Navigating Relationships with Overly Critical Peers

Want to stop triggering defensive reactions in critical conversations? Brain science reveals a simple technique that's transforming how top companies communicate: As an executive coach, this is the first thing I teach founders who are struggling with critical relationships. Why? Because it's consistently the most powerful tool for transforming toxic communication into productive dialogue. When you're fighting with your co-founder, your brain's threat response system activates. This shuts down the exact parts of your brain needed for effective communication. But there's a way to keep those neural pathways open. It's called speaking inarguably - using only facts that can't be disputed. Instead of "You don't care about this company" (judgment) Say "When you missed our last three meetings, I felt worried about our partnership" (fact) The first triggers defense mechanisms. The second creates psychological safety. There are two types of inarguable statements: • External facts: Observable behaviors, metrics, documented events • Internal facts: Your sensations, emotions, thoughts ("I feel frustrated") I've seen this technique help to transform toxic co-founder relationships into thriving partnerships more times than I can count. Here's how to start: 1. Pause before responding to emotionally charged situations 2. Strip away interpretations, focus only on observable facts ("You arrived 15 minutes late" vs "You're disrespectful") 3. Own your internal experience ("I felt anxious when that happened" vs "You're stressing everyone out") 4. Practice radical honesty about your feelings (This builds trust faster than pretending to be perfect) The hardest part? Letting go of being right. Your interpretations might feel true, but they're just stories you're telling yourself. This is where inner work meets leadership. When you master this, difficult conversations become growth opportunities. Your leadership emerges naturally from who you are, not who you think you should be.

One of the toughest tests of your leadership isn't how you handle success. It's how you navigate disagreement. I noticed this in the SEAL Teams and in my work with executives: Those who master difficult conversations outperform their peers not just in team satisfaction, but in decision quality and innovation. The problem? Most of us enter difficult conversations with our nervous system already in a threat state. Our brain literally can't access its best thinking when flooded with stress hormones. Through years of working with high-performing teams, I've developed what I call The Mindful Disagreement Framework. Here's how it works: 1. Pause Before Engaging (10 seconds) When triggered by disagreement, take a deliberate breath. This small reset activates your prefrontal cortex instead of your reactive limbic system. Your brain physically needs this transition to think clearly. 2. Set Psychological Safety (30 seconds) Start with: "I appreciate your perspective and want to understand it better. I also have some different thoughts to share." This simple opener signals respect while creating space for different viewpoints. 3. Lead with Curiosity, Not Certainty (2 minutes) Ask at least three questions before stating your position. This practice significantly increases the quality of solutions because it broadens your understanding before narrowing toward decisions. 4. Name the Shared Purpose (1 minute) "We both want [shared goal]. We're just seeing different paths to get there." This reminds everyone you're on the same team, even with different perspectives. 5. Separate Impact from Intent (30 seconds) "When X happened, I felt Y, because Z. I know that wasn't your intention." This formula transforms accusations into observations. Last month, I used this exact framework in a disagreement. The conversation that could have damaged our relationship instead strengthened it. Not because we ended up agreeing, but because we disagreed respectfully. (It may or may not have been with my kid!) The most valuable disagreements often feel uncomfortable. The goal isn't comfort. It's growth. What difficult conversation are you avoiding right now? Try this framework tomorrow and watch what happens to your leadership influence. ___ Follow me, Jon Macaskill for more leadership focused content. And feel free to repost if someone in your life needs to hear this. 📩 Subscribe to my newsletter here → https://lnkd.in/g9ZFxDJG You'll get FREE access to my 21-Day Mindfulness & Meditation Course packed with real, actionable strategies to lead with clarity, resilience, and purpose.

How to Deal with Difficult Coworkers 👇 I've worked with some challenging people in my career... and honestly? Each one took a big toll on me. Sometimes it was a client... Sometimes a coworker... And sometimes my manager. Toxic work environments can be out of our control - you just can't predict who you'll work with, no matter how much you research a job in advance. But with the right approach, you CAN improve your situation. ➡️ DON'T PLAY THE VICTIM — EVEN IF YOU ARE ONE Your job is to make your manager's life easier — not harder. Complaining without a solution shows poor leadership and signals you can't solve problems independently. Take responsibility and start solving the problem yourself. This mindset shift alone can dramatically change outcomes. ➡️ NOTHING WILL CHANGE UNLESS YOU DO SOMETHING The other person may not even know there's a problem, or they don't have enough reason to change. Speak up in a private, non-combative way: "I work best when..." or "It's challenging for me when..." Attack the problem, not the person. One conversation can transform a relationship that's been difficult for months. ➡️ GIVE DIRECT BUT RESPECTFUL FEEDBACK Pick a 1:1, a check-in, or ask for a meeting. Keep it calm, constructive, and focused on collaboration. You're not confronting — you're informing and improving. Frame it as a joint effort to create a better working relationship. ➡️ PROTECT YOUR REPUTATION If the situation might impact your image, notify your manager. Let them know you're working on it and will update them. This protects you from having your reputation damaged if the wrong story gets out. It shows maturity and leadership under pressure. ➡️ STAY PROFESSIONAL — ALWAYS Matching disrespect with disrespect only fuels the fire. They'll use your reaction as ammunition to continue their behavior or claim you're being unprofessional. Don't stoop to their level. Stay calm, stay sharp. When they go low, you go high. ➡️ BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE When you feel mistreated, take notes on what specifically bothers you. Use it to guide how you will treat others someday when you're in a position of authority. Great leaders don't repeat bad management — they learn from it. Managing people is genuinely hard - balancing praise with constructive feedback takes skill. ➡️ DON'T FIX IT FOR OTHERS — HELP THEM FIX IT THEMSELVES If someone comes to you with a coworker problem, listen. But instead of solving it for them, empower them to act. Teach them how to handle it — that's true leadership. As the saying goes, give someone a fish and you feed them for a day; teach them to fish and you feed them for a lifetime. === Sometimes, despite your best efforts, there's no fixing a toxic environment. Know when it's time to move departments or jobs. I'm a big believer that who you work with matters as much as what you do. What strategies have worked for you when dealing with difficult coworkers? Drop your thoughts below 👇