Discussing Individual Performance With Empathy

The biggest mistake in performance conversations? Trying to correct before you connect. For years, I believed improvement meant focusing on gaps. So I zeroed in on what wasn’t working. The result? A discouraged team member who left. I learned that recognition outperforms criticism—not just emotionally, but in actual performance outcomes. That shift led me to the B.R.I.D.G.E. Framework for coaching growth: B – Be Intentional ↳ Set aside dedicated time for positive interactions R – Recognize Effort ↳ Notice what’s working—daily, not just during reviews I – Individualize Your Approach ↳ Tailor feedback to what motivates them D – Demonstrate Genuine Interest ↳ Ask, listen, show up with curiosity G – Guide with Positivity ↳ Reframe problems into growth pathways E – Evaluate and Adjust ↳ Learn what works. Repeat. Drop what doesn’t. Want 3 phrases to help build this BRIDGE? "I value your contribution—and I see how it's making a difference." "I believe in you. You'll learn through this." "I'm here to support you. How can I help?" This isn’t about sugarcoating. It’s about creating conditions where people can thrive. _____________________________________________ 💡 Save this framework for your next performance conversation.

Last week, I had the privilege of facilitating a three-day leadership training for all the managers and directors of a local government agency. The day our training began, I received heartbreaking news: a family friend had died by suicide as a result of a workplace issue. The tragedy was a gut-wrenching reminder that what happens inside our organizations—and inside our people—matters deeply. It reinforced why I begin almost every leadership training with the foundation of the Step into Your Moxie® Vocal Empowerment System: developing a strong Inner Voice. When leaders don’t understand or tend to their own inner dialogue—or the voices that dominate their team members’ internal narratives—employee engagement, performance, and well-being suffer. Sometimes, the consequences are far worse. So, in this training, we lingered longer than usual on self-talk. We explored: What voices hold the mic in your head, especially during uncomfortable moments? How does that internal chatter show up in communication and leadership with team members? What do you think the people you lead say to themselves, especially when they make a mistake, receive feedback, or feel overwhelmed? And then we got practical. When we transitioned into a module on coaching direct reports through a performance improvement plan, we began with empathy mapping. Because we had spent time building intrapersonal awareness, participants were able to go deeper, to look past surface-level behaviors and identify fears, assumptions, and narratives driving their employees’ actions. We talked about how to do this in the real world, especially during 1-on-1s and more formal coaching moments. We talked about how to take these insights into everyday leadership. Participants identified the importance of: -Beginning 1-on-1s with a genuine check-in—asking how people are really doing, and gently probing when someone’s initial answer feels surface-level. -Shifting from “How do I fix this?” to “Where does this person need support?”—and staying open to the idea that what people most need may not be more training or resources, but to feel seen and heard. -Removing isolation and building trust—by creating consistent space for honest dialogue, leaders reduce stigma and strengthen the foundation for positive mental health at work. When leaders prioritize presence over perfection—and connection over correction—they help rewrite the internal narratives that so often go unchecked. This is how we create cultures where people not only perform better, but also feel safer, stronger, and more human at work. Because sometimes, the most powerful leadership skill we have is helping someone shift the voice that says they’re not enough or that they’re alone as they navigate tough times.

Your words shape the air people work in. I’ve been in enough rooms to know, it’s not the policies that make or break a culture. It’s the everyday language leaders use without thinking. One sentence. Said the wrong way. Can shut somebody down. And one sentence, said with intention? That’s the kind of thing people remember years later. Toxic vs. Empowering communication, with real alternatives that create trust, not fear: ❌ "This is how we’ve always done it, don’t question it." ✅ "If you have ideas to improve this, let me know." → Innovation thrives where curiosity is welcomed. ❌ "I don’t care how you feel; I need results." ✅ "Your well-being matters. What challenges are you facing?" → Results don’t come at the cost of people. Sustainable performance starts with empathy. ❌ "Why weren’t you available?" ✅ "I respect your time off. Let’s plan to connect during work hours." → Respecting boundaries builds a culture of trust. ❌ "I thought you would do a better job." ✅ "This is a great start. Here’s an idea to make it even better." → Feedback should lift, not crush. ❌ "You should know this by now." ✅ "What questions do you have?" → Curiosity should be encouraged, not punished. ❌ "I don’t pay you to think; just do as I tell you." ✅ "Your insights and perspectives matter." → Smart teams are built on shared thinking, not dictatorship. ❌ "I need to know exactly what you're working on at all times." ✅ "You decide how the work gets done-I trust you." → Micromanagement kills morale. Autonomy drives ownership. ❌ "I don’t have time for your excuses." ✅ "What’s causing setbacks? Let’s find a solution together." → Accountability without blame is the secret to real progress. ❌ "If you can’t handle the pressure, this might not be the job for you." ✅ "How can I support you?" → Strong leaders lift people up when they’re overwhelmed, not push them out. ❌ "You are lucky to have this job." ✅ "Your contributions make a real difference. Thank you." → Gratitude > threats. Always. If you’re leading people, even if it’s just one person check your language. That’s where the work starts. Start by listening to how you show up when things are messy, rushed, or tense. Because that’s what they remember. Every time. ♻️ Repost this if you believe leadership is built in the small moments. 🔔 Follow me Armers Moncure for communication that builds trust, not fear.

