How to Provide Honest Feedback Without Anxiety

Why is feedback often resisted? 🤔 I often see people get defensive when receiving feedback and shy away from giving feedback. Feedback is a GIFT.   When done well, it can be a huge support in strengthening a relationship.  The best way to share feedback is to INVITE it. 5 SIMPLE STEPS TO SHARE FEEDBACK EFFECTIVELY: 1) Ensure the receiver is in a good energy space 2) Share it soon after you notice the behavior so you have a fresh example 3) Don’t direct the feedback at the person, inquire around what you were noticing they might have been experiencing so they have a chance to share their perspective.  For example, “I noticed you seemed a little uncomfortable in that customer meeting...how were you feeling?” This helps make it less personal so the receiver doesn’t immediately get defensive and feel ashamed that they did something wrong. Any change is also more likely to happen if it comes from the person themselves recognizing it and desiring it based on how they felt. 4) Navigate how you proceed depending on their response and share openly why you are asking #3 5) Ask for permission & start with the positive. Then, after they share their perspective, see if they are open to receiving some feedback from you on what you observed.  For example, I love how you opened the meeting by creating some positive energy with the customer.  It made me feel energized too and I felt a greater connection being formed.  Like you just shared with me, I too noticed you feeling uncomfortable with the materials you wanted to present.  Is there anything I can do to support you in that prep so you feel more confident in the next meeting? The key to effective feedback is to create a space where someone doesn’t feel attacked and takes something super personal. Couch the constructive in the positive. Not shying away from feedback and delivering it well is critical to build trust, connection, grow, and positively move forward together, both in business & in life! Thoughts? When have you experienced feedback that you took and it made a positive impact on you and your relationships? What did you learn that can help others? 👇 #PersonalDevelopment #Communication #EmotionalIntelligence

There is one fundamental step that helps turn criticism into constructive feedback. Before launching into a grievance or explaining to someone what they did wrong, gather your thoughts and your intentions, and then Set the Table. Setting the Table Tell the recipient that you have some feedback you’d like to share and ask them when they have a few minutes for the discussion. The invitation helps to frame the situation before getting into the details, and the request itself gives the other party agency and choice. They can shift their focus and their energy and tell you that now would be fine, or they can acknowledge something else that is pressing or distracting that must be completed first. Either way, they are now part of the decision to engage rather than feeling like an unprepared target. As the provider of the feedback, this simple act of setting the table also helps you to soften your approach and become appropriately vulnerable to the dialogue as well. Rather than continuing the conversation that you’ve been playing out in your head or catching the other person off-guard when they are focused on something else, setting the table brings both parties together to engage in the feedback. If you ever watched this play out, there is both a physical and an emotional shift in both parties. The results are also dramatically different. Just this week, I was asked by a friend if I had a few minutes for some feedback. He set the table, and I received the request. His feedback was clear, gracious, and warranted. I was so grateful for his approach and when we concluded our talk, I felt even closer to him than I did before. Setting the Table builds trust and allows us to move forward together. Crazy to think that one sentence that takes only a few seconds to deliver can remove or reduce weeks of resentment and anger. #CompanyCulture #Communication #UndividedLife

Giving and recieving feedback is one of the hardest things for people to do. It’s just a conversation but there’s so much tied up in it; so much so that it’s one of the top things at work that people avoid doing. So how do we make this easier for our people and ourselves as givers and receivers of feedback? Here’s a little background… As human beings we are wired to feel safe. We literally need a sense of safety and security in order to be able to perform higher order tasks that help us fulfill our self actualization needs. When people recieve constructive feedback - which is often perceived as criticism, even though that’s not the intention most of the time- on the things they’ve built, put time, energy and effort into it can be hard to hear because subconsciously it it a threat to feeling safe. So, when delivering feedback (or when you are hearing feedback) ensure you use language that is directed towards the work not the person. ➡️This: “Let’s make a change to this how this is worded. 🚫Not: “The way you wrote this didn’t make sense.” ➡️This: “When I heard that statement in that meeting, I felt confused.” 🚫Not: “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” ➡️This: “Here’s a suggestion on how to say that thing in a way that might be better recieved by the group…” 🚫Not: “You alienate people when you speak to them that way.” Be direct and specific, as well as kind and thoughtful about how you choose your words, when delivering feedback. To be anything else is often threatening, erodes trust and safety and may shut people down. #feedback #leadership

