How to Foster Healthy Conflict

Conflict gets a bad rap in the workplace. Early in my career, I believed conflict had no place in a healthy workplace. As I progressed, I realized that it was quite the contrary. The lack of conflict isn't a sign of a healthy work culture, rather it is an indication that important debates, discussions and differing viewpoints are being disregarded or suppressed. This insight revealed another key aspect: high-performing teams do not shy away from conflict. They embrace it, leveraging diverse opinions to drive optimal outcomes for customers. What sets these teams apart is their ability to handle conflict constructively. So how can this be achieved? I reached out to my friend Andrea Stone, Leadership Coach and Founder of Stone Leadership, for some tips on effectively managing conflict in the workplace. Here's the valuable guidance she provided: 1. Pause: Take a moment to assess your feelings in the heat of the moment. Be curious about your emotions, resist immediate reactions, and take the time to understand the why behind your feelings. 2. Seek the Other Perspective: Engage genuinely, listen intently, show real interest, and ask pertinent questions. Remember to leave your preconceived judgments at the door. 3. Acknowledge Their Perspective: Express your understanding of their viewpoint. If their arguments have altered your perspective, don't hesitate to share this with them. 4. Express Your Viewpoint: If your opinion remains unswayed, seek permission to explain your perspective and experiences. Remember to speak from your viewpoint using "I" statements. 5. Discuss the Bigger Objective: Identify common grounds and goals. Understand that each person might have a different, bigger picture in mind. This process can be taxing, so prepare beforehand. In prolonged conflict situations, don't hesitate to suggest breaks to refresh and refuel mentally, physically, and emotionally. 6. Know Your Limits: If the issue is of significant importance to you, be aware of your boundaries. For those familiar with negotiation tactics, know your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement). 7. Finalize Agreements: Once an agreement has been reached, continue the engagement to agree on responsibilities and timeframes. This ensures clarity on the outcome and commitments made. PS: Approach such situations with curiosity and assume others are trying to do the right thing. 🔁 Useful? I would appreciate a repost. Image Credit: Hari Haralambiev ----- Follow me, tap the (🔔) Omar Halabieh for daily Leadership and Career posts.

At the conclusion of our last team retreat, each person shared what they learned about Bright Morning. One of my teammates shared, “I learned we can rumble without destruction.” In order for teams to be effective, they need to have conflict. Not destructive conflict. Not where people shout or are passive-aggressive or where pent-up frustrations culminate in ruptures. Teams need healthy conflict—the kind that allows for disagreements, different viewpoints, and a path forward that deepens relationships on a team.  I’m thankful to have built a team that engages in this type of conflict regularly. We are much stronger because of it. If you want to foster healthy conflict on your team, you need to plan for it. Here are four steps you can incorporate into a plan to cultivate healthy conflict with a team: 1️⃣ Start with your experience of conflict. How would you define it? What were your earliest memories of conflict? What examples did you have of healthy conflict growing up? 2️⃣ Engage in storytelling. Share about your experiences of conflict to develop greater empathy for your teammates 3️⃣ Create a shared vision for what conflict might look and sound like for your team. In "The Art of Coaching Teams", I write about the indicators of healthy conflict. Those can be a helpful starting point, but you’ll want to engage your team to generate indicators that are true for your group. 4️⃣ Practice having conflict. Choose some low-stakes scenarios to practice to test your shared vision. If you want to start with super low stakes, assign each team member an ice cream flavor and have them engage in a discussion as to why their ice cream flavor is the best. Reflect on how the conflict felt for teammates. Gradually increase the stakes. This series of steps is not a panacea. Unhealthy or toxic cultures breed the more destructive kinds of conflict. But if your team has created the structures to be a functioning team, and if your team is committed to creating a just, resilient community focused on systems transformation, then healthy conflict might be exactly what you need. Which steps have you tried? Which one are you interested in trying next?

