Understanding the female advice gap

I once sat in a performance review where a female colleague received feedback like, "You need to soften your tone in meetings." Meanwhile, her male counterpart got advice about honing his skills in digital marketing to drive better results. This wasn't an isolated incident. Women are often given feedback on their style—how they speak, how they present themselves—while men are given feedback on their skills and performance. This difference is subtle but significant. When we tell women to adjust their style but don’t offer specific, actionable guidance on improving their roles, we hold them back from real growth. It sends the message that success is about fitting in rather than developing the skills that actually move the needle. The impact? Women miss out on critical opportunities for advancement. They don't get the feedback they need to improve in measurable ways while men are groomed for the next significant role. We need to change this if we want to see more women in leadership. It starts with giving women the same actionable, skill-based feedback we offer men. Instead of vague critiques, we need to focus on growth areas tied to business outcomes. For example, rather than saying, "You need to be less direct," say, "Deepen your analytics knowledge so we can optimize our strategy." Clear, actionable feedback empowers women to build the expertise they need to move forward. It’s how we help them close performance gaps, earn promotions, and contribute to the organization's growth. We all have a role to play in this. Giving women the feedback they need isn’t just about helping them—it’s about strengthening the entire team and creating a more equitable workplace. What’s one way you can provide actionable feedback today? Tired of watching women get vague feedback that holds them back? Subscribe to the ELEVATE newsletter for no-nonsense advice on giving women the feedback they need to grow, thrive, and lead—because it's time we start getting real about progress. https://elevateasia.org/

Stop teaching women to be confident. We don’t need another pep talk. We don’t need more “you got this” speeches or workshops on how to feel stronger. Because let’s be real: women already are confident. They study. They deliver results. They lead teams. They launch businesses. They have the expertise. Confidence isn’t the problem. The real gap? 👉 Credibility — when a man speaks, authority is assumed. When a woman speaks, her credibility is questioned. 👉 Self-trust — not “can I do it?” but “do I trust myself enough to stop apologizing, overexplaining, or shrinking when I do it?” And yes, this is maddening to witness: we’ve all seen mediocrity celebrated as authority on one side of the table, while brilliance gets interrogated on the other. Double standards drive me crazy. So instead of pushing women to “fix themselves” with more confidence, the work is two-fold: ⚡ Fix the systems that undermine them. ⚡ Practice the subtle shifts that close the credibility gap. Here’s the simple micro-framework I share with clients when influence feels harder than it should: 1️⃣ Align — Anchor in what actually matters: your values, your expertise, your goals. And ask yourself the hardest question: am I sitting at the right table? Because if you’re at the wrong one, it’s like fighting windmills. No amount of “confidence” will make that worth it. 2️⃣ State — Share your perspective clearly. No hedging. No over-explaining. No apologizing for taking space. This is the one piece where practice is everything — the muscle you build each time you refuse to downplay yourself. 3️⃣ Evidence — Back it up with data, examples, proof. Unfair? Absolutely. Necessary? Yes. Because credibility isn’t handed to us the way it is to others. We build it, brick by brick. Here’s the secret: 👉 Just “being confident” without credibility, without alignment, without self-trust… is like shouting into the wind. 👉 Alignment + clarity + evidence? That’s what shifts the room. And no, you don’t have to wake up every day ready to “fix the system” by yourself. None of us do. But every aligned statement, every piece of evidence, every time you refuse to shrink — you’re not just protecting your seat. You’re reshaping the table. Now tell me: when was the last time you noticed credibility being assumed for someone else… and questioned for you? (And if this hit home: my DMs are open.)