Empathy gets talked about a lot in leadership, but I think it’s often misunderstood. For me, it means staying curious when something isn't working. Instead of jumping to conclusions, I try to understand what's actually going on. What else is on their plate? Are there blockers we haven’t seen? Was the ask clear and achievable? That doesn't mean I lower the bar. I hold a high standard. But I also try to make sure that standard is reasonable. Most of the time, people want to do great work. If they aren’t, there’s usually a reason worth uncovering. I’m also willing to do the work myself when it helps. Whether it's building a model, designing a training, or fixing a process, I don’t ask others to do something I wouldn’t do myself. It’s not performative. It’s practical. If something is blocked, I step in. If something seems off, I get close to it. Earlier this year, I asked for a training to be created. The estimate came back at three weeks. I built a working version in a few hours. I shared it to get to the root of the disconnect. Not to call out effort, but to figure out where we were misaligned. That conversation led to better systems and more clarity on expectations. It’s easy to assume someone isn’t working hard when progress stalls. But that’s rarely the real issue. More often, it’s unspoken confusion, misaligned incentives, or friction in the process. Empathy, for me, means being curious enough to find the real problem. It means clearing a path, not making assumptions. And it means holding people to a high bar, while doing the work to help them get there.

For years, I struggled with this: How do you set high expectations while staying approachable and supportive? I thought you had to choose. But you don’t. Here’s the framework I use to balance both: Technique #1: Set CLEAR expectations Ambiguity kills performance. 1.  Be upfront about what’s expected—no guesswork. 2.  Explain why the work matters—context inspires effort. 3.  Make success measurable—what does “good” look like? When people know exactly what’s needed, it’s easier to aim high without feeling lost or pressured. Technique #2: Be CONSISTENT How it works: 1. Hold everyone (including yourself) to the same standard. 2. Lead by example—don’t ask for more than you’re willing to give. 3. Show up the same way, every time—fairness builds trust. Consistency keeps expectations grounded and prevents resentment from creeping in. Technique #3: Focus on GROWTH, Not Just RESULTS Every project is a stepping stone to something bigger—for them and the team. 1. Frame every challenge as a chance to learn. 2. Remind your team how today’s work builds tomorrow’s opportunities. 3. Connect their goals to the bigger picture. This shifts the focus from just delivering to actually growing—and that’s where real motivation happens. Technique #4: Lead with EMPATHY Tough feedback doesn’t have to feel like an attack. 1. Be honest but kind during tough conversations. 2. Show them you believe in their ability to do better. 3. Demonstrate what great execution looks like—they’ll learn by seeing. Empathy doesn’t soften high standards; it makes them achievable. Technique #5: Celebrate WINS A simple “well done” can go a long way. 1. Call out great work—publicly and privately. 2. Celebrate milestones, no matter how small. 3. Show appreciation regularly—it matters. I’m still working on this myself, but I know people perform better when they feel valued. 💡 TL;DR → You don’t have to pick between being “nice” or being “demanding.” → You can set the bar high and lift people up while they climb. → You can be both. And when you get the balance right, your team will surprise you. How do you balance high expectations with support?👇 Drop your thoughts—I’d love to learn from you. #leadership #growthmindset #teammotivation #peoplemanagement #startup

Burnout isn’t a badge of honor; It’s a warning light 🚨 A few years ago, I led a technical team that was nothing short of exceptional. One of the engineers who had started on my team recently, was a brilliant woman who had been consistently exceeding expectations in her previous team. But then, something changed. Her work was good, but deadlines began slipping. I had some of the team members mentioning of her being late to the morning stand ups. It wasn’t enough to cause complaints, but I could feel something was off, and the ripple effects were starting to show. When the organisation asked me to address the situation, I didn’t approach it as a boss. I approached it as a human being ♥️ ↳ I invited her for a casual coffee chat, not to discuss metrics or deadlines, but to connect. Over that conversation, the pieces fell into place. She was a new mother. She had been: 💔 Waking up at night to care for her baby 💻 Showing up to work the next day, juggling tasks, and fighting exhaustion 🏠 Managing her home and family alongside professional expectations Being a new team member, she didn't feel comfortable sharing her personal struggles to the team 🥲 Her struggles weren’t just about time management; they were about survival. Instead of pushing harder, I worked with her: ✅ We adjusted her schedule, allowing her to come in later. ✅ Reassigned some tasks to lighten her load. ✅ Created a flexible work plan that prioritised both her well-being and the team’s goals. The result? She didn’t just bounce back, she thrived 🔥 Her productivity skyrocketed, her spark returned, and the team dynamics improved. The Lesson for Leaders (and Employees) Burnout isn’t a trophy to wear with pride. It’s a red flag telling you something’s wrong. For leaders: 💡 Treat your team as humans first. 💡 Have the courage to address the “off moments” with empathy. 💡 Remember: A thriving team begins with thriving individuals. For employees (especially working moms): 🌟 Speak up when you’re struggling. 🌟 Advocate for yourself, you deserve a workplace that supports your reality. 🌟 Know that asking for help isn’t a sign of weakness; it’s a sign of strength. Comment "FIRE" if you've loved it and want to hear more such stories! #leadership #employeewellbeing #burnout #workplaceculture #empathyinleadership