How to Ask for Help via Email Without Sounding Entitled

I loved what Ian shared in this CNA commentary. Some really pertinent and accurate observations. However, there was one recommended suggestion that I personally struggle with: 'connect with users directly and ask them out for coffee.' ☕ 👩🏫 As someone who teaches final-year grad students (& post-grad students and working adults) about professional networking — covering situational awareness, conversation skills, and follow-up etiquette — I’ve shifted my approach somewhat in the last 18 years. A decade ago, I encouraged 'coffee meetings' as a way to connect. 💡 𝐓𝐨𝐝𝐚𝐲, 𝐈 𝐞𝐦𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐳𝐞 𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐬. 𝐖𝐡𝐲? 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐞𝐬 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞. My email inbox (both LinkedIn and work) fills weekly with kind coffee invites. If volume equaled consumption, I’d need five cups a day!!!! ❤️ 𝐓𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐜𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫: I deeply value helping others — it’s why I teach, mentor mothers, and run a social enterprise. But like many professionals juggling work, family, and commitments, scheduling 1:1 chats is often unrealistic. 📝 𝐀 𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐢𝐩𝐥𝐞 𝐈 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: 𝑻𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒐𝒏𝒆’𝒔 𝒎𝒐𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒕. 𝑺𝒉𝒐𝒘𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒊𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒑 𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒏𝒆𝒕𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈. When reaching out, consider these alternatives: 1️⃣ 𝐀𝐜𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐥𝐞𝐝𝐠𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞: Explicitly say "I know you’re busy" or "Zero pressure to respond." 2️⃣ 𝐁𝐞 𝐒𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐟𝐢𝐜: Vague requests = higher mental load. State exactly what you want (e.g., "15 mins," "2-3 ideas on how to reach out to the sustainability industry"). 3️⃣ 𝐆𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐧 𝐎𝐮𝐭: "If this isn’t a good time, I completely understand!" 4️⃣ 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐕𝐚𝐥𝐮𝐞: Offer help, resources, or genuine appreciation 𝐅𝐈𝐑𝐒𝐓 5️⃣ 𝐅𝐥𝐞𝐱𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐌𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐮𝐦: Suggest text/voice/email instead of live chat/ coffee meeting (𝘔𝘺 𝘧𝘢𝘷𝘰𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦!!!) ⏳ 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐬𝐞𝐭: We’re asking for someone’s time and insight—𝐚 𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫. How we frame it matters. 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒕𝒇𝒖𝒍 𝒏𝒆𝒕𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒂𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒌𝒆𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖?

How I Ask For Help Without Feeling Incompetent as an Amazon Program Manager There’s a myth in tech: If you’re strong, you figure it out yourself. But here’s what I’ve learned: Strong leaders ask for help early—not late. Here’s how I do it without losing credibility: 1️⃣ I define the ask clearly Not “Can you help?” I say: “I need 30 minutes to walk through risk scenarios before our next launch decision.” Specificity = respect for their time. 2️⃣ I share what I’ve tried first “I’ve spoken with X, reviewed Y, and scoped Z—but I’m stuck on tradeoffs.” This shows I’m not offloading. I’m escalating thoughtfully. 3️⃣ I phrase it as partnership—not a lifeline “I could use your brain on this.” “Would love your perspective before I move forward.” It invites collaboration—not rescue. 4️⃣ I always close the loop afterward I say: “Thanks again—your input helped us do X.” It builds goodwill. And makes them more likely to help next time. The truth? Asking for help doesn’t make you weak. It makes you effective. How do you ask for support without feeling like a burden?

"Ask and you shall receive" wasn’t just a phrase - it saved my life. Years ago, I was at rock bottom. Homeless, directionless, and too proud to ask for help. When I finally swallowed my pride and asked for support, everything changed. But here’s what I learned: The way you ask determines the answer you get. Most people think asking is as simple as saying, “Can you help me?” But that’s not enough. To truly connect and receive, your ask must be intentional, clear, and respectful. Here’s my 4-step formula for mastering the art of asking: 1️⃣ Start with why. ↳ The trick: People respond when they see your purpose. ↳ How to do it: Be clear about your intention and how it benefits everyone involved. 2️⃣ Be specific. ↳ The trick: Don’t ask for vague help, ask for something they can deliver. ↳ How to do it: Instead of “Can you mentor me?” try, “Can I get 10 minutes of your advice on X?” 3️⃣ Offer value first. ↳ The trick: Show respect by giving before you receive. ↳ How to do it: Share something meaningful, a compliment, a useful resource, or even your gratitude. 4️⃣ Show vulnerability. ↳ The trick: Being authentic opens hearts. ↳ How to do it: Share your story or struggle, and people will want to help you succeed. The first time I asked for help with clarity and intention, I was amazed at the response. The person didn’t just help, they went above and beyond. Now, I ask without fear. And the results? Life-changing connections, opportunities, and growth. What’s one thing you’ve been afraid to ask for? Use this framework and see what happens. You might be surprised.

