How to reduce double burden on working women

Unpaid household work | Men:88 mins - Women:289 mins Unpaid caregiving | Men:75 mins - Women:137 mins Paid employment | Men:473 mins - Women:341 mins Women work as much as men, if not more, They’re just not getting paid/appreciated for even half of it. Even in urban homes, even with domestic help, the mental load, the - “Did the milk come?” - “Is the uniform ironed?” - “Did the kid eat lunch?” still mostly falls on women. And yes, I’ve been guilty of ignoring it too. Meanwhile, Ashima was running the show at home with her Clinic. So here’s what I’m learning (and unlearning): 1) Invisible work is still work If it takes energy, time, and sacrifice, it counts. 2) Help without being asked If you need instructions to help, you’re not really helping. 3) Share the load, not just praise “Thanks for doing this” is a nice gesture. “Let me take this today” is better. 4) Don’t glorify imbalance We don’t need to celebrate women for doing it all. We need to change the system that forces them to and maybe help them. This post isn’t just about numbers. It’s about acknowledging the weight women carry quietly, daily, without a job title or salary attached. If you're wondering how to fix this: - Sit down with your partner. Ask what you don’t see. - Divide tasks like you divide budgets at work. - Model this behaviour for your kids. Especially your sons. Because respect isn’t just about words. It’s about participation. And it starts at home. #WorkLifeBalance #Leadership #PersonalDevelopment #LifeAtWork

Why aren't more moms thriving in the workplace? We talk a lot about the usual barriers: ↳ Paid parental leave that's either nonexistent or way too short. ↳ A lack of mentors, sponsors, or female role models in leadership. ↳ RTO policies forcing parents back into offices when they need flexibility. But the real challenge isn't just what's happening at work. It's what's happening at home. A recent Gallup study showed that 35% of women turn down promotions because of household responsibilities (2x the rate of men!). Not because they aren't qualified. Not because they don't want to grow. Because they are TIRED. When moms are juggling work, childcare, meals, laundry, school forms, grocery lists, birthday party RSVPs, and all the other invisible tasks, how do they have anything left to give to their careers? The mental load is relentless. Most moms I know don't have a village or family nearby. It often feels like we have to do everything ourselves. So how do we make it work? Here's what helped me manage the mental load and get promoted twice after becoming a mom: 1. Eliminate: This was the biggest mindset shift for me. Get comfortable with doing less. Lower your expectations (don't pick up the toys every night, pack the same lunch every day). Not everything is urgent (emails can wait). 2. Automate: First, write it down - get tasks out of your brain and into a system. Then, put as much on autopilot as possible. Batch tasks together (I do all non-urgent admin stuff once a week and schedule recurring tasks once a month). 3. Outsource: Outsourcing physical tasks like cooking and cleaning helps, but it requires financial privilege. I hope we see more AI-driven, cost-effective solutions that make this accessible for more families (would love to hear about options that are out there already!). 4. Don't delegate, divide fairly: For moms with partners, sharing the workload isn't just about chores, it's about reducing the mental burden too. Not necessarily 50/50, but in a way that feels fair. My partner and I use our "Great Accounting" system inspired by Fair Play to split end-to-end ownership of tasks. For single moms, the load is even heavier. I honestly don't know how they do it without help. The mental load is real, and it's holding too many women back. When women earn a well-earned promotion, I want them to say YES with confidence, with energy, with a system that actually works. For the unicorn moms out there who accepted a promotion and thrived, what made the biggest difference for you? Drop a comment or DM me if you prefer to stay anonymous. I'll gather responses and share the insights. PS - shoutout to Suzanne Slaughter for asking this question and inspiring me to share my thoughts!

She’s a partner at a top law firm, and she’s still the only one who knows when the kids need new shoes. This chart from Harvard law and the ABA commission on women, shows so much. When we look at the SAME profession, women are taking on a lot more at home. These are lawyers. Brilliant, accomplished professionals at the top of their field. And yet at home, they’re still carrying most of the weight. One woman, herself a partner recently told me: “I could handle the hours. I could handle the cases. What wore me down is keeping track of everything else. The school emails, the soccer schedule, the doctor’s appointments, the groceries. I’m felt like I was never not working.” That invisible work & the mental load comes with them into meetings, deadlines, and opportunities. It drains energy that could have gone into their careers. And in some fields, like law, where the billable hour is king, it can directly impact income. And the data shows the toll: Mothers report more burnout, slower advancement, and less satisfaction at work, not because they’re less capable, but because they’re carrying two jobs at once. But this isn’t inevitable. We can do something about it. What if workplaces helped lighten that load? Here are a few places to start: - Normalize parental leave for all parents, not just mothers - Offer flexibility in how and when work gets done - Stop penalizing career “pauses” and value the full scope of experience - Train leaders to support employees’ whole lives, not just their output - Provide tools in house, like The Fair Play Policy Institute Play workshops, to help families share the load more equitably. We can’t talk about women in leadership without talking about the mental load they carry at home. Have you felt this invisible weight at work? What did it look like for you?

Most working moms think burnout comes from doing too much. But that isn’t true… Burnout comes from being split in half. Your day looks like a constant juggling act, emails, meetings, carpool, dinner. But the real exhaustion isn’t the to-do list. It’s the mental split: → Half of you is with your kids, thinking about work. → Half of you is at work, thinking about the kids. → 0% of you is fully present anywhere. That’s why no amount of new planners, better schedules, or late-night “catch up” ever feels like enough. The fix isn’t more time management, it’s learning how to integrate your two halves. Here are 3 small ways to start: 1️⃣ End your workday with a “win list.” Before you log off, list 3 things you accomplished. It closes the loop and stops the guilt spiral later. 2️⃣ Create a 5-minute “arrival ritual.” When you switch from work to home, take 5 minutes alone: breathe, change clothes, or step outside before jumping into family mode. 3️⃣ Pick one “fully present” moment each day. Decide in advance: This bedtime story, dinner, or walk is phone-free and guilt-free.  One real connection moment is better than ten distracted ones. When you stop living split in half, evenings feel lighter. You fall asleep feeling enough, without changing jobs or lowering your ambition.

Why are we still pretending the mental load of motherhood ends at home? It doesn’t. It shows up at work. Every. Single. Day. I’ll never forget the day I realized something had to change. My husband was traveling, and my son was in daycare. I had a two-hour commute to work, and it was winter — the early sunsets made me anxious. I asked my boss if I could leave early to pick him up. “No. Too many mistakes in your work today,” he said. He wasn’t wrong. I had made mistakes. But how could I not, with my mind split between deadlines and my child waiting alone? I left late, speeding down the highway. When I finally reached daycare — two hours late — I saw my son’s little face through the window, waiting patiently. And I just broke. That moment changed everything. I knew then: No job is worth sacrificing my mental health or my child’s well-being. The mental load of motherhood doesn’t stop at home. It’s an invisible list running in the background: 📌 School forms to sign. 📌 Doctor’s appointments to book. 📌 Meals to plan. 📌 Emotional well-being to manage. And yet, most workplaces ignore it. We talk about burnout and productivity, but rarely about how mental load impacts working moms. Here’s the truth: Mental load affects performance. Workplaces can’t fix everything, but they can help by reducing invisible labor through: ✅ Flexible policies. ✅ Childcare support. ✅ A culture that recognizes the mental load. We don’t need more “balance” tips. We need structural change. 💡 What’s one workplace policy you wish existed to ease this burden? Let’s share ideas that create real change. __ 👋🏽 I’m Misha Akbar, Founder of Sama Health, breaking mental health stigmas and connecting South Asians in the UAE with therapy that truly understands them.