How to Overcome Fears in Your Niche

When I started sharing my speaking journey publicly, everything changed. The traditional business advice says "fake it till you make it." But after working with hundreds of entrepreneurs, I've learned something counterintuitive: your biggest breakthrough comes from being transparently vulnerable about your struggles. I was on a call with a successful founder last week. When I asked if he'd spoken at conferences, he froze. "I can't even handle team meetings without sweating." When I shared my own speaking disaster story, forgetting my entire opening at a 500-person conference, something beautiful happened. He realized everyone wanted him to succeed, not fail. Here's what I learned about building in public through transparent speaking: 1. Vulnerability Broadcasting  Share your panic attacks, forgotten openings, and sweaty moments openly. Building your confidence journey in public permits others to be human. Your struggles become someone else's breakthrough story. Speaking fears are universal, your transparency breaks the shame cycle. Others see that success isn't about perfection, it's about persistence. 2. Story Stack Development  Document your 5 go-to stories for any situation and share them. Building your narrative library in public creates accountability for authenticity. Your stories become templates for other entrepreneurs to adapt. Transparency about your frameworks helps others structure their own experiences. 3. Confidence Protocol Sharing  Show your exact pre-speech routine and why it works. Building your confidence systems in public creates replicable frameworks. Your meditation, breathing, and preparation become roadmaps for others. 4. Authority Multiplier Transparency Document how one speech creates 50+ opportunities. Building your authority systems in public shows the compound effect. Your podcast invitations and connection requests become proof of concept. Transparency about speaking ROI motivates others to overcome their fears. 5. Failure Reframe Strategy Share how disasters become your best teaching moments. Building your resilience story in public transforms setbacks into comebacks. Your 15 seconds of silence become someone else's courage catalyst. Transparency about recovery shows that perfection isn't the goal. Others learn that audiences want value, not flawless delivery. This isn't just about becoming a better speaker, it's about creating beautiful, systemized, and impactful ways to share your expertise with the world. When you build your speaking journey in public, you're not just overcoming fears. You're showing other entrepreneurs that their voice matters and their message deserves to be heard. __ Enjoy this? ♻️ Repost it to your network and follow Matt Gray for more. Curious how this could look inside your business? DM me ‘System’ and I’ll walk you through how we help clients make it happen. This is for high-commitment founders only.

I'm a public keynote speaker...AND I have intense social anxiety. That makes for an exhausting combination! This means that every time I get off the stage, I start second-guessing myself. A lot. Did I say something wrong? Did I offend someone? Did I make a fool of myself? Will they ever invite me to speak again? The anxiety can become crushing...if I let it. So, how do I deal with it? Here are a few tricks I've learned through the years: 1️⃣ I have a 3x1 rule. The rule is that if I dissect my presentation, I have to list three positive things I did for every one thing I'm going to correct. This keeps me humble and improving but prevents my negative thinking from snowballing. 2️⃣ I DON'T ask people for reassurance. All that does is feed the anxiety and make it worse the next time. Instead, I accept that my fears may—or may not—be true. This will help me become stronger in dealing with the uncertainty next time. 3️⃣ I "ride the wave." What this means is that I allow the anxiety to pass through me and don't sweat it in the moment. It always comes and goes in waves. Therefore, if I just accept the pain for a little bit of time, I know it will go away after a while. 4️⃣ I remember that it's always practice. I can't expect perfection. What I can expect is that I learn from each experience and grow after each presentation. As my favorite Bob Ross quote says: "Every time you devote time to practice, you haven't lost. You're always a winner." And, as my friend Kwame Christian, Esq., M.A. would add: "It's all practice." Credit to The OCD & Anxiety Treatment Center for how they've helped me and my family learn several of these skills. Feel free to share other anxiety-busting skills you've learned, too! #mentalhealth #bestadvice #success #davecrenshaw

