How to Create a Safe Space for Dialogue

I used to struggle to share my ideas in meetings bustling with dominant voices. Not because I was scared, but because I never felt comfortable. Ouch. My seniors and peers often told me: "Speak up, have a presence, be bold!" Well-intentioned advice. But the brutal truth was that I didn’t feel psychologically safe. So when I took on the role of a people manager, I became the leader I needed. I took on a mission to create a safe space where every team member could share their brilliance, their quirks, their questions, their doubts and feel heard. Here are 3 rarely-used strategies I adopted: ✅ Silent brainstorming: I replaced vocal discussions with written ideas; preventing the loudest voice from dominating. We'd share our thoughts by ideating in silence and voting together.🚀 The best part? No one knew whose idea was winning, leveling the playing field for diverse perspectives. ✅One-pagers for every meeting: People process information differently. To include everyone, I ensured every meeting had a one-pager for context and a list of attendees. This way, team members could prepare in their own way, and those who felt their presence wasn't essential could choose to opt-out. ✅ Mini Workshops > Meetings: These mini workshops were designed to encourage deep thinking, collaborative brainstorming, and silent reflection. Everyone had their moment to shine. We always left with 1-3 actionable takeaways — co-created and ready for implementation. 🚀 In the end, it wasn't about changing my personality; it was about embracing it and finding innovative ways to lead effectively. 💪 By creating a safe space for my team, I not only unlocked their potential but also learned the true power of silence in a world that often favors the loudest voices. What do you think about this leadership style? #leadership #product #teammanagement #womenintech #productmanagement #productmanager

🔥 Radical leaders don't avoid difficult conversations. They transform them. The most courageous act in leadership? Not the big presentation. Not the tough budget call. Not the strategic pivot. It's sitting across from someone and speaking truth with kindness when every instinct tells you to run. I've coached C-suite leaders who'd rather resign than have a five-minute conversation about performance. I've lived this personally. The conversations I feared most became the moments that defined my leadership. Truth: Psychological safety isn't built on avoiding hard truths. It is built on how we deliver them. 3 principles that transform difficult conversations: 1️⃣ Lead with curiosity, not conclusion. "I noticed X and I'm curious about what's happening" opens doors that "You did X wrong" slams shut. This works across differences. When we're curious, we create belonging. 2️⃣ Honor the whole human. Before addressing what someone did, acknowledge who they are. The most inclusive teams remember: Performance is just one dimension of a multidimensional human. 3️⃣ Make it safe to be uncomfortable. The best leaders don't minimize tension. They normalize it. "This conversation might feel uncomfortable, and that's okay. We'll navigate it together." Your team isn't waiting for a perfect leader. They're waiting for a real one. 👇 What difficult conversation are you avoiding right now? What might be possible if you transformed it instead? In Community and Conversation, 🧡 Jim P.S. My August calendar for "Courageous Conversations" has three spots remaining for leaders ready to build truly inclusive teams. Message me for details. Book an introductory meeting at the link in my Bio.

I worked with a team that called on me to help a group of senior executives who were challenged when it came to ownership – but their leader insisted there was no issue with trust. As I debriefed these executives to learn what could be done differently to empower them, I heard from them that they were concerned about putting themselves out there to take action, ask for help, or admit mistakes. They also felt like they couldn’t have healthy conflict in meetings. All of this was rooted in one thing: TRUST. While many managers say they want to have open and trusting relationships with their team, leaders’ behaviors and actions can sometimes contradict this. For example, when a team member during our workshop found the courage to speak up about a conflict – right after I said we need to be comfortable having tough conversations – the leader became very upset and said, “Why couldn’t they say that to me one on one?” The leader’s reaction contradicted the lesson I had just shared: creating a safe space for sharing in a group setting can prevent conflict. The true measure of a person’s beliefs are what they do, not what they say. This team needed to define what trust means to them, and identify why they didn’t feel comfortable sharing mistakes and concerns. When choosing the right approach for dealing with conflict, consider these questions: > How much do I value this relationship or issue? > What are the consequences if I do nothing? > Do I have the time and energy to contribute? To create ownership, your team must feel safe to make mistakes, ask questions, share concerns, or push back. I recently used a strategy with the senior leadership team that experienced conflict in its ranks. I had my client create a code word that when one person says it, the other has to say the truth about how they feel and what’s on their mind. That team came up with the word “pizza.” Whenever someone says “pizza,” everyone in the meeting is called on to share their true thoughts about the topic at hand, without judgment or fear. Can you imagine the impact this could have on your team? PS. What would YOUR code word be?? - #lisarigoli #elementofchange #conflictresolution #psychologicalsafety #leadershipcoach

