How to Balance Truth and Empathy in Feedback

I've been talking to leaders about hard conversations lately. Some of those conversations are about critical feedback. It can feel difficult and awkward and sometimes even confrontational to tell someone that their work isn't good enough. Other conversations are about bad news. Or necessary but difficult changes. I find myself giving the same advice over and over: Be Kind. Once a few years ago when I gave someone this advice, he scoffed. "Kind. Hmph." He said the word with disdain. He equated kindness with weakness. He didn't realize that kind is not nice. Nice is papering over the hard parts. Bending to accommodate. Placating. Nice is disingenuous. It's smiling through gritted teeth while swallowing what you really want to say. Being kind is doing the hard work, delivering the difficult message, not avoiding it or sugar-coating it. But it's delivering the message with empathy and a gentleness that allows for both of you to be imperfect. Doing that takes a huge amount of strength. It is not the weaker path. In fact, it's harder. Being dismissive is easy. Truly engaging with empathy is hard. But it's also the only way I know to retain your humanity while delivering news that can upend someone's self-image, career, or life. As a leader, when you lose your humanity you create inhumane, toxic environments. That's not good for anyone, including you. So take the more difficult path. Be kind.

𝐈𝐒 𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐎𝐅 𝐁𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐆 '𝐓𝐎𝐎 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐒𝐇' 𝐋𝐈𝐌𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐌’𝐒 𝐏𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐀𝐋? How often do we hold back from giving tough feedback for fear of being seen as harsh? As leaders, striking the right balance between empathy and tough love is crucial—not just for cultivating confidence, but for unlocking the true potential of our teams. During my intense training for Everest, a moment with my coach starkly highlighted this balance. My coach, Dave Memont, observing that I was not fully pushing my limits, stared into my eyes and said: “Do you know what your biggest weakness is? You are very strong physically, but you are weak mentally!” He did not hold back in expressing his disappointment. He didn’t yell, but his intense emotional response made it clear—I was shortchanging my potential. His belief in my capabilities was evident, yet he challenged me to match his expectations with my efforts. This moment was pivotal and revealed a personal truth: I did not want to disappoint myself. This blend of clear feedback and tough love propelled me to engage more deeply with my training, driven by a desire to reach my true potential. It kept me going during the toughest moments on Everest. → EMPATHY AND TOUGH LOVE: TWO SIDES OF THE SAME COIN In leadership, as in climbing, the path to fostering genuine confidence within a team involves both empathy and tough love. Here’s how they work together to build a resilient team: • Empathy: Allows us to connect and understand the individual struggles and needs of our team members. • Tough Love: Challenges them to grow, push boundaries, and achieve more than they thought possible. → KEY TAKEAWAYS: • Tough love is about being honest and direct, not harsh. • Empathy alone won't push your team to their fullest potential. • Balancing empathy with tough love fosters a culture of resilience and excellence. As leaders, our goal should be to inspire, motivate, and drive our teams toward excellence with a balanced approach that does not compromise on kindness but embraces the transformative power of clear, constructive feedback. What's your experience with balancing empathy and tough love in your leadership? Share your stories below! #leadership #confidence #mightymousepower

Most people shy away from giving honest feedback because they fear coming across as mean or hurting someone’s feelings. They worry about being disliked or causing discomfort—and that’s completely understandable. I’ve had to prepare myself for tough conversations, sometimes even starting with, “This is going to be a hard conversation.” Being clear and objective about what’s happening—and why it matters for the individual’s growth, their career, and the business—makes all the difference. It helps the person receiving feedback understand it without defensiveness and take meaningful action. Some of the best feedback I’ve ever received was balanced—it acknowledged my strengths while pointing out where I needed to grow. For example, I’m naturally calm under pressure and good at leading through crisis. But I was told, “You need to elevate your energy and stand-up leadership skills.” That feedback wasn’t easy to hear, but it was delivered with care and encouragement. Through multiple conversations, I finally understood the feedback and it helped me stay authentic while stepping up when it counted. Giving and receiving feedback is a skill—and when done well, it can be one of the most powerful tools for growth. How do you prepare yourself for difficult feedback conversations? #feedback #communication #skills #leadership #culture #growth 

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐀𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐇𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐅𝐞𝐞𝐝𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 As children, we are taught to always be honest. To never tell a lie. The story of “Pinocchio,” taught us the dire consequences of lying as the puppet’s nose kept getting longer with each untruth. But we all lie. We just don’t think about it in those terms. Unadulterated honesty can be brutal. White lies can be a way of showing kindness and compassion. But they can also be a lazy excuse for not wanting to take accountability. Motivation is at the heart of whether we get a pass on telling a fib. We need to stop for a moment and ask whether the truth will hurt another in an unkind, unnecessary way. For instance, when asked whether I like a friend’s new spiked haircut there is no redeeming value in letting her know that I hate it. It doesn’t matter and it’s unkind. On the other hand, if an employee asks me for feedback on a project and I think it was a mediocre job, I’m doing no one any favors by praising it. I owe it to that employee to give him honest feedback. It can still be stated in a kind and respectful way. The first example is about kindness. The second is about accountability. I still remember a board presentation I gave years ago. It was my first time presenting to the board, as I had recently been promoted to a senior role. I was nervous and it showed. The CEO pulled me aside after the meeting and said “The board will never have confidence in you if you appear nervous. You know the material. Talk to them as peers. Don’t be intimidated.” That was great feedback. The next time I relaxed and nailed it; he told me so. Giving honest feedback is an investment in someone else. It requires time and effort. Avoiding feedback or sugar-coating it to make someone feel better in the short run doesn’t help them in the long run. Honest feedback delivered with kindness and positive intent is more likely to be processed and heard. It helps us grow as people and as professionals. It’s a gift. #honestymatters #feedback #professionalgrowth #photographyislife #photography "𝘞𝘢𝘭𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘉𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘴," Crystal Bridges Museum of American Art 2023