Building Trust With Apologies

In which of these 2 scenarios, will a sales rep sell more blenders? a) She nails the demo, flawlessly blending a smoothie in front of potential customers b) Same exact pitch, but when she pours the smoothie, she spills it all over the table Dr. Richard Wiseman conducted this exact study. More people bought the blender when she made an absolute mess. This phenomenon is called the "other shoe effect." The underlying principle: We instinctively know people aren’t perfect. So when someone appears too polished in high-stakes moments—job interviews, pitches, first dates—part of our brain asks: “What are they hiding? When does the other shoe drop?” The longer someone appears flawless, the more suspicious we get. This creates a dangerous cycle: • You try to appear perfect in the first impression • The other person's brain gets increasingly distracted wondering about your hidden flaws • When your imperfection finally shows (and it will), it hits much harder than if you'd acknowledged it upfront I learned this the hard way. When I first wrote Captivate, I tried to sound like an academic. My editor called it out: “This doesn’t sound like you.” So I rewrote the intro to be me, very me in a vulnerable way: “Hi, I’m Vanessa. I’m a recovering awkward person.” That vulnerability built instant trust. By dropping my shoe early, I built trust immediately and let readers know they were in good company. This is also how I introduce myself in conversations, and I have noticed everyone laughs and relaxes when I say it. There are a couple situations where you can actively use this effect: • Job interviews: After sharing your strengths, say "One area I’m still growing in is public speaking—which is why this role excites me." • Investor pitches: After a strong open, confess: "One challenge we’re still working through is [X], and here’s how we’re tackling it." • Team meetings: Proactively raise project risks, then offer a solution. Don’t let others discover it first. Rules to remember: • Choose authentic vulnerabilities, not fake ones • Drop your shoe AFTER establishing competence, not before • Pair vulnerability with accountability - show how you're addressing it Remember: The goal isn't to appear perfect. It's to appear trustworthy. And trustworthy people acknowledge their imperfections before others have to discover them.

Trust collapsed after one missed deadline They delivered millions in savings together. Then one critical project failed. I watched my client Sarah's (have seeked their permission and changed their name for confidentiality) team transform from celebrating quarterly wins to exchanging terse emails within weeks. During our first coaching session, they sat at opposite ends of the table, avoiding eye contact. "We used to finish each other's sentences," Sarah confided. "Now we can barely finish a meeting without tension." Sound familiar? This frustration isn't about skills—it's about broken trust. In The Thin Book of Trust, Charles Feltman provides the framework that helped us diagnose what was happening. Trust, he explains, isn't mysterious—it breaks down into four measurable elements: ✅ Care – Sarah's team stopped checking in on each other's wellbeing ✅ Sincerity – Their communications became guarded and political ✅ Reliability – Missed deadlines created a cycle of lowered expectations ✅ Competence – They began questioning each other's abilities after setbacks The breakthrough came when I had them map which specific element had broken for each relationship. The pattern was clear: reliability had cracked first, then everything else followed. Three months later, this same team presented their recovery strategy to leadership. Their transformation wasn't magic—it came from deliberately rebuilding trust behaviors, starting with keeping small promises consistently. My video walks you through this exact framework. Because when teams fracture, the question isn't "Why is everyone so difficult?" but rather: "Which trust element needs rebuilding first—and what's my next concrete step?" Which trust element (care, sincerity, reliability, competence) do you find breaks down most often in struggling teams? #humanresources #workplace #team #performance #cassandracoach