Is that critical inner voice sabotaging your confidence? Here's your 3-step battle plan to silence it for good. Recently I witnessed a remarkable transformation at UC Berkeley School of Information. Graduate students who entered my public speaking workshop trembling with anxiety left confidently presenting their ideas. No magic involved. Just structured approaches, peer support, and breaking down intimidating challenges into manageable steps. Self-doubt can turn ordinary tasks into overwhelming obstacles. After a journey conquering my own inner critic (and helping clients do the same), I've identified 3 game-changing techniques to build up self-trust: 1) Recognize Your Inner Parts (Internal Family Systems) Your mind isn't one unified voice—it's a committee of different parts! That harsh critic? Just one member trying to protect you in its misguided way. When self-doubt strikes, pause and ask: "Which part is speaking right now?" Is it your perfectionist afraid of failure? Your overachiever terrified of looking incompetent? Don't fight these parts—acknowledge them: "I see you're trying to protect me, but right now I need to trust my capabilities. I've prepared for this." 2) Reframe Imposter Syndrome as Growth Energy Did you know up to 82% of professionals experience imposter syndrome? It's especially prevalent in tech where we're constantly navigating uncharted territory. But what if that uncomfortable feeling isn't a problem to solve? Try this perspective shift: - That discomfort signals you're stretching into new growth territory - Channel the nervous energy into preparation, not paralysis - View each learning curve as evidence of growth, not failure 3) Apply the "Let Them" Theory Mel Robbins' approach is brilliantly simple: Let people think what they want. Let them react however they choose. Let them misunderstand you. You can't control others' perceptions, but you absolutely control how you show up. Ask yourself: "What weather am I bringing today?" Replace every spiral that begins with "What if they think I'm not good enough?" with "Let me": - Let me trust I'm contributing my best - Let me decide I'm enough, regardless of external validation - Let me focus exclusively on what I can control You don't need permission to lead or perfection to add value. Everything you need is already within you - you just need to trust yourself to use it. Next time self-doubt creeps in, identify which inner voice is speaking, recognize that discomfort signals growth, and focus on what you control rather than others' opinions. What technique will you try first? Share in the comments! #SelfConfidence #LeadershipDevelopment #ImpostorSyndrome

🎥 Behind the scenes of my final rehearsal for a recent keynote. And I'm packing my bags for another this week! Rehearsing goes beyond perfecting slides or making sure your tech works. You have to get your mindset in the right place. Here’s what the journey of being a keynote speaker has taught me – and lessons that can serve you, too: 1️⃣ Face your fears head on: Every tweak and adjustment is an act of pushing past self-doubt. By iterating and evolving, we assert that our voice has value and our message is worth hearing. 2️⃣ Own your emotions: Our heightened emotions can sometimes be overwhelming, but they are also our superpower. By sharing genuine (and sometimes raw) moments and stories, we can create connection. 3️⃣ Confidence through preparation: Each rehearsal is a step towards conquering imposter syndrome. Knowing my content inside out allow me remain present and attuned to my audience. I embody the talk instead of "faking it 'til I make it." 4️⃣ Reframe mistakes: Instead of viewing setbacks as evidence that I suck, I view hiccups as learning opportunities. They can lead to unexpected insights and remind us that perfection isn't the goal—impact is. Plus, our tendency to internalize as Sensitive Strivers isn't always a setback. It means we're thorough and considerate. 5️⃣ Combat doubt with curiosity: Stay open to growth. Every rehearsal, feedback, or change is an avenue to better ourselves and push past the internal critic. Sharing this video isn't just about giving you a glimpse into my unfiltered process, it's also showing you the deep care that goes into every word I share. 🙏🏻 #keynotespeaker #keynotespeaker #highlysensitiveperson #courage #confidence

