Common speech patterns that undermine women's credibility

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

For 20 years, I’ve watched brilliant women sabotage their own success with four simple words: “Oh, it was nothing.” → Client compliments your strategy? “I was just brainstorming.” → Boss praises your presentation? “The team did all the work.” → Colleague acknowledges your expertise? “I just got lucky.” Sound familiar? Here’s what I’ve learned: When you deflect praise, you literally teach others not to value your work. 🚫 Your boss won’t promote someone whose “best work” is described as “nothing.” 🚫 Your clients won’t pay premium rates to someone who “just got lucky.” 🚫 Your team won’t follow a leader who won’t own their wins. I started practicing four different words: “Thank you; it’s true.” The response? My speaking fees increased. Leadership opportunities multiplied. Most importantly, I stopped being my own worst advocate. This isn’t about arrogance; it’s about accuracy. When you do great work, own it. When someone recognizes your value, receive it. I’m so passionate about this shift that I created the @Thank You; It’s True™ movement. Hundreds of professional women have already signed the manifesto committing to stop deflecting their brilliance. Your turn: What’s one compliment you deflected this week that you should have owned? The movement starts with awareness. Join us at: thankyou-itstrue.com #WomenInLeadership #ProfessionalDevelopment #Confidence #CareerGrowth #ThankYouItsTrue

I heard some truly bad advice the other day. On a podcast, a man said his communications coach told him to be more humble. (This part is fine and frankly, often necessary). The problem was that their answer to this was that he start caveating his language with expressions like "maybe", "I think", "possibly" and "I could be wrong, but". This fundamentally misunderstands what humility is. 1. Humility isn't the same as uncertainty. You can be humble and certain at the same time: e.g. Thanks for your time today - I'm happy to have the opportunity to walk you through the numbers we discussed. e.g. I was really delighted to be part of the Olympic Breakdancing team - it was an incredible opportunity. e.g. As you know, my experience in the energy sector is extensive and so I'm hoping to be really useful on this project with you. See? No caveats, but nice and humble. 2. This is especially bad advice for women, who tend to caveat far more generally and it codes their speech as uncertain. This undermines our arguments and sets us back when trying to build trust with an audience. Think about: e.g. "I've got the numbers. I could be wrong but I think it's 15%?" e.g. "I think I know which way we should proceed. Possibly focus on GTM before we employ an external agency?" These might be humble, but you sound like a goose. So remember: you can be humble and also retain certainty and authority. -- 🔍 Hi! I'm Kate, a communications coach and author of the forthcoming book "Powerfully Likeable" (2025) from Penguin Random House. 🙋♀️ I write here mainly about women, power, likeability, communication, and the intersections between them. #women #work #power #communication #powerfullylikeable #advice #humility #caveats

The credibility leak in your executive brand is killing your advancement. And you don't even know it's happening. A Managing Director just lost a C-suite opportunity. Not because she lacked results—but because during a final panel interview, she apologized three times for "taking up their time." The hiring committee's feedback? "Strong operator. Not ready for the boardroom." After 25+ years in financial services, I've watched countless executives unknowingly sabotage their advancement through small behaviors that scream "I don't belong here." 𝗖𝗿𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗯𝗶𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗞𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗿𝘀: 𝟭. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗣𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗣𝗮𝗿𝗮𝗱𝗼𝘅 "Sorry to bother you..." "If I could just have a moment..." "When you get a chance..." Every qualifier erodes your authority. You're not an interruption. You're an executive with business to conduct. 𝟮. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗢𝘃𝗲𝗿-𝗘𝘅𝗽𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗻𝗲𝗿'𝘀 𝗧𝗿𝗮𝗽 Watched an MD spend 15 minutes justifying a straightforward budget decision. The more you explain, the less confident you appear. State your position. Let it breathe. 𝟯. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗗𝗶𝗴𝗶𝘁𝗮𝗹 𝗗𝗼𝘄𝗻𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗱𝗲 Your email auto-response apologizes for delays. Your LinkedIn shows you "aspiring" to the role you already deserve. These micro-messages compound into macro-impressions. 𝟰. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗕𝗼𝗱𝘆 𝗟𝗮𝗻𝗴𝘂𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝗕𝗲𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘆𝗮𝗹 Taking a seat on the 'overflow' perimeter of the meeting room instead of an available spot literally at the table.  Looking down while speaking. The nervous laugh after making a strong point. 𝟱. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗩𝗮𝗹𝘂𝗲 𝗩𝗮𝗰𝘂𝘂𝗺 "I was thinking..." "This might be wrong, but..." "I'm not sure if this makes sense..." Stop negotiating against yourself before anyone else even enters the ring. 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗙𝗶𝘅 𝗜𝘀 𝗦𝗶𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗲𝗿 𝗧𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗧𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸: → Replace "Sorry to bother you" with "I need your input on X" → Replace "This might be wrong" with "My recommendation is" → Replace "When you have time" with "Let's connect Tuesday" → Replace the nervous laugh with a pause → Replace justification with declaration Your expertise got you here. But these credibility leaks are keeping you from where you belong. The executives who make it to the C-suite aren't necessarily smarter. They've just stopped apologizing for taking up space. 💭 Which credibility leak are you springing without realizing it? Name it below—awareness is the first step to stopping the leak. ------------ ♻️ Share with an executive whose brilliance is being dimmed by these habits ➕ Follow Courtney Intersimone for more truth about commanding executive presence

