Why confidence in voice matters for women

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

Why are you so afraid to speak up in meetings? So many brilliant professionals—especially women—tell me they end up staying silent in rooms because of the fear of saying the wrong thing, stumbling over their words, or spending days replaying a comment they *wish* they had said differently. Sound familiar? That fear is normal. But it’s also holding you back. I’ve worked with wildly accomplished executives and founders who still struggle to make their voices heard in rooms full of louder (often male) peers. It boggles my mind that these women who I’m personally so impressed (and even intimidated!) by, the ones doing the bulk of the work, who have the most relevant insights, feel this need to hesitate—worried they’ll be seen as “difficult” or “disruptive.” Last week, I was the “mystery reader” for my daughter’s first-grade classroom. And here I thought some of my clients were intimidating? These six-year-old girls *own* the damn room. They raise their hands, demand to be heard, and confidently insert themselves into the conversation. Know how they do it? By asking a zillion questions- and demanding answers. So when does that confidence disappear? Why are brilliant women afraid to speak up in meetings? What happened to that confident little six year old? After this visit, I started offering clients a very simple, powerful way to start using their voices in meetings: Ask a question. If you’re nervous about speaking up, you don’t have to interrupt or make a grand statement. Just wait for a pause and ask a thoughtful question. Because if you have that question, chances are someone else in the room does too. And by speaking up, you’re doing the whole group a favor. At some point, too many of us start shrinking ourselves—afraid to be wrong, to be “too much,” to be seen as a squeaky wheel or to challenge the way things are being done. But here’s what I want you to remember: 🚀 Your voice matters. Your ideas matter. Your perspective is valuable. Next time you hesitate to speak up, channel the confidence of a six-year-old girl. Ask the question. Take up space. Bring your feminine energy to the workplace (We need to balance a few things out these days.) Because the other people in the room? They need to hear what you have to say. And you certainly deserve to be heard.

There’s power in knowing when to be quiet, but there’s greater power in knowing when to make your voice heard. For too long, women have been told to "be humble," as though confidence and ambition need to be toned down. Kamala Harris’ recent exchange with Sarah Huckabee's comment about her family choices reminded me of how deeply this narrative is ingrained — not just in politics, but across all areas of life. But what if humility is being misrepresented? What if it’s less about modesty and more about conditioning? We’re praised for holding back, for shrinking ourselves in rooms where we should be taking up space. Here’s the thing: 👉 The world doesn’t need more humility from women. It needs more leadership, more vision, and more assertiveness. If we’re constantly told to be humble, how do we: ❓Challenge the status quo? ❓Advocate for ourselves? ❓Push for the systemic change we know is needed? As you step into this week, ask yourself: 🔸 𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗺 𝗜 𝗵𝗼𝗹𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸? Identify moments where you've downplayed your skills. Could that meeting have benefited from your full input? Could that project have been pushed further if you leaned in more? 🔸 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗮𝗺 𝗜 𝗮𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴? Whether it’s negotiating a raise, proposing a bold idea, or setting boundaries - start the dialogue this week. Practice showing up for yourself. When you do, others will follow. 🔸 𝗔𝗺 𝗜 𝗮𝗳𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗱 𝗼𝗳 𝘀𝘂𝗰𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀? Sometimes the fear isn’t in failing but in succeeding. Are you holding back because you’re worried about what success might bring? 👊 𝗜𝗻 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗽, 𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 "𝗵𝘂𝗺𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆." Let’s shift the focus from being small to making an impact. Start your week by stepping into spaces you’ve held back from. The world isn’t changed by those who wait to be invited in. 📸 the bold and creative Evan Ross Katz

Success doesn't require sacrificing your authentic self. How I helped 2,250+ women reclaim their power after being told they were "too much." Most women are taught to: 🛑 Tone down their voice 🛑 Minimize their achievements 🛑 Make themselves smaller I refused to do any of that. Let me share a story that changed everything: A close friend once refused to introduce me to her recruiter. "He only handles executive placements," she said. I had been a CEO for 8 years. Her suggestion? "Remove your CEO experience or create a new LinkedIn profile." That moment crystallized everything wrong with how women are taught to present themselves. Instead of shrinking, I built a successful business by: 💜 Embracing my full personality 💜 Celebrating my achievements openly 💜 Teaching others to do the same The corporate world doesn't teach confidence. Living confidently teaches confidence. Think about it: 🤷🏽♀️ Why do we instinctively minimize our achievements? 🤷🏽♀️ Who taught us to make ourselves smaller? 🤷🏽♀️ When did we learn to apologize for our success? ✊🏾Your voice matters. ✊🏾 Your achievements matter. ✊🏾 Your story matters. The best part? You already have everything you need. The permission you're waiting for? Give it to yourself. 👍🏽 Never let someone else define your executive presence. 👍🏽 Never apologize for your experience. 👍🏽 Never minimize your journey.

