Feedback Dynamics in High-Trust Relationships

Q. Is a "feedback sandwich" still a best practice? (a word of praise followed by constructive feedback, then more praise)? A. No. When a "feedback sandwich" is effective it's not because of the "sandwich" format. It's because there is already enough trust established between the manager and the employee that the employee can accept the manager's suggestions easily - meaning the "sandwich" wasn't even necessary. The reason so much managerial feedback is badly received by employees is not because of the way it's delivered. It's because the relationship between the manager and the employee isn't strong enough. We easily accept feedback from people we trust - like a family member or good friend. A manager can establish that level of trust by being someone employees look up to and respect. It takes time to build trust but it's absolutely worth it. When your teammates trust and respect you, it's because you trust and respect them too. When you reach that point, they'll not only listen to your feedback, they'll ask for it. For years managers have been taught that certain words or phrases or techniques like the "feedback sandwich" will help their feedback be better received, but this is bad advice. It goes counter to everything we know about people. If the reason you're able to give feedback is because you're the manager and they are not - an unequal power relationship - your feedback is not likely to do any good. It can easily damage your relationships even further. Trust is the key. Someone has a PTO request? Make it your highest priority to approve it. Someone needs you to look at a document? Do it as quickly as you can. There's no mystery about how to build trust on your team. The problem is that in many organizations they don't talk about this topic. They don't give it much importance. They assume that being a manager is enough. You're the manager, so employees must listen to you. But it's not true. If there's too little trust, your feedback will feel like a threat. With trust in the mix, you'll address anything that needs to be shared in the moment, like this: YOU: Sandy, what was the story with that Acme Explosives thing? SANDY: Oh, they have a new Receiving person who didn't see the Priority code on the bill of lading. We got it straightened out. YOU: Great, thanks. Somebody at Acme was hot about it. Leo, I think? He called me. I talked him down but he wasn't thrilled. SANDY: He's the Receiving manager. Thanks for talking to him. YOU: What can we do when that kind of thing happens, to avoid a small problem blowing up? SANDY: I got too worked up. I was trying to help the new Receiving guy but I guess he was nervous about making a mistake, so he was defensive and I was too harsh. That's my bad. Sorry about that. YOU: Okay, no problem, do I need to do anything else? SANDY: No, I'll shoot Leo an email and copy you in. I know what to say. YOU: Tremendous, thanks!

One of the hardest things in any workplace is providing constructive feedback. The internet is flooded with articles about "how to give feedback without offending", but in my experience, most of these tactical approaches fall flat when it comes to real human interactions. Why? Because we forget a crucial element: Trust. Here are some key points to consider: 1️⃣ Building Trust and Solid Relationships Instead of focusing exclusively on the "right way" to deliver feedback, invest time in building a strong, trust-based relationship with your colleagues. When you've developed mutual respect, even the most challenging conversations become easier. 2️⃣ We're Not Machines, We're People Sometimes, in the hustle of deadlines and targets, we start treating colleagues like cogs in a machine. It's only when conversations become difficult that we're jolted back to reality: we're dealing with human beings, not robots. People come with complexities, emotions, and unique circumstances. Recognize that. 3️⃣ Tactical Isn't Always Practical Before you Google "how to give constructive feedback without triggering a fight", STOP. Ask yourself, have you built a reputation that makes people trust your intentions? Every interaction you have at work is an opportunity—not just to transact business, but also to understand someone’s cause, offer support, and build credibility. 4️⃣ Time, Goals, and Emotions Matter Remember, your colleagues have their own goals and time constraints, just like you do. Ignoring the emotional part of your interactions isn't just unfair; it's unrealistic. And while we're on the subject, stop pretending you're devoid of emotions; it makes you less relatable, and therefore, less trustworthy. 5️⃣ The Cake Walk When you've made it a point to cultivate trust and mutual respect, offering constructive feedback becomes a piece of cake. You won't need a script or a 10-step guide. You'll simply speak your mind, as you would in any honest relationship. To sum up, if you find giving feedback hard, perhaps the real issue lies not in your delivery, but in the foundation of your work relationships. Build that trust and watch how the dynamic changes. I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Have you found that trust makes your workplace relations easier? 🙏 Thanks for reading! #leadership #culture #feedback #workplacerelations

🏏 I didn’t expect this to hit so hard with leaders. But the more I share it, the more the CEO's I share it with lean in: The quality of customer feedback is directly proportional to the strength of the relationship - and the amount of time they have invested with your organization. At first, this idea sounds simple. But in practice, it’s anything but easy. Early-stage feedback is often superficial or transactional. >> As trust grows, the feedback gets more thoughtful. >> Once you’ve earned loyalty, it begins to get less selfish and more future oriented. >> And when you reach advocacy? That’s when the gold shows up. 💡It becomes the feedback that challenges you and helps you co-create the future together. Here’s what surprised me: When leaders see this model, they realize why they’ve been getting shallow or scattered feedback. Worse, they realize they have been neglecting a tremendous source of economic value. Surveys are often superficial and lazy. Deep relationships require real feedback and real feedback comes through conversation. It’s transformed how I think about feedback, how I earn it, and how I lean into it. I shared a graph to illustrate how feedback quality occurs with relationship growth. Happy to send you an article I wrote on it if you're interested. I stumbled on this framework while working with some super humans Sarah Kalmeta, Tony Morales, Paula S. White, and Eduardo Villavicencio-Vizcaino whom it has been a gift to work with. I had the great honor of sharing it again today with •Ed Burke's Vistage Worldwide, Inc. CEO group in #Dallas, #Texas (along with a lot of other content) and was deeply humbled by the response of the group. Thank you Ed for the +/- feedback that you gave me throughout the week. It was transformational. #Leadership #Trust #Advocacy #FeedbackLoops #BusinessRelationships #PowerOfVistage