Why Passive Listening Doesn't Build Trust

Ever sat in a presentation and started asking for the next slide or completing people’s words or stating, ‘Got it!’ before they’ve finished their point? Ever continued looking at your computer, iPad or mobile screen when someone enters your office to share an update, or just ask a question? Ever nodded impatiently when someone is asking you a question, or interjected to answer what you assume to be their query? Ever asked a colleague to clarify a point and before they’ve finished explaining the full picture, you cut them off – because you heard all you thought you needed to hear? In any of these situations – and probably many more besides – you are guilty of not listening. What are you signalling when you’re keen to move people along and shut them off? - These people are insignificant. - Their queries are trivial, self-evident or silly. - I am more important that you - and my time is more valuable than yours. How is that behaviour helping your people grow, stay motivated and deliver in line with expectations? And how is that behaviour helping you grow? If you’re a rational human being, you know you can’t know everything, or know everything they know – so why behave in a way that limits the likelihood of them sharing queries, perspectives and ideas with you? Even if you do typically know what they tell you, how does not listening create an environment where people want to share ideas and data that support better decision making? Not listening and impatiently hurrying people along turns people off – it literally cuts off their ability to engage with you. Because when humiliated of embarrassed, people are more focused on regaining emotional stability than paying attention to anything you have to say. Not only does not listening limit your access to information and learning, it limits the likelihood of colleagues saying: Now there’s someone who gets the best out of me and makes coming to work a joy! If you recognize this habit, can you reflect on what is causing this behaviour? Do you typically leave everything to the last minute, so you have no time to engage constructively with people? - If yes, can you devote more energy to time management, delegation and prioritization? Do you really believe you have full information, full knowledge - and always make the right decision? - Can you engage your curiosity and restrain your judgment in those moments? (Perhaps repeat the phrase: What if I am wrong? What if I don’t know?) How do you want to be perceived - and remembered? - As the person who just doesn’t listen or show interest in anyone’s opinions except their own? - Or the leader with an open mind, keen to engage with – and learn from – those around them? Can you take the load off – the load of showing you know, interrupting, racing to the finish of the interaction – and just enjoy listening? Not listening is Marshall Goldsmith's Bad Habit #16. It's a key leadership derailer. #leadershipgrowth #eq #selfawareness #selfmanagement

Most leaders listen. Great leaders uncover the unspoken. 93% of communication isn’t in the words people say. If you’re only hearing words,  you’re missing the real message. Great listening isn’t about hearing. It’s about uncovering the pauses, the tone, the hesitations. Most people think they know what they want,  but true needs are often hidden behind words. That’s why great leaders don’t just listen.  They uncover what others are afraid to say. I used to think I was a great listener. Until someone told me, “You only hear what you want to hear.” That stung, but they were right. I wasn’t listening. I was waiting to talk. And it was costing me trust, opportunities, and relationships. When I started paying attention to what wasn’t being said, everything changed. Conversations went deeper, trust grew, and problems I didn’t even know existed started to solve themselves. The LISTEN Framework: L – Look for non-verbal cues. Body language, tone, and pauses. They reveal the real story. I – Interrupt less. Silence is your superpower.  Try asking, “What else is on your mind?” S – Summarize what you heard. “What I’m hearing is...”  Builds trust and clarity. T – Tune out distractions. Eye contact beats multitasking. Put away your phone. E – Empathize actively. Feel their emotions,  Not just their words. N – Notice the unspoken. What’s avoided or left out often holds the truth. Here’s how I’ve seen this play out: 1️⃣ Negotiations: A client hesitated when mentioning their boss. I asked, “What can we do to support internal buy-in?” That one question saved the deal, which we closed the next week. 2️⃣ Meetings: A fidgeting team member revealed a project risk when I asked, “What’s on your mind?” Their insight saved us weeks of rework. 3️⃣ Coaching: A client kept saying, “I just want to do better.” I asked, “What does ‘better’ mean to you?” They opened up about feeling overwhelmed. That conversation gave them focus and renewed confidence. Listening isn’t just a skill. It’s a strategy for trust and impact. The next time you listen, ask: What’s not being said? The answer might surprise you. What truth have you uncovered by listening? ♻️ Repost to inspire better listening. ➕ Follow me for more leadership insights.

What do CSMs do when a customer gives you nothing but one-word answers on a call? You’ve prepared well. You’ve asked a thoughtful, open-ended question designed to spark conversation. And all you get back is: “Yeah.” Nothing more. This is the moment where many CSMs get uncomfortable. They rush to fill the silence, move to the next agenda item, or start explaining more, thinking the customer might have misunderstood the question. But in reality, that silence is telling you exactly what you need to know. When a customer doesn’t open up, it usually means one of two things: 1/ they don’t yet trust you 2/ they don’t understand why the conversation is valuable to them. Both are signals, not failures. That’s what I train my team to recognize. We don’t treat silence as something to fear or avoid. We treat it as information. If a customer isn’t engaging, we don’t talk more. We listen harder, pause and observe. And then, we adapt our approach. It’s one of the reasons I say emotional intelligence matters more than technical knowledge. You can teach someone how to demo a product. You can’t teach them how to notice the shift in someone’s tone or body language or the difference between hesitation and disengagement. So when a call goes quiet, we don’t push forward blindly. We recalibrate. Trust is never built by powering through a script. It is built by showing the customer that you are actually paying attention, even when they say very little. That is the kind of listening that earns a second conversation.

Have you ever seen a well-meaning leader derail their impact, just by how they listen?   A client once told me about a senior VP at a tech company. She prided herself on being “no-nonsense.” But in meetings, she would: 1. Cut people off mid-sentence 2. Jump straight to solutions 3. Shut down ideas that didn’t match her thinking   She didn’t mean harm. But the result? Plummeting engagement. High-performing team members heading for the door.   The issue wasn’t strategy or skill. It was a listening blind spot.   I’ve seen it before, and maybe you have too. Even the smartest leaders fall into traps like: 1. Waiting to speak  2. Listening to respond, not understand 3. Believing their expertise is the only answer 4. Filtering feedback through emotion 5. Interrupting (without realizing it)   When we miss the mark on listening, we miss what matters: trust, insight, and innovation.   Listening isn’t passive. It’s a discipline – one of the hardest to master, and most powerful to model.   How do you keep yourself honest when you find yourself not listening?   #Leadership #Listening

During a recent group coaching session with senior leaders, one of the participants shared a powerful insight. He often found himself, especially in CXO conversations, mentally preparing his next point while the other person was still speaking. We discussed the importance of listening to understand rather than just to respond. He decided to apply this in an upcoming high-stakes meeting with his leadership team. The outcome? The conversation shifted. By being fully present and actively listening, he built deeper trust and created a space for collaboration. His CXO counterpart felt truly heard, and the meeting resulted in stronger solutions and better alignment. Sometimes, real leadership is about stepping back and giving others the space to be understood. As you head into your next CXO conversation, try listening with full intent—you might be surprised at the impact. #ExecutivePresence #CXOConversations #Leadership #ActiveListening #TrustBuilding