Confidence Building Techniques

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

During my time in the corporate world, there was one thing I learned early: Being strong, decisive, and ambitious as a woman made people uncomfortable. I was praised for performance and questioned for assertiveness which was necessary for leadership. I delivered results, but the feedback was always, “Let’s tweak your messaging” or “Let's fix X”, whatever “X” was, meanwhile, my male counterparts saying the same things, in the same rooms were called visionary. So when I came across the Heidi vs. Howard case study from Columbia, I didn’t need a research paper to tell me what I already knew in my bones: Most people still don’t like strong women. In 2003, Professor Frank Flynn ran a case study at Columbia. Same story, same resume, same success one name: Heidi Roizen. The other: Howard Roizen. Both were rated as competent. But only Howard was likable. Heidi was considered too aggressive and not someone you’d want to work with by some students (both males and females). Lead, and be labeled. Play small, and be passed over. We need to fix the system because it was never designed to support women in the workplace.

My number one piece of advice to women starting out in academia: don’t read your teaching evaluations. Hear me out. If your scores are high, the comments are just noise. Your brain—like everyone else’s—is wired to dwell on the negative. Negative comments will stick with you, even if they are irrelevant. You’ll remember them, you’ll react to them, and you’ll waste time and energy trying to fix things that don’t need fixing. If your scores are low, the default advice is to read the comments. My advice: don’t. Especially not if you’re a woman. At this point, there is a robust evidence base showing that student evaluations are a shockingly gender-biased measure of teaching performance. Not only are women rated lower than men for equivalent teaching, but the comments themselves reflect gender stereotypes. We know how gender stereotypes work: You’re either warm and likeable (but not seen as competent), or competent (but too “harsh” or “intimidating”). The written comments on your evaluations will likely reflect those stereotypes. Comments from the first category will focus on your lack of experience, question your fit or your expertise. Comments from the second category will describe you in ways that would be fine—admired, even—if you were a man: too confident, too critical, thinks she’s an expert. And let’s not forget the comments on your appearance and style. Often, junior women are advised to ask a senior colleague to read the comments and summarize the themes. In my opinion, all that does is concentrate the gender bias through a filter. There is a better way: ask a senior woman to observe your teaching. She’ll see you in action, in flow. She’ll see the classroom dynamics. And she’ll give you advice on how to navigate the gendered expectations without compromising your integrity or well-being. When my colleagues and I started doing this, we learned strategies we’d never have discovered through student feedback. Things like: 🎓 They don’t like you, so give them less of you. Use cases, exercises, student-led debriefs. 🎓They respect you, but you need to humanize yourself. Tell stories. Have fun with them. 🎓There’s a power struggle - step into it. Challenge them. Unsettle their assumptions. None of that advice would show up in written comments, but it made us better teachers. 👉 Does this resonate with your experience? I’d love to hear what’s worked for you—or what you wish you’d known earlier.

You cannot wait on confidence to arrive. You have to built it —one bold move at a time. Here’s the truth: Most of the women I coach aren’t walking into new roles, new industries, or promotions already confident. They’re unsure. They have self-doubt, too. They’ve read the job description 17 times and still think they’re missing something. I've been there. In meeting rooms I didn't belong, and should have been quiet. I had less experience and industry knowledge, but found moments to speak up, share a small idea, stay persistent when I believed in something, and slowly possibilities started to unravel. What separates professionals who stay stuck from the ones who step forward: 💡 They shift from “I'm not good enough to “I believe in my potential” That one tiny mindset tweak? It changes everything. → “I am not good enough" shuts down the opportunity for you to tap into your strongest capabilities. → But "I believe in my potential" opens up space. It says: “Maybe I’ve never done it before. But I’m capable. I’m resourceful. And I’m willing to try. And I deserve to try" Confidence isn’t a requirement for your career. It’s a result. You don’t build it by waiting. You build it by doing. By trying. Failing. Trying again. And saying yes before you feel 100% “ready.” So next time your inner critic says you're not good enough. You get to answer back.

