The Impact of Words on Communication

I have a passionate hate for the word “but.” It slips into our conversations with the best intentions and ruins them. Especially when we’re trying to give feedback. I hear it constantly when I coach my Stanford University Graduate School of Business students through role plays of tough conversations: “You’re a valuable member of our team, but...” “You did a great job on that presentation, but…” The second that word enters the conversation, the first half of the sentence vanishes. It’s no longer praise—it’s a prelude to disappointment. And it’s hard to believe that it was true in the first place. The same goes for our personal moments. “I love you, but you need to empty the dishwasher.” Ok, do you really love me? Or is your love conditional on clean dishes? We think “but” softens the blow when something difficult needs to be said. It doesn’t. Instead of sparing someone’s feelings, it confuses the message and muddies our intent. That’s why I tried an exercise for the first time this year with my students—BUT BUSTERS. Here’s how it works: Roleplay a tough feedback conversation. Try to do it without saying the word “but.” Tally the number of times you still say it. The direction is to say what you mean. Then stop. Use a period or use “and” if the ideas truly connect. For example: ✅ “You are an incredibly valuable member of our team..” ✅ “Lately you haven’t been meeting your deadlines. I’d like to understand if there are any obstacles you’re facing to getting work done on time.” I ask my students to track how it feels to not say “but.” Is it hard to stop yourself? Does your demeanor feel different when you don’t use it? They say it changes everything about their conversations. They feel more clear, respectful, and effective. It helps them start from a place of belief in what’s possible. All of that impact from the removal of one simple word. We don’t need to bury constructive feedback inside compliments, and we don’t need to cushion clarity with contradiction. It takes practice, and I still work at it, too. Try it for a day or two, and let me know how it feels. — Like this post? Follow me for more insights on leadership, team building, and the future of work. Subscribe to my LinkedIn newsletter Leadership is Everywhere: https://lnkd.in/g_VETsRY

Words are powerful. They can resolve conflicts— or unintentionally create them. As Chiefs of Staff, communication is at the core of our role. From navigating sensitive conversations to aligning cross-functional teams, how we communicate can make or break a situation. Early in my career, I learned just how much weight our words carry. During a partnership update to my exec, I said: “This partner seems unsure of their next steps, so it might be time to start looking for alternatives.” My intention was to encourage proactive planning... ... but my choice of words unintentionally signaled that I lacked confidence in the partnership. 😬 It created unnecessary tension at a critical moment, making the situation even harder to navigate. 🤦♀️ That experience was a wake-up call. ⏰ Even when our words are well-meaning, their impact can depend entirely on how they’re received. Since then, I’ve focused on refining my communication to ensure my words 🟰 align with my goals. Here are a few strategies I use: 1️⃣ Use clear and neutral language Frame challenges in ways that focus on solutions, not problems. For example, I could have said: “Our partner may need some support on their next steps. I've strategized a few ways to help them stay on track.” 2️⃣ Consider the audience Always tailor your message to the audience’s perspective. Executives value solutions and collaboration, not just problem identification. 3️⃣ Double-Check Intent vs. Perception Before sharing, ask yourself: “Could this be misunderstood? Does it convey the tone and message I intend?” 4️⃣ Recap and align Summarize key takeaways at the end of discussions to ensure clarity and alignment on next steps. 5️⃣ Follow through on progress Keep the momentum alive by checking in on resolutions and maintaining open lines of communication. As a Chief of Staff, your words can build trust, foster collaboration, and drive meaningful action. Learning to wield that power intentionally is one of the most important skills you can develop. === Want more actionable Chief of Staff content? Follow me Melanie Jones, The Chief of Staff Coach™, for daily insights on how to be more effective in your role!