Want to master the art of giving feedback? Here's a trick I use. First, write out your feedback AND Promise yourself: you don't have to send it. Ever. Make it incredibly honest. Use all the superlatives. All the feels. Don't over think it. Write what you actually think and feel. Then, think: "If I HAD to send something, what would it be?" Write a version that's clear and diplomatic. Cover everything necessary, but keep it direct. 👉 Then, and only then, do you decide if you want to send it or not. I've written many letters, I never sent. Outlined many conversations I've never had. Other times, this process helped me find the courage to send reasonable feedback. Explore your thoughts (and feelings!) in writing. Decide later if it's worth sending. Remember: You can start with a sarcastic draft you'll never send. Then challenge yourself: "How can I write this in the best way possible?" Don't downplay. Be direct. Be clear. Only AFTER writing, decide to send it or not. Feedback is a risk. But it's a risk worth taking for growth. For them and yourself. And sometimes it's enough to just write it out.

A certain professional networking platform takes a lot a flak for #cringeworthy, self-congratulatory, overly positive content. So I figured I'd post about negativity. And in particular, having to give someone negative feedback. Also, I know that #cringeworthy is cringeworthy. Everybody likes to hear good feedback. But sometimes, you’ll have to give your team member negative feedback. And there’s one thing that’s true about all tough conversations: They get tougher the longer you wait to have them. So have them as soon as you have negative feedback to share. I know there’s never a good time. Your team member is in the middle of a big project. Or they’ve got a challenge outside of work. Or they’re going on vacation next week. Or they just came back from vacation. But the good news is that if you're already having regular one-to-ones (and I know you are), you already have time on the calendar to have the conversation.  The other good news is there are magic words that make the conversation less tough: “My job is to help you be more successful. I’ve had some feedback on you I want to share. It’s going to be hard to hear, but we’ll work together to address it so you can be more successful.” Then tell them the feedback. Don’t sugarcoat it. Don’t editorialize. And for god's sake don’t put it in the middle of a compliment sandwich. Stick to the facts in honest, plain, and direct language. Then just listen. Some people will want to respond right away. In that case, just listen. Others may need time to process the news. In that case, commit to discussing it in your next one-to-one. Then just listen. If they take it badly, just listen. If they take it well, just listen. And when you’re done listening, thank them for sharing their honest reaction. Then you can talk. Repeat that your job is to help them be successful. Tell them you are going to make addressing the feedback one of their goals so they can be more successful. Then  address it like you would any other goal. Brainstorm solutions together. Identify the ones that make the most sense. Make a plan to implement them. Depending on the severity of the feedback, you may have to put this goal on an accelerated timeline, and prioritize it over other goals. But when you make tough conversations part of the process, I won’t promise they’ll be any less tough. But they will be more of a conversation. One last note of encouragement: I know that giving negative feedback can be tough on you too. I’ve had people who were surprised by the feedback, or defensive, or angry, or cried. And that’s hard to hear from a teammate you care about. But ultimately, every single person I’ve had to deliver a hard message to has been thankful to hear it. And it really has helped them be more successful. #leadership #creativity #negativityisOK

Not being confrontational is a nice way to tank a company. People beat around the bush and the problems pile up. Guess who's left holding the bag? Your A-players. Be kind, but direct. Create more opportunities to be direct: - As soon as it happens - At the end of your 1 on 1's - During reviews (weekly/quarterly/yearly) My favorite exercise for non-confrontational people is the 'clearing exercise'. You get a group together, ideally in-person, and go around the room looking at each individual and say 'clear' or 'not clear' before you move on to the next. If you are 'not clear', you give your feedback on where you or they might've been in the wrong on something and how you felt about it. Then this moves on to the next person and the circle keeps going until everyone is clear. As the feedback giver is talking, the other party is not allowed to respond. This prevents escalation. I've done this with groups of Type-A entrepreneurs and in organizations and it has worked like a charm every single time. Kind, but direct.