Have you ever been told you are too quiet? Maybe you don’t speak up enough so, “people worry about your leadership skills.” Or, you don’t advocate enough for yourself so, “you aren’t taking control of your career like a natural born leader.” If so, this article is for you. Maybe you’ve received feedback that there is concern over your analytical skills and “quant chops.” Or, there is some general, yet vague, feedback that leadership worries, “you lack that killer instinct.” Or, maybe it’s the opposite and you are “too bossy” or “too opinionated.” Have you heard any of these things?  I have over my career. Instead of letting them control my path, I got upset, then angry, then curious. I decided that none of these descriptions were really a good read on me, or my leadership potential, and I decided to change the perception. You can too. I’ve interviewed hundreds of women in senior leadership over the years and one thing is clear: we’re navigating a constant push and pull. Be strong, but not too strong. Be likable, but not too soft. Show your ambition, but don’t make anyone uncomfortable. Women aren’t just doing the job, they’re doing the extra work of managing how they’re perceived while they’re doing the job. We wrote this piece for HBR because it’s important for women to know how to not only subvert stereotypes and shape how others see them, but to do it without losing themselves in the process. Too many of us think there is nothing we can do when we hear feedback that doesn’t feel quite right. Sometimes, there are actions we can take. I love this piece so much because it says we don’t have to be victim to the stories about us or around us, we can do something about it.   1️⃣ Craft a counternarrative – Instead of internalizing biased feedback, reshape how people see you by aligning your strengths with what the organization values (on your terms!). 2️⃣ Use positive association – Enthusiasm and future-focused language can subtly shift others’ assumptions  and build trust. 3️⃣ Turn feedback into power – Don’t immediately accept or reject it, investigate it. Use it to understand what success looks like in your environment, and then find authentic ways to express that in your own leadership style. So if you’ve ever felt like your success depends not just on what you do, but how you’re seen…you’re not imagining it. Especially in times of economic uncertainty and shifting priorities, it becomes even more pronounced. And while there are no one-size-fits-all strategies, when women take control of their story, they open doors for themselves AND others. Let’s stop contorting ourselves to fit outdated models. We can rewrite the models themselves. Let me know what you think. https://lnkd.in/gcCSE7XW Colleen Ammerman Harvard Business Review Lakshmi Ramarajan Lisa Sun

Your competence at work is judged in seconds. Even when you over-deliver, you can be underestimated. Every day, false assumptions about you are made: — Polite = Weak — Older = Not agile — A foreign accent = Less capable — Introverted =  Not a strong leader — Woman =  Softer voice, less authority It's not just unfair. It's exhausting. So the question is: How do you beat biases without changing who you are? Here’s what I recommend: 𝟭. 𝗖𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗿𝗼𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲 → Speak about impact, not effort. → Articulate your value proposition. →“Here’s the problems I solve. Here's how. Here’s the result."  If no one knows what you bring to the table, they won’t invite you to it. 𝟮. 𝗩𝗶𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 Silent excellence is wasted potential. → Speak up when it feels risky. → Build real not just strategic relationships. → Share insights where people are paying attention. You don’t need to be loud. You need to be seen. 𝟯. 𝗧𝘂𝗿𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗱𝗶𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗶𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘀 The traits that trigger assumptions? Those are your edge. → Introverted? That’s deep listening. → Accent? That’s global perspective. Don’t flatten yourself to fit. Distinguish yourself to lead. 𝟰. 𝗢𝘄𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 → Say “I recommend” not "I think.” → Hold eye contact. Take up space. → Act like your presence belongs (even when others haven’t caught up.) Confidence isn’t volume. It’s grounding. Bias is everywhere. But perception can be changed. Don't let other people's false assumptions define you. Do you agree? ➕ Follow Deena Priest for strategic career insights. 📌Join my newsletter to build a career grounded in progress, peace and pay.