My 3 Pronged Approach to Tackling Imposter Syndrome Disclaimer: I'm an extroverted, college-educated South Asian American male working in tech. There are inherent privileges for me and as such, what works for me may not work for you. However, hopefully this can help shed some light in the right direction. Fear 1: I'm not enough Strategy 1: Embrace Continuous Learning In my journey, the fear of not being enough often stems from a perceived knowledge gap. To combat this, I've adopted a strategy of continuous upskilling. It helps to actively seek out new learning opportunities, whether it's through online courses, industry workshops, or simply engaging in thought-provoking conversations with colleagues. Easy tip: Every job has a set of workflows that you need to follow, I usually start by just studying them and meeting with everyone involved to ask "why do we do this?" The more I know, the more confident I can be in my ability to contribute meaningfully. Plus, continuous learning has become a source of personal satisfaction, reinforcing the idea that I am capable of growth and improvement. Fear 2: My team doesn't think I'm enough Strategy 2: Become the 'Go-To' Resource Another fear that often plagues us is the belief that we are not wanted or needed. To counter this, I've focused on carving out a niche specialty within my teams. Usually, because I love going down rabbit-holes, I tend to become the "where can I find this?" person on my teams. Picking a niche in the team and consistently demonstrating our expertise, can help foster a sense of value and belonging. Eventually our colleagues come rely on our knowledge and appreciate our contributions, which also then significantly boosts our confidence. Fear 3: This space is not for me Strategy 3: Influence from Within Sometimes, the fear that the space is not built for us can feel like an extremely large hurdle. Entire systems may seem designed to exclude us, making it difficult to find our footing, regardless of whether it's on purpose. In such cases, I've learned to focus on small, incremental changes. Look for opportunities to influence processes, suggest improvements, and champion inclusive practices. These small wins, over time, accumulate into a sense of agency and belonging. I can confidently say that I am not just a passenger in this space; I am an active participant shaping its future. Imposter syndrome doesn't have to dictate our professional journeys. By adopting these strategies – continuous learning, becoming a valued resource, and influencing from within – we can silence the doubts and embrace our true capabilities. You are not an imposter; you are a valuable asset with the power to make a positive impact. Got any tips or feedback? Comment your tips below! #impostersyndrome

Is public speaking your worst nightmare? For many, the fear of public speaking ranks above the fear of death. Sounds dramatic, right? A couple of weeks ago, an employee asked for my advice on being less anxious and more confident on stage. There is no perfect formula that works for everyone, but I shared what helps me get more present and confident on stage. 1. Remember that the audience is rooting for you. People don’t go to talks hoping to be bored, they go hoping to learn something or to be entertained. If you see people who look like they are not paying attention, often that has more to do with them than with you. 2. Find happy faces and focus on them. There are usually some people in the crowd who are vibing with the talk. When you find them, focus on and deliver the talk to them. As an audience member, it’s hard to know who the speaker is talking to, and it can look weird if the speaker’s gaze is constantly darting around the room. 3. Stand confidently. The audience can sense your energy during the talk. If you are constantly pacing or shuffling, you can look uneasy, which can make you uneasy. Find a position that you feel confident in and own it. How you show up is who they will read your energy. 4. Make clarity your number one goal. It’s easy to set the expectations for yourself out of whack if you compare yourself to an entertainer. An audience can learn a lot from someone who might be nervous but who focuses on making their message as clear as possible. But if you go too far in the direction of entertaining and you don’t have a clear message, nerves can kill the whole talk. The more you build confidence in the clarity of your message, you will be more confident and able to add more jokes and personality. 5. Anxiety is a signal you care. It is normal to feel some nerves before a talk. It signals that you care about the audience and how the message will be received. When you harness that anxiety, it can ultimately drive you to do better and be more prepared, so try it use it that way instead of letting it shut you down. 6. Pick topics you care about. When picking the topic for your talk, find something you genuinely care about. It is very hard to give a great talk about something you don’t genuinely care about. When structuring a talk, focus on putting yourself in a position to speak genuinely about the topic. Bonus: If you are feeling confident and want to take your talk to the next level, you should think about the emotional arcs throughout your presentation. It’s more interesting to watch someone talk through the highs and the lows, than it is to hear only about the highs. Bring us on the journey of your story, or how you found your insights. This is just a start of how to up your presentation game. To my pros out there, what other advice have I missed? What would you say to someone who is starting to hit the talk circuit?