I worked with a team that called on me to help a group of senior executives who were challenged when it came to ownership – but their leader insisted there was no issue with trust. As I debriefed these executives to learn what could be done differently to empower them, I heard from them that they were concerned about putting themselves out there to take action, ask for help, or admit mistakes. They also felt like they couldn’t have healthy conflict in meetings. All of this was rooted in one thing: TRUST. While many managers say they want to have open and trusting relationships with their team, leaders’ behaviors and actions can sometimes contradict this. For example, when a team member during our workshop found the courage to speak up about a conflict – right after I said we need to be comfortable having tough conversations – the leader became very upset and said, “Why couldn’t they say that to me one on one?” The leader’s reaction contradicted the lesson I had just shared: creating a safe space for sharing in a group setting can prevent conflict. The true measure of a person’s beliefs are what they do, not what they say. This team needed to define what trust means to them, and identify why they didn’t feel comfortable sharing mistakes and concerns. When choosing the right approach for dealing with conflict, consider these questions: > How much do I value this relationship or issue? > What are the consequences if I do nothing? > Do I have the time and energy to contribute? To create ownership, your team must feel safe to make mistakes, ask questions, share concerns, or push back. I recently used a strategy with the senior leadership team that experienced conflict in its ranks. I had my client create a code word that when one person says it, the other has to say the truth about how they feel and what’s on their mind. That team came up with the word “pizza.” Whenever someone says “pizza,” everyone in the meeting is called on to share their true thoughts about the topic at hand, without judgment or fear. Can you imagine the impact this could have on your team? PS. What would YOUR code word be?? - #lisarigoli #elementofchange #conflictresolution #psychologicalsafety #leadershipcoach

Three hacks I recommend to my executive coaching clients before they go into a challenging conversation: 1️⃣ Ground in your values before you go into the conversation. Write down three words to answer this question: "How do I want to be perceived by the person I'm talking with today?" This is a fast way to check that your planned behavior aligns with your values. 2️⃣ Get curious. Google the "Ted Lasso get curious scene" if you need inspiration. Many times, conflict happens because two people simply aren't seeing each other. They get so stuck in their own perspective, fears, and hurt that they aren't able to see the other person's viewpoint. Go into the conversation with the intention of asking questions to better understand the person across from you. 3️⃣ Reflect the other person's perspective. Even if you disagree with someone, you can always make them feel heard. You can listen to them and "reflect" back what you hear them saying. Say: "Here's what I hear you saying. {Summarize in your own words.} Am I getting that right?" Reflecting allows us to help another person feel heard, and then you can present your own alternative opinion on the topic. We're always going to bump with other people inside our work lives and personal lives. We're all different humans with different perspectives, values, ideas, motivations, fears, joys, and needs. When we're different, we will naturally bump into others. Our goal isn't to prevent friction. Our goal is to make friction a useful tool for productive conversation. As long as we can see each other, we can move forward together. We can turn conflict into a trust-breaker into a trust-maker. I want to know from you, LinkedIn friends: How do you prepare for a challenging conversation with someone?

I spent most of my life—and my early years as a manager—thinking my job was to prevent ANY kind of conflict. It's how I thought I could best protect myself and my teammates. Make people happy. Squash disagreements. Help people understand each other. And if I just worked harder at it, all our problems would be solved and we could get back to doing the work we all cared about. Easy-peasy, right? Er, no. And as I wrote in this week's Active Voice newsletter, eventually I learned the hard way that not only was that approach ineffective, it also made things so much worse—for me and everyone else, too. Here's my stance on conflict now: 🏃♂️ Beware of bypassing! When I really dug deep, I saw that all my meddling was an attempt to make MY discomfort go away. No conflicts were resolved this way—and in fact, the conflict lingered LONGER because my "saving the day" just kicked the can down the road. ☎ Backchanneling is a band-aid—not a solution. I’d talk to one side, hear their concerns, validate those concerns, and try to explain what the other group was feeling. Then repeat with the other side. But it turned into a game of telephone, and kept me in the middle. Teams need to hear from each other—not from one anxiety-riddled peacekeeper. ⚡ Friction can be a force for good! Shutting down difficult conversations cuts you off from any possibility of positive change. Conflict is a vote of confidence—it means there’s hope that things can improve, and not just on the surface. It’s an act of optimism, when wielded with care. It says: I’m not giving up on you—or this. Even if it’s really freaking uncomfortable. As a coach, I talk to people all the time who are trying to make sense of their relationship to conflict too. When is it worthwhile to speak up? When is it appropriate to insert yourself? When is it safe to be disagreeable... or perceived as disagreeable? There are no easy answers. But it's a topic worth digging into—and one Sara Wachter-Boettcher and I are going to be talking about a lot this spring: starting with a public event, bringing together a panel of speakers sharing how they've come to navigate conflict, initiate difficult conversations, and say what needs to be said. It's called Make it Awkward—and we'd love for you to join us on April 10. Get all the details on our site. https://lnkd.in/e_Mck5qu