Imagine your doctor telling you, "You're screwed!" rather than "“We’re facing a serious challenge here, but we’ll take it one step at a time.” The words you choose when giving feedback can make the difference between someone hearing your message and someone shutting down completely (and maybe even storming out of the room). Research shows that our brains process negative language as a threat, triggering defensive responses that block learning and change. The most effective people leaders know that switching even one word can transform a conversation from confrontational to collaborative. And it's not about being "nicer," it's about being more strategic with language that actually works. (Plus, who has time to deal with the emotional cleanup when feedback goes sideways?) Sometimes, we default to harsh language because it feels more direct and honest, but what we're really doing is taking the easy way out. When we call someone "lazy" instead of "busy" or "overwhelmed" or "disengaged" we're making a character judgment rather than addressing the actual situation. This puts people immediately on the defensive because they feel attacked rather than supported. And from the hundreds of people leaders I've worked with, I know that defensive people don't change; they just hunker down like turtles in their shells. When someone hears "you're being difficult," their brain focuses on defending their character rather than understanding the behavior you want to see changed. We think we're being efficient, but we're actually creating more work for ourselves because now we have to deal with the emotional fallout instead of focusing on solutions. Precision beats judgment every time. Instead of making it about who someone is, make it about what's happening and what you need to see instead. These word swaps help people hear your actual message without their defenses getting in the way. (And if they still get defensive? Call it "protective" or "guarded" or "reactive". Nothing makes someone more defensive than being called defensive!) Here are 10 word substitutions that (hopefully) get better results: 1. "Busy" instead of "lazy" 2. "Overwhelmed" instead of "disorganized" 3. "Focused on other priorities" instead of "not a team player" 4. "Direct" instead of "bossy" 5. "Cautious" instead of "resistant to change" 6. "Thorough" instead of "slow" 7. "Expressive" instead of "emotional" 8. "Exploring options" instead of "indecisive" 9. "Needing clarity" instead of "confused" 10. "Big picture thinker" instead of "scattered" The goal isn't to sugarcoat reality. It's to communicate in a way that actually creates the change you want to see. Try one of these substitutions in your next feedback conversation and notice when people lean in instead of shut down.

Your words shape the air people work in. I’ve been in enough rooms to know, it’s not the policies that make or break a culture. It’s the everyday language leaders use without thinking. One sentence. Said the wrong way. Can shut somebody down. And one sentence, said with intention? That’s the kind of thing people remember years later. Toxic vs. Empowering communication, with real alternatives that create trust, not fear: ❌ "This is how we’ve always done it, don’t question it." ✅ "If you have ideas to improve this, let me know." → Innovation thrives where curiosity is welcomed. ❌ "I don’t care how you feel; I need results." ✅ "Your well-being matters. What challenges are you facing?" → Results don’t come at the cost of people. Sustainable performance starts with empathy. ❌ "Why weren’t you available?" ✅ "I respect your time off. Let’s plan to connect during work hours." → Respecting boundaries builds a culture of trust. ❌ "I thought you would do a better job." ✅ "This is a great start. Here’s an idea to make it even better." → Feedback should lift, not crush. ❌ "You should know this by now." ✅ "What questions do you have?" → Curiosity should be encouraged, not punished. ❌ "I don’t pay you to think; just do as I tell you." ✅ "Your insights and perspectives matter." → Smart teams are built on shared thinking, not dictatorship. ❌ "I need to know exactly what you're working on at all times." ✅ "You decide how the work gets done-I trust you." → Micromanagement kills morale. Autonomy drives ownership. ❌ "I don’t have time for your excuses." ✅ "What’s causing setbacks? Let’s find a solution together." → Accountability without blame is the secret to real progress. ❌ "If you can’t handle the pressure, this might not be the job for you." ✅ "How can I support you?" → Strong leaders lift people up when they’re overwhelmed, not push them out. ❌ "You are lucky to have this job." ✅ "Your contributions make a real difference. Thank you." → Gratitude > threats. Always. If you’re leading people, even if it’s just one person check your language. That’s where the work starts. Start by listening to how you show up when things are messy, rushed, or tense. Because that’s what they remember. Every time. ♻️ Repost this if you believe leadership is built in the small moments. 🔔 Follow me Armers Moncure for communication that builds trust, not fear.

