Changing Professional Perceptions

I once got feedback that I was “intimidating.” I took it to heart. I spent the next few years trying to be as approachable, warm, and agreeable as I could be. I assumed this was a character flaw that I needed to fix. But years later, I realized something: this feedback wasn’t about me. It was about the system - one that judges women more harshly and polices their personalities more than their performance. And the numbers back this up. 👇🏽 🎯 Women are 7x more likely to receive negative personality-based feedback than men. 🎯 56% of women have been called "unlikeable" in reviews (vs. 16% of men). 🎯 Harvard Business Review found that 76% of “aggressive” labels in one company’s reviews were given to women (vs. 24% to men). This Is the Leadership Double Bind: Speak up? You’re “too aggressive.” Stay quiet? You “lack confidence.” Show ambition? You’re “unlikeable.” Ask for a promotion? You’re “too pushy.” And here’s the kicker - it’s worst for high-performing women. This is why women... ↳  Hesitate to showcase ambition. ↳  Are reluctant to ask for opportunities. ↳  Are leaving workplaces faster than others. So, what can we do? Here are 3 ways we can start changing this narrative today: ✅ Check your language. Is the feedback about personality or performance? If you wouldn’t give the same critique to a man, please reconsider. ✅ Challenge vague feedback. “You need to be more confident” isn’t actionable. Women deserve the same clear, growth-oriented feedback as men. ✅ Support women’s ambition. If certain leadership traits (ex. being assertive) are seen as strengths in men, they should be seen as strengths in women too. Have you ever received unfair feedback? What’s one piece of feedback you’ve had to unlearn? 👇🏽 ♻️ Please share to help end unfair feedback. 🔔 Follow Bhavna Toor (She/Her) for more insights on conscious leadership. Source: Textio 'Language Bias in Feedback' Study, 2023 & 2024 #EndUnFairFeedback #IWD2025

"Black women aren't just doing their jobs. They're performing an exhausting one-woman show where the script changes daily." Let me break down what Black women navigate in professional spaces: We don't just choose our words. We filter them through a racial-gender matrix. We don't just speak. We modulate our tone to avoid the "angry" label. We don't just gesture. We control our hand movements to appear "non-threatening." We don't just dress. We calculate every outfit to seem "professional enough." We don't just style our hair. We make political decisions with each hairstyle. This isn't paranoia—it's strategic survival: When we speak directly, we're "aggressive" When we show emotion, we're "unprofessional" When we assert boundaries, we're "difficult" When we seek recognition, we're "entitled" When we express frustration, we're "hostile" The mental load is crushing: • Constantly scanning environments for potential hostility • Preparing responses to microaggressions before they happen • Developing thick skin while remaining "approachable" • Achieving twice as much while appearing humble • Advocating for ourselves without triggering stereotypes Research shows this hypervigilance takes a measurable toll: Black women experience higher rates of stress-related health conditions Black women report the highest levels of "bringing their full selves" to work Black women face the most severe career penalties for authentic self-expression Black women spend more mental energy on workplace navigation than any other group For those working alongside Black women, here are research-backed ways to help: 1. Amplify Black women's ideas and give proper credit 2. Interrupt when you witness tone-policing or stereotyping 3. Question double standards in evaluation and feedback 4. Create space for authentic expression without penalties 5. Recognise the invisible labour Black women perform daily 📢 When they expect us to carry the world, we choose rest 📢 The Black Woman's Rest Revolution offers: ✨ Black women therapists who understand workplace navigation ✨ Bi-weekly healing circles for processing code-switching fatigue ✨ Expert guidance through professional double standards ✨ Global sisterhood that honors our authentic selves Limited spots available Join our revolution: [Link in comments] ⚠️ Check your spam folder for confirmation Because we deserve workplaces where our expertise matters more than our tone. Because our brilliance shouldn't require constant repackaging. Because our professional value shouldn't depend on our likability. #BlackWomenAtWork #WorkplaceNavigation #ProfessionalAuthenticity #RestIsRevolution P.S. I help Black women heal from workplace abuse & racial trauma through revolutionary rest. 📸 Collaboration between Sarah_akinterwa & leaningorg on IG