📣 If you’re a startup founder, you can’t afford not to know how to have crucial conversations. This can make or break your entrepreneurial journey. While I certainly have plenty of room to improve, the book “Crucial Conversations” changed how I think about hard conversations where relationships are built and important decisions made. Here are 4 great takeaways: 1️⃣ Focus on the Problem and the Goals of the conversation: The goal of a conversation is rarely to win an argument, but often hard conversations evolve into that. Tensions run high and it no longer becomes about solving a problem and moving the company forward, but being right. It’s important to go into conversations with clear the Goals in mind and push ego aside. 2️⃣ Create psychological safety Difficult conversations are inevitable, and that’s especially true in a startup setting, so you need to embrace them as opportunities for growth and innovation. Focus on creating an environment where your team feels safe to voice their opinions, challenge ideas, and provide feedback. The name of the game is “psychological safety,” and that means people feel free to speak without judgement or consequence. The more of this you can create, the better. 3️⃣ Master the art of the conversation If you can’t articulate your thoughts clearly and listen actively with empathy, you have not yet mastered the art of the conversation. You need it to build trust and better relationships with investors, your team, and any other stakeholders. Do you ask open-ended questions? Do you focus on facts over assumptions? Start there and you’ll see a difference. 4️⃣ Stay focused on mutual goals and respect in high-stakes conversations There will be conversations that determine the future of the business. Most of the time, you will prepare for them. But what about the ones you don’t see coming? Increase the chance of a positive outcome by bringing it back to mutual goals and respect as much as you can. When conversations go south, it’s typically because the two parties feel threatened and either gravitate towards silence or violence. When you sense this, establish mutual respect and purpose. This will help you keep the conversation on track and diffuse most tension while positioning everyone on the same side of the table. Incorporate these lessons and watch your communication skills soar. Leave a comment on how/if this makes a difference for you! 🚀

This is hard to admit: even though it's a big part of my work as a COO, I still get anxious before a difficult conversation with a teammate. But, I've learned a few tricks over the past 25 years that have helped me feel more confident in the effort, even if it still isn't any fun.... 1. BUILD A CONVERSATION MAP What context can you provide for how you've come to this conversation? What is your end goal or the next step and can you clearly articulate it? This is no time for passive language. 2. BE CLEAR UP FRONT I don't slowly wade into the conversation - I start off by stating it's going to be a difficult conversation. It takes the pressure off of me at the beginning and, again, avoids passive language. 3. APPROACH THE CONVERSATION WITH CURIOSITY After I identify the purpose of the conversation (the problem) and detail the context (the evidence), I create space for the other person to share. If there is one thing I've learned in leadership, it's that you can't make assumptions about 'the why'. Difficult conversations open up space for YOU to more fully understand the systemic pressures of their work. 4. REMEMBER: IT'S NOT THEIR JOB TO MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER ABOUT THE CONVERSATION How often do you apologize in a difficult conversation? In what other ways do you try to show empathy, by shifting the focus to how you feel badly? It's not their job to make you feel better about it. Approach the conversation with confidence and compassion - and, remember that the best you can gift them in that moment is clarity and space. reminder: The Big Lil is launching a monthly newsletter full of strategy and partnership for leaders of mission driven start-up's, small businesses, and nonprofits. Sign up here: https://lnkd.in/gf9Dt4c8

