Discussing Performance Feedback In Team Settings

You might not want performance conversations to be personal, but trust me, they are very personal to your employees. Their livelihood is at stake. Their capability is in question. The consequences are incredibly high. My job is to stay calm and bring structure to it. Otherwise, it can become a tangled mess. Ideally, I’ve set clear expectations upfront. And they’ve been getting feedback from me at a regular clip. But sometimes, we must step back and ask, “Where are we?” Here's how I structure those conversations: 📌 My first question: "Do they see it?" Do they appreciate what’s needed to meet or beat expectations? Do they understand how and why they’re coming up short? If "No," you need to get them there. How? Asking them to self-assess can give me useful intel. You can also finesse this by getting others to provide feedback. Different words can often break through. If they do see it... 📌 "Do they want to fix it?" If the answer is "No," the path becomes painfully obvious. You can’t have people in the role that don’t want to meet it. And people willingly leaving their role is easiest. How? Finesse it by previewing the severance or exit package. Identify roles they might thrive in. Chances are they're frustrated, too. Or if they’re a great fit in the wrong role, you can discuss a trial elsewhere in the org. Finally, if they see it and want to fix it... 📌 “Do they know how?” If not, this is a great place to coach. Use questions to guide them in the direction you need. If they write the map, they tend to follow it. If they know how and are not improving, there are two possibilities: -> They’re not making the change. -> They’re making it, and it’s not helping. In either case, the fair choice for your team and for them is likely an exit. These conversations are always challenging. But they're nearly impossible when we don't have a plan. You can have conversations, or you can lead them. In moments of high emotion, clear is kind. If you found this post helpful: - Please repost ♻️ to help other leaders - Follow Dave Kline 🔔 for more posts like it - Subscribe to my MGMT Playbook 📕 (in bio) Join 30K leaders and get access to 75 practical playbooks + working templates for every challenging management moment.

If someone is surprised by the feedback they receive, this is a management failure. After witnessing multiple instances of this failure at Amazon, we realized our feedback mechanism was deeply flawed. So, we fixed it. In order for the organization to perform at its highest, employees need to know not only what is expected of them, but also how those expectations will be measured. Too often, managers assume that capable people will simply “figure things out,” but this is difficult and destined to fail without explicit expectations and continuous feedback. I remember the experience of an employee we can call “Melinda.” She had been a strong performer for two years before she transitioned into a new role on another team. She attacked the new opportunity with enthusiasm, working long hours and believing she was on the right track. Then, her manager expressed concerns about her performance and the criticism came as a shock. The feedback was vague, and there had been no regular check-ins or early signs to help her course-correct. This caused her motivation to suffer and her performance declined significantly. Eventually, she left the company. Afterward, we conducted a full review and we discovered that Melinda’s manager had never clearly articulated the expectations of the new role. Worse, her previous achievements had been disregarded in her evaluation. The system had failed her. This incident was not isolated. It illustrated a pattern. It revealed broader gaps in how we managed performance transitions and feedback loops. So, in response, we developed and deployed new mechanisms to ensure clarity from day one. We began requiring managers to explicitly define role expectations and conduct structured check-ins during an employee’s first 90 days in a new position. We also reinforced the cultural norm that feedback must be timely, specific, and actionable. These changes were rooted in a core principle of leadership: you have to make others successful too. Good management does not involve catching people off guard or putting them in “sink or swim” situations. When employees fail because expectations were unclear, that failure belongs to the manager. The best thing to do when you see those failures is to treat them as systems to improve. That’s how you build a culture of high performance.

If they don’t feel heard, They don’t hear you. Communication Isn’t Just What You Say It’s What They Hear. This week, I sat in on a tough conversation. Two team members. One supervisor. One employee. Both frustrated. Both defensive. Both feeling misunderstood. I stepped in to mediate. But it became clear, neither side was truly receiving the other’s message. We reached an impasse. And ultimately, made the call to separate them onto different teams. Here’s what it taught me: ➡️ Half of communication is sending the message. ➡️ The other half, receiving it, often gets overlooked. Words matter. Tone matters. Context matters. But perception matters most; how your message lands. If your team hears criticism instead of coaching… If your tone sounds condescending instead of supportive… If your intent feels like blame instead of belief… The message fails. And when the message fails, trust fractures. 🧠 Harvard research shows poor communication is the #1 reason relationships break down personally and professionally. So how do you get it right, especially in hard conversations? Here’s what I’ve learned as a leader: 🔹 Start with intention. Lead with why the conversation matters; growth, not punishment. 🔹 Acknowledge their value. Affirm their strengths before addressing gaps. People stay open when they feel seen. 🔹 Ask, don’t assume. “What’s your take on this?” opens more doors than “Here’s what’s wrong.” 🔹 Check for understanding. Say: “How did that land with you?” Not: “Got it?” Feedback is a two-way street. 🔹 Stay calm, not cold. Regulate your tone. The delivery determines if the message feels safe or sharp. Because you can’t build a high-performing team if people walk away feeling torn down. The best teams aren’t built on perfect alignment. They’re built on consistent communication. Comment Below: What’s your go-to strategy for giving tough feedback with care? ♻ Repost if you've ever had to fix what poor communication broke. 📩 Subscribe to my leadership newsletter, Beyond the Title, for more insights on leadership that actually works.