Early in my career, I used to apologize for everything. Running a few minutes behind on a call? “Sorry!” Asking a question in a meeting? “Sorry if this is a dumb question…” Sharing an idea? “I’m not sure this will work, but…” I thought I was being polite and collaborative. In reality, I was shrinking my voice. It took me a while to realize I was diluting my own credibility—just to make others more comfortable. Especially as a woman in leadership, I had to unlearn what I thought was humility and relearn how to be clear without over-explaining. One simple shift helped: I started swapping “sorry” for “thank you.” Instead of: “Sorry I’m late.” I now say: “Thank you for waiting.” Instead of: “Sorry this might not be relevant…” Now I say: “I’d like to offer another perspective.” It’s not about being rigid or overly formal—it’s about choosing language that reflects confidence, not hesitation. There’s nothing wrong with being kind or thoughtful. But we can do that without constantly apologizing for taking up space. Anyone else working on this too? #LeadershipVoice #WomenInLeadership #ConfidenceAtWork #LanguageMatters #HRRealTalk #ExecutivePresence

I stopped softening my words to make other people comfortable. I used to fill my emails with words that made me sound “nice"..."polite". Especially as a woman. Especially early in my career. Especially when I wanted to be liked, more than I wanted to be heard. But confidence doesn’t come from sounding nice. It comes from speaking clearly. Directly. Without shrinking your words to make others comfortable. So I made these 5 small (but conscious) edits: ✅ “Just” → [delete] Instead of: “I just wanted to check in…” Say: “I’m checking in on…” → Your message becomes direct, confident, and more respectful of everyone’s time. ✅ “I apologize” or “Sorry” → “Thank you” Instead of: “Sorry for the delay.” Say: “Thank you for your patience.” → You own the moment without diminishing yourself. ✅ “I think/feel/believe” → Speak the fact. Instead of: “I think we should…” Say: “We should…” → You stand in your expertise instead of tiptoeing around it. ✅ “Hopefully” → Be definitive. Instead of: “Hopefully we can connect next week.” Say: “Let’s connect next week.” → You sound decisive and committed. ✅ “Does that make sense?” → Invite dialogue, not doubt. Instead of: “Does that make sense?” Say: “I’d love your thoughts.” → You create collaboration without questioning your clarity. Small edits. Big difference. Because your words matter. And so does how you deliver them.

As a recovering people pleaser in leadership... This guide from Dr. Dupe Burgess is a game changer! Here are 9 phrases that secretly destroy your credibility. (And what to say instead): 1. "Does that make sense?" ↳ I used this hoping to sound collaborative. ↳ Instead, it undermined my clarity. Better to say: “Can I clarify anything?” 2. “This might be a stupid question, but…” ↳ My attempt to soften my curiosity. ↳ All it did was discount my insights before sharing them. Better to say: “Here’s a question for discussion.” 3. “I’ll try.” ↳ Classic people pleaser - wanting to show humility. ↳ But it signaled doubt. Better to say: “Here’s how I plan to approach this.” 4. “Sorry to bother you, but…” ↳ My default was to apologize for taking up space. Better to say: “When you have time, I’d love your input.” 5. “Hopefully…” ↳ This was my way of lowering expectations. ↳ It just lowered confidence in me instead. Better to say: “The plan is to achieve X through Y.” 6. “I could be wrong, but…” ↳ Another attempt to soften my opinion. ↳ It just weakened my voice. Better to say: “Here’s my perspective.” 7. “If that’s okay…” ↳ Seeking permission but I should’ve been showing direction. Better to say: “I suggest we proceed by doing [action].” 8. “Let me know if you need anything.” ↳ My way of showing support. ↳ But it put the burden on others. Better to say: “I’m here to help with [specific action].” 9. “No offense, but…” ↳ Trying to soften feedback. ↳ But it just created tension. Better to say: “May I offer a different take on this?” Here's what I've learned: Being supportive doesn't mean being uncertain. We can be both kind AND confident. Which phrase are you working on replacing? Share below👇 P.S. This guide was created by the amazing Dr. Dupe Burgess, a new fav follow! She founded Bloomful, which moves women from the margins to the center of the healthcare system. ——— ♻️ If this resonates, consider a repost. Follow me (Chris Laping) for daily insights to thrive in leadership & life.