Why are women still taken less seriously, even when they’re saying the same thing as a man? In Japan, gender roles are deeply rooted, so this question hits especially hard. Mary Ann Sieghart’s book, "The Authority Gap," is extraordinary. I found myself saying OMG to myself, again and again. It’s one of the most insightful books I’ve read on gender and power. It explains how men are assumed to have authority, while women must earn it, repeatedly. Even highly competent women are interrupted more,  doubted more, and promoted less. It’s not because they lack confidence. It’s because the world is still framed To see leadership and credibility as male by default. And it’s not just men doing this. Women are also socialized into these norms and may unconsciously judge other women through a male lens. That’s what makes the authority gap so persistent: we’ve all internalized it. And that's why we need to talk about it openly. In Japan, these dynamics often show up quietly, but clearly. ▪️ In meetings, women are still asked to take notes, even when they outrank others. ▪️ Assertive women are called “too strong,” “emotional,” or “not feminine enough.” ▪️ Female experts are rarely featured in the media, even when equally or more qualified. ▪️ Women often adjust tone, wording, even appearance, just to be heard. ▪️ Even other women may second-guess them, without realizing it. This isn’t just about visibility. It’s about who gets heard. And who we’re conditioned to believe. The good news? We can close the gap. Sieghart argues we can do it within a generation—if we take action. That starts by questioning how we define authority. ✔️ Pause and really listen when a woman speaks. ✔️ Focus on the content, not style ✔️ Reflect on your instinctive reactions—who you trust, and why. ✔️ Redesign leadership norms so women don’t have to mimic men to be respected. In Japan, especially, this means creating space for diverse expressions of power. It means shifting from “changing how women act” to reframing what authority looks like. Have you seen this dynamic in your workplace? Would love to hear your reflections, especially in the context of Japan. ---------------------------------------------------------- I help brands evaluate, enter, grow, and succeed in Japan.  Follow Timothy Connor here for regular insights.

Too often, business advice—especially from successful men—doesn't account for the unequal division of labor at home or the fact that women often shoulder the bulk of childcare. I was reminded of this while listening to a podcast interview with Casey Neistat (on Diary of a CEO). His story of grinding it out, taking risks, and persevering is inspiring, but I kept asking myself: Where’s his kid? He talks about sleeping on couches, living in halfway houses, and staying out late, all things that aren’t possible when you're responsible for a two-year-old. The reality is, his child was probably with his mom—doing most of the caregiving and covering the day-to-day. That’s a piece of the success story that’s often left out. When men share their journey, the invisible labor done by the women in their lives often goes unmentioned. It’s a reminder that we can’t take business advice at face value, especially when it doesn’t reflect the realities of caregiving, unpaid labor, and the societal expectations placed on women. If Casey’s child’s mom had done what he did, would she be held up as a success? Or would she be criticized for “putting her career before her kid?” This difference in perception is exactly why advice that doesn't address these imbalances falls flat for women. #workingmom #invisiblelabor #successstories

"Speak up, but watch your tone."  "Be assertive, but smile while doing it."  “Stand your ground, but make sure to be likable." Ladies, sound familiar? 🤨 In honor of #womenshistorymonth, I want to explore this theme. These contradictory expectations create a maddening tightrope that women in business must walk daily. While men are often rewarded for assertive behavior as being "passionate," women exhibiting identical behaviors are labeled "emotional" or worse. 🎾 Remember Serena Williams at the 2018 U.S. Open? When challenging the umpire's call, she was penalized a game - something rarely seen in Grand Slam matches. Meanwhile, tennis "bad boys" McEnroe and Connors reminded us they'd done far worse without comparable consequences. Let's talk about what's really happening: 👉🏻 Gender stereotypes prescribe men to be dominating, while expecting women to be warm and nurturing, even in competitive or leadership roles. When women breach these stereotypes, they face what researchers call an "assertiveness penalty." A 2008 study revealed that "men received a boost in perceived status after expressing anger," while "women were accorded lower status, lower wages, and seen as less competent." So how do women navigate this unfair landscape? 1. Understand your communication style through assessments like DISC or Myers-Briggs 2. Master your triggers - that "amygdala hijack" that can derail conversations 3. Frame your statements - "Because I feel strongly about (patient safety), I'm going to speak very directly" 4. Cultivate allies who can step in to support To all women who have been called "aggressive" when being honest and direct: You probably weren't. The other person might have been intimidated. 💡You deserve to shine your light, even if it casts a big shadow. ⚡Correction: The world needs you to shine your light. Period. What has helped you find your voice in spaces designed to silence it? #womenleaders #genderbias #communicationskills #professionaladvice #doublestandards #serenawilliams

