Challenges in gender advocacy conversations

Yesterday I led a workshop for women in private equity, and one theme kept surfacing: self-advocacy feels impossible when you’re already fighting to belong. It's the paradox these women face every day. They need to speak up more to get noticed, but when they do, they risk being labeled “aggressive.” They need to promote their wins, but they’ve been socialized to let their work speak for itself. They need to build relationships and visibility, but the informal networks often happen in spaces where they’re not invited. Nevertheless, self-advocacy isn’t optional, especially for women working in male-dominated industries. Research shows that women’s contributions are systematically attributed to others, that our ideas need to be repeated by men to be heard, and that our expertise is questioned more frequently than our male colleagues’. Self-advocacy isn’t about being pushy or aggressive. It’s about being intentional with your voice and strategic about your visibility. Here are four concrete ways to advocate for yourself starting today: 1. Master the “credit redirect” When someone repeats your idea, immediately respond with: “Thanks, John. I’m glad you’re building on the solution I proposed earlier. Let me expand on that framework…” This reclaims YOUR ownership while maintaining professionalism. 2. Document your wins in real-time Keep a “victory log” on your phone. After every meeting where you contribute, jot down what you said and any positive responses. Reference these specifics in performance reviews and promotion conversations. 3. Practice strategic amplification Find one trusted colleague who will amplify your contributions in meetings. Agree to do the same for them. When they share an idea, respond with: “Sarah’s point about the data analysis is exactly right, and it connects to…” This mutual support system works. 4. Lose the “self-shrinking” language.  Stop saying “I’m sorry to bother you.” Stop saying “Maybe we could…” Stop saying “I’m wondering if…” Stop saying “I’ll make it quick.” Take up space. Make your mark. Trust that you and your ideas are worthy of other people’s time, energy, and attention (and most certainly your own as well.) The reality is that in many industries, we’re still fighting to be heard. But we don’t have to fight alone, and we don’t have to wait for permission to advocate for ourselves. Your ideas deserve to be heard and you deserve credit for the value you bring. What’s one way you’ve learned to advocate for yourself at work? The women in yesterday’s workshop had some brilliant strategies to share too. #womenleaders #privateequity #womeninmaledominatedindustries

A state agency called me and inquired, “Do you have experience in racial and gender equity?” I responded, “As an Asian Indian transgender individual, I possess lived experiences that I can contribute to the trainings and discussions.” However, they specified, “We are actually looking for women of color,” implicitly excluding transgender identities. In my discussions about racial and gender equity with clients, I often find myself pigeonholed into a binary understanding of gender and race. I have highlighted the importance of recognizing and including transgender identities in discussions, policies, and actions towards gender equity. This is not merely a matter of fairness or legal obligation—it’s a crucial aspect of acknowledging the rich diversity of human experience. By doing so, we address the specific challenges faced by transgender individuals, foster inclusivity and respect, and advance society towards true gender equity.

As I have observed the discussion on women in trades grow more and more over the last few years, I have noticed a common theme emerge. Listening to respond vs. listening to understanding the issues women are facing and its creating an unnecessary barrier towards closing critical gaps. At a recent safety conference, a conversation with a male colleague I have known for years in the industry, brought into sharp focus an ongoing challenge women face in the safety industry—and in trades more broadly. We started talking about barriers women encounter, from limited access to PPE that fits to navigating male-populated spaces. Yet every point I raised was met with a quick “Yes, but…” before a response came. “Yes, but... I think thats the minority of women who feel that way, not the majority” "Yes, but.. I don't see that in my industry." Yes, but... he was listening to response verse listening to understanding the challenge women are facing. This kind of listening—where someone is poised to respond or challenge, rather than listening to truly understand—is a significant issue. It reinforces barriers by dismissing or minimizing our experiences instead of acknowledging the realities women confront daily. For us to make real strides in equity, especially in traditionally male-populated fields, we need allies who listen to understand. This means sitting with the discomfort of hearing about challenges you may not personally face and recognizing that our experiences might differ profoundly from your own. If we’re going to create an inclusive industry, we must move beyond “Yes, but…” responses. Let’s shift to listening with the goal of understanding, supporting, and driving real change. Let’s build workplaces where every voice—especially those historically marginalized—is not just heard but truly understood, because we all deserve to be in these space.

Beyond the awards and recognition, being a youth advocate comes with real challenges. It’s not always easy to have our voices heard or to be taken seriously. People streotype young advocates as impatient and aggressive , when in reality, most of us understand the pace of policy and approach everything with thoughtfulness and diplomacy. For many young people—especially us women —there are added layers of difficulty. Misogyny can silence us before we even speak. We’re underestimated, overlooked, and sometimes dismissed entirely. We’re often seen as too needy or inexperienced, which not only undermines our credibility but reinforces harmful stereotypes that fuel discrimination. That’s why it’s essential to actively push back against bias and make space for diverse voices at every table. We are not just the future of leadership—we’re leaders now. The reality is, young people are still left out of key decision-making spaces. Not everyone is as privileged as me to get access to these spaces, which motivates me to represent young people who don’t have a seat in the room. We are the ones on the ground—listening, learning, and representing young people who lack access. Even with experience, I still face rejection, anxiety, and the weight of being underestimated—especially as a woman in foreign policy. And yet, that’s exactly what fuels me. Every obstacle reminds me why I do this work—to fight for representation, to champion youth perspectives, and to ensure more women have seats at the table, especially in male-dominated fields. Yes, there will always be barriers. Yes, people will doubt you, stereotype you, or try to diminish your voice. But leadership is about how you rise after every fall. It’s about believing in your worth, even when others don’t. So to every young professional and advocate: keep going. Use your passion as fuel. Trust in your knowledge, and never let anyone make you feel less than capable. Even the most accomplished leaders face fear and failure. What matters is how you show up—resilient, courageous, and unapologetically you. #diplomacy

Asking a male colleague or male leader to be an advocate for me as a woman in the workplace, is uncomfortable. It requires a communication of needs, being vulnerable enough to realize you need the support and feeling the uncertainty of not knowing it will be received well. I have been working on addressing my tendency to communicate passively. I find that I communicate a problem I’m having, hoping that the person I am wanting to advocate for me will magically pick that up and come in full force to support (but really rescue) me. I know what I need and I know who needs to do it. Why is it so hard to communicate that explicitly? I have patterns in my life that I am constantly challenging and wanting to grow in. If I want something to happen, I need to communicate that. By communicating explicitly, I hope to help men who are in positions to build and support the women in their workplace start searching out opportunities to be a better ally and champion. 🚺 Women in the workplace, what was the conversation and support you needed help with?  🚹 Men, if you have been asked - what did you do to support?  Was it surprising to be asked, and did you start to look for opportunities to do more? 🚹Men. Ask a female colleague this week how you can support her in projects, amplify her initiatives, her voice and her needs with professional goals. Women often champion other women, but right now we need more from men. https://lnkd.in/g5RJ2fuC #GenderEquality #womenintech #Advocate