Career Lessons from Being the Only Woman in the Room

👗"Jingjin, what are you wearing right now?" The question caught me off guard. It was eight years ago. I was in the office preparing for the upcoming QBR, when my phone rang. It was our division VP. “Can you be in a client meeting this afternoon?” he asked. One of the world’s largest automotive OEMs. High stakes. 200 people are working around the clock to close the deal. I had 6 hours to prepare. My heart raced. This was the kind of meeting that could change many things! Of course, I said yes. Then came the pause. And that question: “What are you wearing right now?” "Is there a dress code?" I laughed. "Kind of..." He continued, a bit apologetically yet firmly: “I need to tell you that the president has a reputation for hitting on women. I want you to be prepared.” Suddenly, my job wasn’t just to represent the business. It was to calculate risk. To protect myself in the room. In those five hours, I still worked on my talking points. But I also asked a junior male colleague to join me, as a buffer and braced myself for inappropriate comments. The meeting went well. I delivered. There were no inappropriate comments But that experience never left me. ... If you're a woman in leadership, you need to prepare for two battles: The work, and the room. And if you're a male leader, your silence is complicity. Here’s what I now teach women privately, and what I wish someone told me earlier: 1. 🛡️ Bring your buffer.    Don’t be afraid to request someone in the room with you, not to assist you technically, but to dilute the power imbalance. It’s not weakness. It’s strategy.     2. 🚫 Pre-empt boundary crossing.    If you’re warned someone is inappropriate, name it before it happens. “Just to clarify, I’ll be focused strictly on business today.” Let them know they won’t get away with casual harassment cloaked as banter.     3. 📍Control the setting when you can.    Suggest public venues, group meetings, or shorter time slots. Private dinners and “casual drinks” are not neutral spaces. Stop feeling guilty for adjusting logistics to protect your dignity.     4. 📝 Write it down.    Any inappropriate comment, no matter how subtle, goes in your private log: date, time, what happened, and who else was there. Not because you’re planning to report it. But because memory fades, and patterns matter.     5. ⚖️ Stop normalizing it.    You’re not “too sensitive.”    You’re not imagining it.    You’re managing two jobs: your work, and your safety.    And the latter is unpaid labor.     If you're still wondering whether gender equity has arrived, ask yourself who’s planning their safety before they speak. And who just gets to speak. 👊 Until the answer is “everyone,” we’re not done.

Being the “only one in the room” isn’t a limitation—it’s an opportunity to lead. When I became one of only a couple of women in an Air Force fighter squadron, I felt the weight of extra scrutiny. Every mistake I made seemed magnified. My inner critic whispered, “Do you even belong here?” "How will what you do impact the reputation of all female pilots?" For a long time, I tried to blend in. But trying to be the same as everyone else didn’t serve me—or the team. Everything changed when I started owning my strengths, building allies, and advocating for myself. Here’s what I learned: 1️⃣ Own your strengths: You don’t need to fit into anyone’s mold. Your unique perspective is your advantage. 2️⃣ Build allies: Success is stronger when it’s shared. Find the people who have your back and lean on them. 3️⃣ Advocate for yourself: Speak up, claim your space, and take the lead without waiting for permission. Diversity isn’t achieved by just being in the room—it’s about making your voice heard once you’re there. If you’ve ever felt like the odd one out, remember this: Your presence brings value. Your perspective matters. The best way to inspire change is to show up fully as yourself. Have you ever felt like the 'only one in the room'? How did you navigate it, and what advice would you give to someone facing the same challenge today❓ Drop it in the comments. Be brave and share your story! ------------------------ Hi, I'm Michelle. I'm a former fighter pilot turned speaker, author, and coach. If you found this helpful, consider reposting ♻️ and follow me for more content like this. #Leadership #DiversityInclusion #WomenInLeadership #BreakingBarriers #AirForcePride #OwnYourStrengths #LeadWithConfidence #BeTheChange

