Speech patterns affecting women's professional authority

I am (not) your mother, Luke.   Or your sister. Or girlfriend. Or your wife.   I am your boss.   And yet, as a female leader, I often found that my team members unconsciously placed me in a caregiving role. Which triggered in me a need to nurture them, which undermined my authority, and was no good for any of us.   I’m not alone in this. Many of the women leaders I work with in my role as mentor say the same thing. That when they have to make tough decisions, they get reactions that their male equivalents simply don’t have to face.   👩👦 The ‘mother’ role. You’re expected to be nurturing, to provide emotional support and protection. And any criticism may be taken as harsh, like being told off by mummy. 👩 The ‘sister’ role: You’re expected to be friendly, collaborative and fun. Assertiveness can be misread as aggression. 👰♀️ The ‘girlfriend / wife’ role: You’re expected to take on emotional labour, be a supportive ear, or even hand conflict in a soothing manner. These roles are a trap for women in business, where they feel that they have to balance warmth with authority, competence with compassion. And it’s exhausting!   The struggle is real ❌ Women may struggle to progress if they don’t conform to caregiving expectations ❌ Feedback from women leaders is more likely to be taken personally, rather than as professional guidance ❌ Women leaders may try to do it all, fulfilling both emotional and professional expectations – leading to burnout   To avoid this trap, women often try to take on what they perceive as a male archetype – becoming cold and harsh. But that’s not the best way forward. The answer is authenticity. How to be just you ✅ Educate your team and yourself about these biases – knowing about them is the first step to avoiding them ✅ Set boundaries – be clear about professional expectations versus personal involvement ✅ Communicate honestly – don’t feel you have to soften your message, be direct and clear ✅ Support other women – advocate for structures that allow women to lead without having to take on caregiving expectations. It’s time women stopped trying to be everything to everyone and focused on being just the very best version of themselves.   What about you? Are you a female leader who finds herself being put in these boxes? Are you a man working with women who expects them to be the caregivers? Let me know! ⬇️

My client called me after her boss responded to her winning a major case with "Good girl." She quit the next day. That phrase exposed their true agenda: diminish her while pretending to praise her. Red Flag Phrases That Should Make You Start Documenting: Gender-Based Comments: • "Good girl" / "Attaboy" (infantilizing adults) • "Thanks, sweetie/hun/babe" (inappropriate terms of endearment) • "You're so emotional" / "Calm down" (dismissing legitimate concerns) • "You're being dramatic" (minimizing professional feedback) • "You're aggressive for a woman, but submissive for a leader" • "Your pregnancy brain is really showing" • "Maybe you should focus on being a mom instead" Universal Dismissive Language: • "You're too sensitive" (gaslighting concerns) • "That's not what I meant" (deflecting accountability) • "You misunderstood" (shifting blame) • "Maybe this isn't the right fit" (veiled threat) • "You can't handle feedback" (disguising harassment as coaching) • "I can't say anything anymore without offending someone" • "Can't you take a joke?" • "You're reading too much into it" Age Discrimination Indicators: • "Get with the times" / "Are you retiring soon?" • "Do you even know how to use [technology]?" • "Maybe someone younger would be better" • "We need fresh blood around here" • "This job requires someone who can keep up" • "Can you even see the screen without your glasses?" • "Maybe it's time to make room for the next generation" The pattern I see in my practice: These aren't isolated comments. They're part of a larger culture of disrespect that escalates over time. A 45-year-old manager was repeatedly asked "Can you handle the technology updates?" She was training new employees half her age. Another was told she was "too pretty to be so smart" after presenting a successful quarterly report. HR said she was "overreacting to a compliment." What to do when this happens: • Document the exact words, date, time, and witnesses • Follow up via email: "To confirm our conversation today..." • Don't dismiss your gut feeling as "overreacting" • Save copies of everything related to this behavior to your personal files • Identify potential witnesses to the behavior • Know your rights under federal and state law Remember: Professional workplaces use professional language. If they're not treating you with basic respect in their words, they're not respecting you as an equal. Follow for more workplace rights insights. #EmploymentAttorney #CaliforniaEmploymentLaw #EmployeeRights