She wasn’t rejected for her skills. She was rejected because her English froze mid-sentence. Riya (name changed) was one of the brightest engineers in her batch. She could code complex systems, explain algorithms, and solve real-world problems. But in every interview, the same thing happened: She’d pause. Stumble. Lose words. And walk out convinced: “I’m not good enough because my English isn’t perfect.” The truth is: Recruiters don’t reject you for grammar. They reject you for the nervousness that takes over when you treat English as a test of intelligence. So here’s the 8-step system I built with her: 1️⃣ We switched from ‘perfect English’ to ‘clear English’. Your interview isn’t an IELTS exam. You don’t need Shakespeare. You need clarity. Instead of long, confusing sentences → we practiced short, direct ones. Example: ❌ “I am desirous of contributing in multifaceted capacities…” ✅ “I want to contribute by solving X and improving Y.” 2️⃣ We built her “answer bank” of 20 power phrases. Instead of memorizing the whole script, she had reusable building blocks. For instance: “One of my key strengths is…” “A challenge I overcame was…” “Here’s how I added value in my last role…” This gave her confidence anchors she could lean on anytime she froze. 3️⃣ We recorded her answers daily. Science shows self-review accelerates fluency by 40%. Listening back helped her fix hesitation and filler words. 4️⃣ We practiced mock interviews in Hinglish. Yes, half Hindi, half English. Because confidence comes before fluency. Once she nailed the answers in a mix, we gradually switched to full English. 5️⃣ We trained pauses as a strength. Silence feels scary in an interview, but it signals confidence. She learned to pause, breathe, and continue instead of rushing. 6️⃣ We expanded her vocabulary with “workplace words.” Not fancy jargon, but 50 words recruiters hear daily: “collaborated,” “resolved,” “delivered,” “improved.” The kind of words that show impact. 7️⃣ We focused on body language, not just words. A confident smile, steady tone, and eye contact make small mistakes invisible. Recruiters remember presence more than prepositions. 8️⃣ We rehearsed under pressure. I simulated real interview stress: timers, tough follow-ups, even deliberate interruptions. So the real interview felt easier than practice. The result? Riya went from 5 straight rejections… To landing her dream role at Infosys in her 7th interview. Not because she suddenly became “fluent.” But because she showed confidence, clarity, and ownership. 👉 If you know someone struggling with English in interviews, Repost this and help your friends land their dream job too. #interviewtips #englishspeaking #careercoaching #dreamjob #interviewcoach

It was 8:15 AM when a mom’s phone rang. It was her son, panic in his voice: “Mom, I forgot my assignment at home. It’s due in the first period. Please, can you bring it to school?” She could’ve snapped. → “Why weren’t you more careful?” → “I told you to double-check!” But she didn’t. Ten minutes later, she was at the school gate, assignment in hand. Her son rushed over and everything went well. Her son said, “Thanks for not yelling at me, Mom.” And she just smiled. Because in her mind, she knew this: The moment you help someone through a mess without making them feel small is the moment they start trusting you. That evening, after the panic was over, they sat together and talked about building better habits, packing the bag the night before, making a checklist, owning up to mistakes. She knew the lesson would stick because she stood by him when he needed it. This is the same way senior engineers should handle juniors. You don’t build trust by exploding at the first sign of trouble. You build it by showing up, especially when it’s inconvenient. When a junior messes up, the urge to lecture is real. But support comes first, lessons come after. Because good engineers don’t stay just for the perks. They stay where they feel safe enough to make mistakes and learn. And that’s how you build teams that stick together, at home or at work.