One of the most pernicious yet rampant issues I've come across in Silicon Valley is lack of self-confidence and imposter syndrome. This effects so many of us, including folks who are regularly perceived as successful. It's a complex set of issues with no silver bullet solution because so many of these inner beliefs stem from pivotal experiences folks have had that have been memorialized into their self-image, whether they realize it or not. I wanted to share a couple of techniques that I have used for years now as ways that I try to control my own inner monologue instead of allowing it to control me. The first technique I use is to judiciously capture every piece of praise anyone has ever bestowed upon me into a praise note. By forcing myself to capture it, it forces me to take a moment to really memorialize the praise and appreciate myself for whatever I'm being given praise on. When I'm struggling with confidence, when I'm feeling down, or whenever I'm having doubts, scrolling through my praise note serves as a strong reminder to myself of what I am capable of and just how much others value me. Now the next technique I use is actually the polar opposite of the first. I also judiciously capture every rejection I've ever had in a rejections note. People are often surprised by this one as it's easy to see this as a potential downer. But I don't use it that way. The reason this is so important is because it helps you realize that being rejected is not the end of the world. That life goes on. And frankly in many cases, you go on to thrive in so many unexpected ways. The fear of rejection holds so many of us back. And the best thing you can do for yourself is remove that fear's power of you. So what that you are rejected! It's not the end of the world. I share more about these practices for building self-confidence, including specific examples of praise & rejection from my own life, in today's essay https://lnkd.in/gV_C86Fi

𝗘𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗿𝗮𝗰𝗲 ❤️ 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴? 𝗦𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗮𝗹. 𝗘𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝘀𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗱 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗳𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗹𝘁 𝗶𝘁𝘀 𝗴𝗿𝗶𝗽. Speaking to a group, big or small, can be daunting. But here's how to tackle it head-on and turn nerves into a powerful presentation. 𝗙𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁, 𝗹𝗲𝘁'𝘀 𝗱𝗲𝗯𝘂𝗻𝗸 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗳𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘀. → Fear of judgment is often in our heads. Most audiences are rooting for you. They want to see you succeed. → Perfection isn't the goal. Authenticity is. Mistakes make you relatable. 𝗦𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗻𝗱, 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗽𝗲𝗱: →Visualize success. Imagine your audience engaged and responding positively. → Breathe deeply. It calms nerves and steadies your voice. → Know your material inside out. Confidence comes from preparation. 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝗿𝗱, 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: → Arrive or dial-in early. Familiarize yourself with the space. → Warm up your voice. It’s a muscle that needs stretching. → Make idle conversation with participants. You will be surprised by how relaxing it will be for you. 𝗙𝗼𝘂𝗿𝘁𝗵, 𝗱𝘂𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆, 𝗸𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱: → Start with a story or anecdote. It breaks the ice and draws your audience in. → Maintain eye contact. It builds connection and trust. → Use pauses effectively. They emphasize key points and allow your audience to digest information. Fifth, e𝗻𝗴𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗮𝘂𝗱𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗿𝘂𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹: → Ask questions. It invites interaction and keeps them attentive. → Use humor appropriately. Laughter relaxes both you and your audience. 𝗦𝗶𝘅𝘁𝗵, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆, 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗮𝗿𝗺 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗮𝘂𝗱𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲: → Be yourself. Authenticity shines through and puts everyone at ease. → Acknowledge your nerves if they surface. It humanizes you and makes the audience empathetic. Remember, stage fright signals that you care about your message. Embrace it, and you'll turn your fear into fuel. 💪 How can I help?