“I missed a major deadline. The client wasn’t happy. The team looked at me differently.” That’s what a young manager confessed to me over coffee. He’d led a key project that flopped — and suddenly, the trust he’d built with his team and boss felt like it evaporated overnight. He said something that stuck with me: “It’s like I went from promising leader to liability… in one mistake.” That’s the scary part about leadership when you’re early in your career. So, what do you do after the fall? Here’s what I told him: 1. Manage expectations like your credibility depends on it (because it does). You already owned the mistake. Good. But now, over-communicate. Set crystal-clear expectations for your next project: ↳ What’s the exact deliverable? ↳ Who are you building it for? ↳ When is each piece due? ↳ How will you keep stakeholders in the loop? Ambiguity is where mistakes breed. Clarity is where trust rebuilds. 2. Under-promise. Over-deliver. Tempted to prove yourself with a moonshot? Don’t. It backfires more often than not. Instead: ↳ Set realistic targets. ↳ Build in buffers. ↳ Deliver slightly more than what was promised. It’s not flashy, but it works. 3. Win small. Win fast. Credibility doesn’t return all at once. You earn it inch by inch. Focus on quick, visible wins that move the project forward and help the team, not just your image. Examples: ↳ Found a process gap? Propose a fix. ↳ Need support? Make a solid business case for additional resources. ↳ Don’t wait till the final deadline — share milestones early. Momentum builds belief. 4. Reassess. Periodically. Finished your comeback project? Great. But rebuilding trust = consistency over time. ↳ Every 2–3 months, ask: ↳ Am I gaining back confidence from stakeholders? ↳ Are my deliverables exceeding expectations? Do I feel like I trust myself again? If the answers aren’t clear — maybe it’s not just you. Some environments don’t allow for second chances. If that’s the case, find one that does. The truth is: Credibility is hard to earn. Harder to regain. But absolutely possible — if you approach it with humility, clarity, and strategy. We’ve all dropped the ball at some point. The question is: What do you do after the bounce? — PS: I write about leadership, trust, and growing through setbacks every week. #leadership #careeradvice #trust #growthmindset #youngprofessionals

I had to say no to a customer this morning…🤦🏻 I know… It goes against all the instincts of a salesperson and the revenue is important to me plus they have been a long-term customer of ours. It is a dilemma that many businesses face but trust me taking the high road of being brutally honest can be both cathartic and strategically beneficial. They may very well attempt to write their own solution to solve the specific problem, but their legacy systems and history are weighing them down so it’s hard to see a way through the trees. We also enjoy a unique viewpoint being on the outside and can see from our experience and working with many other customers, it’s going to be a disaster and not solve any of the issues. Or if it does it is going to take years to complete. However… Our reputation is critical to me and being open and honest with our customers, staff and suppliers (Candour) is one of our key tenants. And this cathartic honesty can lift a weight off your shoulders, fostering a culture of transparency and trust with all related parties. They may not have been happy, but they know exactly where we stand and what the challenge is that lies ahead. Once they do realise how challenging it is, I would much rather come to their rescue “our way” than be the creator of the disaster “their way”. Of course - they may be successful, and I genuinely hope they are! They may never come back but that is the right decision today for both. In the end, prioritising integrity over short-term gains is not just a moral choice but a strategic one – even if it hurts! And by being honest, you build trust, enhance your reputation, and lay the groundwork for long-term success. So, next time you face the dilemma of pushing for a sale or being transparent, remember that honesty is an investment in your company’s future. #BusinessIntegrity #CustomerRelations #ReputationManagement #LongTermSuccess iasset.com

I rebuilt my life by taking advantage of one principle Gary Vee taught me at one of my lowest moments. It's called Stage Theory, and here's how it works: Most entrepreneurs think they need perfect content to build their brand. But the opposite is true. When I shared my worst moments, people connected with me more than ever before. People learned from my mistakes, watched me grow, and we started to build trust. Here's the problem: People sit on content goldmines and life lessons and simply let them die. Every conversation you have has something that could change someone's life. Every client call. Every commute thought. Every moment with your kids. The cost of not capturing these is letting your thoughts die with you. I use Stage Theory to turn my daily life into a content machine: 1. CAPTURE your real moments Record everything for 30 days. When something hits you strongly - love it or hate it - capture a 30-second note. 2. MODIFY for each platform One recording becomes 10 pieces of content. LinkedIn post, Twitter thread, Instagram story, YouTube short. 3. AMPLIFY through your network When people ask, "How can I help you?" say: "Share my content with 3 people who need to hear this." Most people say "I don't know" because they haven't thought about it. Word-of-mouth beats advertising every time. 4. PERPETUATE with search Build a library so deep people can't escape your rabbit hole. If someone watches 5 of your videos, the algorithm serves them 50 more. Your content library has 3 ingredients: your skills, your knowledge, your opinions. Mix these in every piece. You know you're doing this right when people either love you or hate you. The people who don't care? We don't want them anyway.