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗖𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝗡𝗼𝘁 𝗛𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗔𝗻𝘆𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗔𝗯𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝗠𝗲 𝗪𝗵𝗼 𝗟𝗼𝗼𝗸𝗲𝗱 𝗟𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗠𝗲 Women in Tech are in minority. But as a woman leader, an AI infrastructure expert and an ex-particle physicist, I have experienced being the only woman in the room at yet another level. Not only have I only reported to men over the course of my career: 👉 The whole chain of command above me has always only been men. 👉 I've always worked for companies where the CEO and the CTO were men. 👉 In fact, almost all my peers were men, meaning that I was practically always the only woman in all staff meetings I was part of (sometimes, that would be 20 or 30 people!) When I was younger, I felt honored just to be there, part of an elite group of technologists. But that very feeling of being "lucky to be included" shaped how I behaved. I held back disagreement, afraid that if I challenged the group, it would be attributed to me being difficult, to me being... a woman. And when I was talked over or quietly ignored, it could never identify when it was discrimination, because I thought that since I was here, it must mean that they cared about my opinion, so if they shut it down, it meant I was just wrong. But then, it started costing me more than just self-confidence, but real opportunities: ❌ I couldn't find the courage to ask for promotions because I felt I should already consider myself lucky to be the highest ranking woman in my department ❌ I didn't have anyone to advise me because no one above me had gone through the same experience ❌ Some of my managers even praised me for "doing really well for a woman", so it made me feel that I was subject to different standards, and of course, no one was there to tell me otherwise ❌ I accepted the fact that I was being passed on for cool projects and promotions as a fatality In the meantime, DEI initiatives were focusing on bringing more women onboard, not helping the ones already in place grow the ladder. So if you’re the only one in the room, or the only one on the org chart who looks like you, don’t let that become a ceiling. 🤞 You are not "lucky" to be there. 💥 You are powerful. And you have every right to keep growing… and to keep dreaming 🚀 🚀🚀 #WomenInTech #Leadership #CareerGrowth #RepresentationMatters

I was minutes away from presenting the findings of a global study I’d lead-authored for one of the largest companies in the world… When a senior executive waved me over and said, “This milk is off.” I smiled politely and told him I’d let the receptionist know. His eyes widened, and he said, “Oh, I thought you WERE the receptionist.” 😠 Here’s the thing—over 50% of women have been mistaken for junior staff or janitors. For women of color, that number jumps to 58%. And it’s not just awkward, it’s corrosive! Being underestimated, spoken over, or misjudged chips away at your confidence and can even shape your career trajectory. In that moment, I had a choice: let the comment rattle me OR focus on what I came to do. I chose the latter and delivered my presentation.... But I didn't forget what happened. These moments are reminders of why we have to correct assumptions, stand our ground, and make our presence felt. Here's are some responses you can turn to in moments when someone underestimateS you: Ask Why "What made you think I was the receptionist?" Use Humor to Disarm "I’d love to help, but my milk-replacement skills are terrible—now, public speaking? That’s what I’m here for." Flip the Focus "Why is it usually the women here who get asked to do that kind of thing?" Get One-on-One Time Hanging out with someone who makes incorrect assumptions about you is probably the last thing you want to do, but spending a few minutes privately can sometimes reset how someone sees you. For example: "I wanted to flag something you said earlier. I’m here as [your role], and I want to make sure that’s clear going forward." Escalate if Needed If you continue to experience disrespect and microaggressions from a colleague, you might have to make your boss or HR aware of the situation so you can have documented evidence of how this person is treating you. You worked hard to be here. You belong in the room! And no snap judgment will change that. Image alt text: milk being poured into coffee

“No, I’m speaking.” She had to say it nine times just to finish her sentence. I saw this clip, and it stayed with me. Not because of who was “right” or “wrong.” But because of how many times she had to repeat herself just to be heard. Nine. Times. This is what thousands of women face in the corporate world every single day: → Women are interrupted 33% more often than men, and 46% more often in mixed-gender groups. → In meetings, men hold the floor 75% of the time, even when women are the majority. At my last organization, this was the #1 issue women brought to my attention - how often they were interrupted or spoken over, no matter their role or level. Watching her say “I’m speaking” brought me back to all the times I had to stand my ground. Knowing the labels would follow: “abrasive,” “intimidating.” And I know I’m not alone. Every woman has felt that moment, the battle just to finish a thought. The comments were telling too: one even said her mic should have been turned off. That’s how the system responds to bold women. It doesn’t just ignore them; it silences them. And silencing women has real consequences. When voices are shut out, so are decisions, opportunities, and influence. Leadership isn’t about being the loudest in the room. It’s about making space for every voice to be heard, especially the ones that challenge your own. For women navigating this, a few strategies I’ve seen work: → Hold your ground. Calmly restate, “I’d like to finish my thought,” until space is given. → Use allies: ask a trusted colleague to redirect the floor back to you if interrupted. → Open with a key point so your voice is anchored in the discussion. → Support & amplify other women’s ideas so they’re not dismissed. To every woman reading this: Keep speaking. Even if you have to say it nine times. 💬 Have you ever had to say “I’m speaking” just to be heard? I’d love to know how you handled it. 💌 Click on the link in the comments to join my newsletter

