Finding Common Ground with a Stubborn Colleague

From "𝐘𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐖𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠" to "𝗧𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝗠𝗲": The Power of Open-Minded Asking And Five Steps To Conflict Resolution👇️ When disagreements flare up, our instincts often lead us to insults or attacks on not just the opposing viewpoint, but on the person as well. This never works. Vitriolic responses close more minds than they change, making enemies out of friends and rivals out of allies. Curiosity is more effective than verbal assault if you aim to genuinely convince others. The next time you lock horns with someone, try this approach to turn disagreement into open-minded dialogue: 𝟏) 𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐔𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝 Rather than impatiently waiting for your turn to retort, focus first on comprehending their perspective. Confirm what aspects you do agree with to build common ground. Suspend judgments as you ask clarifying questions to grasp why they came to this stance. 𝟐) 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐥𝐲 𝐈𝐧𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐫𝐞 𝐀𝐛𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 Once you comprehend their position, drill down diplomatically: “I’m curious why you feel that way. What led you to these conclusions?” People want to feel heard before opening up, so don’t invalidate their logic. 𝟑) 𝐒𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐘𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐖𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐀𝐭𝐭𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐬 People are more open to hearing you after you've listened to them—without interrupting or arguing. Now, you can explain your reasoning in a non-confrontational way. Find threads of commonality between your perspectives as you clarify why you landed differently. The goal is elucidating, not conquering, the other viewpoint. 𝟒) 𝐄𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐏𝐨𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐀𝐠𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 Having traded views, ask, “Where do we agree?’ Name shared values, interests, or outcomes you both see as important. This reminds you that you likely have some common ground, even in disagreements. Remember: Everyone wants the same basic things out of life. You'd be surprised how often you and your adversary agree once you get past the superficial presentation of the ideas. 𝟓) 𝐏𝐫𝐨𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐞 𝐒𝐲𝐧𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐳𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐬 With mutual understanding built, you can bridge perspectives by asking, “How can we work together to get the best both worldviews?” Rather than clinging to singular stances, brainstorm creative solutions that integrate your collective wisdom. Heated debates often generate more hostility than progress. But by replacing reactive arguments with open-minded curiosity, you can transform conflict into wisdom-generating collaboration. Next time things get tense, set egos aside long enough to ask, “Why?” You might be surprised by what you can learn. #communication #community #onlinecommunities #personaldevelopment #connections #networking #socialnetworking

Let me share a story from early in my career, which I often reflect on when facing disagreements at work. It was during a team meeting at my first serious job, and I found myself in disagreement with a proposal put forward by a senior leader. The stakes felt high, and the room was tense. Here’s how I navigated the situation: 1. Seeking Clarification: Instead of jumping in with a “that won’t work,” I paused and said, “I see the direction we’re heading, but could you help me understand how we arrived at this approach?” This opened up the floor for the manager to explain their reasoning, and it gave me valuable insights into their thought process. Sometimes, understanding the ‘why’ can change your ‘no’ to a ‘maybe’ or even a ‘yes.’ 2. Expressing Experience: Once I had a clearer picture, I shared my perspective—not as a direct opposition but as an insight. “From what I’ve seen in previous projects, we might encounter some challenges with this strategy. For instance, last year we tried something similar, and we had to pivot because…” Sharing from my experience, rather than imposing my views, made the conversation more about learning from the past rather than confronting the present. 3. Finding Common Ground: Before diving into my reservations, I acknowledged the merits of the proposal. “I agree that targeting this demographic is a smart move, and I see how this strategy aligns with our goals. However, I’m concerned about the scalability based on last year’s metrics.” This not only showed my support for parts of the plan but also softened the introduction to my concerns, facilitating a more receptive discussion. Why This Matters: That day, I learned that disagreeing doesn’t have to be about conflict. It’s about fostering richer discussions that can lead to better decisions. By seeking to understand before being understood, sharing experiences, and finding common ground, we turn potential conflicts into opportunities for growth. It positions us as thoughtful contributors, valued for helping navigate complex decisions. 🔥 Pro Tip: Keep your tone positive and aim to build, not break. It’s about progressing together towards the best outcomes for everyone involved. 👥 Over to You: Have you found certain approaches more effective? #LeadershipSkills #ProfessionalGrowth #WorkplaceCommunication #Teamwork

Have a tough relationship with another org leader? Haven’t been able to turn it around? Let go of your needs. Focus on them. Not forever — just until the relationship shifts. Schedule time with them. The agenda item is relationship building. Your only goal is to be curious. Set your concerns aside. Yes, even if they’ve acted like a jerk. Remember, it’s not forever. Your needs are still important, they’re just secondary right now. Ask lots of questions. Get to know them, yes personally but more importantly — their work self. Get curious: - What do they value? - What org pressure do they face? - What are their biggest obstacles? - What keeps them up at night? - How do they work best? You’ll get to know them and demonstrate that it’s a partnership rather than a one-way street. This approach also begins building a trust bank. At some point, the conversation will turn and they’ll get curious about you. Once that happens the two of you will begin talking about how you want to operate as a partnership. It takes longer, but it’s way more effective than acting like rock 'em sock 'em robots trying to assert your dominance. When you develop a partnership, work becomes easier, organizational dysfunction eases, and your teams collaborate more effectively. ♻️ If you found this post useful, like or share to help others discover it.