“No, I’m speaking.” She had to say it nine times just to finish her sentence. I saw this clip, and it stayed with me. Not because of who was “right” or “wrong.” But because of how many times she had to repeat herself just to be heard. Nine. Times. This is what thousands of women face in the corporate world every single day: → Women are interrupted 33% more often than men, and 46% more often in mixed-gender groups. → In meetings, men hold the floor 75% of the time, even when women are the majority. At my last organization, this was the #1 issue women brought to my attention - how often they were interrupted or spoken over, no matter their role or level. Watching her say “I’m speaking” brought me back to all the times I had to stand my ground. Knowing the labels would follow: “abrasive,” “intimidating.” And I know I’m not alone. Every woman has felt that moment, the battle just to finish a thought. The comments were telling too: one even said her mic should have been turned off. That’s how the system responds to bold women. It doesn’t just ignore them; it silences them. And silencing women has real consequences. When voices are shut out, so are decisions, opportunities, and influence. Leadership isn’t about being the loudest in the room. It’s about making space for every voice to be heard, especially the ones that challenge your own. For women navigating this, a few strategies I’ve seen work: → Hold your ground. Calmly restate, “I’d like to finish my thought,” until space is given. → Use allies: ask a trusted colleague to redirect the floor back to you if interrupted. → Open with a key point so your voice is anchored in the discussion. → Support & amplify other women’s ideas so they’re not dismissed. To every woman reading this: Keep speaking. Even if you have to say it nine times. 💬 Have you ever had to say “I’m speaking” just to be heard? I’d love to know how you handled it. 💌 Click on the link in the comments to join my newsletter

"Speak up, but watch your tone."  "Be assertive, but smile while doing it."  “Stand your ground, but make sure to be likable." Ladies, sound familiar? 🤨 In honor of #womenshistorymonth, I want to explore this theme. These contradictory expectations create a maddening tightrope that women in business must walk daily. While men are often rewarded for assertive behavior as being "passionate," women exhibiting identical behaviors are labeled "emotional" or worse. 🎾 Remember Serena Williams at the 2018 U.S. Open? When challenging the umpire's call, she was penalized a game - something rarely seen in Grand Slam matches. Meanwhile, tennis "bad boys" McEnroe and Connors reminded us they'd done far worse without comparable consequences. Let's talk about what's really happening: 👉🏻 Gender stereotypes prescribe men to be dominating, while expecting women to be warm and nurturing, even in competitive or leadership roles. When women breach these stereotypes, they face what researchers call an "assertiveness penalty." A 2008 study revealed that "men received a boost in perceived status after expressing anger," while "women were accorded lower status, lower wages, and seen as less competent." So how do women navigate this unfair landscape? 1. Understand your communication style through assessments like DISC or Myers-Briggs 2. Master your triggers - that "amygdala hijack" that can derail conversations 3. Frame your statements - "Because I feel strongly about (patient safety), I'm going to speak very directly" 4. Cultivate allies who can step in to support To all women who have been called "aggressive" when being honest and direct: You probably weren't. The other person might have been intimidated. 💡You deserve to shine your light, even if it casts a big shadow. ⚡Correction: The world needs you to shine your light. Period. What has helped you find your voice in spaces designed to silence it? #womenleaders #genderbias #communicationskills #professionaladvice #doublestandards #serenawilliams

I see this pattern constantly in my coaching practice. A recent client, brilliant strategist at a Fortune 500 company, had incredible insights but her vocal patterns were undermining her authority. Every statement sounded like a question. Her expertise was getting lost in translation. The problem was never her knowledge. It was her vocal presence. We worked on one core technique: End statements with your voice going down, not up. 'We should move forward with this strategy.' vs 'We should move forward with this strategy?' Hear the difference? When your voice rises at the end of statements, you sound like you're seeking approval instead of providing leadership. Six months later: promotion to VP. Her feedback from leadership? Her presence had become "impossible to ignore." Your voice is your most powerful leadership instrument. Small adjustments create dramatic shifts in how others perceive your authority. This is exactly what we work on in executive presence workshops. Practical skills that transform how leaders show up from day one. Does your team need vocal presence training that delivers immediate results? #VocalAuthority #ExecutivePresence #LeadershipVoice #CommunicationSkills #ClientSuccess #ExecutiveCoaching #ProfessionalDevelopment #LeadershipTransformation