I don't like to talk about being a female engineer. I don't think it's valuable. When people ask me what it's like being a woman in technology, typically I say: "I do a good job and people respect me for it." When you do that over and over, it adds up. Being a girl has nothing to do with the quality of my work. But over the past 4 years, I’ve been actively discouraged from pursuing more technical roles. Being told things like: "You should consider sales, you'd make a great AM." "You should consider marketing, you're good at it." and above all - "You're just not technical enough." I'm sure some of those comments were well intended. But the thing is - being an engineer is HARD. You need to continuously learn the entirety of your career. you break stuff. you get hands on. you make mistakes. that's what makes an engineer, an engineer. It takes a lot of courage to do that ... and keep doing it. If you doubt yourself and the path you chose for ONE SECOND. thinking things like: you aren't good enough. you aren't smart enough. you aren't technical enough. and maybe, being less technical sounds kind of nice. Maybe those people that told you to consider something else - Maybe they were right. Maybe you would do better there. Maybe you would be happier there. It takes doubting yourself for ONE second. But I don’t want to go into sales. And I don’t want to go into marketing. I want to be an engineer. Over 50% of women leave tech by the age of 35. People wonder why... I don't wonder. Do you?

🤏🏼 It takes so little for men to be trusted as leaders 🤏🏼 And it takes so little for women to be questioned as one. When I took my first Senior Director role in Germany, deep in the male-dominated automotive world, my future boss and I had a quiet heart-to-heart. “Jingjin, in this world, women in power are seen in only two ways: The Victim or The Villain. There is no third option, at least not yet. Which one you choose will define your entire leadership path.” I said I’d be a Victor. Naively believing performance alone would protect me. It didn’t. Because Leadership isn’t just about competence. It’s about perception. And perception for women is often rigged. 🔻 Be firm → You're a bitch 🔻 Be soft → You're weak 🔻 Be nurturing → You're not tough enough 🔻 Be assertive → You’re intimidating 🔻 Be collaborative → You lack authority 🔻 Show ambition → You’re self-serving 🔻 Set boundaries → You’re difficult 🔻 Show emotion → You’re unstable Meanwhile, men doing the exact same things? They’re seen as confident, visionary, and decisive. The game isn't fair, but it can be hacked. 💥 Here’s how I’ve learned to play it smarter, not smaller: 1. Stop aiming to be liked. Aim to be trusted.    Likability is a moving target. Respect isn’t.     2. Use duality to your advantage.    Be warm in tone, cold in logic.    Kind in delivery, fierce in boundaries.    That’s power wrapped in emotional intelligence.     3. Make allies before you need them.    Don’t wait until you're under fire.    Visibility without relationship capital = exposure.     4. Own the label, then flip it.    “Yes, I’m intense. That’s how we hit targets others thought were impossible.” Say it before they do, and reclaim it.     👊🏽 We don’t need to lead like men to be effective. But we do need to stop believing the myth that doing good work will be enough. Until we shift the system, we must strategically shape how we're seen within it. So here’s my new leadership mantra: You can care deeply and lead fiercely. You can be emotional and effective. And power isn’t a dirty word, when it’s used to lift others up. What label have you been given that you’re ready to flip? #Leadership #WomenInLeadership #WorkplacePolitics #RealTalk #ExecutivePresence #RewriteTheRules

Hot take: We're solving the wrong problem. Everyone's focused on getting more women into engineering programs and through the front door of civil, mechanical, electrical, and environmental firms. But here's what I'm seeing from my work with AEC organizations: The issue isn't the pipeline. It's the leaky bucket. We're burning through talented women engineers during internships, co-ops, and those critical first 2-3 years. They're leaving not because they can't design bridges, analyze structural loads, or manage environmental compliance, but because they're exhausted from fighting the same battles day after day, week after week, year after year. Think about it: What happens when a brilliant woman engineer gets her dream internship at a civil firm, only to spend 10 weeks being overlooked in client meetings, having her technical solutions credited to male colleagues, or being sent to fetch coffee while the guys get to present the project analysis? She doesn't just leave that company. She questions whether engineering is for her at all. My mom started teach at the start of integration in South Carolina in 1969. She always said a good teacher finds ways for ALL students to succeed, while a poor teacher fails most of their class. Same principle applies here. Organizations that consistently retain women engineers aren't just "lucky" they're intentionally creating environments where women can add value, be seen, and belong from day one. Question for the engineering leaders in my network: What's one specific change your organization made that actually moved the needle on retention? Not recruitment but retention. Drop your experiences below. Let's stop reinventing the wheel and start sharing what actually works. #WomenInEngineering #Retention #EngineeringLeadership #LeakyTalentPipeline #PositiveHireCo

