Feedback Patterns That Signal Low Trust

I'll never forget reading my 360 feedback. "Dora prioritizes harmony and being liked over speaking uncomfortable truths." That hit hard. Because they were right. My team didn't need a cheerleader. They needed a leader. Since then, I've noticed similar patterns with the clients I coach. These habits look helpful,  but they erode trust: 1. Volunteering Your Team Without Asking ↳ You promise to help before checking capacity ↳ "Let me check our team capacity and get back to you tomorrow" 2. Pretending to Love Their Hobbies ↳ CEO mentions wine, you become a fake sommelier ↳ "I don't know much about wine, but I'd love to learn. What got you interested?" 3. Making Every Decision by Consensus ↳ You poll 12 people, still gathering input 6 weeks later ↳ Get input from 2-3 key people, then make the call and own it 4. Avoiding Difficult Conversations ↳ Top performer is rude, you drop hints instead of addressing it ↳ "I've noticed tension with the team. Let's talk about what's happening" 5. Over-Apologizing for Tough Decisions ↳ Your excessive apologies create team panic ↳ "We need to cut 10% from the budget. Here's why and how we'll handle it" 6. Trying to "Save" Struggling Team Members Alone ↳ You quietly redo their work at night ↳ "I've noticed you're struggling with X. What support do you need to succeed?" 7. Hiding Challenges to Keep Everyone Comfortable ↳ Major client threatens to leave, but "everything's great!" ↳ "Our client has some concerns, here's our plan" The fastest-rising leaders I work with all share one trait:  They'd rather be respected than liked. It's uncomfortable. It's also why they rise. ♻️ Repost to help your network ➕ Follow Dora Vanourek for more

Your team doesn't trust you. Here's how I know. Count how many times this happened last week. If it's more than 3, you have a trust problem. And it's costing you more than you think. The signs are everywhere: They document every conversation with you. Not for clarity. For protection. The "Reply All" epidemic on routine emails. When people CC everyone, they're building witnesses. Meetings after your meetings are longer than the actual meetings. Real alignment happens in parking lots and Slack DMs. 💡 Reality: High-trust teams move 5x faster because they skip the CYA theater. I learned this watching a VP destroy her department in 6 months. Smart woman. Great strategist. Zero trust. Her team spent more time covering their backs than doing actual work. → Every decision required written confirmation. → Every idea needed email trails. → Every mistake triggered blame investigations. The result? Top performers fled. Innovation died. Productivity tanked. Here's what low trust actually costs: Time Tax: Everything takes 3x longer → Approval chains for minor decisions → Documentation over execution → Meetings to prepare for meetings Talent Tax: Your best people leave first → High performers won't play politics → They find leaders who trust them → You're left with those who can't leave Innovation Tax: New ideas stop flowing → Why risk anything in a low-trust environment? → People share safe ideas, not bold ones → Your competition gets your team's best thinking The trust builders that actually work: Do What You Say → Every broken promise is remembered → Small commitments matter most → Under-promise if you must, but always deliver Admit When You're Wrong → "I made a mistake" builds more trust than perfection → Take blame publicly, share credit privately → Your team already knows when you screwed up Give Real Autonomy → Stop asking for updates on everything → Let them own outcomes, not just tasks → Trust them to make decisions without you Kill the Politics → No meeting after the meeting → Say the same thing to everyone → Make decisions transparently 💡 Reality: I track trust through response time. When my team stops responding instantly to every message, I know they trust me to not micromanage. The uncomfortable truth? Your team's behavior is a mirror. If they're documenting everything, you've taught them to. If they're playing politics, you've rewarded it. If they're not taking risks, you've punished failure. Trust isn't built in team-building exercises or company retreats. It's built in small moments: → When you don't check their work → When you defend them publicly → When you keep their confidence → When you admit you don't know What trust-killing behavior have you witnessed? Share below 👇 ♻️ Repost if someone needs this reality check. Follow Carolyn Healey for more leadership truths.

Your team isn't telling you the truth. Not because they're dishonest. But because they don't feel safe. I recently coached a leader who discovered her team was going around her to share feedback with her boss. The wake-up call wasn't the feedback itself. It was that she had no idea it existed. She asked for feedback all the time. She held regular 1:1s. She prided herself on being approachable. Yet her team stayed silent—until they couldn't anymore. Here's what most leaders miss: Asking for feedback isn't enough. You have to make it safe to give. And safety isn't what you think it is. It's not about being nice. It's not about having an open-door policy. It's not about saying "I want your honest thoughts." It's about how you respond when the pressure is on. → Do you get defensive when challenged? → Do you cut people off when they're struggling to make a point? → Do you make decisions without acknowledging dissent? Your team is watching. Always. They're not evaluating your words. They're evaluating your patterns. And if those patterns signal danger, they'll take their truth elsewhere. The hardest part? You might be the last to know. In my latest Substack article, I share: • Why 80% of feedback failures come down to one factor • The meeting structure that changed everything for one leader • How to know if your team actually trusts you (hint: it's not what they say) Because here's the truth: The feedback you're not getting is the feedback you need most. And by the time it reaches your boss, it might be too late. Ready to surface the truth before it surfaces you? → Read the full story on Substack (link in comments) What's the toughest feedback you've received that made you a better leader?