"How to ask for help?" 🤔 A simple yet challenging question - one I've been wanting to discuss for some time. We've all experienced the frustration of learning something new, overwhelmed by countless resources that only add to our confusion about where to start - a classic case of information overload. Many of us have attempted to dive in headfirst, only to encounter error after error, falling into a rabbit hole of problems. This often leads us to seek help from experts who have already navigated these challenges. But here's where a crucial aspect comes into play: How do we get the most relevant answers to our questions? This requires us to take a step back and re-evaluate what questions we need answers to. How can we effectively communicate what we need help with? I want to emphasize the importance of developing soft skills and professional etiquette, which are equally - if not more - important in ensuring your professional success. No matter how skilled a scientist or developer you are, if you can't communicate professionally and effectively convey your work and receive help, it can become a major roadblock to your professional development. Fortunately, this is a skill anyone can learn. You don't need to use complex vocabulary to reach out and ask for help. 🎯 Key Points: - Basic manners, professional etiquette, and a polite demeanor - these simple things - can take you a long way. - Soft skills are just as vital as technical skills. - The correct approach to reach out to professionals on LinkedIn and ask for help 👇 📝 Follow this structure when reaching out: 1. Start with a professional 1-2 line introduction of who you are and background (where you study/work). 2. State the project or problem statement you're working on. 3. Explain what you intend to accomplish - learn, solve, or analyze specifically. 4. Describe what didn't work - list the things you tried to troubleshoot the error or solve the issue. ⚠️ Considerations: ⛔️ Don't use informal tones or language - maintain professional and polite terms. ✅ Double-check the name and spelling of the recipient. ✅ Use proper punctuation, and capitalize sentences and the pronoun "I". ⛔️ Don't use shorthand and informal abbreviations - e.g., "u," "urs," "wich," "thnx," "plz," "wat"... ⛔️ Avoid casual slangs - e.g., "gonna," "kinda," "wanna"... ⛔️ Spell-check: In the world of ChatGPT and AI, this should be a given. ⛔️ Don't use terms you're not sure about. ✅ Simple phrases like "please" and "thank you" go a long way - use them frequently. ✅ Show gratitude for the recipient’s time and effort. Lastly, it all comes down to this - if you are not willing to put in efforts to craft a thoughtful and error-free email/message, it is unreasonable to expect the recipient to invest effort into providing a response. P.S.: While some of the points above may seem obvious, the sheer number of messages and emails I receive that overlook these basics necessitated this post.

How you ask for things is more important than what you ask for. Here's the 4-step system I’ve used to make requests over the last 20 years: (And yes, it’s worked 80% of the time) 1. Start with an opt-in message Most people jump straight to the big ask. That's like proposing on the first date. Instead, send a quick message checking if they're open to the conversation. Add warmth with a voice note or personal context. 2. Write a "Self-Contained Forwardable Email" Make it simple to forward by: • Keeping it short • Making the ask clear • Including all context they need • Writing as if others will read it 3. Follow up once with care Don't chase. Don't push. Up to three gentle nudges is enough. Let them respond in their time. 4. Close every loop with gratitude This matters more than you think. A sincere "thank you" builds long-term trust. Even for a no. Especially for a no. The process works because it: • Respects their time • Makes helping easy • Shows professionalism Try it on your next request. You'll get more "yes" answers. And the “no’s” won’t set the relationships back or create discomfort. Which mean you always win.

I need to say this. If the person on the other side has to decode your ask? You’ve already lost. 🫣 Earlier this week, I had 2 conversations that left me thinking… “Wait…what are you asking for?” One person wanted me to join their book club discussion. The other person wanted help promoting their nonprofit. But neither one actually asked. They hinted. They hoped. They wrote long, thoughtful messages. But the ask? Buried or missing. We do this ALL the time—especially at work. We want something. But instead of asking clearly, we… ➡️ Drop vague lines like “let me know your thoughts” ➡️ Ramble around the request ➡️ Hope they magically pick up on the hint Here’s what to say instead 👇 📌 Want feedback from your boss? Don’t say: “Happy to hear your thoughts.” Say: “Could I grab 15 minutes this week to get your feedback before I send this to [exec name]? I want to make sure it reflects the team’s impact.” 📌 Asking for an intro? Don’t say: “Sounds like you know them well!” Say: “Would you be open to connecting me with her? I’d love to ask how she transitioned into that role.” 📌 Want to be considered for a promotion? Don’t say: “I think I deserve a promotion.” Say: “I’d love to go up for Senior Manager next cycle. Could we talk about what specific outcomes I’d need to deliver this quarter to be in the running?” 📌 Want someone to review your resume or portfolio? Don’t say: “Would love any feedback!” Say: “Would you be open to giving a 5-minute gut check on my resume? I’m applying for [specific role], and I want to make sure it directly highlights my skillset.” 📌 Want to shadow someone? Don’t say: “Would love to learn more about what you do.” Say: “I’m working on improving my strategic thinking. Could I sit in on one of your roadmap meetings next month?” Clarity = kindness. Specificity = confidence. A clear ask = a higher chance of yes. ✅ ♻️ If you found this post helpful, repost it to your network to help others ask for what they want. Follow me, Jenny Wood, for more unconventional business and career tips.