🫖 At networking events, naturally everyone gets asked what they do. Last week I found myself attempting to briefly explain the work I do for women's career advancement and Lead to Soar. The stranger asked something like, "So, what's the biggest career mistake women make?" I said, "Listening to advice from men." While I meant this tongue-in-cheek, clearly I made him uncomfortable. Here's the thing; there's something wrong his question. The question implies and perpetuates the myth that women don't "make it" due to some misstep that's always a fault of their own. The reality is: the system is set up for women, especially WOC, to flail and fail. And there is some truth to my response. One major problem with advice that women get (from any gender) is that it’s often rooted in an incomplete understanding of leadership. Whenever I ask an audience, "what makes a good leader?" I'll get the same responses almost every single time: - a good listener - excellent communicator - charismatic - empathetic - humble - puts team members first - inspiring And then they stop. These traits and skills are also what we see as the focus of most "leadership training" programs. But bosses *already rank women higher than their male-counterparts in almost every aspect of "soft skills," skills that have to do with engaging other people. So why do we keep sending women to "leadership training" for skills they are already likely better at than the men around them while also pretending this will help them advance? The truth is that to get beyond middle management, women must have and demonstrate excellent business, strategic, and financial acumen.... their excellence in team-building or cultivating relationships or communications act as minor differentiators at best. It is also true that white men are substantially more likely than women to be shepherded into roles where they will gain the most critical leadership skills (business, strategy, etc.). This often looks like getting a role with P&L responsibility. If you're serious about supporting women to advance in your company, business, sector...take a hard look at the training, mentorship, and sponsorship opportunities they're getting. Chances are, they're not being extended equitable opportunities to gain and showcase the most important skills for advancement. #WomenAtWork #Leadership #WomenInConstruction #WomenInEngineering #Business #Strategy #Networking

Why do women still undervalue themselves? One of the most frustrating yet eye-opening insights from my conversation with Mary Ann Sieghart, author of The Authority Gap, was this: 📊 Parents STILL believe their sons are smarter than their daughters. A study asked parents to estimate their children's IQ. The results? 🔹 Sons were estimated at 115. 🔹 Daughters? Just 107. 💡 A huge statistical gap—starting at home. And it wasn’t just fathers—mothers did the same. This bias exists despite overwhelming evidence that girls: ✅ Develop faster than boys ✅ Have a larger vocabulary at an early age ✅ Outperform boys at every educational level—from reception to PhD Yet, we STILL assume boys are naturally more intelligent. And here’s where it gets personal: 🧠 When the same study asked adult men and women to estimate their own IQs… ➡️ Men rated themselves at 110 ➡️ Women? Just 105 Sound familiar? 🚫 The imposter syndrome. 🚫 The self-doubt before speaking up in meetings. 🚫 The hesitation before negotiating salaries or promotions. 💡 We don’t just inherit the gender gap—we absorb it from childhood. So, what can we do? 🔹 Challenge our own biases—both in the workplace and at home 🔹 Recognize how early messages shape confidence, ambition, and leadership 🔹 Reframe our thinking: You don’t need “more confidence”—you need to unlearn the doubts that were ingrained in you This is just one of the powerful takeaways from my conversation with Mary Ann Sieghart. If you haven’t read The Authority Gap, I highly recommend it. Watch the full episode - https://lnkd.in/e7-vjgen 💬 Have you ever noticed this bias in your own career? Let me know in the comments! #leadership #genderbias #womeninbusiness