Over the years, I’ve embarrassed myself a LOT. I’ve blurted out the wrong thing at the wrong time, revealed my own ignorance and poor judgment, and put my foot in my mouth more times than I can count. I basically have a 3rd degree black belt in making a fool of myself. And I’ll be honest: I’ve winced, cringed and stayed up at night replaying my most epic faux pas, just like every other human being on earth. (No, but really, WHY did I write Libby Walker that note in sixth grade? Of COURSE she was gonna show the whole school!) Embarrassment is real. And it can be devastating. But over the years, I’ve learned that there’s only one way to cope with this complicated emotion: You have to own it. You have to talk about it. And then you have to laugh about it. Laughter is the only foolproof strategy I’ve found for cutting through the shroud of shame and self-loathing that falls around you when you make a fool of yourself. Why? Because laughing at yourself — even just being willing to laugh at yourself — creates a healthy buffer between you and the embarrassing event. It says: I don’t take myself too seriously, I’m not trying to protect my weaknesses too much, and I’m willing to celebrate these ridiculous parts of my personality. It drags the facts you’d rather hide into the open, and shines a light on them in a way that’s strangely healing. Which is why talking about embarrassment is also such a powerful technique for storytelling and relationship-building. It humanizes us. It makes us available to other people. It invites them to locate those same aspects of themselves in us, which is a massive relief and honestly super fun. Rapport, empathy, (true) confidence, trust — they all follow from that vulnerability. So if you’re struggling to work through some embarrassment, big or small, start by asking yourself: What quality or feeling am I trying to hide by tucking this experience away? Who can I share this story with in a way that’s safe? And once you open up about your embarrassing moment… What experience of yourself do you have? What are you now in touch with? And what did opening up do to your relationship with that person? If you want to hear how this idea played out in a listener’s life… Check out episode #971, where we took some of our listeners’ most embarrassing stories and shared some of our own. The one theme they all had in common was how powerful it is to laugh about what happened. That laughter was the flame that burned up their shame, and converted it into relief, healing, joy, entertainment and connection. Have you found this principle to be true in your world? Struggling to make use of it? Hit the comments and tell me about it. I’m all ears! Oh and Libby, if you're reading this, we’re cool. Promise.

He had two choices: ❌ Stay quiet, deliver late, and hope the client will understand. ✅ Own the truth, admit the gap, and offer an alternative. A CEO whom I coach recently faced a tough call. One of their biggest clients was over-promised by the sales team. The product team knew, the deadline was impossible. This CEO chose to uphold the values of Integrity & Customer Centricity. He called the client, laid out the reality, and presented a revised plan. Then he reminded his team: “Integrity means we only commit when we can truly deliver. Customer centricity means we protect long-term trust over short-term wins.” How do you think the other party must have responded? They said, “You’ve just proven why we choose to work with you. Most companies would have hidden this until the last moment.” The takeaway, Values don’t live on a website. They live in the pressure moments. When you’re forced to choose between integrity and the easy way out, your decision is your culture.