I don’t believe conflict is a bad thing. My life has been shaped, from time to time, by powerful experiences of reconciliation, and that’s likely what led me to spend nearly a decade managing national conflict resolution programs during my time at the United States Postal Service. In both my personal life and professional life, I’ve never been afraid of a challenge—and, to me, conflict can actually be quite positive. Conflict shines a light on issues that are important to us. What turns conflict into a problem is our ability to manage it (or mismanage it). Over the years, given my vocal enthusiasm for conflict resolution, I’ve been asked for advice on the subject. I was asked recently, in fact, so I thought I’d revisit the four suggestions I always come back to. 1. Don’t be afraid to talk to the person. Approach the conversation with hope. Look for common ground. Simply engaging them is already a step in the right direction. Silence can often make things worse. 2. If the conflict doesn’t see a resolution, avoid venting to others. Speaking ill of a person can often create even more discontent. Judging or demeaning the person we’ve recently butt heads with won’t do anything besides get us more heated.  3. Consider your responsibility in the conflict. Oftentimes, our gut reaction is to blame the other person, but two of you are already involved. It never hurts to spend some time in self-reflection and consider both sides of the story. 4. Remember that a new understanding is the end goal. Conflict can be a catalyst for deeper connection, stronger appreciation, and mutual admiration when we open ourselves up to someone, even if it had a rough start. Good things can come from knowing how to deal with negative feelings (or even negative people). Bottom line: Conflict is not bad. It’s all in how you deal with it. #Conflict #Leadership #Resolution #OrganizationalDevelopment

Just because I don’t agree with someone doesn’t mean I don’t want to foster a good relationship with them. But when differences of opinion are strong, when it’s hard to discuss a topic without stirring up friction, or when the topic is one that’s highly charged with emotion, how do we engage in authentic discussion without being sucked into a damaging disagreement?    As my good friend and colleague Dave Berke says, I try to “engage without engaging” by asking, “Tell me more about how you came to that view.”   This simple comment shows respect and shows that I’m listening. It builds the relationship by moving the conversation forward with an earnest interest in learning about the other person while at the same time shifting the focus off the point of the conversation that may just create conflict.   Rather than ending up in an argument, keep an open mind and focus on maintaining the relationship.   #conflictmanagement #leadershipmindset

As a leader, I know I’ve done something wrong when... I deliver a team presentation or lead meetings and hear crickets or everyone agrees with me. It’s one of two things: → One: I have somehow built a culture where challenging me isn't acceptable → Or, two: The final outcome may fall short because we didn’t have enough dialogue around the solution. In either case, both scenarios produce mediocre results, which no one wants. Consider the Wright brothers, pioneers of aviation, and their approach to teamwork. According to the duo there’s a Wright way for constructive dialogue. The brothers were a successful team because they focused on arriving at the best possible solution. Neither was interested in winning an argument or proving a point for the sake of being right – that’s all ego.  They assumed positive intent and focused on arriving at the best possible solution. The same approach is critical to a team's success. It’s important to build a company culture where: – Teammates approach discussions with positive intent. – They are encouraged to respectfully challenge each other. – Teams ask inquisitive questions to find the best solutions, and  – Ultimately, make great decisions. When you do, unhealthy conflict fades and the team's commitment to achieving outstanding outcomes grows exponentially. At the end of the day, a silent team isn't golden. How to fix this?  Short-term, you can ask others to deliver your presentations and lead discussions with you absent.  Long-term, it's on you to change your behavior and the team’s culture. If you don’t, it's a missed opportunity for innovation.

As a leader, this is how you can take conflicts for the betterment of your team! In business, there can be a tendency to avoid conflict and encourage harmony. After all, conflict is often viewed as counterproductive - a sign that something isn't working. But suppressing diverse opinions and perspectives can hold your team back. Constructive conflict fuels progress. When differing viewpoints are brought to the table respectfully, the sparks of creativity and breakthrough thinking are sparked. As the CEO at Pronix Inc., I strive to promote psychological safety on my team - an environment where people feel comfortable engaging in debate, challenging assumptions, and thinking differently. Through open and honest dialogue, we can gain a more holistic understanding of problems. Encouraging constructive conflict leads to informed decision-making, stronger solutions, and a culture of innovation. Of course, the key is keeping conflict productive. I emphasize on → Mindful communication,  → Identifying shared goals, → Active listening without judgment. Ideological difference is a doorway to innovation when managed effectively. What steps are you taking to ensure that the positive conflict is mindful and respectful?

Most people avoid conflict. It’s uncomfortable, awkward, and often intense. Over the course of my career, I have become more comfortable with it because conflict normally brings real issues to light. In my experience, I have found the best way to handle conflict is to: Stay calm State your position directly and clearly Don’t make it personal Don’t raise your voice Conflict is healthy. It’s the way people handle conflict that becomes unhealthy. Sugar-coating issues or suppressing problems normally makes the situation worse. Conflict unresolved becomes much more emotionally charged, which is where conflict becomes dangerous. If you and your team don’t have healthy conflict, you need to consider what you’re not addressing. How do you handle conflict as a leader?