Three hacks I recommend to my executive coaching clients before they go into a challenging conversation: 1️⃣ Ground in your values before you go into the conversation. Write down three words to answer this question: "How do I want to be perceived by the person I'm talking with today?" This is a fast way to check that your planned behavior aligns with your values. 2️⃣ Get curious. Google the "Ted Lasso get curious scene" if you need inspiration. Many times, conflict happens because two people simply aren't seeing each other. They get so stuck in their own perspective, fears, and hurt that they aren't able to see the other person's viewpoint. Go into the conversation with the intention of asking questions to better understand the person across from you. 3️⃣ Reflect the other person's perspective. Even if you disagree with someone, you can always make them feel heard. You can listen to them and "reflect" back what you hear them saying. Say: "Here's what I hear you saying. {Summarize in your own words.} Am I getting that right?" Reflecting allows us to help another person feel heard, and then you can present your own alternative opinion on the topic. We're always going to bump with other people inside our work lives and personal lives. We're all different humans with different perspectives, values, ideas, motivations, fears, joys, and needs. When we're different, we will naturally bump into others. Our goal isn't to prevent friction. Our goal is to make friction a useful tool for productive conversation. As long as we can see each other, we can move forward together. We can turn conflict into a trust-breaker into a trust-maker. I want to know from you, LinkedIn friends: How do you prepare for a challenging conversation with someone?

Even as a seasoned executive, I still feel that knot in my stomach before a #tough_conversation. With a team member whose performance is slipping. A peer creating friction. Or a partner across the table when I have to deliver bad news. I’ve learned that avoiding it only erodes trust. A while back, I had to tell a long-time partner that a key project milestone would be missed due to an interconnection delay beyond our control. I knew it would land hard - it meant financial strain for both sides. I could’ve sent an email. Instead, I picked up the phone. I acknowledged their frustration, laid out the facts, and - most importantly - offered options for moving forward. It wasn’t an easy conversation, but it preserved the relationship because it became a negotiation, not just bad news. Here’s what works, whether you’re talking to a subordinate, a peer, or a counterparty: - Lead with context, not blame. Show why the conversation matters and connect it to the bigger picture. - Be specific—and bring options. Don’t just drop the problem. Share what’s at stake and what’s possible. - Invite dialogue, not just agreement. Pause. Ask, “How does this feel to you?” or “What’s the best way forward from your perspective?” Even after decades in leadership, I still feel a flicker of discomfort before these talks. But that discomfort is a signal - you’re about to build trust, not lose it. How do you handle the tough talks?

In a world bustling with surface-level interactions, the rarity of deep conversations often leaves many of us yearning for more substantial connections. Despite our innate desire for profound interactions, we frequently find ourselves trapped in the maze of superficial exchanges. One of the fundamental barriers lies not in the questions we ask, but in our ability, or rather inability, to truly listen—to listen not just to words, but to the emotions and feelings that underpin them.   At the heart of this issue is the psychological challenge of reflective listening. Reflective listening is more than just a skill; it's an art that requires us to be fully present, empathetically engaged, and sincerely interested in the person we are communicating with. In our fast-paced, distraction-laden world, our minds are often elsewhere during conversations. This lack of presence means we are listening to respond, rather than listening to understand. Consequently, conversations skim the surface, rarely touching the depths of what the other person truly wishes to express.   Moreover, societal norms and our own insecurities play a significant role in shaping the depth of our conversations. Many of us fear being vulnerable or judged, leading us to erect barriers that keep our true feelings and thoughts safely hidden. This fear of vulnerability is mirrored in our listening habits—we shy away from engaging deeply with someone else's emotions, perhaps because it feels too intimate, or because we fear not knowing how to respond appropriately.   The solution to transcending these barriers does not lie in crafting more intelligent questions. Rather, it lies in developing our capacity to listen empathetically. This involves tuning into not just the words being spoken, but also the emotions and unspoken feelings behind them. It means creating a safe space where the other person feels heard, understood, and accepted. This kind of listening fosters trust and opens the door to conversations that delve beneath the surface.   Empathetic listening requires us to set aside our judgments and preconceptions, allowing us to connect with the person on a human level, beyond the boundaries of our own experiences and perspectives. It involves paying attention to non-verbal cues—tone of voice, facial expressions, and body language—which often communicate more than words.   By honing our ability to listen deeply—to emotions, feelings, and the unsaid—we can break down the psychological barriers that often confine our interactions to the superficial. In doing so, we open ourselves up to a world of richer, more fulfilling connections that resonate with the core of our human experience.   #listening #meaningfulconversations #leadership