The way women get attacked online for having confidence is…telling. If a woman says she knows she’s attractive, there will be men in the comments ready to “bring her down a peg.” If she talks about being great at her job, suddenly she’s “full of herself.” If she shares her accomplishments without minimizing them, she’s “bragging” or “attention-seeking.” The pattern is obvious: the minute a woman stops self-deprecating and shows unapologetic confidence, there’s a line of people waiting to tear her down. Here’s what I have to say to that: Confidence is not arrogance. Self-belief is not an invitation for critique. And women do not need to downplay themselves to be palatable. If a man can say “I’m great at what I do” and be celebrated, a woman should be able to do the same without being told to “humble herself.” So to the women reading this, don’t dim your light to make someone else comfortable. Your confidence is not the problem, their discomfort with it is.

What's the #1 thing you'd like to improve about your communication? Whether you're leading yourself or a team, communication is the catalyst to all personal and business success. Period. When I talk to women leaders about why they don't speak up, they tell me… -What will people think? -How will I sound? -Do I have enough credentials? -I'm not an extrovert. -I lack the confidence to speak up. -Nobody needs to hear what I have to say. It's already been said. Women hold back, and they get bypassed. There's a cost to holding back the individual, the team, and the organization. -The individual misses out on opportunities for a job promotion.  -Ideas are not heard. -Sales are lost. -Team innovation becomes stagnant. -Opportunities to make an impact or influence others. *Interesting fact! →In 2020, the MIT Sloan School of Management surveyed 6000 Microsoft employees about how often they spoke up to their managers. Less than 50% consistently did. 17.5% of employees surveyed said that they never spoke up! OMG! I'm a certified Step Into Your Moxie, Speak Up, and Influence facilitator. I'm excited to facilitate team training for a local Non-Profit to work with the individuals and the team to help them communicate more confidently. Some of the outcomes of saying yes to investing in your company's communication skills include:: -Strengthening your inner and outer voice so you can speak up on the issues that matter most to you and the company. -Teams will develop stronger habits, mindsets, and skillsets to boost communication confidence, speak with more power and impact and move people to take action. In a research study conducted by VitalSmarts (now Crucial Learning) a few years ago, researchers Joseph Grenny and David Maxfield concluded that every time an employee avoids a high-stakes conversation, it costs a company $7500!!! Staggering. If you'd like to learn more about bringing this program into your organization, D.M. me. P.S. What prevents you from stepping up and speaking up when you know you need to?

🤔 “𝐖𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐨𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐞𝐭.” I recently had a conversation with a woman in tech, and she made this observation. It stuck with me—𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐩𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐬𝐨 𝐟𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐫. In many rooms, women’s voices can seem quieter—not because they lack ideas or expertise, but because of systemic dynamics: 💬 𝐒𝐨𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: Women are often conditioned to tentative speech and action, conflict avoidance, and people-pleasing. 👥 𝐑𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐠𝐚𝐩𝐬: Being one of the few women in the room can amplify feelings of hesitation.  🌟 𝐁𝐢𝐚𝐬: Sometimes, women’s contributions are undervalued, leading to fewer opportunities to speak up. But here’s the thing: When women do speak, they bring perspective, insight, and innovation to the table—often addressing gaps that others might overlook. So, what can we do? ✅ 𝐂𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐞: Leaders and peers can encourage and invite women to share their ideas.  ✅ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐛𝐢𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐬: Are we unconsciously interrupting, talking over, or dismissing voices?  ✅ 𝐀𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐲 𝐯𝐨𝐢𝐜𝐞𝐬: Celebrate and highlight contributions in meetings and beyond.  ✅ 𝐌𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐚𝐝𝐯𝐨𝐜𝐚𝐭𝐞: Support women in building confidence and visibility. This conversation reminded me how much we all benefit when every voice is heard. To all the women in tech and beyond: Your voice is powerful. Keep using it. To everyone else: Let’s make sure we’re listening. What strategies have you seen that help elevate voices in the workplace? I’d love to hear your thoughts! ⬇️  #womenintech #empowerment

A few months ago, I was coaching a client — let’s call her Riya. Sharp. Intelligent. Always prepared. But in every meeting, she’d shrink a little when it was time to speak up. When I asked why, she said — “I don’t want to sound rude.” “I don’t want to create conflict.” “I don’t want to be that person.” That’s when it hit me. Most professionals don’t struggle because they lack skill or clarity — they struggle because they’ve been taught to stay too nice. ❌ They hold back opinions. ❌ They agree to avoid tension. ❌ They smile even when they want to speak up. ❌ These are the silent killers of confidence. They don’t show up overnight — but slowly, they mute your voice, and your ideas fade in the background. When Riya started learning how to be kind yet assertive, everything changed. ✅ She spoke with warmth and conviction. ✅ She stopped over-apologizing. And she finally got the promotion she’d been waiting on for years. Because confidence isn’t about being loud. ✅ It’s about being clear. ✅ It’s about trusting your message. And knowing that your voice deserves the room. So today, take that space. Speak. Express. Be heard. Because the world doesn’t need another “nice” voice — it needs your honest one. #Confidence #SilentKillers #Communication #PublicSpeaking #Leadership #CorporateTraining #SpeakWithAmi