As a founder or leader, you’ll face many curveballs—some you can anticipate, others, not so much. You are responsible for your team’s successes and mistakes. During the good times? Absolutely. During the bad times? Even more so. Recently, I had one of the most humbling experiences of my career. We made a mistake with a client—yes, I’m owning it—and I heard about it. Loud and clear. No matter how seasoned you are, hearing that your team dropped the ball is tough. And apologizing for it is even tougher. Imagine being told, “I made the biggest mistake working with you” or “Do you even know what you’re doing? You’re running a mess—shut it down!” It stings, especially when it comes from someone you know personally—a former classmate or an old friend. But here’s what I’ve learnt from my mentors and advisors: Own the mistake. Swallow your pride. Apologize. And then get to work on fixing it. Because fixing what went wrong is what earns trust. Think about it—Amazon messes up orders too, but what do they do? They make it right. And by doing so, they turn a mistake into a reason for you to trust them more. So, when things go wrong, don’t shy away from saying sorry. Just focus on making it right. Got any experiences to share that I can learn from? 😊 #lifelessons #entrepreneurship #womanownedbusiness

I once worked with a team that was, quite frankly, toxic. The same two team members routinely derailed meeting agendas. Eye-rolling was a primary form of communication. Side conversations overtook the official discussion. Most members had disengaged, emotionally checking out while physically present. Trust was nonexistent. This wasn't just unpleasant—it was preventing meaningful work from happening. The transformation began with a deceptively simple intervention: establishing clear community agreements. Not generic "respect each other" platitudes, but specific behavioral norms with concrete descriptions of what they looked like in practice. The team agreed to norms like "Listen to understand," "Speak your truth without blame or judgment," and "Be unattached to outcome." For each norm, we articulated exactly what it looked like in action, providing language and behaviors everyone could recognize. More importantly, we implemented structures to uphold these agreements. A "process observer" role was established, rotating among team members, with the explicit responsibility to name when norms were being upheld or broken during meetings. Initially, this felt awkward. When the process observer first said, "I notice we're interrupting each other, which doesn't align with our agreement to listen fully," the room went silent. But within weeks, team members began to self-regulate, sometimes even catching themselves mid-sentence. Trust didn't build overnight. It grew through consistent small actions that demonstrated reliability and integrity—keeping commitments, following through on tasks, acknowledging mistakes. Meeting time was protected and focused on meaningful work rather than administrative tasks that could be handled via email. The team began to practice active listening techniques, learning to paraphrase each other's ideas before responding. This simple practice dramatically shifted the quality of conversation. One team member later told me, "For the first time, I felt like people were actually trying to understand my perspective rather than waiting for their turn to speak." Six months later, the transformation was remarkable. The same team that once couldn't agree on a meeting agenda was collaboratively designing innovative approaches to their work. Conflicts still emerged, but they were about ideas rather than personalities, and they led to better solutions rather than deeper divisions. The lesson was clear: trust doesn't simply happen through team-building exercises or shared experiences. It must be intentionally cultivated through concrete practices, consistently upheld, and regularly reflected upon. Share one trust-building practice that's worked well in your team experience. P.S. If you’re a leader, I recommend checking out my free challenge: The Resilient Leader: 28 Days to Thrive in Uncertainty  https://lnkd.in/gxBnKQ8n

This quote hit me hard: “Disrupting short-term rapport is essential for building long-term trust.” Not wanting to rock the boat. Create tension. Risk being misunderstood. I get it. I’ve made that mistake more than once. Actually, much more than that. Instead of saying what needed to be said, I tried to guide through gentle nudges. Through influence. Through implication. But here’s what I’ve learned the hard way: If you don’t speak the truth, you don’t move the relationship forward. You just delay the discomfort. And invite even more of it later. Frustration builds. Surprises appear. Trust erodes. One of my coaches put it plainly: “There are parts of your job that will never feel comfortable. And as a leader, especially as a CEO, your job is to work through that discomfort.” So I started practicing a simple, effective approach. Ask if there’s trust. Ask if you can share an observation. Speak from your perspective. No blame. Invite a check-in. It’s not always easy. But it’s real. And that’s what builds something deeper. Simple. But not easy. At least not for me.