I spent my entire career surrounded by men. But the hardest voice to speak over was the one in my own head. If I could go back 10 years, this is what I’d tell myself and any woman stuck in self-doubt: Now is the time to lead. As an immigrant and female founder, I’ve had to unlearn a lifetime of conditioning. I was conditioned to keep my head down, work hard, and never take risks. More than that, socially, there’s still an unspoken rule that women should put family first and career second. So the idea of being the public face, much less starting a tech company, felt like I was going against the grain. I couldn’t help but wonder, would I even succeed? In rooms filled with some of the brightest minds, I often convinced myself that everyone else was smarter. And I’d downplay every accomplishment. But in reality, there’s no reason to. And the numbers say otherwise. Over the past 10 years, female-led S&P 500 companies delivered 384% returns, outperforming male-led ones at 261%. The conversation shouldn’t be about if women can get the job done. Clearly they are blazing a trail and we need to enable that to happen more often. Starting from how we define success for younger generations in the classroom and around the dinner table. LESSON: This isn’t about pitting men vs women or making sweeping generalizations. But recognizing the opportunity for more women to lead and to do so with unapologetic confidence. From personal experience, I know many women feel the same way, and I want to help create space for that conversation. If you've ever questioned whether you belong in the room, you're not alone. But the truth is, you do. And you don’t need permission either.

𝗘𝘃𝗲𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟱, 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗮𝘂𝗱𝗮𝗰𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝗶𝘁 𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗹𝗼𝘂𝗱. That I was in the room to tick the diversity box. Because I’m a woman. Because I’m a person of color. Not because I’d done the work. Not because I had the experience. Just… optics. Let me be clear: 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝘀𝗮𝘆 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗶𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝘁𝗵. It frustrates me that even now, when I look across a table or scroll through some conference speaker lists, I’m often the only woman there. Why are we still the 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗼𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆 when we are perfectly technical, more than capable of answering the same questions and leading the same conversations? I wish more people appreciated the 𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘺𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘱𝘯𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘸𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯 𝘣𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨. The ability to 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘹𝘵 𝘴𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘤𝘩 𝘦𝘧𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘭𝘦𝘴𝘴𝘭𝘺, manage complexity, and still see the full picture. To every woman breaking into male-dominated fields: Yes, the journey is harder. But it will make you resilient. And, I swear to God, you won’t be just winging it because you’ll know your craft inside out. So… you’ll stay. And you’ll build. And you’ll show up louder. Until all the technical jargon feels like the back of your hand. Now, I confidently put across my opinions at conferences and podcasts where I once sat in silence. Because I went out there and learned.  And there are so many women who are finding their footing, just like I did. Smart. Capable. Quietly figuring things out. My immigrant experience taught me how to navigate without certainty. Being a woman of color has refined how I see. I notice details others skip. I read the room differently. I build differently too. And you know what… over time, you’ll realize something: 𝗕𝗲𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗮 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗾𝘂𝗶𝘀𝗶𝘁𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘄𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘂𝗽. Sometimes, you just have to pull up your chair anyway and stay long enough to change the room. I still have DMs from women who ask: 𝗗𝗼 𝗜 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲? 𝗪𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗜 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵 𝘂𝗽? 𝗬𝗘𝗦, 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼! 𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹. 𝗥𝗲𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗶𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗮 𝗹𝘂𝘅𝘂𝗿𝘆. It is a requirement if we want systems that serve more than a narrow few. So I’ll keep showing up.  Until seeing a woman of color in tech leadership is no longer surprising. It’s just expected. There’s a line I carry with me: “𝗔𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗲𝗰𝗵𝗻𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗯𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝗲.” I do. And I will. If this post resonated and you’re looking to support or navigate diversity in tech, here are a few communities I’ve found helpful: 🟣 AnitaB.org 🟣 Women in CyberSecurity (WiCyS) 🟣 Cyversity 🟣 Girls Who Code – for high school girls exploring coding 𝘒𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘦? 𝘋𝘳𝘰𝘱 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴. 𝘓𝘦𝘵’𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘭𝘶𝘴𝘪𝘰𝘯. 𝘓𝘦𝘵’𝘴 𝘣𝘶𝘪𝘭𝘥 𝘪𝘵. 🔥 #WomenInSTEM #WomenInCybersecurity #TechForAll #EquityInTech #LeadWithImpact