What’s really holding you back? Spoiler alert: It’s not your skills. How many times have you felt like you’re not up for the job? That you’re not qualified? Or that someone else could do it better? Here’s the reality: ➡️ 13% of employees and 20% of senior managers admit they frequently feel like a fraud. ➡️ 54% of women report experiencing imposter syndrome, compared to 38% of men. I get it, because I’ve been there. I used to struggle with being visible - giving speeches, creating content online, even doing TV interviews. Despite decades of experience, there was always a little voice in my head whispering: “Do people really want to hear from you? What if they laugh at you?” Here’s the truth: It’s not based on facts - it’s just the noise in our heads. Here’s how you can overcome imposter syndrome and show up like you deserve to: 1/ The Imposter Loop ↳ You doubt every win and question every achievement. ↳ Own your story: You earned your seat at the table. ↳ Write down three wins you’re proud of. Seeing them silences the noise. 2/ The Permission Trap ↳ You wait to feel ready or for someone to say “go.” ↳ Stop waiting: Start before you’re ready. ↳ Set a deadline and commit publicly - action builds momentum faster than waiting for confidence to strike. 3/ The Comparison Game ↳ You stalk others’ success and compare your chapter 1 to their chapter 20. ↳ Run your own race: Their doubts, fears, and failures aren’t in the highlight reel. ↳ Unfollow or mute accounts that trigger self-doubt. Focus on progress, not perfection. 4/ The Perfectionism Loop ↳ You polish endless drafts, overthink every detail, and never feel “good enough.” ↳ Launch at 80%: Fix it in flight. Done is better than perfect. ↳ Set a timer for your next task and stop when it’s ‘good enough.’ Progress beats perfection every time. 5/ The Silence Spiral ↳ You keep your struggles hidden and pretend you’ve got it all figured out. ↳ Share your story: You’ll be surprised how many people say “me too.” ↳ Find a peer or mentor and share one struggle you’re facing. Vulnerability builds connection. 6/ The Safety Net ↳ You stay in your comfort zone and call it “being realistic.” ↳ Take the leap: Growth lives outside your comfort zone. ↳ Identify one “safe” habit you’re clinging to. Replace it with one bold action, no matter how small. 7/ The Knowledge Shield ↳ You hide behind preparation, waiting to know “just one more thing.” ↳ Start doing: Expertise comes from action. ↳ Turn learning into doing: Commit to acting on one idea from the last book, course, or workshop you completed. What would be possible if you silenced those doubts once and for all? For me, it meant saying yes to opportunities I used to avoid - like speaking on stage and sharing my story. ⤵️ Have you ever felt like a fraud despite your accomplishments? How did you work through it? ♻️ Share this post to remind someone they’re not alone. 🔔 Follow me, Jen Blandos, for daily business insights.

“The story of your life is not your life. It is your story.” That line stopped me in my tracks when I read it in a recent Harvard Business Review paper. American author John Barth wrote it nearly 60 years ago, in 1967. Yet it captures questions about authenticity that leaders are still wrestling with today. * Who are you as a professional? * What do you stand for? * And how do you make that meaningful to others, without sounding fake or forced? Many people talk about “personal brand” as if it’s a marketing exercise. But Barth’s insight is about understanding your story - and embedding it as the foundation for how you lead. I reckon it took me two or three leadership roles to come to terms with my own story and use it constructively. I was in my mid 30s before I made the real breakthrough. But once I developed enough self-awareness, I became a more natural, more grounded, and ultimately much happier leader. I finally understood WHY I wanted to lead people, not just HOW. Here’s how I’ve seen the best leaders approach it, especially in moments of transition: 1. Find the narrative. Your CV is chronological. But your story is thematic. What’s the thread that runs through your choices? The recurring lesson? The value that keeps surfacing? 2. Own your messy bits. Those chapters you’d rather skip - the wrong turns, the reinventions, the awkward middle bits - often contain the most powerful insights. They make you human, not just impressive. 3. Anchor it in meaning. People won’t remember what job you had in 2013. But they will remember the time you led through chaos, made a tough call, or stood up for something that mattered. You need to remember those moments too and find a way to articulate them. 4. Make your story useful. This is absolutely not a vanity project. It’s helping others to see what’s possible. It’s how you build trust, teach by example, and inspire followership. In a world with so many superficial insights, your story is one of the few things that’s truly, authentically yours. So take the time to understand it. Find out how to shape it. And please don’t be afraid to share it. You’re not just building a professional brand identity. You’re creating clarity, credibility and connection. What parts of your story can you draw on to inspire others?