Managing Emotions Around a Difficult Coworker

Some people don’t play fair at work. They play to win, and they weaponize perception to do it. They bait your emotions. They move the goalposts. They delegate complete chaos. They create confusion, then call it collaboration. And quitting isn’t always an option. Especially when you're rising. Here are 7 strategies to protect your power: 1. Silence is a strategy. Don’t rush to fill the space. Pauses signal self-trust. They expose games people try to play. i.e: When a peer tries to get you to defend your work in a meeting, don’t explain everything. Just say, “That’s noted,” and move on. Let their tone do the work of revealing the dynamics to others. 2. Divest your emotional labor. You’re not responsible for how other people feel about your boundaries, tone, or clarity. i.e: If your manager is in a mood or being short with you, don’t overfunction to smooth it over. Stick to the facts, keep your update short, and end the meeting on time. 3. Outshine the master carefully. Power loves proximity, so don’t disappear. Share your wins in public—but pair them with a compliment. i.e: If your director doesn’t like being outshined, say in a team update, “Thanks to [Director’s Name] for the support on this, I was able to close the contract two weeks ahead of schedule.” Tie your success to their influence while keeping your name attached to the win. 4. Speak to the pattern, not the person. Address repeat behaviors in clean, direct ways. Stick to the facts. i.e: If a colleague keeps delaying deliverables that impact you, say, “This is the third time the file has come late, and it’s caused downstream delays. I want to get ahead of this for next time.” It’s hard to argue with patterns. 5. Don’t reveal your intentions or your personal business. Say what you need, then stop talking. i.e: If you're asking for a project switch, say, “I’d like to be considered for X. I believe it’s a better use of my current strengths.” No need to mention burnout, your manager’s issues, or private goals. 6.Control access to yourself in levels. Not every colleague gets the same version of you. Boundaries are a form of emotional regulation. i.e: You don’t need to keep explaining your every idea to a critical coworker. Instead, share top-line updates in writing and save your full thinking for trusted allies or public spaces where misinterpretation is harder. 7. Exit the game entirely. Sometimes the real power move is not playing at all. This is how you protect your peace without losing your position. * If you resonate with this post, please repost it to your Linkedin page.* However, if you're a business coach, career coach etc., do not share this post or assume that tagging me in business groups, business pages or simply looking to grow your biz pages or on direct pages serves as permission. Do not post without my explicit permission*

I thought I was angry. A situation with a coworker felt a little tense, and all I could interpret at the moment was that I was angry with her. My plans, my thoughts about how to respond, and my feelings of needing to “confront” this coworker all started to come to mind. I’m glad I didn’t. When I stopped to really think about what was going on with my emotions, I realized I wasn’t angry. I was closer to fearful, and not just that I was actually feeling insecure. The reason I was feeling insecure was that I was feeling inadequate and inferior. I was able to trace it back to specific interactions I was having with this coworker. She was a senior member of an established team, and I was the new guy - a hot-shot, know it all to boot. Naturally, I felt like I had a lot to prove. At the time, I didn’t handle that very well. I promoted my own ideas, I didn’t support others’ ideas enough, and I felt a whole of of imposter syndrome. The thing about it is that my ideas and contributions really had merit, but they left a wake of other people feeling insecure. On a team, that’s not even a net neutral impact. That’s a negative one. The senior member of that team (by reputation and regard from the team) had a lot of knowledge and probably a lot to teach me. But, our interactions felt competitive rather than collaborative. After a few rounds of these run ins with one another, I become more defensive, defiant, and competitive. I thought it was anger driving all that, but it wasn’t. It was feelings of inadequacy. The ensuing conversation wasn’t easy but it was the right one to have. I think we both did a good job of trying to understand the other person. At the very least, we talked about REAL emotions. I’ve taken this lesson to heart. I need to take time to really examine my emotions BEFORE I react or respond - especially if my responses are from a position of leadership. Emotional intelligence starts with a high emotions vocabulary. You can’t resolve what you mislabel. Next time you’re feeling angry, or sad, or happy, slow down to really self-examine and be deliberate about identifying the specific emotional ingredients at play. If you want better relationships it begins with the mindset you bring INTO those relationships. #leadership #seniorliving #emotionalintelligence #selfawareness

I’ve found myself navigating meetings when a colleague or team member is emotionally overwhelmed. One person came to me like a fireball, angry and frustrated. A peer had triggered them deeply. After recognizing that I needed to shift modes, I took a breath and said, “Okay, tell me what's happening.” I realized they didn’t want a solution. I thought to myself: They must still be figuring out how to respond and needed time to process. They are trusting me to help. I need to listen. In these moments, people often don’t need solutions; they need presence. There are times when people are too flooded with feelings to answer their own questions. This can feel counterintuitive in the workplace, where our instincts are tuned to solve, fix, and move forward. But leadership isn’t just about execution; it’s also about emotional regulation and providing psychological safety. When someone approaches you visibly upset, your job isn’t to immediately analyze or correct. Instead, your role is to listen, ground the space, and ensure they feel heard. This doesn't mean abandoning accountability or ownership; quite the opposite. When people feel safe, they’re more likely to engage openly in dialogue. The challenging part is balancing reassurance without minimizing the issue, lowering standards, or compromising team expectations. There’s also a potential trap: eventually, you'll need to shift from emotional containment to clear, kind feedback. But that transition should come only after the person feels genuinely heard, not before. Timing matters. Trust matters. If someone is spinning emotionally, be the steady presence. Be the one who notices. Allow them to guide the pace. Then, after the storm passes, and only then, you can invite reflection and growth. This is how you build a high-trust, high-performance culture: one conversation, one moment of grounded leadership at a time.