The mega-influencer era just died, and nobody sent out a memo. While brands were busy throwing millions at celebrities with perfect feeds, Nike quietly shifted the game. In 2023, micro-influencers carried 52% of Nike's media impact value according to Launchmetrics data; not A-listers, not mega-stars, but everyday fitness enthusiasts. Meanwhile, Glossier, Inc. built a billion-dollar empire by turning 500+ customers into brand ambassadors, and SEPHORA's #SephoraSquad is pulling record numbers with 16,000+ applications this year alone. So apparently, authenticity fatigue is real. When your audience can smell a paycheck from three posts away, smart brands like ASOS.com and HelloFresh are betting on genuine conversations instead of staged perfection. Nike isn't just working with elite athletes anymore, they're partnering with your local yoga teacher. Glossier, Inc.? They made every customer feel like an influencer. The data backs it up: micro-influencers drive better engagement and ROI. But the real story? Brands are finally realizing that influence isn't about follower counts. It's about trust. And trust gets built in DMs and comment sections, not billboards and Super Bowl ads. The future belongs to brands brave enough to hand their reputation to people who actually use their products. Are you still chasing follower counts, or building real communities?

Women know it all, they just aren’t given enough chances! We love talking about “empowering women entrepreneurs,” but if we're being honest, most of it is just a saying. Behind every woman trying to build something are invisible barriers that men rarely ever have to climb. Only 2% of venture capital went to female founders in 2017 and that number hasn't changed much in years. That’s not just a funding issue but a mindset issue. If we genuinely want more women-led businesses, here’s what we need to do: → We need more funds that prioritize women-led businesses, not as a CSR model but as smart investments. Better loan terms, inclusive crowdfunding platforms and gender-aware grant systems can make a real difference. → So much of business happens in rooms women aren't invited into. We need to build ecosystems where women can connect with mentors, advisors and investors who see potential, not gender. → It's about putting women in positions where they lead like on boards, in CXO roles and as decision-makers. Representation matters, but power matters even more. This isn’t just about equality but economic growth. Women-led startups have proven to be more capital-efficient, more socially conscious and often more profitable. So why wouldn’t we want more of them? What do you think it will take to back women entrepreneurs not just in words, but in action? #womenentrepreneur #creatoreconomy

Have you ever been told you are too quiet? Maybe you don’t speak up enough so, “people worry about your leadership skills.” Or, you don’t advocate enough for yourself so, “you aren’t taking control of your career like a natural born leader.” If so, this article is for you. Maybe you’ve received feedback that there is concern over your analytical skills and “quant chops.” Or, there is some general, yet vague, feedback that leadership worries, “you lack that killer instinct.” Or, maybe it’s the opposite and you are “too bossy” or “too opinionated.” Have you heard any of these things?  I have over my career. Instead of letting them control my path, I got upset, then angry, then curious. I decided that none of these descriptions were really a good read on me, or my leadership potential, and I decided to change the perception. You can too. I’ve interviewed hundreds of women in senior leadership over the years and one thing is clear: we’re navigating a constant push and pull. Be strong, but not too strong. Be likable, but not too soft. Show your ambition, but don’t make anyone uncomfortable. Women aren’t just doing the job, they’re doing the extra work of managing how they’re perceived while they’re doing the job. We wrote this piece for HBR because it’s important for women to know how to not only subvert stereotypes and shape how others see them, but to do it without losing themselves in the process. Too many of us think there is nothing we can do when we hear feedback that doesn’t feel quite right. Sometimes, there are actions we can take. I love this piece so much because it says we don’t have to be victim to the stories about us or around us, we can do something about it.   1️⃣ Craft a counternarrative – Instead of internalizing biased feedback, reshape how people see you by aligning your strengths with what the organization values (on your terms!). 2️⃣ Use positive association – Enthusiasm and future-focused language can subtly shift others’ assumptions  and build trust. 3️⃣ Turn feedback into power – Don’t immediately accept or reject it, investigate it. Use it to understand what success looks like in your environment, and then find authentic ways to express that in your own leadership style. So if you’ve ever felt like your success depends not just on what you do, but how you’re seen…you’re not imagining it. Especially in times of economic uncertainty and shifting priorities, it becomes even more pronounced. And while there are no one-size-fits-all strategies, when women take control of their story, they open doors for themselves AND others. Let’s stop contorting ourselves to fit outdated models. We can rewrite the models themselves. Let me know what you think. https://lnkd.in/gcCSE7XW Colleen Ammerman Harvard Business Review Lakshmi Ramarajan Lisa Sun