Take the trash out! Turn off your phone! Fix this issue! Do these words make you feel like taking action? Me either! It’s clear what the speaker wants done. But why are these words so unlikely to be met with positive impact? Because they’re commands. And our brains tend to associate commands with childhood. Like caregivers saying to a toddler, “Don’t touch that stove!” With toddlers, that kind of clear, emphatic language can keep them safe and out of trouble. With adults, that kind of language tends to cause “don’t tell me what to do” defiance and resistance. What’s more effective? Collaborative language. The kind of language that brings the speaker and the listener or recipient of those words into connection. So what if we look at some thoughtful ways to transform these sentences? “Take the trash out!” could use some connectivity between the speaker and the listener. So something like “If you’d kindly take the garbage out, you’ll help me be able to relax before our meeting so I can give my best.” “Turn off your phone!” might turn into “I’d really love to chat with you and feel connected. Would you be willing to turn your phone off for 20 minutes so we can be present with each other?” “Fix this issue!” could get fixed with a shift like “When you fixed the server issue last time, everyone appreciated you. Could you do an encore for some more praise?” Sure, there’s a little buttering up, some flattery, some request for favors. But there’s a collaborative intent, and that tends to gain more positive action, compared to commands. Especially in pressure-filled moments, we’re all prone to get commanding. That’s why intentionally practicing collaborative language makes you more powerful under pressure. Now, I’d love to hear from YOU: Which do you prefer to hear — commanding or collaborative language? #leadership #communication #pressure #conflict #collaboration

I'm working on a document we created as a team that captures what will always be true about us regardless of who supports you. Specifically, we name language that we will never use and what we would use instead. It got me thinking, can we please stop saying ‘Subordinate’ and ‘Superior’? These terms have been ingrained in workplace vocabulary for years, but it’s time to recognize the harm they perpetuate. For me, it's like nails on a chalk board. Because, when we use words like subordinate or superior, we reinforce unhealthy power dynamics that suggest ownership, hierarchy, and inequality—things that have no place in a workplace striving for respect, collaboration, and inclusion. 🛑 Why These Words Are Problematic: Subordinate implies someone is beneath you, not just in role but in value. Superior suggests someone is inherently better than others, not just holding a different level of responsibility. Both terms create unnecessary distance between people, limiting curiosity, shared ownership, and trust. But here’s the truth: No one owns anyone. No human is “beneath” another—regardless of belief, title, or tenure. When we use language that centers hierarchy over humanity, we lose sight of the fact that our workplaces thrive on shared goals, mutual respect, and individual contributions. 💡 What We Can Say Instead: Colleagues Associates Specialists Partners Manager Team Leader Lead The people I work with The team members I serve/work with Small shifts in language lead to big shifts in culture. Language shapes the way we see each other and the way we show up. If we want workplaces where people feel seen, respected, and valued, it starts with the words we use. What other phrases do you think need to go? What would you add to this list of phrases we can consider? And what am I missing from this discussion that would be valuable for me/us to consider?

A few words nearly cost me a deal. I thought I was being polite. Friendly. Respectful of their time. But what I said came across as vague, uncertain—and maybe even a little desperate. I had emailed a prospect with: “Just checking in to see if you had any thoughts…” Nothing. No reply. Later, on a call, they told me: “We weren’t quite sure what you were asking for—it felt more like a gentle nudge than a clear next step. In the meantime, we connected with another partner.” That moment stuck with me and changed everything. Since then, I’ve become much more intentional about the language I use and how even small changes can have a big impact. Am I perfect? Definitely not. But I’ve learned that the right words can shift how we’re perceived and how effectively we connect. Here are a few common phrases that may be quietly working against us—and what to say instead: 🔴 “Just checking in / Circling back…” ✅ Try: “I wanted to follow up with something that might support what you're working on.” 💬 Example: “You mentioned [pain point]—I found [insight/case study] that might help as you navigate [challenge].” 💡 Why it works: You’re bringing something to the table—not just asking for attention. 🔴 “Would you be open to…?” ✅ Try: “Could I ask for your help with…?” 💬 Example: “Could I ask for your help in connecting with a few of your peers in other divisions?” 💡 Why it works: It’s confident, respectful, and moves the conversation forward. 🔴 “Feel free to…” ✅ Try: “Here’s my availability—let’s find a time that works for you.” 💬 Example: “Would next Tuesday or Thursday work for a quick touch base?” 💡 Why it works: You’re making it easier to say yes—and showing you're serious. These changes are subtle—but powerful. Words matter. In sales, they can build trust… or create distance. The good news? With a few thoughtful swaps, you can shift from chasing to leading. Ring my bell 🔔 to make sure you see my posts

