conversations evolve into that. Tensions run high and it no longer becomes about solving a problem and moving the company forward, but being right. It’s important to go into conversations with clear the Goals in mind and push ego aside. 2️⃣ Create psychological safety Difficult conversations are inevitable, and that’s especially true in a startup setting, so you need to embrace them as opportunities for growth and innovation. Focus on creating an environment where your team feels safe to voice their opinions, challenge ideas, and provide feedback. The name of the game is “psychological safety,” and that means people feel free to speak without judgement or consequence. The more of this you can create, the better. 3️⃣ Master the art of the conversation If you can’t articulate your thoughts clearly and listen actively with empathy, you have not yet mastered the art of the conversation. You need it to build trust and better relationships with investors, your team, and any other stakeholders. Do you ask open-ended questions? Do you focus on facts over assumptions? Start there and you’ll see a difference. 4️⃣ Stay focused on mutual goals and respect in high-stakes conversations There will be conversations that determine the future of the business. Most of the time, you will prepare for them. But what about the ones you don’t see coming? Increase the chance of a positive outcome by bringing it back to mutual goals and respect as much as you can. When conversations go south, it’s typically because the two parties feel threatened and either gravitate towards silence or violence. When you sense this, establish mutual respect and purpose. This will help you keep the conversation on track and diffuse most tension while positioning everyone on the same side of the table. Incorporate these lessons and watch your communication skills soar. Leave a comment on how/if this makes a difference for you! 🚀

Dreading that Difficult Conversation? Sometimes the most Difficult Part of a Difficult Conversation is getting it started. Here are 3 Techniques from 3 Thought Leaders. 1) Acknowledge Responsibility - Mel Robbins State your responsibility for the cause of the conversation - "I recognize that I should have shared these misses with you sooner" This is my most common go-to. In nearly all conversations I address how I could have done more first. This allows me to diffuse the other person's emotions. And as Mel puts it: Set a more level playing field. 2) "I am going to say this in a kind way, but at the same time I want to be 100% clear" - Josh Etress ⚡️ Josh directs us to - Say this, in a low, slow, and direct voice. Braces the person for what is to come. Add "I know this isn't going to be easy" at the beginning to prepare the person emotionally. I have used this a few times recently and it is a great starter. For myself and my nerves and the emotions of the person receiving. 3) "I need to have an uncomfortable conversation with you." - Simon Sinek Allows them to be prepared and less defensive. And if you do not trust your skills for having the conversation, the next bit of advice is fantastic: "I am afraid of having this conversation because I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing or it'll come out the wrong way and make things worse. So please be patient with me as I fumble through this but it is more important to me that I have the conversation and try to address this situation than to avoid it because this relationship matters to me and I want to go through this with you. Can we have this conversation now? Here I have acknowledged that the conversation may be clunky. I also ask for permission - to ensure that the person is ready for the conversation as well. By acknowledging these things up front, saying the wrong thing can be addressed immediately and not derail a conversation. In any Difficult Conversation, having the conversation is most important. And I hope 1 of these 3 ways helps you to get it started. Move towards Conflict. Make Growth happen.

Three hacks I recommend to my executive coaching clients before they go into a challenging conversation: 1️⃣ Ground in your values before you go into the conversation. Write down three words to answer this question: "How do I want to be perceived by the person I'm talking with today?" This is a fast way to check that your planned behavior aligns with your values. 2️⃣ Get curious. Google the "Ted Lasso get curious scene" if you need inspiration. Many times, conflict happens because two people simply aren't seeing each other. They get so stuck in their own perspective, fears, and hurt that they aren't able to see the other person's viewpoint. Go into the conversation with the intention of asking questions to better understand the person across from you. 3️⃣ Reflect the other person's perspective. Even if you disagree with someone, you can always make them feel heard. You can listen to them and "reflect" back what you hear them saying. Say: "Here's what I hear you saying. {Summarize in your own words.} Am I getting that right?" Reflecting allows us to help another person feel heard, and then you can present your own alternative opinion on the topic. We're always going to bump with other people inside our work lives and personal lives. We're all different humans with different perspectives, values, ideas, motivations, fears, joys, and needs. When we're different, we will naturally bump into others. Our goal isn't to prevent friction. Our goal is to make friction a useful tool for productive conversation. As long as we can see each other, we can move forward together. We can turn conflict into a trust-breaker into a trust-maker. I want to know from you, LinkedIn friends: How do you prepare for a challenging conversation with someone?

Navigating the Thin Line Between Assertiveness and Aggression in Leadership   As a leader, especially a woman, walking the line between being perceived as assertive versus aggressive can feel impossible. I've had to navigate this throughout my career as a senior leader and executive.   Assertiveness is critical to getting what you want, need, and deserve in the workplace.   Yet, the line between assertiveness and aggression is often blurred, influenced by tone, body language, and societal expectations. This is particularly challenging for women leaders, who face stereotypes that conflict with traditional leadership qualities. I always think about a time I participated in a talent calibration where the high-performing women were described as “aggressive.” Ridiculous.   We can redefine this narrative. As women leaders, we need to embrace our strength while maintaining grace. We can be both firm and approachable, which is great because it means we’re bringing our whole selves to work.   Here are a few strategies I've found transformative: 1.   Embrace Emotional Intelligence: Success hinges on our interactions and relationships, which are super important. Developing self-awareness and managing your emotions can significantly impact your relationships and career trajectory. Consider integrating mindfulness or meditation into your routine to enhance emotional intelligence. 2.   Blend Competence with Warmth: Being a great communicator is one of the most imperative executive skills. Avoid diminishing your authority with qualifiers or apologies. Opt for clear, direct language while maintaining a friendly demeanor to balance competence with approachability. 3.   Give Feedback in Private: As a leader, you must respect the dignity of individuals on your team by providing them with private feedback. This will foster a constructive environment for learning and development and help you maintain a positive reputation. 4.   Be Concise: Lengthy explanations can be misconstrued as incompetence or aggression. Aim for succinctness to convey confidence and assertiveness. 5.   Focus on Clarity and Facts: Keep emotions in check during conflicts. Prioritize clear, fact-based communication and future-focused solutions to demonstrate leadership and collaboration. 6.   Keep a Journal: Reflect on your interactions. Keep track of the times you felt you were perceived as aggressive versus assertive. Ask someone you trust to become your accountability partner to provide you with feedback in the moment. Mastering assertiveness without tipping into aggression is going to take time. This is a marathon, not a sprint. For personalized guidance, consider a one-on-one coaching session to delve deeper into your unique strengths and challenges.   #Leadership #WomenInLeadership #Assertiveness #ProfessionalGrowth #EmotionalIntelligence #EffectiveCommunication