Not sure where to start with giving feedback? Try the SBI model. I first learned about this technique when I was working at the Center for Creative Leadership. We used it all the time to handle conflict and give meaningful feedback. Let’s dive in: 𝗦𝗶𝘁𝘂𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: Clearly explain the context and situation in which the behavior happened. (i.e. “When we were all eating lunch in the break room last week…”) 𝗕𝗲𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗼𝗿: Detail the exact behavior, focusing on objective facts, rather than emotion. (i.e. “They laughed and made references to something inappropriate and unrelated to work…”) 𝗜𝗺𝗽𝗮𝗰𝘁: Explain how the behavior affected you, allowing the person to understand the impact of their actions. (i.e. “It made me feel uncomfortable…hampering my abilities to focus and feel like a part of the team.”) Why do I like SBI? It allows the recipient to clearly understand what they did and how it affected others, making it easier for them to change their behavior. Try it next time you’re struggling to give feedback.

Most people shy away from giving honest feedback because they fear coming across as mean or hurting someone’s feelings. They worry about being disliked or causing discomfort—and that’s completely understandable. I’ve had to prepare myself for tough conversations, sometimes even starting with, “This is going to be a hard conversation.” Being clear and objective about what’s happening—and why it matters for the individual’s growth, their career, and the business—makes all the difference. It helps the person receiving feedback understand it without defensiveness and take meaningful action. Some of the best feedback I’ve ever received was balanced—it acknowledged my strengths while pointing out where I needed to grow. For example, I’m naturally calm under pressure and good at leading through crisis. But I was told, “You need to elevate your energy and stand-up leadership skills.” That feedback wasn’t easy to hear, but it was delivered with care and encouragement. Through multiple conversations, I finally understood the feedback and it helped me stay authentic while stepping up when it counted. Giving and receiving feedback is a skill—and when done well, it can be one of the most powerful tools for growth. How do you prepare yourself for difficult feedback conversations? #feedback #communication #skills #leadership #culture #growth 

I hated giving feedback. I'd avoid it every chance I could. A *great* boss taught me a simple trick. I use this every time I give feedback. Here it is. 📌 Ask permission before sharing feedback Here's how: "I have some feedback on XYZ. Are you open to it?" OR "What's a good time for me to share my feedback with you?" BTW. A 'NO' from the other person is 'OK' That just tells me they're not ready. That's a good thing because I don't want to give feedback if the other person isn't ready or doesn't want it. Here's the lesson: Your timing is as important as your message. The same message shared at the right time lands much better than a message shared at the wrong time. Just because you're ready to give feedback, doesn't mean your team is ready to receive feedback.

Less than 30% of professionals receive feedback, yet 75% of them state that receiving feedback is helpful. I will be the first one to raise my hand and state that I was guilty of this early on in my career. I dreaded giving feedback to others. Deep inside, I believed that direct feedback could harm relationships and disrupt the team's dynamic. However, with experience, I faced an inconvenient truth. A place without feedback isn't doing its best. It misses chances to improve. From this realization, I understood: the best teams don't just welcome feedback, they actively seek and give it. They recognize its crucial role and use it effectively to improve and grow. To delve deeper into the art of giving feedback, I reached out to my friend Meredith Bell, President and Cofounder of Grow Strong Leader. Here are three invaluable tips she shared: 1. Act While It's Fresh: If you don’t deliver feedback in a timely manner, say within 24 hours, the other person may not remember exactly what happened, and they may wonder why you took so long to bring it up. 2. One Issue at a Time: If you bring up more than one, the person may feel overwhelmed. They may get confused and lose clarity about what it is they’re supposed to do. So you want to make sure that because your goal is to have them change the behavior, they understand what’s the one thing you want them to do differently. 3. Keep It Private: If you embarrass someone in front of others, they’re going to feel resentment and that will diminish their motivation to change and also damage your relationship. Another negative impact is that it can destroy some of the trust you’ve built up over time, and it could take a long time to restore that trust. When given correctly, feedback helps people grow. Be thoughtful in your approach, listen, and always have a helpful conversation. For those eager to master the art of feedback and communication more broadly, give Meredith a follow and check out her Podcast: Grow Strong Leaders (link in the comments). 🔁 Repost if this is useful. ----- Follow me, tap the (🔔) on my profile Omar Halabieh Let's unleash your leadership potential and fast-track your career 🚀 #leadership #career #management #careerdevelopment #feedback