How to Handle Feelings in Team Projects

In recent months, I've been closely working with a team experiencing a common challenge – a blame culture fueled by uncertainty and fear of layoffs. This environment leads to isolation, finger-pointing, and a stifling of collaboration. While logic can help address the counterproductive nature of such behaviors, the truth is, emotions they are experiencing are facts too. You might even say, while logic speaks volumes, emotions echo even louder. A team coach instead of simply telling team members how to change, needs to help them connect the dots and build emotional intelligence. Step 1 - Identifying and Accepting Emotions: -Tuning in by creating a safe space for team members to acknowledge their feelings. What anxieties are lurking beneath the surface? -Putting a name to our emotions helps us understand and manage them. Are we feeling frustrated, scared, or overwhelmed? -Taking advantage of normalization. It's important to recognize that these emotions are normal responses to an uncertain situation. Step 2 - From Blame to Courage Once the emotions are acknowledged, a team can move forward and reframe them. One team member recently pointed out that ‘this anxiety hasn't stopped us yet’. This highlights an underlying strength of resilience. Can the team channel this emotional energy into courage? Courage to communicate openly, collaborate effectively, and support one another? Remember, a team that works together, thrives together. Such a cliché, but whenever I think about aspiring human achievements, they were the result of team effort. As a team coach I can help teams I support by staying longer in uncomfortable, so they can see the hidden energy of it. #siliconvalleycoach #teamcoaching #teamcoach

I once coached a duo - both dynamic in their technical skills - who each wanted a collaborative, communicative, supportive relationship... but each one felt they were being disrespected by the other. I'm guessing each of us has been in a similar situation. We feel disgruntled, frustrated, disrespected, taken for granted... and it's easy to put all the blame on the other person. And truthfully, it belongs there... but only half of it. The other half lands directly in our lap, and that's the part we can act on. Because the only person we can control is ourself. Here are three ideas you can use to help heal a broken relationship: 1. Seek first to understand the other person. Ask yourself, "What might they be seeing (or know) that I don't see (or know) to make them think or act this way?" Come up with a list of at least three things. (Pro tip: If you're able to listen with an open-mind [and without retort], ask the other person a series of questions like "Help me understand how you got to this conclusion.") 2. Understand yourself. Pay attention to the words or actions that trigger you, then ask yourself why that word or action upsets you. When I've done this, I've realized I'm usually triggered by something that is completely on my end and has nothing to do with the other person, which allows me to be less defensive with that person. 3. Take perspective. After you've gone through YOUR feelings and why YOU are upset, turn the page and write down what the other person might say about you. How would they describe working with you? How might they be interpreting your actions? These are some ways we can move past just self-awareness and into self-management, which is an important piece of emotional intelligence. What do you do to help you get out of your own head? HR Soul Consulting #SoulifyYourHR #Respect #Workplace #RelationshipManagement #EmotionalIntelligence #Trust

I thought I was angry. A situation with a coworker felt a little tense, and all I could interpret at the moment was that I was angry with her. My plans, my thoughts about how to respond, and my feelings of needing to “confront” this coworker all started to come to mind. I’m glad I didn’t. When I stopped to really think about what was going on with my emotions, I realized I wasn’t angry. I was closer to fearful, and not just that I was actually feeling insecure. The reason I was feeling insecure was that I was feeling inadequate and inferior. I was able to trace it back to specific interactions I was having with this coworker. She was a senior member of an established team, and I was the new guy - a hot-shot, know it all to boot. Naturally, I felt like I had a lot to prove. At the time, I didn’t handle that very well. I promoted my own ideas, I didn’t support others’ ideas enough, and I felt a whole of of imposter syndrome. The thing about it is that my ideas and contributions really had merit, but they left a wake of other people feeling insecure. On a team, that’s not even a net neutral impact. That’s a negative one. The senior member of that team (by reputation and regard from the team) had a lot of knowledge and probably a lot to teach me. But, our interactions felt competitive rather than collaborative. After a few rounds of these run ins with one another, I become more defensive, defiant, and competitive. I thought it was anger driving all that, but it wasn’t. It was feelings of inadequacy. The ensuing conversation wasn’t easy but it was the right one to have. I think we both did a good job of trying to understand the other person. At the very least, we talked about REAL emotions. I’ve taken this lesson to heart. I need to take time to really examine my emotions BEFORE I react or respond - especially if my responses are from a position of leadership. Emotional intelligence starts with a high emotions vocabulary. You can’t resolve what you mislabel. Next time you’re feeling angry, or sad, or happy, slow down to really self-examine and be deliberate about identifying the specific emotional ingredients at play. If you want better relationships it begins with the mindset you bring INTO those relationships. #leadership #seniorliving #emotionalintelligence #selfawareness