I am (not) your mother, Luke.   Or your sister. Or girlfriend. Or your wife.   I am your boss.   And yet, as a female leader, I often found that my team members unconsciously placed me in a caregiving role. Which triggered in me a need to nurture them, which undermined my authority, and was no good for any of us.   I’m not alone in this. Many of the women leaders I work with in my role as mentor say the same thing. That when they have to make tough decisions, they get reactions that their male equivalents simply don’t have to face.   👩👦 The ‘mother’ role. You’re expected to be nurturing, to provide emotional support and protection. And any criticism may be taken as harsh, like being told off by mummy. 👩 The ‘sister’ role: You’re expected to be friendly, collaborative and fun. Assertiveness can be misread as aggression. 👰♀️ The ‘girlfriend / wife’ role: You’re expected to take on emotional labour, be a supportive ear, or even hand conflict in a soothing manner. These roles are a trap for women in business, where they feel that they have to balance warmth with authority, competence with compassion. And it’s exhausting!   The struggle is real ❌ Women may struggle to progress if they don’t conform to caregiving expectations ❌ Feedback from women leaders is more likely to be taken personally, rather than as professional guidance ❌ Women leaders may try to do it all, fulfilling both emotional and professional expectations – leading to burnout   To avoid this trap, women often try to take on what they perceive as a male archetype – becoming cold and harsh. But that’s not the best way forward. The answer is authenticity. How to be just you ✅ Educate your team and yourself about these biases – knowing about them is the first step to avoiding them ✅ Set boundaries – be clear about professional expectations versus personal involvement ✅ Communicate honestly – don’t feel you have to soften your message, be direct and clear ✅ Support other women – advocate for structures that allow women to lead without having to take on caregiving expectations. It’s time women stopped trying to be everything to everyone and focused on being just the very best version of themselves.   What about you? Are you a female leader who finds herself being put in these boxes? Are you a man working with women who expects them to be the caregivers? Let me know! ⬇️

I've been thinking about writing this for a while, and I think it's finally time to pen it down, because it's SUCH an important discussion: Two conversations in the past few months have stayed with me. Both with brilliant women. Both in leadership roles. And both having the same reason for wanting to step back. The first was a senior team member who wanted to resign. Not because she didn’t enjoy the work (in fact she LOVED the work) — but because she was getting married and wasn’t sure how her in-laws would feel about her continuing to work. The second was someone we were excited to bring on board. She had accepted the offer; we were discussing the new product, she’d been involved in inner–circle meetings, brainstorming sessions even prior to joining.   And then, a few days back, she withdrew — her wedding was in December, and she felt unsure about committing to a new full time role. Both these incidents have left me heartbroken. Not just for the loss of strong talent — but for what it reflects. I’ve heard this narrative too many times: “Don’t hire women at that age, they’ll leave after marriage.” “Don’t promote her, she might start a family soon.” And even though I fight it tooth and nail, I sometimes catch myself wondering: Is this why women still feel like 'risky bets' in the eyes of so many employers? It’s frustrating. It’s unfair. And it’s exactly the kind of systemic conditioning we all need to break — as founders, as colleagues, as families. Because the real issue isn’t women leaving. It’s the silent pressure that convinces them they should. I don’t have a neat ending to this post. Only questions. And a hope that someday, a woman’s ambition won’t be seen as something to “manage” — but something to celebrate...