Someone reached out to me recently about an upcoming event, and their approach stunned me—not because of what was being asked, but HOW it was being asked. Instead of: Do you need special accommodations? Or: Can you handle stairs? The question was framed as: Would you be comfortable using the stairs to go down one flight or would the main level work better for you? Notice the difference: ✅ It assumes capability, not limitation ✅ It offers options without othering ✅ It puts comfort and preference first ✅ It treats accessibility as normal planning, not special treatment When we frame accessibility questions thoughtfully, we: ❤️ Remove stigma and awkwardness ❤️Make everyone feel valued and considered ❤️Create psychological safety for honest responses ❤️Model inclusive behavior for our entire organization When one person demonstrates inclusive communication, it ripples across everyone that sees it. Remember 1. Your words matter. 2. The way you ask questions shapes culture. 3. Small changes in language create massive shifts in belonging. What’s one way you could reframe a question to be more inclusive in your workplace? #InclusiveLeadership #Accessibility #WorkplaceCulture #DEI #Leadership #Inclusion #Communication #BelongingAtWork ❣️❣️❣️❣️ I made sure to thank this person privately—because when someone embraces inclusive language , recognition matters too.

10 Phrases That Sabotage Your Work Conversations (here’s what to say instead) Small shifts in language create massive impact. But most of us use words that hold us back. Your words shape how others see you. And perception drives reality. Imagine how much smoother work relationships would be if we replaced reactive comments with thoughtful responses. Here are the conversation upgrades that matter: 1. Don't say: "Yeah, but..." ↳ Shows you've stopped listening ↳ Instead: "I hear you, and here's another angle..." 2. Don't say: "That's just wrong." ↳ Creates instant defensiveness ↳ Instead: "Can you walk me through your perspective?" 3. Don't say: "You're being too sensitive." ↳ Dismisses valid concerns ↳ Instead: "This seems significant—can you explain why it matters to you?" 4. Don't say: "We've always done it this way." ↳ Signals resistance to growth ↳ Instead: “Is there a way we can optimize or improve this process?" 5. Don't say: "I don't have time for this." ↳ Devalues others' priorities ↳ Instead: This deserves attention—can we schedule time to discuss it?” 6. Don't say: "Just figure it out." ↳ Shows poor leadership ↳ Instead:  “What obstacles are you facing, and how can I help?” 7. Don't say: "That's not my problem." ↳ Destroys team trust ↳ Instead: “Let’s find a solution that works for both of us.” 8. Don't say: "This is taking too long." ↳ Creates unnecessary pressure ↳ Instead: “How can we streamline this to save time?” 9. Don't say: "You should have known." ↳ Focuses on blame, not growth ↳ Instead: “Let’s use this as a learning opportunity for next time.” 10. Don't say: "That's not how it works." ↳ Shuts down innovation ↳ Instead: “Let me provide some context to help explain why we do it this way.” Small shifts in language create: ✅ Stronger relationships ✅ Better solutions ✅ Lasting trust Remember: Words build bridges or walls. Choose wisely. P.S. Which phrase do you catch yourself using most? — ♻️ Repost to help your network communicate more effectively. ➕ Follow Sandra Pellumbi for more. 🦉

As executives and managers, our words carry immense weight, shaping team dynamics, organizational culture, and individual careers. This powerful reminder challenges us to cultivate mindful communication. 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐢𝐝𝐞𝐫: →The ripple effect of your feedback. →How casual remarks can influence decisions. →The lasting impression of public praise or criticism. One research in the Harvard Business Review demonstrates that leaders' emotional states and verbal expressions significantly influence team performance and organizational culture. Their longitudinal study found that teams with positive emotional climates, fostered by leaders' supportive communication, showed: ⮕26% greater task performance ⮕33% higher client satisfaction scores ⮕Less burnout and higher retention rates Great leaders understand that every interaction is an opportunity to inspire, motivate, or mentor. We can create positive, lasting change within our organizations by approaching our communications with empathy and purpose. Reflect on a time when someone's words profoundly affected you professionally. How can you harness that power to elevate others?  How can you use your words to influence your team positively today? #juliecore #mindfulcommunication #positivity #empathy