Early in my career, I needed to tell a senior executive that his behavior was harming morale. I 𝐀𝐆𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐙𝐄𝐃 over how to have this tough talk without endangering my job. There was no easy way around it. This was going to be 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐃. Ultimately, we sat down together in a neutral setting. I focused on my desire to see the team thrive. The executive, while surprised, appreciated my honesty. We had an open dialogue, and things improved. It was a growth moment for both of us. 𝐒𝐔𝐂𝐂𝐄𝐒𝐒! 𝘏𝘖𝘞'𝘋 𝘐 𝘋𝘖 𝘐𝘛? Here are three things that have always worked best for me: 1. 𝐁𝐞 𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐜𝐮𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐮𝐞, not the person. Make it about solving problems, not attacking character. 2. Listen first, then speak. 𝐒𝐞𝐞𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 before asking to be understood. 3. 𝐅𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐦𝐦𝐨𝐧 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝. Align on shared goals and good intentions to prevent discord. Courageous conversations require emotional intelligence, empathy, and care. With the right mindset and approach, you can express yourself effectively while minimizing defensiveness in others. 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕'𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒅𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒆𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒄𝒐𝒏𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒔𝒖𝒄𝒄𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒇𝒖𝒍? Share one tip below for constructively having necessary but tough talks. I look forward to learning from your experiences!

Starting a difficult conversation at work can feel really intimidating and overwhelming. You know it’s necessary, but where do you even begin without causing more issues? 🤔 Thing is, having these conversations is crucial for a healthy workplace. As much as you may want to avoid them, we need them. The good news is, there are ways we can navigate these conversations in a healthy and productive way. So, here are tips to initiate challenging convos: 🎯 Prepare yourself. Before diving in, take some deep breaths to calm your nervous system and a moment to reflect on your goals for the conversation. What is your intention and the ideal outcome? What other ways could this turn out? How can you cope with an outcome that is different from your vision? Going in with a level of clarity in your own mind can lead to a more focused and effective discussion. 🕒 Choose the right time and place. Timing is everything. Find a private, neutral setting where both parties feel comfortable and are less likely to be interrupted. 🗣️ Be clear and direct. Clearly and calmly state the issue but do so with respect and understanding. This can help lower guards and reduce misunderstandings. 🤝 Focus on solutions. Approach the conversation with a solution-oriented mindset instead of just showing up with more problems to call out. I always like to have some ideas of my own and make sure I open the door to hear theirs as well. When you can listen actively to their side, rather than pointing fingers, it encourages a more productive and less defensive dialogue. 🌱 Follow up. After the conversation, check in with the other person. This can help show you’re committed to ongoing support and resolving the issue together. Difficult conversations are part of growth personally and professionally and help us to create a psychologically safe workplace. By approaching them thoughtfully, we can turn challenges into opportunities for understanding and collaboration. 👇 Have you had to start a tough conversation at work? How did you approach it? Share your experiences and tips! Creating norms around difficult conversations tends to come up in our Psychological Safety training programs. DM me to learn more! 🖤 Create a great day! #MakoMindfulness #MindfulnessTraining #StressManagement #PsychologicalSafety #TrainingAndDevelopment #StaffDevelopment