Enough already!! Please stop saying this right now! There are few sentences starter more irksome, more undermining, or frustrating from a leader who's sharing her thoughts than "I think..." I get it: 🔵 Women get called too assertive or, worse, aggressive for putting their ideas forward without padding. 🔵 Women, especially, like to make the distinction between their beliefs and hard facts. 🔵 When you're not 100% sure what you're saying is THE RIGHT thing, "I think" seems like a great way to introduce your doubt. But "I think" - especially when repeated every other sentence - strips you of authority, confidence, and trust. Read the following out loud. "I think that saying "I think" weakens your position. Maybe if you chose different words, I think you would be able to make your point with more authority. And if you do that, I think the people you're speaking to will feel more confident about your position, but that's just my opinion." Compare it to this: "Based on my experience and several studies, saying, "I think" weakens your position. A different word choice could allow you to make your point with more authority. Since authority is fundamentally about trust, the people you're speaking to would feel more confident about your position." Which one makes you feel more confident? Everything you do, every word you say, sets the tone for how people will see and respond to you. If someone is asking for your opinion, they know it's your opinion. You don't need to say, "I think." If they ask for your expertise, share facts as facts and your hypotheses as hypotheses. My clients, Noteworthy executives, learn how to own their authority, level up their presence, and step into their power so they can lead more effectively, without apology, and without having to be anything more or less than their true selves. ❓ What's one phrase or expression that rattles you❓ I'll share another one of my pet peeves in the comments. #leadershiptraining #executivewomen #womeninstem #womeninfinance #coachingforwomen

How can women leaders leverage commanding confidence in professional settings? Women and men communicate differently. During Women's History Month, I will post about the mindsets and speech habits that tend to hold us back from our highest potential 💪. For example, a study in Psychological Science cited that women tend to feel more anxious about asking live questions at professional meetings, and are less likely than men to do so. In academic seminars, women are two and half times less likely to ask questions than men are. A similar study found that if a woman asked the first question, women in the audience were more likely to ask their own. When I work with young female professionals, I train them on 🗣 question-asking skills and coach them to never attend a meeting without making their voices heard. Ask a clarifying question, praise what someone else said, thank the speaker for their insights, but don’t leave the meeting without leaving your mark. My Master Communicator Blog 🎤, "Why do women and men communicate differently?" highlights common communication habits that may be harmful to a woman's credibility and perceived authority, and offers six solutions. Click the link below to read the full blog post, but here is a sampling: ✴️ Vary your pitch. Tap the lowest natural register of your voice to signal confidence. Avoid uptalk or upspeak (higher pitch at the end of a sentence that sounds like a question.) ✴️ Cut out the filler words (um, ah, like, you now, etc.) and replace them with breaths and pauses. Fillers are perceived as signs of hesitation and lack of preparation. ✴️ Claim "talking space" by asking questions and warding off interruptions. Stand when you speak in a conference setting to ensure you are SEEN and HEARD. ✴️ Avoid hedging and tagging. Prefacing a question with “This may be a silly question, but...” and "Someone may have asked this already, but...” disempowers you. Similarly, tags dilute your statements and weaken your authority: “I propose we take this action, BUT I COULD BE WRONG.” These and dozens of other communication techniques can help emerging and established women leaders level the playing field to persuade, inspire and move people to action. #leadershipcommunication #executivepresence #womenleaders #executivecommunication #publicspeakingcoach #publicspeakingskills

One of the biggest mistakes women make at work is how we speak. We go through school writing papers and exams but do very little to learn how to speak in meetings or give powerful presentations. Executive presence and presenting to others does take a specific skill set, but it's never too late to learn and not as hard as it may feel to you today. Early in my career I started a practice of choosing who I wanted to "sound like" when I spoke outloud. I listened carefully to their intonation and the words they chose. I also had mentors who taught me how present with gravitas and confidence. If I could waive a magic wand and delete the most common patterns of female speech in the workplace, the landscape of female leadership would look very different today. These are the basics you can learn: 1. Don’t raise your voice at the end of the sentence. It sounds like you are asking for a question or approval vs. making a statement 2. Start to say “ I recommend…” when you have a comment in a meeting vs. “I know this may be a dumb idea but….” 3. Get rid of all filler words in your sentences... “I just wanted to say” to “I want to say…” 4. We all say “um” when we are nervous. Next time pause, take a beat, embrace the nano second of silence it takes to find your next word without saying “um”. It may feel like an eternity of silence but i promise no one will ever notice. 5. Slow down your speech. I am notorious for speaking too fast, especially when I am nervous. 6. Take a video of yourself practicing your next conversation with your boss and watch it back. Practice in the mirror. Practice with a friend. Video yourself and watch it back. Let me know in the chat other tips and tricks you use to speak with gravitas.