When Hard Work Isn’t Enough: The Career Lesson That Changed Everything Early in my career, I worked in the estate section of a large management company. My role was desk-based, but I aspired to something more analytical. When a new hire came in for that kind of role, I saw an opportunity. While she was being trained, I asked my manager if I could sit in on the sessions, provided I finished my work. He agreed. I came in early the next day, got my tasks done, and joined the training. Minutes in, the head of the unit walked in and said to the trainer: “Glory is just here to observe. Focus your full energy training the other lady.” That one sentence broke something in me. I realized in that moment that it didn’t matter how early I came in, how fast I finished my work, or how committed I was — I simply wasn’t seen as someone worth investing in. It hit me: If I wanted a sustainable career, I needed to do more than just show up and work hard. I needed to be visible. So I changed my strategy. Instead of going straight to my desk when I got to work, or having lunch at my desk, I started greeting people across departments. I learned what other teams were doing. I asked questions. I shared my interest in more analytical work. One day, the head of a different team approached me, she’d noticed I seemed interested in her department and wanted to know more about my background. We had a chat and a few weeks later, she told me about an internal opportunity. That’s how I moved into a role that truly challenged and stretched me — and my career started to take shape from there. Here’s what I learned: Yes, Working hard helps you build mastery. But if all you build is mastery, and no visibility, you may never get the opportunity to use it. If you’re always head-down, never head-up… If you’re not building cross-functional relationships… If no one knows what you’re capable of beyond your current role… You could work harder than anyone in the room and still be overlooked. Another key lesson is to know when your time in a role is up and not to spend time trying to change people’s opinions. Read the writing on the wall and plot your exit. Because sometimes, the boldest move isn’t to fight for your current space, it’s to walk toward the next one. Let them see you. Let them know what you’re capable of. And if they can’t or won’t see it, move. What lesson helped you nake a key move in your career? Please share with me in the comments

"I Almost Quit." Not because I wasn’t good enough. Not because I wasn’t ambitious. But because I felt alone. I looked around and saw no one like me. I second-guessed my ideas in meetings. I wondered if I even belonged in this space. And I’m not the only one. Women make up half the workforce but hold less than 30% of technical roles. And here’s the real problem: they’re leaving. 💡 Only 27.6% of the tech workforce is female 💡 Women with mentors are 77% more likely to stay 💡 Formal mentorship programs increase leadership diversity by 20% Here’s what those stats don’t show: 💡 The woman who almost quit because she felt invisible—until someone advocated for her. 💡 The junior engineer who hesitated to speak up in meetings—until a mentor gave her the confidence to own her voice. 💡 The aspiring leader didn’t see anyone who looked like her in the room—until someone pulled up a chair and made space. Mentorship isn’t just about guidance. It’s about belonging. The best mentors don’t just share knowledge—they see potential before it’s proven. They create opportunities, break down barriers, and challenge the biases that hold people back. Because sometimes, all it takes is one person who believes in you to change the trajectory of your career. PS - If you are in a leading position, make sure you make everyone feel seen.

“Sara’s the obvious choice, but I’m concerned she’ll be overlooked for the promotion again.” I recently had a conversation with a C-suite male leader that really made me pause. It began with a simple concern—but what unfolded was a wake-up call about sponsorship. He was concerned that a highly capable female leader he’s worked with for years—someone with a stellar track record—was repeatedly getting overlooked for promotions, despite her contributions. Another executive role was opening up, and he feared the same outcome. Here’s how the conversation unfolded: Client: Sara is the obvious choice. But I’m concerned she’ll get passed over again. Me: That’s tough. Can I ask—are there leaders speaking about her in the rooms she’s not in? Client: Hmm… I don’t think anyone is, really. Me: Has she had any 1:1 conversations with other leaders in the C-suite? Any regular cadence? Client: No, not really. But she leads major initiatives and consistently delivers. They should know her by now. Me: They should. But do they? Has her name been spoken—clearly and confidently—as someone ready for the next step? Client: Not by me. I just assumed her results and track record made her the obvious choice. Me: That’s a common—and understandable—assumption. But in many environments, great work isn’t enough on its own. It often needs a credible voice to endorse and sponsor the talent. Me: What if you used your seat at the table to amplify her accomplishments? Made introductions? Provided visibility with key stakeholders? He paused. A moment of reflection. He hadn’t considered till that moment, how much access, endorsement, and sponsorship can shape a career— not because things had always come easily to him, but because some forms of visibility and advocacy often happen more organically for men. The barriers Sara faced—like many from underrecognized groups—were simply different. Fast forward: ✅ He began championing her name in the rooms that matter. ✅ He connected her with the CEO and CFO, and she established a regular 1:1 cadence. ✅ A few months later, she was promoted to COO! This is true for many leaders: We don’t always notice the obstacles we haven’t had to climb—until someone helps connect the dots. Not because we’ve ignored them, but because they’ve never been part of our lived experience. If you hold positional power, privilege, or platform—you also hold the ability to create access for someone who doesn’t. So the question is: ➡️ Who hasn’t been seen yet? ➡️ Who are you pulling up with you? ➡️ Whose name needs to be said today? #Leadership #Sponsorship #AllyshipInAction #WomenInLeadership #EquityInAction #PowerPrivilegePosition #CoachApproach #allyship #InclusiveLeadership #MakeRoom #Coaching #ExecutiveCoach