"Am I really cut out for this?" "What if I FAIL?" "What if my team doesn’t respect me?" You just got promoted to a leadership role. You’re excited. Motivated. Ready to make an impact. Then suddenly—panic. That internal battle between excitement and imposter syndrome isn’t just in your head—it’s in your brain. Welcome to First-Time #Leadership Panic! And guess what? It’s not your fault. Your brain is the problem. More specifically, your amygdala. The Science: Why Your Brain Treats Leadership Like a Survival Threat Your amygdala is the primitive part of your brain that detects threats. And when it senses uncertainty—like stepping into a leadership role—it triggers the same "fight-or-flight" response as if you were being chased by a lion. 🧠 Cortisol spikes → You feel overwhelmed and reactive. 🧠 Prefrontal cortex (decision-making) shuts down → You second-guess everything. 🧠 Social rejection fear activates → You’re terrified of looking incompetent. Your brain isn’t trying to help you lead. It’s trying to keep you safe. How to Rewire Your Brain for Leadership Confidence (Backed by Neuroscience) The best leaders don’t have less fear. They’ve just trained their brains to handle it differently. Here’s how: ✅ Label the Fear (It Lowers Cortisol) Your brain can’t panic and analyze at the same time. When you name your fear (“I feel imposter syndrome right now”), your brain shifts from panic mode to problem-solving mode. ✅ Make Micro-Decisions (Break the Freeze Response) Your brain hates uncertainty but thrives on small wins. Instead of worrying about making perfect choices, focus on the next best move. ✅ Reframe Anxiety as Readiness (Harvard Study Hack) A Harvard study found that saying “I’m excited” instead of “I’m nervous” tricks your brain into a performance-enhancing state. Your body’s response to fear and excitement is the same—the only difference is the label you attach to it. ✅ Use the 5-Second Rule (Override the Hesitation Loop) If fear is stopping you from speaking up, taking charge, or making a decision, count down from 5… and move. This disrupts hesitation before your brain locks into inaction. ✅ Visualize Future Success (Your Brain Doesn’t Know the Difference) Neuroscience shows that your brain activates the same neural pathways whether you imagine success or actually experience it. High-level athletes do this before competition—great leaders should too. The Truth? Every Great Leader Has Felt This If you’re feeling overwhelmed in your first leadership role, congratulations—you’re not failing, you’re evolving. Your brain isn’t trying to stop you. It’s waiting for you to prove you’re in control. What was your biggest panic moment as a first-time leader? Drop it in the comments! 👇 #Neuroscience #Psychology #DecisionMaking #EmotionalIntelligence #Leaders

Someone messaged me on Instagram yesterday and said, “I need help with speaking up.” If you’ve ever hesitated to share your ideas in a meeting, stayed quiet when you wanted to contribute, or held back from advocating for yourself, you’re not alone. So many ambitious women struggle with this—not because they don’t have great ideas, but because something in their mind is stopping them from speaking up. Here’s what I told her: First, identify the thought you’re thinking right before you hesitate. That split-second thought is what’s blocking your voice. Maybe it’s ⤵️ ❌ What if I sound stupid? ❌ What if I get it wrong? ❌ What if they judge me? This fear of judgment, failure, or getting it wrong is so powerful that it keeps women silent. But once you become aware of the thought holding you back, you can start to challenge it. If this is something you struggle with, here are 5️⃣ more ways to help you find your voice: 1️⃣ Prepare your key points in advance. Confidence grows when you feel ready. Jot down what you want to say ahead of time. 2️⃣ Start small. You don’t have to lead the whole meeting—start by agreeing with a point, asking a question, or adding a short insight. 3️⃣ Reframe the fear. Instead of What if I get it wrong? ask yourself, What if my idea is exactly what’s needed? 4️⃣ Practice speaking up in everyday life. Order your coffee with confidence, state your preference clearly, and get comfortable using your voice outside of work. 5️⃣ Stop overthinking and just say it. The longer you wait, the harder it gets. Speak up before doubt takes over. Speaking up isn’t about waiting until you feel 100% confident—it’s about taking action even when you feel a little nervous. And remember: Speaking up is a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets. And one last thing: if you feel like you’re the only one struggling with second guessing yourself before you speak up—you’re not. Speaking up at work is one of the most common challenges I help women overcome in my coaching. The good news? Confidence is a skill you can build. Send me a message if you want my take on your situation—I’d love to help 💝🫶💝