Women are taught to justify every decision. But that habit? It quietly chips away at your authority. 🤢 Throughout my career I thought I was doing the right thing by explaining every decision, every no, and every ask. I sounded like: ↳ “I picked Option B because A had risks, and I talked to X and Y, and…” ↳ “Sorry, this might be a bad idea, but…” ↳ “I said no because I’m already covering…” Here’s when I realized how much this was costing me: A few years ago, I led a cross-functional project. Every exec had eyes on it. In a leadership meeting, a senior stakeholder pushed back. I launched into a 3-minute justification with context, tradeoffs, team input, the works. I thought I was being transparent. But after the meeting, my skip-level said something I still remember: “The decision was right. But the way you explained it made it sound like you weren’t sure.” That stung, because I thought I was confident in the meeting.. That’s when I realized: Over-explaining can sound like uncertainty. And certainty, at the senior level, is currency. So here’s the shift I made that helped accelerate my career: Less explaining. More narrative authority. I began using statements like: I started saying: ↳ “Option B gets us there faster with less risk.” ↳ “Here’s my recommendation. Here is the fastest way to validate this.” Because when you say less, but frame it right, you don’t just sound confident. You sound like the person who should be leading. And that’s what senior leadership hears. Because real authority isn’t about defending your judgment. It’s about setting the tone for what’s next. Ladies, have you ever explained too much and realized later it made you sound unsure? --------- 🔔 Follow me, Bosky Mukherjee, I share actionable ideas to scale your leadership journey. #leadership #womenleaders

𝐓𝐨 𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐢𝐭: 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐫𝐞 “𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐥𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐲” - 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞 𝐢𝐭! Some years ago I heard someone say that women tend to downplay their successes much more than men. For example, they downplay themselves and their opinions by using words like: "only", "maybe" or "I think". Since then, I have been actively analyzing my speech patterns. And believe me, I can no longer "overhear" such patterns when others use them. A reminder to us all: Our success is not luck - it's real competence and hard work, compromises, and prioritization. Let me give you some examples of how language can either weaken or strengthen your presence: Imagine hearing someone say, "𝘐 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘣𝘰𝘴𝘴 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘯𝘪𝘤𝘦," or "Maybe my idea could work "𝘔𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘮𝘺 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬." How does that sound? Insecure. Unconvincing. Now what if they said, "𝘐'𝘷𝘦 𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬" or "𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘥𝘦𝘢 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬"? The difference is huge. 💡Studies show that women are more likely than men to use cautious language because they fear coming across as arrogant. But no: Clear, assertive language makes you sound competent, not overconfident. 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞, 𝐈 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐩𝐡𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐥𝐥𝐨𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐬 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐲: 🔵 Instead of "I think this is a good idea", say "This is a great idea". 🔵 Instead of "I just got lucky", say "I worked for it". 🔵 Instead of "Maybe we should try this", say "Let's try this approach". Your words shape how others perceive you - so own your success ✨ What other rephrased sentences can you think of that signal confidence?

Stop apologizing for everything! Own your space with confidence instead: We apologize 8-15 times daily according to studies. Even when we’ve done nothing wrong. ➟ "Sorry, we're fully booked today." ➟ "Sorry, I don't have that info." ➟ "Sorry, I missed your call." ➟ "Sorry for the confusion." ➟ "Sorry, I wasn't clear." Does it make a difference? Does it fix the issue? Hardly! A genuine apology can be a kind gesture.  But over-apologizing only weakens your power. It might: ↳ Question your intent ↳ Make you seem submissive ↳ Create self-doubt and insecurity ↳ Make your appear less professional ↳ Undermine your authority or leadership Each apology chips away at your influence. Here’s how to take responsibility and build authority instead: 1. When following up ❌ "Sorry to bother you again" lowers your purpose ✅ "I'm following up on..." ↳ Confidently state your intent 2. When asking for help ❌ "Sorry to ask, but..." portrays you as a burden ✅ "Would you be able to..." ↳ Treat requests as part of normal professional exchange 3. After receiving feedback ❌ "Sorry I didn't do better" focuses on past failure ✅ "Thank you for the feedback. Here's my plan..." ↳ Demonstrate growth and professionalism 4. During disagreement ❌ "Sorry, I disagree" weakens your stance ✅ "I see it differently..." ↳ Confidently share your perspective 5. Before sharing an opinion ❌ "Sorry, but I think..." undercuts your insight ✅ "In my experience..." ↳ Position you as an expert, not an outsider 6. When saying no ❌ "Sorry, I can't" sounds like you're at fault ✅ "This doesn't work with my schedule" ↳ Set boundaries with clarity 7. After success ❌ "Sorry for bragging, but..." diminishes achievement ✅ "I'm excited to share..." ↳ Own your wins proudly 8. When seeking clarity ❌ "Sorry, I don't understand" feels unqualified ✅ "Could you elaborate on that?" ↳ Show you're engaged and want to understand 9. When interrupted ❌ "Sorry, you go ahead" gives up your space ✅ "Let me finish this thought quickly" ↳ Protect your communication space 10. During technical issues ❌ "Sorry about my connection" takes on unnecessary blame ✅ "Let me fix this connection quickly" ↳ Show ownership and solution-focus 11. When you're late ❌ "Sorry I'm late" weakens your entrance ✅ "Thank you for your patience" ↳ Show gratitude and respects their time The key is not avoiding responsibility. You don’t have to be rude. Own your presence with power. And choose your words wisely. What's your go-to phrase instead of sorry? Let me know in the comments ⬇️ ♻️ Share this with someone who apologizes too much. ➕ Follow Mike Leber for more.

Women tend to apologize more than men in professional settings. A 2011 study by the University of Waterloo highlighted this disparity, revealing that women are more likely to say "sorry" even when it's not necessary. This habitual over-apologising can unintentionally undermine our authority and confidence in the workplace. Here are a couple of instances where we can take back our power by shifting our language: 🔸 Instead of: "I'm sorry for the delay." 🔹 Try: "I appreciate your patience." 🔸 Instead of: "Sorry, can I ask a question?" 🔹 Try: "I have a question." ✉ The Just Not Sorry Chrome extension (https://justnotsorry.com/) is a fantastic tool that underlines words while you write emails, to point out phrases that may undermine your message. Personally, this has made me self-aware of how I can communicate more confidently! #WomenInTheWorkplace #Overapologising #ProfessionalGrowth

How can women leaders leverage commanding confidence in professional settings? Women and men communicate differently. During Women's History Month, I will post about the mindsets and speech habits that tend to hold us back from our highest potential 💪. For example, a study in Psychological Science cited that women tend to feel more anxious about asking live questions at professional meetings, and are less likely than men to do so. In academic seminars, women are two and half times less likely to ask questions than men are. A similar study found that if a woman asked the first question, women in the audience were more likely to ask their own. When I work with young female professionals, I train them on 🗣 question-asking skills and coach them to never attend a meeting without making their voices heard. Ask a clarifying question, praise what someone else said, thank the speaker for their insights, but don’t leave the meeting without leaving your mark. My Master Communicator Blog 🎤, "Why do women and men communicate differently?" highlights common communication habits that may be harmful to a woman's credibility and perceived authority, and offers six solutions. Click the link below to read the full blog post, but here is a sampling: ✴️ Vary your pitch. Tap the lowest natural register of your voice to signal confidence. Avoid uptalk or upspeak (higher pitch at the end of a sentence that sounds like a question.) ✴️ Cut out the filler words (um, ah, like, you now, etc.) and replace them with breaths and pauses. Fillers are perceived as signs of hesitation and lack of preparation. ✴️ Claim "talking space" by asking questions and warding off interruptions. Stand when you speak in a conference setting to ensure you are SEEN and HEARD. ✴️ Avoid hedging and tagging. Prefacing a question with “This may be a silly question, but...” and "Someone may have asked this already, but...” disempowers you. Similarly, tags dilute your statements and weaken your authority: “I propose we take this action, BUT I COULD BE WRONG.” These and dozens of other communication techniques can help emerging and established women leaders level the playing field to persuade, inspire and move people to action. #leadershipcommunication #executivepresence #womenleaders #executivecommunication #publicspeakingcoach #publicspeakingskills